|
Potential Boyfriend and God
There's this kid I've been hanging out with recently and we really like each other. He's smart, funny, cute, the whole cliched package. :-p
Anyway, I'm a Christian. I believe in God and religion and spirituality have become increasingly important and comforting to me. I go to church just about every Sunday and I just really love it there.
Now, I'm not the type of person that will ever go around pushing my beliefs on someone. I'm a little sad that someone hasn't found God yet, but I'm not going to force my beliefs on them because it's not my place to tell them what to believe you know?
I found out that this potential boyfriend is an atheist. Like I said before, I don't care if he believes something different than me. But my problem with it is that he started telling me all the reasons why its "illogical" that God exists. He also went around to a few of my friends asking for concrete evidence that there is a God out there. And then calling our beliefs illogical and going to church as a sign of giving up your independence and free will.
This just bothers me because he is ripping into my faith and he doesn't understand it. Like, he's never been to church before, he's only heard how it is sometimes portrayed, so where does he come off saying I gave up my independence by going to church?
It's annoying because I really like him, but I'm not so sure I can put up with this part of him. And yes, you might say it's hypocritical of me, but don't because I am not judging him on the fact that he doesn't believe in God, I'm judging him on the fact that he tears everyone down and calls people stupid for believing in God. He's trying to get everyone to believe what HE believes.
~16/f
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Honestly I think that if you do nothing right now ,like> officially making him your boyfriend ,that in a little while the feelings you have for him will go away. I say that because I think the more you learn about him and you see his behavior towards things you will grow to not care or want him so much. Personally, being a Christian myself, I couldn't give my heart to someone that didn't, at least to some degree, believe in God.
]
It isn't 'respecting' someone's belief to tell them it's okay that they believe differently then you, but to please not talk about it.
As spirituality has become more important to you as you learn and discover yourself as a teen, skepticism and atheism might very well have become more important to him. I'm certain is makes him a bit sad to see others believing things he views as illogical and damaging to a person, just the way you are sad someone hasn't found God.
So, you are right. This is a bit hypocritical of you.
But there are some boundaries you can set up for him, and some fair things you can ask of any atheist:
No name-calling.
Calling someone’s beliefs, illogical or irrational, IS NOT name calling. Calling that person stupid is. You are perfectly within your rights to say that he is allowed to have, and express his opinion about religious beliefs, but that out-right name calling is not acceptable or friendly.
No accusations.
Asking questions is fair. Saying something is illogical or irrational is matter of opinion. Saying people are being ‘sheep’ or ‘giving up free will’ is an accusation and a judgment. It’s not nice, and it should be avoided.
Finally, stand up for yourself! And what you believe.
Your boyfriend has an opinion he believes strongly in. Strongly enough to feel it’s important to share it.
That’s admirable!
If I believed, for example, that if you didn’t eat a parsnip every day, you would be punished eternally, OR robbed someone how of eternal bliss, I would carry a knapsack full of parsnips and offer them to everyone I met! I’d devote all of my spare time to growing parsnips, and making sure the people I loved got their daily parsnips, and that everyone I had access too knew that they too, should have a parsnip a day!
If I honestly believed that, I would be honor-bound, by common decency, to share that belief!
Your boyfriend is doing that about a belief he thinks is important! His approach might be imperfect, but standing behind your beliefs and acting on them is admirable and sincere.
It is not wrong or evil, to want other people to believe what you sincerely and seriously believe.
I want people in Iran to have the same faith and love in democracy that I do! And I’d tell ‘em so. Firmly!
If you believe something, you should also be that sincere and willing to defend your belief in open, respectful dialogue.
Get into the dialogue with him, and in your actions, and in your firmness with him, show him how to have a conversation like this where two people respectfully disagree, and don’t resort to name-calling.
But also, know that you can’t be oversensitive, and take everything he says that is negative about something you feel is important, as a personal insult. It’s not. He has a right to tear down theism. He has a right to reject your beliefs, and do so strongly. That is not attack agianst you personally. You can ask him not to make you listen to it, and you can demand he do it without name calling. But you can't demand he stop arguing, strongly, agianst something he feels morally compelled to argue strongly agianst. You haven't that right.
]
This is a sensitive subject and i hope i do not offend you or anyone here.
My opinion is that you are doing the right thing and should not pressure him. God will change him not you or the religion. sometimes when you mix diffrent cultures or religion or beliefs or even customs there can be negative consequences. Even though he bad talks your beliefs its hard to do but ignore him and walk away then if he ever asks why you wont date him just let him know that you do not share the same views. Its fair to him not to get pressured but its also only fair for you not to get pressured either. I heard somewhere that you should not be with uneven yolks? Dont feel hes ripping into you instead see it that he doesnt see your point of view a very strong point of view that will effect your life spiritual and physical. I think you should just see him as a guy in school. I may sound harsh but its best you stick with people that will share your belief without putting you down or insulting you a true friend never does that to you no matter what and if hes being abusive and insultive to your beliefs only imagine on what else he will go after next ..your clothes? your looks?...your virginity? Again im not trying to judge him or you just see that its ok if you do not see eye to eye and that its best not to get involve with someone who is going to just not share, encourage and support your thoughts, emotions and in this case belief in your God....this country is full of diffrent beliefs and everyone has that right to beleive in what they believe and no one has the right to pass judgement on what you believe in Your God. you want someone compatible in your life not the other way around. I hope this helps
]
This is touching on a delicate subject.
Let me put down my cyniscm enough to say. I also have your views on religion. Despite my ruggedly awesome badass demeanor, inside beats someone who is Johnny Cash cool. You see Johnny was cool, an outlaw and brash, but he never denied his faith.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this but, rest assured I feel ya.
Here's my take. Dont put him on a pedestal especially over your God. I dont think you will, but darlin' God dont make junk, and he also doesn't make mistakes. Perhaps he was put in your presence as a test to your faith and also maybe someone that you can show being a Christian isn't nessecarily a bad thing. They can be cool, nice, non judgemental, and just what the world needs.
Take this time to break every stereotype that he has ever had of Christians and prove him wrong. If you two do start dating, tell him it's illogical that the two of you click with such different spiritual paths but the same way you can't explain your attraction to him, is the same way you just know God is with every step you make. He may or may not become your boyfriend, but the world needs more people to set a good example for everyone else, and we can keep company with everyone and coexist. That's what God wants anyway hmm?
]
More Questions: |