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Is the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," true?
My boyfriend confessed to me today that he cheated on me last weekend when he went out with his buddies. He said that he had sex with a strange girl that he met at a club/bar and he regrets doing it now. I still think he's lying about a few of the details because one of his buddies told me that they didn't go to just any club or a bar--they went to a strip club.
I'm really upset about it but my boyfriend says he's truly sorry and that it won't happen again. My best friend reminded me of the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," and I am wondering if it's true. I don't think my boyfriend fully understands what his mistake has done to our relationship, and I don't know if I will be able to get over this betrayal anyway.
In your own experience, is the, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," saying true? Does anyone have any cases in which the saying is NOT true? Please, share your experiences with me so I know if I need to just end this madness before it really gets started!
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In my own personal experience it definitely is!! I had always been told the same exact thing but I kept telling everybody "my guy is different--he is truly sorry for it and would NEVER do it again". What a fool I was!! I was married to this man for 15yrs and he cheated 5 or 6 different times throughout it. Everytime it was the same--"I'm so sorry-it will never happen again" and so I believed him and took him back. I blame myself alot for it happening so many times because I just wasn't willing to believe that he was just that kind of person. To me it almost seems like my forgiving him and taking him back was, to him, like saying it was alright that he did this and that I would forgive him everytime. My advice would be to cut him loose, consider yourself lucky to have found out now what kind of person he is and move on. I know it's easier said then done but I'm afraid that if you don't you will eventually be cheated on again.
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honestly, i've been there. and i forgave him because i loved him so much, but six months later here we are in a mess and probably gonna break up. it created so many problems. i thought i could be the bigger person and trust him and he hasn't done anything since but now he's paranoid about me cheating on him for revenge, and i am still to this day deeply hurt by it.
for me, no matter how hard i tried i still got caught up in how much questioning comes afterwards. does he really love me like he says he does? what about me pushed him to someone else? is he gonna do it again? it eats at you.
but that's just me. i say if you can't bear letting him go, then try it. but know when it just isn't working and know if you can't get past it.
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I'm really sorry that your boyfriend cheated on you. I think it's in your best interest to leave this guy and don't look back. I mean, put yourself in his position. Would you ever cheat on him? I'm willing to bet that your answer will be no. Don't you think you deserve the same love and loyalty in return? I do. I'm also willing to bet that you would have never gone to a strip club in the first place. This guy opened himself up to temptation and gave into it. He's a jerk and a loser because he traded in a life with you for a night with another girl. He's not worth your time. You'll find someone one day who'll remain faithful and not take your love for granted.
If I'm being completely honest, I don't think the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. People can change, BUT how many times have you witnessed a person make a serious and permanent change? I'm not sure I've ever seen it. Everyone I know, including myself, has the same struggles now that we did 5 or 10 years ago. You think this guy is capable of being that rare person who changes for good? I highly doubt he is, and I don't think the the risk of finding out is worth the heartache you'll feel if he does it again. I don't think this guy loves you. If he did, he wouldn't put his immediate wants before your overall needs. There's no excuse for this.
It's not like you guys are married with children and there's more riding on this than just your feelings. You have no reason to give this guy another chance. Your broken heart will mend, but the trust you guys shared is broken forever. What would you tell your best friend if a guy cheated on her? You'd encourage her to leave. Take your own advice and decide with your brain, not with your heart. Every time you feel yourself get weak and wanting to forgive him, remember that he gave to a stranger what he promised to give only to you - his kiss, his touch, his body, his eyes, his attention, etc. You weren't on his mind at all. On that night, you didn't even exist to him.
You should be furious, not forgiving.
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although the saying may not always be yes hes a cheater for life some people will learn from their mistake and not do it again however there should always be consequences!!!
why?? well you have been honest with him, loyal is it right for him to just say im sorry i didnt mean it it wont happen again? and like nothing? when a child disobeys what does a good parent do? he reminds the child what he.she did was wrong and explains the consquences right? then depending on the crime he /gets disipline? right? well im more concerned about you having sex with him. he was with another girl that had sex with him that he didnt know, didnt know how many parnters or anything about her. Id be more worried that he did not contract anything and pass it to you. thats physical now the emotional part. Im not saying to let him go but i am saying that you have the right to forgive him and say i forgive you but there is a consequence to deal with and that is i dont hate you but I did not deserve this and i do not want someone in my life that cannot be strong for me and our love if you really really love me then this would have never have happened, nowadays people confess to their infidelities more and more using the excuse im sorry thats why im telling you...but whats really going on is i want to clear my conscience of what i did because
1. ill do it again and want to feel that you know about my problem
2.there was too many witnesses and i was going to get busted or
3.i did this because im not stable and because im not stable id rather you know because you really do deserve to know and i want you to have the right to choose if you want to let me go and i will accept your choice. I did what i did and i was wrong but you deserve the right to say i forgive you but no. I cant have you in my life the wound will heal but the scar will always be there. and its my right to choose if i want this or if i dont, I dont accpet this and just walk away. time will tell if you can forgive and forget and have what i call emotional scar removal or also know by me as emotional forgiveness plastic surgery in which you know that something wrong happened but you completely forgave it.
Do i think you should feel bad for him?
NO!!
Do i think you should forgive and forget?
Only you know him only you has an idea if he is that type of guy that is willing to go cheat on you. you cant baby sit him or sels hes not a man hes still a child, and youll be the resposible one..I personally have felt betrayal and it was kept in secret until i found out, but it never ended and it occured again. If he is not expressing regret and is not being honest and you yourself do not feel absolutely convinced in your heart that his is being honest and truly is sorry then its best o walk away have some time alone for a while and enjoy life cleanly DO NO let this experience let you loose yourself you are beautiful and there are guys that will respect not only the relationship but more importantly you.
I hope this helps
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In my opinon, it is true, for some people. If your boyfriend is going to strip clubs and having sex with some random girl, he is not worth of your time/love.
Ask tyourself these questions:
1. Does he love you 110%?
2. Would he want to be cheated on?
3. Do you deserve to be cheateed on?
4. Would you do the same to him?
5. Do you know that this is the first time he has cheated?
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