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I Cant get it out of my head
When i was young i rememember being sexually child abused a multiple of times it was by friends of the family, it must have started from when i was 5 to i was about 8 i mind being held down by this one man.then his foster brother used to do it too, the man that held me down on table to rape me still talks to my parents and his foster brother was murdered 10years ago and i cryed with glee more than greif at his funeral im now 23 and its been in my head for years ive never spoken to now, im so sure my sister was abused too tho im afraid to mention it too her even tho we are close because if it didnt happen to her then i no she will go straight to him and bring everyting up again, i dont want to cause conflict in my family as there has been enough tho i wish to a speak about it to clear my head, i find it hard to get close too people because of this and have never lasted long in a relationship, although i now have a gorg little girl of 10 motnhs and i am very protective over her i dont let her out of my site, i dont wish to be a mother than can't let her child have freedom, tho in this life u can never trust people around a child.
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I am going to speak to you as a person that has been through the exact same thing.....you need to talk to someone!! I was 28yrs old before I got up the courage to say anything and when I finally did I was accused of lying and making the whole thing up--by my own mother of all people! My abuser was my older step-brother and I guess it was just easier for her to believe I was making it up rather than to think it actually happened. After that one attempt I never spoke about it again...at least not to my family. I am now 45yrs old and I have attempted and failed at 3 marriages, which I feel is mainly due to the fact that I have never dealt with my inner pain and humiliation. I am now finally seeking help with these issues because I don't want to spend the rest of my life carrying all this around. Please take it from me...don't wait! You may think, like I did, that if I just didn't think about it or talk about it out loud that somehow it would all disappear....believe me it doesn't. As far as being very protective of your daughter I was exactly, and still am, that way with all 4 of my children (3 of which are grown adults now). In this world today you just don't know who you can or cannot trust. I wouldn't advise being any other way with your child. As she grows be honest with her about what happened to you and tell her that you will always be there for her to express her concerns and that you will believe her. That's what I have done with all my children and thank God they have grown up without being a victim of this abuse. If you can't afford a therapist find a pastor/preacher to confide in..that's what I did and it really helped lighten the load I've been carrying around for oh so many years. Please feel free to keep in touch with me if you ever want someone to talk to that knows what you've been through! Good luck to you!!
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counsling can clear yourmind because what you say stay with them, yes you cant keep it in your mind forever you want to get out but you dont want to.abuse can afect your life if you dont talk about it you have to clear your mind and move on. my father abuse me a a child I had to go throw counsling. some time it good to talk to a stanger but some ones that has been throw same thing but a counsler a mentor can help you need to do this because every time you see somthing thatreminds you it starts the crying you odnt want to be around people or you dont trust men. you need to be free try some new goals to help you hope this helps good look.
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ok i went through the samething except i was molestered not raped. it was by a man that worked at an arcade store.everytime my brothers went there hed take me to the backroom and do what he did that fuckn bastard.i was only 4 years of age so i didnt understand what he was doing. i grew up and understood that he molestered me.it got soo bad bottling it inside that i had major nager issues.i went to a consellor as hard as it was and the thing that i rmemeber the most was, the counsellor asked me "now what are you going to do for the future to protect that little girl inside you that was molestered.how will you prevent it from happening again, from that little girl being hurt again?".
from the sounds of it, you dont want to cause any trouble. you need to have hope that, that bastard will get what he deserves, maybe not in this life but he will.what if it happened to your sister and shes moved on and put it in the past?if you bring it up again it could just hurt her.
it happened and gosh im soo sorry it happened but you need to let it go and just tell yourself that from this day forward your going to protect that little girl inside you and the one you have now.
dont let that man ruin your life and make you not live it to the fullest because at the end of the day thats all you can do is just live and dont look back.
understand that what you went through was horrible but dont become over protective and not give your daughter a chance to live her life as best as possible.theres nothing telling you that whats happened to you will happen to her. protect her but dont suffercate her.
remember everything happens for a reason so if somethings ment to happen it will.everythings a risk so when you think shes old enough and able to protect herself then thats when you can slowly loosen up and let her have fun.if your over protective then it will just cause her to undermine you and do things inspite of what you tell her not to do.
im sooo sorry about what happened to you, i really am.theres nights where i still think about that fucker but theres a time in life you reach where theres better things to think about.
:) i hope i helped im here for you if you need me. dont hesitate to inbox me
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It will haunt you till you let it go and to let it go you must expose the abuser/s to all the people who matter. I recommend you discuss with your sister if she was abuded then you approach Mum together. Your an adult now you have nothing to be afraid of he has everything to fear because he should be in jail for his crimes against child/ren. When we don't talk about it he is free to continue with other children. Paedophiles have no shame or guilt for the depravity they conduct. The child serves a purpose to satisfy they have not care as to your pain then or for anytime they are truly malicious people. Your justice will come when you send him to jail for crimes against you as a child. He should not be walking the streets. The fact that he talks to your mother should spell out he has no problem with his conduct with you. Get suport see a rape crisis centre they should be able to guide you sometimes you just got to open up that can of worms in order to survive a crisis. So long as that can of worms is closed he got away with it. You have to deal with this through the courts seriously he is probably doing it to other children save them. Good luck I suport you all the way.
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