I have a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Capella University and an undergraduate in Psychology from Rutgers University. I am currently writing a book about relationships, self-esteem and communication problems. I have answered questions on EVERY topic..NOTHING is too "weird" for me to answer. The juicier, the better. I am a former model who decided I could do more good in the world if I became a part of the solution. I am open and check my email daily. ASK AWAY!!!
E-mail: open4advice@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: New Jersey
Occupation: Counselor/Therapist/Educator
Age: 32
Member Since: November 1, 2005
Answers: 26
Last Update: November 8, 2005
Visitors: 3316
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I re read your mail and further more the reason he said it was over with his ex for months is b/c i brought up the rebound issue. I dont think i was that at all rebounds dont last that long--i know i had them. I just wish he could know i know now that i shouldnt let people walk over me when when i am weak.....im weak..He probobly did see me as someone he could walk all over but i didnt mean to approach it as that or even let it get that far. I wanna be able to show him that...and i cant and maybe never will be able to. I am so tired of listening and writing and not being able to do...i was whole..before i met him i was whole by myslef and maybe i still am but at this time i dont feel i am...he knows i love him and he knows i want him back but i need to show him im no longer there to :fall: back on and he is getting a second job b/c he now has child support coming out of his check he needs to work 2 jobs..welcome to the real world, So hopefully one day he will start to think and realize b/c right now he is not thinking b/c he knows i am there--so all i say i need to act upon or it wont get better--i jut want to sleep-and not do anything--for now--i told people i dont wanna talkabout it unles si bring it up...except with you of course. As for his things that are here i already thought thats why he left them here--that he will be back--and he told me i deserve them things--i said i dont deserve HIS things they belong to him..i will still need alot of support and i hope you are there...i know how frustrating this must be for you to tell me what i need to know and i am not following on it. I hope you feel better and talk to you soon?.... (link)
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I am not bothered by you and I am not getting tired of you. I have been where you are MANY times and I feel for you. After this stage of why..you will begin to get mad at the whole thing and then when you are in one accord, you will fully be able to take the necessary action it will take to move on. That takes effort but right now, the little bit of time off you get is when you rest, until the stupid dreams come and then you wake up and feel.."Damn..is there anywhere I can go to escape this?" You are human. I think you do deserve the things he left, for nothing more than you were good to him. But one of the reasons he wants you to keep the stuff is that he is feeling like an A-hole and guilty for leading you on so it would make him feel good to give yousomething out of the deal. It is not just thatyou deserve it, ihe feels it will, in some way, ease his conscience. So, keep the things,hock them in hard times or use them when you get a new man...just keep them. They are your "parting gifts"...lol. I just want you to take it one day at a time, working on little bits and pieces of what you need to do to get over this. The first thing you need to do is stop thinking and replaying ecerything in your mind, hopeing that he sees things this way or that way and wondering what he may be or should be thinking. Only he knows what is real to him, just as you can only know what is in your mind. Many times we think we know what others are thinking and feeling because we have a history with them, but actually we may come close but we are never right on...so..only think about you and your thoughts. Make those your focus. Make your world with your children your focus...they need you...not him...they've had you longer and will always have you...not him..obviously.
Also, don't worry about your actions "showing him" this or that. Really if you are doing what you need to in order to show him anything, then after a while, if you don't get the desired affect from him (his recognition, him coming back, seeing you as the person who has"it"), then all your work was for naught, you will feel even worse about the situation becasue you will feel as if you've failed again and your work will not be genuine for you and you will gain nothing from it. When you are truely ready, you will start on the road to recovery and will be able to focus but right now, your wounds are too fresh. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR YOU TO USE...you still need to get on the ball and get it together, I am just saying I understand why it is hard right now. But the longer youwiat, the longer it takes. "Fake it 'til you make it".
I will send you an email from my personal email address...I just have been out of it lately. I am on so much medication that I have fallen behind on everything.
Samone;-)
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It is almost 8am now and my head is pounding my eyes are heavy and i dont want to move. IMychildren were in bed when this went down. It was hard and the first thing he did when he came in was hug me and i started crying b/c i knew i had to say goodbye--and he knows i never use that word unless it it forever. He told me "i just dont have it" and i said what? he said "it" i said what is it? He said it is hard to explain. He said "Me sitting here now if i told you i had what i could fitin my car and i wanna come home how would that make you feel?" I said I would be happy he said "I dont have it"I said i dont understand and he said you proboly never will. There is a time in your life when you feel this is it you have it i dont. I said but you did and he said maybe i did maybe i just wanted so hard for it to be there and it never was. I dont know. He told me i was an amazing person and he is so glad that he met me but he cant see us together forever to the end and i deserve someone who will take it to the end with me. I said your just feeling this way b/c you are scared and i said i understood. He said i dont want to get married and I said neither do I he says i know but I cant keep leading you on when i know i dont have it. I still dont understand. I looked in his eyes and i didnt believe him no matter how much i wanted to. We were standing at the door and i told him I love you and i wanted to hear it one more time;and he didnt say it he just kissed me on the head (like he always did) and i said please just one more time and he said why are you torturing yourself like this. I looked at him and he said I am never coming home. I was histerical this whole time and i seen the hurt in his eyes(i really did) but then he walked outside put his hand up to the screen i put mines up and he went to his car. He sat there for a second(and he always just pulls away)and i keep saying ididnt mean it come back;come back. And i ran out to the car and hugged him and said i was sorry and he said me too. He kissed me and hugged me and i walked away came in the house and stood at the door where he couldnt see me. He backed out of the driveway and stopped for like 10 seconds and he was gone. I did tell him i didnt want his bed,tv or computer and he said i want you to have these thigns you deserve them. I said i dont wanna see them no more its too painful. He said if i wanted to insult him and tell him to take it he will have his dad come today and get it but he will be mad;he is giving me these things its the least he can do. So isaid i cannot have this cell phone he said its not a problem and i can keep it he dont mind paying the bill. I said i know butit is easy access to you. He didnt know what to say.I messed up this morning already and i texted him and said"you told me straight to my face you were never coming home,buti dont believe you. i feel this is what your feeling now b/c you need to find yourself. Whyis it hard forme to believe you? Your eyes were telling me you were saying it but you didnt mean it. This is why i cant have this phone." I didnt expect to hear from him and i didnt. I told him i dont have the ability to be able to talk to him on a friends only basis-lik ehe does. He said he wished he didnt have the ability b/c yah its easy for him but it hurts the people around him. I also said i was suffereing for his ex-wifes shit and ithought iwas a rebound and he said i would never say that. Theier relationship was dead for months before we met and I said i now and if i was rebound it wouldnt have lasted as long as it did. I am so messed up rightnow.His eyes were looking a tme like he was reaching for help--not saying what he wanted to but was saying it so i would hear it b/c it is what i wanted. He said he didnt have to come over herebut he said "i owe this much to this girl" and he said he loved me he really did he just doesnt have "it" for me like i have "it"for him. I dont understand. I guess i never will. What am i going ot d o i thought iwas doing something to help me but it didnt help--why not? He said he comes a dime a dozen i come 1 in a million and I am everything a man could wish for in a girl and is aid why woudl you leave it(and again it was b/c he doesnt have it for me and i should be with someone that can give it back to me) I did tell him if he ever finds "it" to let me know....he said i dont think i ever will. What am i suppose to do...i am so lost again and dont know Why..well iguess i will wait to hear from you...have a good day
Kristen--- (link)
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Why don't you still believe him?? You are so wanting to not believe this that you are grasping at any little thing you can in order to save yourself from not having to fully experieince the hurt you know you have to go through before youcan move on. But you are just prolonging the inevitable. Even if you feel he doesn't want this, he told you to your face so you need to try to accept it. Some part of him has to mean it, if not all. He stated that it was over for months with his ex-wife...why?? It seems as if he has had baggage for a while that he needed to let go of, but he is trying to do it now. Unfortunately he met you first instead of trying to be alone and get to know himself. I know it feels to you like he gave you the "it's not me, it's you" speech in a round about way but whatecer it was, you need to take it. You can't text him to say why?? or I love you or anything of the sort. He stated that he wanted you to have it so badly that in the beginning he thought you did but didn't. All of this secrecy about having "it" would make me want to just leave for if someone is prepared to break my heart, they had better know what "it" is that is making him do it. If not, I would just take it as a cop out because (I apologize) you have to know why youa re leaving and what made yous tay. I would thinl he was taking the easy way out of jst saying "I don't want you anymore". I would rather heat that than some craziness. Also, the hurt yousaw in his eyes was not him just telling you what he thought you needed to hear but he really didn't believe. It was true hurt..not for the relationshop being over or him not reallywanting to leave but did it for you..it was because he is human and even though you are not together, you do gave a hustory together and ut hurts him to hurt you for you really gave him not real reason to take pleasure in leaving (like if you cheated on him and he forgave you in the past..or if youwere abusive to him in the past). You were an angel to him so it hurt him to hurt you BUT THAT IS ALL. It was not because he wants to really be with you but just said those things. I think you know deep in your heart that it is over but you just don;t want to hear it from within. But you have to. Also, don;t think that he left his stuff at your house in hopes that maybe he will come back and it will be like a family again. Look at his track record, look at his past and oroject yourself with him into the future with you children. You know that if he can do this now and it hurts this badly that later it would have been even worse. You also seemed to backpedle last night when he said he didnl;t want to get married and you said you didn;t either. I know and you know, even if he believed you last night, that you eventually wanted to marry him. If you had to wait alittle while longer if it made him come back then you would have. But again, inthat instance you weren't being true to yourself. You wanted to be this man's wife and after a while, youwould have approached the subject again with him for if you looked at your surroundings, you would have thought; "okay..he has been back for "X" amount of months or years and he still doens't want to marry me? I am good enough tolive with but not marry?" That would begin to fest within you as well. This wasnlt meant to be and Iknow you don't want to hear this..but at this moment and possibly forever, this was not it. Some people are sent into our lives for purpose. It is not to end in marriage but it is meant to show us a lesson. Many times we donlt recognize the lesssons whenthey are happening or are just finished but as we calm down and reflect, we see. One lesson you should take from this is that you need to look deeper into you and be into you. Youa re not whole and you need to be. Maybe the "it" he thought you had was that you were a whole person and maybe you could have helped him to be. But from his words, he sees that you are willing to drop everything for him, be anything for him and change anything for him. (It is kind of like the beginning of the movie Coming to American when Eddie Murphy met his arranged wife and he asked her questions about herself and all her answers were "whatever you like". Not anything from within herelf that made her happy, she was a robot for him"). RE-READ THIS LINE FROM YOUR EMAIL TO ME LST NIGHT AND TELL ME WHAT IT SAYS TO YOU:
"He said "Me sitting here now if i told you i had what i could fitin my car and i wanna come home how would that make you feel?" I said I would be happy he said "I dont have it"I said i dont understand and he said you proboly never will".
Basically all that I have been saying in this email and in the others is what he was saying last night. YOU NEED TO STAND UP FOR YOU, GET TO KNOW YOU AND NOT TAKE SO MUCH STUFF. A misconception of MANY women is that a man just wants a pretty face that will do whatever he wants her to. That is not true. A real man wants a women that tell him how it is going tobe at times, who takes control, who doesn't take any shit, even from him, who will not let him or anyone walk all over them, who can hold it down and still be a lady,give him his respect whenshe is doing her thing and provide love. In the beginning, he was just getting to know the real you (aside fromthe inital internet thing) and as time went on, he began to project what it would be like in the future and saw that what he thought it would be with you was indeed not what
it was actually going to be. He is trying to move on..but when you keep torturing yourself with the texts that aren't returned, the having to be confronted with his words about it being over, your searching for hope and a future with him from ANY little thing you may see whether real or imagined, is keeping you from doing the same. The sooner you accpet his words, whether real or otherwise, the sooner you can heal.
If he doesn't have "it" for you like you have "it" for him,then don't you think you deserve to have "it" returned to you just as you give it? There is a difference in loving someone and being in love with someone and I don't know if he is in love with you...but I know he cares. But not enough to live a lie.
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well i went on line and he was on...we were talking and it got out of control--he told me he couldnt see us being together forever--he saw us getting married and divorced in 5 yrs. i signed off i couldnt do it no more.. so itexted him and said i need him to come here and tell me..i cant do it anymore..and he said dont do thid not tonight i said i have to hear it so he said what? you wanna hear that i am not coming home? well im not.Do i care for you? i do. Do i see us being in a relationship together,i dont think so. I said no i need it to be real i need to do this for myself i need to hear it to my face and he said fine if that will make it real he will do it to my face. I am destryoed right now. He said he doesnt see us being any more than friends..i cannot be his friend..i cant put myself in that position i love him too much and i cant do this anymore...oh god! help me i am falling apart..its gonna be real now and i have to face it what am i going to do --please save me my life is just aboutto crash again and i cant do this alone..what do i do HELP PLEASE HELP (link)
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Oh No....I wish I had your number...I would've known sooner what ws going on. It is after 9 p.m. here and being that I don't know where you are, I don;t know if I got this in time. Why do you think you need to hear it in person?? He has been saying it to you in no uncertain terms before. Seeing him in person is only going to leave a lasting image of his face whenhe dropped the bomb on you. What next?? SEVERE THE TIES..ALL OF THEM..INCLUDING THE CELLPHONE...Please let him go. Let's start working on you now. I feel for you and wish it didn't have to come to this. Did he tell you why he thought you would be divorced in 5 years?? Do you think you are strong enough to do this face to face?? I see that you love him more than you love yourself and we need to change that. Where are your kids??
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ok i couldnt take it anymore...i needed an answer..i texted him to find out something i said"ok look i need your help. Love is blindare you tryig to tell me something and i am not seeing the picture? am i stupid for having hope please help me if you can" and i never heard nothing so again...im hurting myself maybe i deserve this shit b/c i know i shouldnt be texting him and shouldnt be looking for answers he dont have--what the hell is my malfunction?why am i so naive? I start to think about things and wonder why my children have to be with out again. I am so stressed not just emotionally but mentally physically and finacially--i am so used to people coming in and out of my life this is like normal for me and it shoul be easier now--but it is harder-i wanted the best for my kids and for once in my sons life he had a stable family and someone he looked up tp as a "dad" and now he walked out on him also--its very disturbing and not only for me do i want him back but for the children also--and yes i know is this someone i want ot be with my kids--right now yes--its very hard to find a man let alone someone who will accept my children and that my children will accept--i dont want to bring people in and out and thats why i thought i finally had it together and it all fell apart--this is why i feel lik eim going in circles--everyone says"you are so pretty why would he leave you" Isay well i guess being pretty has nothing to do with it if your unhappy-and i didnt think imade him unhappy-maybe sometimes when we argues but damn it aint the end of the world. SO here i am torn into pieces and all i want to do is hide in my nut shell and not come out--i need more things to do but then again even when i am doing something i am always thinking about him and i have these visualizations that he will come to my door or be here when i get home from work and of course as im driving down the road there is no car....what am i going to do? im driving deeper into this hole and i cant get out evem though i know i have to do something--like you said i havent gotten him out of my system and i dont know if i ever will....well i am going to bed now...to just cry again--i cant control it..i dont feel whole and the only thing that will is him coming home...but soon enough he will have access to his computer and i will be squash..kind of like i am now..but maybe thats what he needs to try to find someone else and he will realize there is onlu one me---or maybe he dont care as long as he gets his...and just the thought of that is killing me....i hope you feel better...and hope things are well for you..your a great person and i look forward to hearing from you and helping me maybe one day i will actually have something good to say...right now i am nothing but ...i dont even know..thank you again....
**Kristen** (link)
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I guess I am going to have to keep telling you this in every email..YOUA RE NOT CRAZY..YOUA RE IN LOVE...IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT....IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO WANT A RELATIONSHIP...NOT JUST YOU... I will repeat that evertime we speak if Ihave to until you finally get that part. As for being pretty and men leaving...Look at Halle Berry, Beyonce (Jay-Z cheated on her with Free from BET) and myself. If I could get my picture up here so you could see...I was a model..doin' my thing in NYC, FLorida and the like and guess what...WE ALL GOT DISSED, CHEATED ON AND LEFT!! So, trust me, people need not say..wow you are so pretty,how could he leave you..Prettiness doesn't make people stay or treat you right..the person has to want tostay and treat you right. Prettiness fads, but true love is deeper than anll of that superficial stuff. I know you want someone for you children and you don;t want someone coming in and out of your life, but look ast what is going on now..simple questions...has he been in and out of your life before?? Is he in and out of your life now?? Will you trust that if you and he get back togethe that he will NOT leave again?? Honey, he is already what you didn;t want him to be for you and your children..IN AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You have a problem within yourself thatyou need to fix. You stated you need him to make you feel whole...but you should already freel whole within yourself due to who you are TO YOURSELF and what YOU mean to YOURSELF. I mean this, we were not born as half a person or as puszzle pieces. We were born as one individual who came into thsi world alone. People ONLY ENHANCE our lives but we have to make ourselves whole. If you feelthat you need someone else tomake you feel whole than, Honey there is a HOLE in your life that only you can fill. I got your other email about your dream and GIRL I UNDERSTAND. I have had MANY of those dreams that make youw ake up and say.."What?? Now that doesn;t even make sense". Thenyouhear the radio in your dream and you are like.."Man...this is scarey!!!!". I will speak on thise too. Just that right now, I am on MUCh medication and I just came home from the doctor and he says Ihave Chronic Bronchitis that has spread to my ears. I am alittle grogy and I want to answer your concens while I am lucid. I hope that there are not too many mistakes in this email and I WILL be back on in about 2 hours to answer the other email. Also, what I do when Ihave those types of dreams is that I remmeber the symbols and things of the dream and look online to see what the symbols mean. I have also called a woman named Teno and she even told me when I was going to start totalk about marrigae and the like and it happend. So Ican give you those addresses too. I just can't do it onhere for I don't want the owners of the site to get mad. If you want those addresses email me and I will send them to you privately. But the one thaing that always gets me through is prayer. It may not work like a magic pill as soon as yousay the words but it works for me. I know, however, you need tools that make you feel better instantly with interaction, so that is why I am going to send you the links.
I will be back..I apologize for the illness and delay. I am just soooo sick right now.
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I know i asked you advice the other day and your proboly busy..but since then i did have text conversations with him and he said he was going to come over last night....he was looped up and he texted me and said "booty call for ys tonight:) ) and i was lik eoh no he didnt-so texted him back and said "yah he already left" he said "oh ok good any left for me?" and i said maybe. He said gues i will have to find out then" I said guess so" so then like 2 hrs later he texted me and said he dont think he is going to make it b/c he drove with his dad and they were still his his nans house and at this point i was already looped up--and i said "no dont do this not now" He said im sorry and please dont be mad or disappointed at me but i think it would be for the better anyhoo and i dont want you to think it is leading into something" I siad i wont you come over before" and he didnt text me back. And i said 5 minutes andhe said"i know hon but i dont want you to think it leading into something" I said I WONTi wouold even go get him and he didnt say anything. so then i said You there? he didnt say anything and i left it at that. What the hell is going on? Right nowi am really upset he would even say something like that i think he was going to come and then he told his parents he was coming down here and they proboly said something to him-Yes i am upset he even used the word booty call-and i was going to approach him with that when he got here-and i know this is it--i cant do this any longer but then he is paying my cell phone bill....i think that is his "tie" with me. WHat can i do now? i know i am asking for way too much and i told myself i would text him and i did but that was just to ask him a question if his mom was working(she works at a bar and you have to be buzzed in) and i just wanted to see if she was working and if she would let me in--and then he would text me back with no pauses like he wanted to conversate. Did you get my last advice? Please help keep me sane. What does this look like to you? (link)
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I am going to say this to you, he told you in so many words what he wanted. First, he has no respect for your feelings when he can call you up after not talking to you or barely texting you to sya he was coming over for a booty call...like he has it like that. He basically knows what he can get from you and was going to use you for that. That was disrespectful BUT the only way a man will respect a woman is if he feels and knows that SHE respects herself, and from his first few texts, he knows that when it comes tohim,, you lose not only your self respect but your mind. But the BIG BIG thing was why he actually didn;t come. Sweets, he told you HE DOESN;T WANT YOU TO THINK IT WAS GOING TO LEAD ANYWHERE...and I am soo sorry he even called to ask for the sex because he then had to retract his offer and he gave you the hard truth. But I know, the truth hurts but he said it anyway. If he would have come over, do you think that you would have been able to NOT have sex withhim?? Do you think that after he told you no and you kept tellinghim that you wouldn;t think more of the booty callthan it really was that he isn;t going to try to do it again?? You have to be stronger. Sex is GREAT!!!! But only when it has the mutual consent and understanding of both involved in regards to what it is TRUELY all about, what it is leading to and the overall relationship between the two people invovled. I will say thins, I am not feeling him AT ALL BUT I am glad he didn;t come over...that would have sent you into a tailspin that you would have really needed someone there for you in person to make sure you were okay. As far as the tie that you feel is keeping you..the cellphone. Again, does he have credit?? If so, you both can terminate the agreement and he would be able to get his own phone and pay his own bill. Have you tried calling the cellphone company and trying to get the ties severed?? Is it that with the current plan you have the bill is MUCH cheaper for the both of you together than it would be apart?? WHATEVER the reason, try to severe the tie. Unfortunately, I say this from experience, once THIS tei is broken (the cellphone) you will consciously or unconsciously find another tie that will "have to be taken care of in order for you to move on". The reason for this is because you still have yet to get him out of your system and with each tie broken, you are still too weak to face the finality of the entire relationship. I hate to say this but Ithink that he looks at you as old reliable. As the woman he can go to for an occassional quickie, for occassional affection and for his cellphone but he knows that the way you feel about him, it is not tothe point where you can do this with no strings attached. You need to find what is good about you and nurture that. Try not to waste all that you are on someone who neither wants it, will accept it, respects it or will give it back you in return. Imagine your daughter going through something like this with a man, what would you want her todo?? What would you tell her?? How would you react to seeing her hurt and fighting for something and someone that means her no good at all?? You would try everything in your power to turn her round and get her on track. So, Sweets, I have alittle news for you..just because your daughter isn't the main woman inthis drama(meaning you) she is still involved and will pick upthings fromthis situation that will manifest itself later in life when she has intimate relationships. You have children and you must be strong NOT just for you but for them...Children learn what they live even even when we, as adults are allwrapped up in our own emotional turmoil. They still know. Don;t be used..don't be played. Take the goodness that is YOU and keep it until you find someone worthy. It is just like we tell our daughters about sex...save it...don;t just give it away to anyone who asks or who throws us a great line. Make the person show he's worthy...make him repsect us, work for it and prove he will treat it with the same love in which we give it. So, just as you would want your daughter to do that for you..do that for yourself. I am here...I was just sick (and still am). I am in the bed and have been on medication. I didn't plan on getting on today but I wanted to check to see if you were okay. Good thing I did. Also, I got your other email...I was at work and sent you something short...Maybe it didn't come through. I will keep my computer on for you and will check it from time to time. I am not answering anyone else today..just you. So...I will check for you later. No bother..Okay??
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I havent texted him at all today...but im not doing too good mentally;and emotionally; i keep asking myself questions like"why do i wonder how he is doing he should be wondering how i am doing,he left me and knows i am a mess" and when i have this kittle bit of hope that he is going to come home i start to get happy but then realize its not true and i become very depressed-i think to myself he will realize where he belongs and will call me when he wants to talk this out--but then again i dont see it happening and then i do-but i keep going in cirlces-with no where to go. I dont know how to stop this madness- i know i have to but damn it takes control over me-kind of like i know i have to stop smoking(especially so much) but i cant find the will power to do it--just like i have to know to not call him and it lasts maybe a day then i call-NO i have to not call at at but then im afraid he will think if i dont i am ok and he will be able to move on(eaasier)maybe thats what he wants things to be easier for him--it dont matter how things are for me. and not care -do i make sense? i just dont know what to think and when i think about leaving him be and having his space in my heart i see him coming home but in his i dont see it. I think about what you tell me and i wish i could act upon it. You have been such a great help and i turn to you on here b/c you put your heart into what i am saying not just give me any answer. I dont talk with no one i dont go out and i usually have a rebound when stuff like this happens--but thats not me no more i dont want another guy to fill my void--it dont work like that for me no more and this is the first time i am dealing with this by myself. Is he thinking if i love him i will "wait" for him? Is he never coming home and just not telling me? Are people giving him advice like "well if she loves you she will respect you and wiat until you are ready?" I dont know and just keep running in circles--now what? (link)
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First I want to stress again that you are NOT crazy, you are in love. But I do have one question for you...Have you ever in the past been in love with someone like this before?? Were your feelings so intense that you felt you were going crazy?? And ifthe answer is yes, then how did you get over it?? Was it easy?? I would think not...but you did it. I WISH I could say what I want to say to you now but I am at work and my boss ( I am a school teacher) has it in for me and she keeps walking past my door to seewhat I am doing, so you KNOW your in depth email is coming when I get home.But there is one thing I want to mention in this response is when you toldme that he upped the text message minutes, told you not to worry about them he will pay...but yet he still does not text you often orhe barely returns your texts you send him. Honey, he gotthose extra minutes obviously notfor you and he says he will pay forthemsothat you can't have anything to say to him about how they are used and on whom. Doeshe have credit?? If his credit was fine then why couldn't he get off ofyour phone plan and get his own?? WHy is he stillusing the phone that you and he got with the sole purpose of communication between you both?? I don't think his friends or himself for that matter is telling him much of anything in the ways of if you love him, you will wait. He isn't saying that and if he everdid,he isn'tnow. Your heart is the reason you rack your brain with the thoughts and the hope and when you start to move on, you get scared and feel like if you give up hope than it is over for sure...but for your sanity, you have to start looking at this like it is over. I will get more into depth later....but I am here and you can email me back after you read this. I just wanted to let you know why this is so short and not as in depth.
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Okay since the last advice i got from you i texted him this morning and it was just to say hi and see how he was and joke around for a minute..well tonight i had to text him b/c he got a reminder call for a dr appointment. He got back to me like 1/2 hr later..to say thank you. So i texted him again just to see how he was and if he was ok--he said he was ok and so i said well it seems like you have it made-you got your computer stand and whatever else from your mom and it seems like your happy so if your happy then im happy for you...he never got back to me. so i said well i hope i didnt say something wrong--and he never got back to me--I think he took offense to when i said seems like you got it made--i didnt mean it tosound bad--what do i do? i think he is mad now...ididnt mean to do that (link)
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I am going to give it to you straight and please don't get offended but you really didn't have to text him so much today, you didn't have to say so many things to him and honestly, when he just texted you back to say thank you, he really said all he wanted to say. The hint was that youshould have taken it like he gave it. He didn't text you just to say hello back and he didn't text you after he said thank you concerning his doctors appointment. I know the reason you said what you said concerning himhaving it made...you were feeling rage, hurt, neglected and ignored and ANY rise out of him would have helped you to gauge where he may have been coming from. But silence is a very "loud" hint when it is given in the way he gave it to you. You didn't do anything wrong per say because you are human and love makes us throw caution to the wind and TRUST ME this wont be the only time your heart gets the best of you and you text him again or find some reason to speak with him...but don't beat yourself up over it. What you have to do is try to stop yourself from doing it. When he pops into your mind, CHANGE IT, when you get the urge to talk about him, DON'T DO IT..CHANGE THE SUBJECT, when you get the urge to call him, GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING ELSE.. you are going to have to "fake it until you make it". One day all of this will come as naturally as breathing. I know you are saying "But when??". I know it seems like each day is an ETERNITY but really this is because your every thought, action and want is for him. He is where he wants to be right now, and not to make you nervous but, each moment he is not in your house, you NEVER know what he is doing and if he may be trying to do it with someone else. I had an experience that someone left me..they needed "space" it wasn;t me, it was him...type of deal. So he went about his business and I was just like you...I WANTED him back badly. But after a while I began to get suspicious and wondered why he hadn't come back..he had a lot of time to "get it right within himself". Come to find out (making a long story short) a few years had passed and we began to talk again only as friends and he confessed to me that I made it easy for him to do whatever he wanted because Iwas like "old reliable". If things didn't work out with his other girl while we were taking "time and space" away, he knew that all he had to do was tell me alittle something and I was so in love withhim that I would have taken him back. I was alittle mad but I was glad he told me for inthe back of my mind I knew that but during the time,I just didn;t want to accept that or move on. See, you can't always be around, you ahve to let him find you sometimes..if he wants to at all. You will know soon enough but trust me, if he does come backand youtake him backand get married, once you adn he are comfortable, you will one day be mad over how this all went down and you will speak on it to him, probably when he gets you angry enough. Don't worry if he is mad now, you should be worrying about how to make yourself whole. You can never truely have a healthy relationship with anyone until you have one with yourself. When you ahve a true relationship and love affair with yourself, then you can extend your hand to bring someone into your world. Another person shouldn't complete you, you should already be your own masterpiece. We share relationships, we don't look for one to make our puzzle complete. Get to know you, get to love you more, then you can fully know what it is to lve someone completely and without feeling like you need them to make your world better. It is always better for someone to want to be with you instead of them needing to for when they can stand on their own two feet, they wont need you anymore. He shouldn't know or feel like you NEED him, being wanted is a more fulfilling and satifying feeling. Many men also don;t like to feel as if their woman needs them, they like the feeling of being wanted as well. Don't call anymore tonight and try not tomorrow. Cry if you have to, do anything else but don't call him. Give it a minute. If he doesn't call you, then you need to follow his lead for a while. If I don't answer back tonight, it is just that I am alittle under the weather but I will stay on for a while longer for you. If not, I will definetly write you tomorrow at work during my break. Keep your head up, Girl, you will make it...TRUST ME!!!
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On sunda is my boyfriends little sisters birthday party. It will be the first time I have ever met his parents! I want them to know I am a really nice girl and that I love there son alot. What kind of things can I do to show them that I am really nice and that I will treat there son well. I love him and I want to be with him for ever!
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Had that situation and I will tell you honestly..you have to be yourself. Parents can seem to just tell when someone is being fake about who they are or trying to impress them.If their son picked you, then they will more than likely see in you what he saw and parents really do want to trust that their children have learned or were taught well by them and that their choice in a mate will reflect that. If you want physical things, don't dress to provocatively, do fawn all over their son in front of them (like always kissing and hugging him, smiling sooo hard at everything he does and says, pointing out cute things about him that you find so sweet..things like that), you can talk about their son to them but don't go overboard and just gush everything...just have polite conversation with them. ALSO..big thing, if he is very family oriented, try to mingle with other members of the family, let them get to know you. Don't just sit in the corner or just hang withhis parents and no one else, it would be like you were really obvious in trying to get brownie points, even if you weren't. They all will be watching you, in their own ways, whether you notice it or not, just be comfotable and go with the mind set that this is not the "meeting" that will determine if you and he will marry, just go and be natural. By the way, I married the guy I am speaking of and his parents let me know that they knew right away what kind of woman I was just by how I interacted and handled myself in the situations I found myself in when it came to interacting with them all...and his family is HUGE!!!!!!!!
Good luck and keep me posted!!
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wondered if there are any advice on this topic. i don't mind players, as long as they don't play me... are there any signs to tell if a woman is looking for more than just (pretty shallow) fun? (link)
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Yes..she wants to meet your mother and family,she wants you to meets hers, she makes "plans" for the future, she sometimes says things like "when I or when we get married" or "when I or we have kids I want...". I know women who are up front with a man and tell him, "Look, I just want to get mine and you can be my play thing" and it worked out for all invovled. Also, when she starts buying you clothes, paying your bills and such (unless she is paying you for sex and that it known up front) then she is looking for a return on her investment.
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how long does sex usually last...? (link)
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Depends on the stamina of the individual youare with (as well as your own stamina), it depends on what "activities" you may be doing before or during the sex act itself, it depends on the circumstances like location (do you ahev to hurry up and have a "quicky" because time is limited. But normally, just sex with no foreplay is like 20-30 minutes for most men I would say. It can go longer if you stop and do other things during or if you change positions. That is a really broad question..but I hope I helped.
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theres a guy that I really like. We havent slept together yet but I was hoping that one day we could be more than friends. Anyways I just found out from one of his friends that he spent a year in jail when he was 18, but wouldnt tell me what for. Anyways, that was a long time ago, he is in his 40's now.
He is a really nice guy and I know he would never hurt me. But I'm really curious as to why he was in jail.
Should I ask him or wait for him to tell me? (link)
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I don;t know if your relationship is solid and secure enough for you to ask such a personal question, especially if it happend so long ago. With things like that, men tell you when they feel youa re ready, the relationship is ready and they can actually talk about the situation themselves. Sometimes hardship stories like that are still ahrd to bring up and talk about for when they tell you the details, they relive it in their minds and i t brings pain and feelings that they wanted to forget about. If he doesn't tell y ou, don;t worry about it too much, he may just want to always be "worthy of you" in your eyes. But if you are that curious, the time to ask him is not now for it may jeopardize any romantic relationship you may have in the future as well as when he asks you about how you found out and you have to either lie or tell himthat his freinds told you...that may bring trouble between him and his friends and he may begin to question why they would tell you his personal business without his permission..this in turn brings the trouble back to you for now not only are his freinds mad at you for telling himthat they told you but he is not feeling to happy with you either for asking such personal questions. Wait alittle while longer. If youare meant to know, you will find out. If it goes on for a long time (years or so) and you both are actually in a long term relationship and you still don't know, there are ways to ask around the situation to see if he tells you. Then if he still doesn't, then it will be okay to ask for you would have built up a type of repore with one another that is built through relationship and what you have to endure within them.
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Can you guys like write a romantic story like making out under stars or something because it`s cute lol. (link)
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I have a love poem/story called Succumb and it is AWESOME. Someone sent it to me from some webpage and I kept it. It has stuff about the stars, oceans, angels, and other things. It is REALLY intense. If you want to see it, let me know. It is not an original of mine but not many people have heard it. It is GREAT!!!
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19/f
I met someone who was only in my hometown for a week, and we kissed, talked, and really connected. I seriously fell for him.
Of course, some people will think we were only together as rebounds, because he lost a friend and I was getting out of a serious relationship with someone. Regardless, he made me feel happy and alive.
I gave him my email address and phone number, he gave me his favorite hat. It's been over a week, and I have not heard from him. Should I just forget him, or make an effort to contact him?
I've been searching for a phone number/email but my search so far has come up fruitless. I don't know what to do. He's in the military and I would just love to talk to him before he has to go to Iraq again. However, I don't want to completely freak him out and seem "stalkerish." So even if I found a number, I don't know if I'd have the guts to call it.
It worries me that he hasn't tried contacting me yet. Maybe he thinks that since I was going through a lot that he should just back off. Maybe he felt nothing for me and really is a jerk. I don't know. Should I be patient, or make a move?
I am trying to forget about him and trying not to make the relationship anymore than what it was. It's hard because I keep thinking about him. I just need to tell him thanks (the reason is very personal and complicated so I don't want to go into detail.) Maybe if I could just tell him that, then I could move on. But for now, I feel like I have something I seriously need to get off my chest and it's driving me insane not being about to explain things!! (link)
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It would not seem "stalker-ish" if you called to say hello at least once. That way if he had any aprhension or thoughts that maybe you were not interested, your call can put those ideas to rest. Men like to be "wooed" alittle too. But after your initial call and he still doesn't reach out to you, then you should leave the ball in his court. A relationship, even a friendship is a two way street and after you "cross the street" to amke contact, he should reciprocate. Don't ever wonder or second guess why a man isn't calling or what he may be thinking because many times we are way off base and we drive ourselves crazy trying to come up with "why this" and "maybe this happend" type of scenerios. The bottom line is that it started and now it is stalled, you can make a first move BUT BE COOL about it whenyou talk to him. If he gives you a song and dance, is cold towards you , doesn't make conversation with you on the phone, the take the hint and be cool. Sometimes also there is no need to expalin and it sounds to me that when you say that you just want to say "thanks for what he did" is just an excuse for justification in your head to be able to make the calland not feel foolish about it. Your only justification aside from wanting to say thank you is that you both shared an intimate time and if you are not the kind of person who goes around being intimate with everyone, then that special time, meant a lot to you. I am not trying to downplay whatever went on that is too long and complicated to write down but make sure that after youg et whateve off of your chest that you feel you need to, then if he doesn't call you again or become a part of your life that you will be able to look at it as whatever it was and begin to move on. Good Luck!!
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can you have sex while your pregnent?(serious question, no smart answers please.) all fives. (link)
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Yes you can. I am in the process now of trying to conceive and I asked around as well as doing research onthe subject. One thing I was cautioned about was that in having oral sex, your mate should not blow into your vagina for it may cause an air bubble to disrupt the safety of the baby you are carrying and that will cause possible death. Also, I heard thay when you are pregnant that your sex drive, many times, increases. On the other hand, in my quest for answers, I had one girlfriend tell me that when she was pregnant the first time, every time she had sex she would bleed and the doctor said it was okay. Then she continued toahve sex and one day had a miscarriae. She stated that the doctor said that had nothing to do with it but she swears it does. SO if you begin to bleed after sex, call your doctor and explain it to him. But all other research and information points to sex during preganancy as okay.
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Wat do I do if my boyfriend wants to have sex and I do too but i am too shy
signed i need help (link)
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If you both have a relationship that is open and you both have good communication with one another, explain it to him before you engage in any activity. He should be aware of your feelings and maybe you both can come up with solutions or ideas that will ease your aprehension. Sex is never good when you are nervous, scared, insecure or have other things on your mind. Don't be shy for there must be something about you that he is attracted to and likes. He is with you and obviously not for all of the sex you both are having, so, it should be easy to share with him your feelings on the subject.
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I get alot of resposes on here and only yours makes me cry. Everything you are saying is very true and i know i have to face he is gone an di dont want to-but as i type and cry i just want him to be happy and if its not with me then i have to accept that. I just want him home and i cant have that. I am not pressuring him ut yet i see how he feels pressured by me always saying come home. He says it hurts him to hear me say that but he cant just come home-it was a hard decision to leave and it wont be a easy one to come back. I set him free the last time and 3 months later he came back-so i believed if you love someone let them free it it was meant to be they will come back--so why did he leave again? i sometimes feel things ive done made him feel trapped and like he had no other life--and i apologized to him for that and i realize it wasnt right-and i dont have that chance to show him it wont be that way-and thats part why i feel its not over.I usually text him to say hi and see how he is doing. I did not do that today and it is eating at me-and i will not do it tonmorrow-its in his hands and i have to wait to see where things go...but in the meantime im hurt mentally,emotionally and psyically im pushing to get through. I have had 2 children-each by seperate fathers. My sons dad passed away almost a yr ago--this guy i was with was the other "father" he had to look up to and now not only did he lose 1 dad but he lost a fahter figure.That hurts me more than anything. I look into his face and only want the best forhim(and my daughter) and i can only give them so much, My son is having a father/son bake contest for cub scouts and he dont have that-so his grandfather is stepping in. So i am always emotional. I guess the only good thing since he left was i lost 15ilb-lol-but i cant afford tolose no more-I dont want o hurt no more and either way i will-and i dont know what to do-my biggest fear is not talking to him and the feeling of knowing he is gone...forever...but in the back of my mind he will be back----but im only fooling myself.I always wonder what he is doing where he is is he laughing and having a good time while i struggle with my feelings for him and pray he comes home to us. I know its not good but its all i can do. Where did i go wrong--did i give him too much? or did i not give myself enough-i swore to myself i would never let someone hurt me again-and once i put my brick wall down and fell in love--i didnt even see it coming--why me? mwhy my kids? i cant take it anymore. (link)
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Girl it may seem easy for me to say this to you but IT WASN'T YOU...As women, we always feel that if we can just 'hold on a little while longer and show him how good I am, he will want this as much as I do andhe will realize I am the right one and never leave" but that rarely ever works. I wish I knew you personally, like a next door neighbor for my advice comes thoguh better when I can talk face to face. I wish I could hug you and just be there nad help ypu gotheough this for at this point, you need someone who can actually be strong enough to tell you the truth but compassionate enough to listen and not judge. When we are in love WE NEVER see things coming..NEVER. When our hearts open up, our defenses come down, our eyes close and we just "feel" our way through it all. We think of love as more roses than work and heartache. Your son will remeber that YOU were there for him and had his back, not that you had no father for him. Trust me, I knwo, my mom divorced my father, got with a man who molested me, beat her and my brother but she thought she was doing it for us. I thne in turn got the wrong cues as to how a man should treat me and, Girl, the rest would make you cry even more. But the thing I remember is that 1. I was too scared to tell my mother about my absue and my feelings for I wanted and much rather had taken the pain for her so that she could have a man..I endured it all for her and 2. I look back and see that when she left my father, she had the chance to do better and for the most part she did (she moved us out of the ghetto, got us into good schools and tried her best). There were times we had no furniture and narely enough food but my mother tried. She was my father and mother and I wouldn't have traded her for a real father or one she tried to make stay for our benefit. Please stop wondering if he is laughing or what he is doing for that just makes the pain worse. Don't give him more space in your mind and heart than he is giving you right now. He knows where you are but even if he comes back, no matter how much you love him, you will always have this fear in your heart concerning him leaving one day. Be grateful that your son has his grandfather to go with but even if he didn't HE HAS YOU....Don't subject yourself to this pain just because you think your kids need him. What they need is a mother who is capable of being strong enough for the both of them. When the right man comes along, you will look back on this and actually feel relived that you went on. God doesn't give us more than we can bear, you can do it. I did. Sometimes you will need to put on the saddest song you can find, walk around your house alone and just cry loudly..yell..ask God why...hit a pillow...just cry from your soul. You will need the release. But after every breath...really try to release this. You made it 27 years without him and you will make it 57 more. You didn't do anything wrong...you just gave love that wasn't treated with the same love in return. You are human, not dumb, you are a woman, not a plaything, you are alive, so start trying to live again. Don't callhim, not to see if he finally misses you and decides to call. Don't call because it is what you have to do to move on. When he calls, don't let him know youare hurt, don't ask him to come home and BY ALL MEANS DON'T act as if his call is the reason you got up in the morning. Cut the conversation short, if he is not dying, then you really shouldn't make yourself feel as if you are. Thank you for trusting my advice and trusting me with your situation. I take this seriously and I REALLY do feel your pain. I am here for as long as you need..okay??
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um....ok im 14 and im pregnant! my mom keeps on asking who the dad is but i dont even know....ive had sex 3 times and with 2 different guys...the first one was some guy i met on the internet about 24 AND the other guy i had sex with twice and he is 49 yrs old....i know there is tests to figure it out....but i dont know where to get that...at a hospital i guess....how do i tell my mom who the guy is anyway is what im asking...its either a 24 yr old or a 49 yr old....what should i do!!!!!???? please help... i will rate with anything (link)
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First, I would like to say that I am not going to judge you and that I am soo sorry that two GROWN MEN took advantge of you in the sense that they should have known better than to have sex with a girl your age. I must tell you that if your mother already knows you are pregnant, she is eventually going to have to know who did this to you for you will need MUCH child support to help you raise this child. Also, no matter how old the guys are, YOUR CHILD needs to come first and deserves to know who it's father is. That is only fair. You decided to have sex with these two men and that is over with, but your child didn't ask to be put in this situation. When your baby is born, more than likely you will be living with your mother and it will be the two of you raising it, so your mother has a right to know as well who is the father for she is the one taking on his role in raising HIS child. I know you are scared but (and I donlt mean to sound harsh)if you were grown enough to have sex with these men, then you are grown up enough to handle the situation with your mother. The sooner you tell her, the sooner the initial shock will wear off and you both can move forward. She (your mother) will also be the one who will more than likely help you obtain any legal help you may need as well as the one you will cry to when times get too hard raising your child. GOOD LUCK!!!
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I apprectiate your help. I know things will get better but right now i am not seeing it. The only way it will get better is if he comes home. My children miss him i miss him and of course the dog misses him-lol. I know space is what he needs but again and again but b/c i love him and i feel he loves me i will have to somehow give him that. I dont want to be the annoying person who just doesnt get the picture I want ot bring him home not push him away.I always thought when you love someone you dont leave them you work your issues out otgether--thats why i start feeling he doesnt love me like i love him-and he has told me that-what do i do-give him the space be miserable and pray he comes home or let him be be miserable and pray he comes home-either way he gets what he wants and im miserable with out him and I will not look no more--and yah everyone says it happens when i least expect it--but i want that with him-my children are getting older and i want a good life for them not a single mom life with no dad-and i had that and it walked out the door and i couldnt do nothing about it. What do I do? (link)
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First I must apologize for the delay in answering. I had an appointment after work and it took a while. I understand that you feel and have heard that when you love someone youare supposed to stay and work out your problems BUT I also heard that when you love something, yous et it free and if it is TRUELY yours, it will come back to you. In your case, youhave neither set him free (for he is still involved in your life in some way) and you also aren't giving yourself a true chance at seeing if this is really the right man for you. I KNOW( I REALLY DO) how you feel, it is like you hurt so badly without him that you LITERALLY feel it inside your soul and body physically. It is like you are truely aching inside from missing him, but this pain will continue for as long as you continue to let him in and out of your life. As for your comment about working out with someone when you love them, that is true but the one aspect youare missing is that to do that,you really have to have a bond that is stronger than one person leaving when he feels pressure. You BOTH have to stay and be committed to staying and working it out, not part time but all the time. It seems as if he "works it out" when the wind is blowing in the right direction at the right time of the day but when the pressure,whether true or perceived, is turned up, he retreats. Imagine if youand he did get married and a few years go by and you are faced with a serious problem, would you feel confident that he would stay with you?? Years don't make a person stay, it is stick-to-it-ive-ness that makes a person stay adn work it out. Or even better, what if you had faith that he wouldn't leave during the hard times but he surprised you and left. That would be even worse. I know you want to give your children a better life and that the dog missed him but a better life isn't one necessarily where you have to wonder if your man will leave later in life, why he may be acting distant, or one where you feel you may have to walk on eggshells in order to keep him around and not disrupt his mood. I know it seems hard but if you force things, it may become even harder later on in life withhim if you made him feel pressured to come back but that wasn't what he really wanted. Listen to what he says about coming back and being miserable and such. When we are the ones involved in the love triangle, we tend tomiss important parts of what someone is saying, but when we are on the outside looking in, we can see things objectively and hear what the persons involved in the love situation is neglecting to, not because they are dumb but because thwy are listening with their heart and not their minds. Again, I REALLY don't mean to sound harsh, I REALLY feel your pain and understand what you are going through, I just want you to be happy,not just for the moment but for as long as you can be.
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I'm a 16 year old girl who's been dating this guy I'm fully in love with for around 7 - 8 months. We're both still virgins but we've talked about losing our virginity to each other. Neither one of us has EVER did anything sexually with another person, so I'm pretty sure neither of us have any STDS or AIDS. So far, we've experienced everything but sex with each other. We've considered all the risks & have thought long and hard about this, but mind you, we are prepared and we do have a brain unlike half the teenage population. We both know that we are fully ready to do this in our minds & hearts. But, I have a question. Even though, we aren't married & we're gonna lose our virginity to each other.. and though we've been together for a while & are planning on beging together for a long time after this (possibly even marriage later on, but you never know what may happen).. do you think this is okay? Like sometimes it worrys me because I know in my heart that it's a sin to have sex before marriage, but we've talked about it & with our friends as well, and we all figured out that if you ask God for his forgiveness, he will accept it. I just want opinions on this.. do you think it's okay to have sex at 16 if you're mature & ready enough? I mean, what's the point in waiting until you're married? I know one reason is because it can be a sin and then another is because there's a possibility of having a baby, but if you're sexually "safe" with condoms & birth control, then you're chances are very slim to none for having a child. So any opinions or thoughts is welcome on this.. don't be afraid to express how you feel, it won't bother me. Thank you all very much! :) (link)
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I will be honest. I had a serious...SERIOUS boyfriend at 16 and I KNEW we were in love, mature and would be together forthe long haul. We discussed everything and yes, I was a virgin as well. I knew it was a sin in the eyes ofGod but I went ahead and did it anyway. Like you said "What is the use of waiting until youa re married". Well, he and I stayed together until I was 23 and then it was over. During that time, this lovely boy who loved me so much began to change and turned out to be someone that I wish I didn't waste my time on. (Not to say that your boyfriend will turn out to be that way). I was a very mature 16 year old-honors classes and the like- but I just did it because I REALLY wanted to..I mean REALLY BADLY WANTED TO. I say all this to say-1.I know where you are coming from with your confusion (I used to be a Sunday school teacher, I sang in the church choir and I believed in God at an early age) and 2. Think about it alittle more. I mean, sex is like a diamond..very precious. BUT if everyone had diamonds (just like everyone is having sex), then they would be worthless. Think of your virginity and sex that way. If you really love him,just give it alittle more time. If it happends, then, it was meant to but believe me..the more you think about it, the more you want it. Try to concentrate on other things for a little while longer. You and your boyfriend have done other things so I guess you and he feel that, what else is left?? Plenty else is left...after you have sex and do it again and again, ask yourself that same question again.."WHAT ELSE IS LEFT NOW"??
Keep me posted as to what you decide.
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My boyfriend and i have been dating for a year. . i found out he had been "talking" with a few other girls.. he says he hasnt done anything with them but come on, we all know some guys just cant admit things ? Him and i have been sexual but once i found out about the other girls i just didnt have the drive to want to do anything with him, but once i did. . well, now i have a huge buldge in the back of my throat and its inflamed. It hurts to swallow and seems kinda; pussy if that could be ? What do you think it could be? Maybe, and HOPEFULLY just bronchitis or something of that sort. Also, even if it could be something else; my mom doesn't know that him and i have been having sex. Even though i am 17.. she would absolutely freak. Advice.. please.
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I don't mean to scare you but I knewof a girl when I was a teenager who had Gohorreah of the throat. She got it from a random boy, however, she was "talking" to many other people so she never really knew who she got it from. She left it alone until one day it got so bad that when she pressed her throat, you could hear the puss. Again, I don't mean to scare you but telling your mother or at least someone you can trust or who can help you get help and medication. Maybe there is a free clinic around you that could diagnose what you have and maybe keep it confidential. Either way, you have to get yourself seen. It may very well NOT be Gonorrhea but until a check-up is performed, you will never know. There are long term health risks for untreated infections and viruses that impactyour adult life, like being infertile. PLEASE seek out someone you trust in order to get this taken careof. Also, you never really know how your mother will react. I FINALLY told my mother about being sexually active when I was about your age and she actually already knew. She wasn't happy but she was relieved that she knew and she didn't punish me, call me harsh names or even yell. GOOD LUCK and keep me posted!!
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