Question Posted Wednesday November 2 2005, 7:55 pm
I'm a 16 year old girl who's been dating this guy I'm fully in love with for around 7 - 8 months. We're both still virgins but we've talked about losing our virginity to each other. Neither one of us has EVER did anything sexually with another person, so I'm pretty sure neither of us have any STDS or AIDS. So far, we've experienced everything but sex with each other. We've considered all the risks & have thought long and hard about this, but mind you, we are prepared and we do have a brain unlike half the teenage population. We both know that we are fully ready to do this in our minds & hearts. But, I have a question. Even though, we aren't married & we're gonna lose our virginity to each other.. and though we've been together for a while & are planning on beging together for a long time after this (possibly even marriage later on, but you never know what may happen).. do you think this is okay? Like sometimes it worrys me because I know in my heart that it's a sin to have sex before marriage, but we've talked about it & with our friends as well, and we all figured out that if you ask God for his forgiveness, he will accept it. I just want opinions on this.. do you think it's okay to have sex at 16 if you're mature & ready enough? I mean, what's the point in waiting until you're married? I know one reason is because it can be a sin and then another is because there's a possibility of having a baby, but if you're sexually "safe" with condoms & birth control, then you're chances are very slim to none for having a child. So any opinions or thoughts is welcome on this.. don't be afraid to express how you feel, it won't bother me. Thank you all very much! :)
redninja answered Friday November 4 2005, 6:14 am: ok well 16 is a fine age to be having sex, if your ready. pre-marital sex in my mind is ok. If you feel that you do love the person and your comforatble enough with them to have sex then go do it. I honestly dont understand how something like premarital sex can be a sin,its a narutal thing wether it be before or after marriage. if you do decide to have sex, then just make sure you take all precautions, if your thinking on sex and your not on birth contorl you might want to consider it, as a just in case thing.
alisonmarie answered Thursday November 3 2005, 2:20 pm: If you don't feel 100% ready to have sex, then you are not yet ready.
While you have obviously thought long and hard about your relationship, how you will protect yourself, and how you emotionally feel - there is still the problem of 'sin.'
No matter what your friends or myself say, you will still feel how you feel about premarital sex. Asking other people to convince you it is okay might lead you to regret what you've done.
It's best to think some more independently, and possibly with your boyfriend, about the 'sin' aspect of things. If any hint of that guilt remains, you might regret having sex. Other people can't erase how you feel, though I would suggest thinking about things like -
Why do you think it is a sin?
What constitutes a sin?
Does it make sense that this is a sin?
How will you feel if you 'sin'?
What have you got to lose? To gain?
Only you can answer these questions, and it sounds as if you'll eventually find an answer you're comfortable with, as you obviously devote time and thought to the issue.
blackstar answered Thursday November 3 2005, 3:30 am: Well, i am not christian so it ain't a sin for me, so just know my answer is based on what i beleive in.
Honestly i think it is great if you are truly in love with each other and you think you are ready. You may want to see if your parents are gonna be pissed at you though. And birth control and condoms, though the possibilities are quite slim you could still get pregnant but like i said it is quite slim. You also defently make sure that this isn't a "thing" you are going to grow out of. (if you know what i mean) you don't want to do something that you are going to regret. If you are positivly sure you are ready i would go for it, life dosen't wait for you to catch up and make your mind.
xxxxxx answered Thursday November 3 2005, 12:25 am: I agree with you completely. I feel the same exact way with my boyfriend. I am madly in love with my boyfriend of 10 months, I would never leave him for another guy, I would do anything for him, and vice versa, but we've decided to be chaste, not only for the religious reasons, but also because if you start having sex early in a relationship, it can change things. If you get emotionally attached, and God forbid, one of you are unfaithful, think about how heartbreaking that could be. Also, if you have sex, it can get old/boring, and I dont want to sound weird, but your marital sex life can be, well, boring. Its good that you'd use condoms/birth control because that shows you have sense unlike most teenagers. If you are SURE you can handle the consequences, then I guess you're okay. The only thing I have a problem with is that you assume that God will forgive you. That means that you are PLANNING to sin, which is the definition of a mortal sin, so how could you be sorry and rely on God's forgiveness, especially if you're doing it purposefully. Remember that sex is a promise and a bond. I'd love more than anything to share that with my boyfriend, but I'm not sure if I can handle it yet. Believe me, I know how it feels, I'm just dying to make love to my boyfriend, but we have the REST OF OUR LIVES to do that. Why rush? Think long and hard about your decision. If you'd like to talk more about this, IM me, my screen name is on my page. I hope I didnt offend you or anything. Good luck :) [ xxxxxx's advice column | Ask xxxxxx A Question ]
curliecue answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 11:12 pm: It's great and i truly do think you would be ready from what you are telling me, but i mean, why not wait, if you KNOW that you are going to be together a long time from now. And knowing that God will forgive doesn't give you an excuse to do it. I'm sorry, but it is a sin, and if you are truly wanting forgiveness for something, then that means you regret it, and if you are asking for forgiveness before it happens, that won't make any sense. Just think. you are smart. use common sense, and don't ruin your life, don't take that chance. [ curliecue's advice column | Ask curliecue A Question ]
ThugGirl041790 answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 10:55 pm: I had all this runnin through my head as well before having sex with my boyfriend.. I believe with all my heart God forgives and will deff forgive you if you decide to have sex with this guy.. I believe he`s forgiven me for havin sex with my boyfriend out of marriage.. If you love this guy you`ve been with for 8 months then yes i think its okay.. Its very good to hear your not doing this because *you Think* you love this guy.. i mean 8 months in my opinon isn`t a very long relationship but hey it could be and everything work out as planned..
K2204 answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 9:37 pm: EDIT****
I AM NOT SAYING THAT, IT WAS JUST FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT. SO 16 IS NOT OLD ENOUGH, I WAS JUST TELLING YOU THE TECHNICAL INFO THAT I KNOW.
you cant go into it knowing that it is a sin, and go into it knowing you are going to ask Him for forgivness. Your brain is not fully developed until you are 25. your body is not meant to have sex at that age. physically or mentally [ K2204's advice column | Ask K2204 A Question ]
sizzlinmandolin answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:59 pm: I think that it's okay since both of you are ready for it. However, 7-8 months isn't all THAT long and people can break up after years of being together. You two are committed only through the titles of boyfriend and girlfriend, which are quite weak even if there is a very strong emotional and physical bond. Relationships that have been going strong for years can break up in the blink of an eye. You may not spend the rest of your life with this guy even if it seems so now. Not only do you need to be ready for sex in the sense that you are thinking of, but you also need to think about the emotional powers sex can have. You can't let sex be the driving force in your relationship and you can't let the fact that you are no longer a virgin affect possible future relationships. The emotional consequences of sex can be the worst. I've seen it turn very happy, nice, loving-life 15 year olds suicidal after break-ups. Make sure that you are able to handle the pain and regret that comes with losing your virginity to someone other than your life partner. Now, obviously this may not happen. You could very easily marry and spend the rest of your life with the guy you're with now. So no worries there. Think of it this way though, even though the chances of getting pregnant while using no protection are very small you still use protection no matter what...just in case. So even though the chances of you breaking up with your boyfriend may be very small you still need to be aware that it could happen. You need to prepare yourself for and accept the extra emotional stress having lost your virginity can put on a breakup...just in case. I'm neither encouraging you nor discouraging you from having sex, just making sure that you've thought this way about it, because when you're in a really great relationship sometimes it's very hard to. Good luck! [ sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Ask sizzlinmandolin A Question ]
DaNcExBabii answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:52 pm: You shouldn't worry about what other people's opinion. Don't worry bout ur friends opinion or anyone elses opinion. Just if you think you are ready and if ur bf thinks he is ready and you can do it safe and do it somewhere private and do it because you want and you LOVE him. If you dont love him you shouldnt do it. Just ask you self this:
Am I ready?
Do I love him?
Is it right?
Am I gonna do this safley?
Does he love you?
I wish you luck and I hope everything goes good;)
< hope I helped:D [ DaNcExBabii's advice column | Ask DaNcExBabii A Question ]
xoredsoxnation9 answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:38 pm: I am a very stong catholic. What you are about to do is completely wrong. You know it's wrong. If you truly love someone, sex is not the way you need to express it. Though you and your boyfriend may feel as if you are ready, you are never truly ready unless yu are married. Virginity is a gift from God. That gift is meant to be given to only your husband, no one else. On your wedding night, the best wedding you can give your husband is your virginity. God made sex to be between married people, only. You are right when yu say God will forgive you, but will you forgive you? You may regret this, if things dont work out between you and your boyfriend. Then yu will have to live with yourself, knowing that you knew what the right choice was, but yu purposely made the wrong one. Sorry if this is too harsh, but that is my honest opinion. Please, make the decision you know is right.
Lemme know how things worked out
<33 [ xoredsoxnation9's advice column | Ask xoredsoxnation9 A Question ]
TrueAdviceDiva answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:13 pm: I will be honest. I had a serious...SERIOUS boyfriend at 16 and I KNEW we were in love, mature and would be together forthe long haul. We discussed everything and yes, I was a virgin as well. I knew it was a sin in the eyes ofGod but I went ahead and did it anyway. Like you said "What is the use of waiting until youa re married". Well, he and I stayed together until I was 23 and then it was over. During that time, this lovely boy who loved me so much began to change and turned out to be someone that I wish I didn't waste my time on. (Not to say that your boyfriend will turn out to be that way). I was a very mature 16 year old-honors classes and the like- but I just did it because I REALLY wanted to..I mean REALLY BADLY WANTED TO. I say all this to say-1.I know where you are coming from with your confusion (I used to be a Sunday school teacher, I sang in the church choir and I believed in God at an early age) and 2. Think about it alittle more. I mean, sex is like a diamond..very precious. BUT if everyone had diamonds (just like everyone is having sex), then they would be worthless. Think of your virginity and sex that way. If you really love him,just give it alittle more time. If it happends, then, it was meant to but believe me..the more you think about it, the more you want it. Try to concentrate on other things for a little while longer. You and your boyfriend have done other things so I guess you and he feel that, what else is left?? Plenty else is left...after you have sex and do it again and again, ask yourself that same question again.."WHAT ELSE IS LEFT NOW"??
WIZBANG answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:12 pm: you sure sound more mature than most 16 year olds i have met. i have to say that their is nothing stopping you. if you are 100% sure that this is a good thing with a good person i say go for it. just curious though. You have talked together and with friends, have you talked with you mother maybe? i know that most mothers would freak and i think that is too bad. my mother and i were best friends and i told her everything. maybe she could give you some insite on the topic, maybe point out some things you have failed to think of ((i can't imagine what)) Either way you sound like a cute couple and i think you should make a very special event out of it. a long personal date in a very romantic atmosphere... but i am a softy. Good luck
TimmyTM answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:05 pm: Communication and condoms. Some people are ready young, some people are never ready for sex in their entire lives (even after much experience.) Religion arbitrarily deems it a sin. So what? This is your decision. It's my personal opinion that love comes before marriage, therefore it's consistent than sex come after love - and before marriage. But hey, that's me, I believe in try-before-you-buy. If he's a decent boy, you should have some fun. If not, plenty of other things you can do. Lonely ol` me didn't lose my cherry until I was almost twenty-one. [ TimmyTM's advice column | Ask TimmyTM A Question ]
Advicelady6798 answered Wednesday November 2 2005, 8:04 pm: God does forgive everyone but if you do it and you know it is wrong it is worse than doing and not knowing it is wrong. You should do something you feel comfortable doing without any regrets. It seems that you are having regrets before you have done anything. I am a religious buff so it may sound like i am mean and dont think you should do it. The best thing is to wait until your married. What if it doesnt work out with you and this guy and you meet someone new. Most husbands want you to be their first and for you to be their first. Would feel the same if you slept with your new husband as a virgin or knowing you have already had sex. It wouldnt be the same if you werent a virgin. But if you think that you are completely ready and willing to do it without regrets then you should do it. [ Advicelady6798's advice column | Ask Advicelady6798 A Question ]
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