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Thank you so much
I get alot of resposes on here and only yours makes me cry. Everything you are saying is very true and i know i have to face he is gone an di dont want to-but as i type and cry i just want him to be happy and if its not with me then i have to accept that. I just want him home and i cant have that. I am not pressuring him ut yet i see how he feels pressured by me always saying come home. He says it hurts him to hear me say that but he cant just come home-it was a hard decision to leave and it wont be a easy one to come back. I set him free the last time and 3 months later he came back-so i believed if you love someone let them free it it was meant to be they will come back--so why did he leave again? i sometimes feel things ive done made him feel trapped and like he had no other life--and i apologized to him for that and i realize it wasnt right-and i dont have that chance to show him it wont be that way-and thats part why i feel its not over.I usually text him to say hi and see how he is doing. I did not do that today and it is eating at me-and i will not do it tonmorrow-its in his hands and i have to wait to see where things go...but in the meantime im hurt mentally,emotionally and psyically im pushing to get through. I have had 2 children-each by seperate fathers. My sons dad passed away almost a yr ago--this guy i was with was the other "father" he had to look up to and now not only did he lose 1 dad but he lost a fahter figure.That hurts me more than anything. I look into his face and only want the best forhim(and my daughter) and i can only give them so much, My son is having a father/son bake contest for cub scouts and he dont have that-so his grandfather is stepping in. So i am always emotional. I guess the only good thing since he left was i lost 15ilb-lol-but i cant afford tolose no more-I dont want o hurt no more and either way i will-and i dont know what to do-my biggest fear is not talking to him and the feeling of knowing he is gone...forever...but in the back of my mind he will be back----but im only fooling myself.I always wonder what he is doing where he is is he laughing and having a good time while i struggle with my feelings for him and pray he comes home to us. I know its not good but its all i can do. Where did i go wrong--did i give him too much? or did i not give myself enough-i swore to myself i would never let someone hurt me again-and once i put my brick wall down and fell in love--i didnt even see it coming--why me? mwhy my kids? i cant take it anymore.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Girl it may seem easy for me to say this to you but IT WASN'T YOU...As women, we always feel that if we can just 'hold on a little while longer and show him how good I am, he will want this as much as I do andhe will realize I am the right one and never leave" but that rarely ever works. I wish I knew you personally, like a next door neighbor for my advice comes thoguh better when I can talk face to face. I wish I could hug you and just be there nad help ypu gotheough this for at this point, you need someone who can actually be strong enough to tell you the truth but compassionate enough to listen and not judge. When we are in love WE NEVER see things coming..NEVER. When our hearts open up, our defenses come down, our eyes close and we just "feel" our way through it all. We think of love as more roses than work and heartache. Your son will remeber that YOU were there for him and had his back, not that you had no father for him. Trust me, I knwo, my mom divorced my father, got with a man who molested me, beat her and my brother but she thought she was doing it for us. I thne in turn got the wrong cues as to how a man should treat me and, Girl, the rest would make you cry even more. But the thing I remember is that 1. I was too scared to tell my mother about my absue and my feelings for I wanted and much rather had taken the pain for her so that she could have a man..I endured it all for her and 2. I look back and see that when she left my father, she had the chance to do better and for the most part she did (she moved us out of the ghetto, got us into good schools and tried her best). There were times we had no furniture and narely enough food but my mother tried. She was my father and mother and I wouldn't have traded her for a real father or one she tried to make stay for our benefit. Please stop wondering if he is laughing or what he is doing for that just makes the pain worse. Don't give him more space in your mind and heart than he is giving you right now. He knows where you are but even if he comes back, no matter how much you love him, you will always have this fear in your heart concerning him leaving one day. Be grateful that your son has his grandfather to go with but even if he didn't HE HAS YOU....Don't subject yourself to this pain just because you think your kids need him. What they need is a mother who is capable of being strong enough for the both of them. When the right man comes along, you will look back on this and actually feel relived that you went on. God doesn't give us more than we can bear, you can do it. I did. Sometimes you will need to put on the saddest song you can find, walk around your house alone and just cry loudly..yell..ask God why...hit a pillow...just cry from your soul. You will need the release. But after every breath...really try to release this. You made it 27 years without him and you will make it 57 more. You didn't do anything wrong...you just gave love that wasn't treated with the same love in return. You are human, not dumb, you are a woman, not a plaything, you are alive, so start trying to live again. Don't callhim, not to see if he finally misses you and decides to call. Don't call because it is what you have to do to move on. When he calls, don't let him know youare hurt, don't ask him to come home and BY ALL MEANS DON'T act as if his call is the reason you got up in the morning. Cut the conversation short, if he is not dying, then you really shouldn't make yourself feel as if you are. Thank you for trusting my advice and trusting me with your situation. I take this seriously and I REALLY do feel your pain. I am here for as long as you need..okay??
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