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December 2, 2006Answers:
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Belladonna
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Hello. If you need advice, you can count on me. I am particularly good at anything dealing with Relationships, Lonerism, School pressures, social pressures, finding oneself, and technology, but I can take a stab at any topic. Feel free to ask the person that has been dubbed by several people "the next Dr. Phil".
advice
okay. well me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost 3 monthes now. and i kinfof want to do more than makeout but imm scared if i talk to him about it seriously he'll think im a slut and break up with me. and if i say it jokingly he obviously wont take it seriously. helpp.
Basically, you have to also look for it in body language too. I am not suggesting you take charge of the action without getting some feedback before hand. If he's always going to do the same things (such as making out and other types of stuff) he could still have a slight problem with going further right now anyway (considering the length of the relationship, but that's just me anyway). It's important to communicate stuff like this anyhow because of the fact that this type of stuff can make or break relationships (the fact that you have to be on the same "mindset" in terms of needs and wants).
Body language and knowing the person can also determine if he already is what they call a "freak on a leash". Basically, has he tried to do anythin g more 'adventurous' in terms of the making out sessions? The problem with the situation is that it's VERY EASY to seem to come on strong if you suggest during some makeout session that you throw it out there (or ask him anything) if he would like to do something more. That would be a simple, but complicated thing to do, and even yourself said you didn't want to come off as a 'slut' (aka coming on too strong). But, if no option was left to do and you had to ask him, you should ask him about perhaps doing more, and make it seem that you're not the one directly asking for it, but seeing if he wanted to do more (also making sure nothing is giving away that you secretly want more).
Before you do anything (like remotely asking about it and such) though, you should make sure that the body signals he's giving you and that you know him and his personality.
Also, one last thing to add, if you did ask him 'jokingly' and he completely blew if off and also kinda looked taken aback from it, chances are it might just be a little more time before things can progress on (most guys have different 'time periods' or limits before you can do certain stuff with them/to them {and you thought only females had this...=p}).
I know it didn't exactly say how to ask him, but I hope the information somehow helped you.
Okay...this is Haley...again! lol but me and my boyfriend as i have said before have been dating for about 5 months and we're defanitely in love! and he's told me before that he's never felf this way about anyone!! but he dated this girl before me for 3 and a half years.....!!!! and she ended up breaking his heart and they talked about getting married and stuff like that! Now the girl is a really big whore...like believe me I know!! And me and him talk about when we get married and he says that im the one hes been waiting for and that everything about their realtionship was a lie bc he couldnt trust her...But i always feel like im being compared to her or that he still wonders about how things wouldve been if she hadn't have turned out like that! And we've talked about it but i just cant get HER out of my head! and im driving myself crazy!!! And what really sucks is that the girl is pretty! I just dont know! and everybody remembers his as the popular quarterback who dated Charity...???? What do i do someone please tell me!
I know he shouldn't do so, but he seems to not forget his past relationship. 3 and a half years is really long, and it probably hurt him that his gf of long standing betryed him. In a way, his comparisons, though not trying to be mean to you, means that he wished that relationship didn't turn out that way. However, you have the chance to turn his mindset around, and make him feel like he can trust girls again with his heart.
If you can't get it off the fact that he's making comparisons, talk to him about how he truely felt in his past relationship. Doing this will make you understand better and make you two closer as a whole.
I hope this helps.
How do you know you're 'thinking in spanish'? I heard it helps when learning spanish, but I don't understand how that goal is reached.
I don't speak Spanish, but I've been learning Japanese for 5 years.
It helps to be thinking in a foreign language when learning it. My Japanese teacher pointed out that you really know what nationality you are when you count objects in your head.
What they mean by "thinking in Spanish" is actually saying that you should use the language in your daily life. Whether it be talking to Mexican students or listening to Mexican music or whatnot, emmerse yourself in the language of daily life. If possible, also think of things to say in daily life in Spanish and try to use the language everyday. I personally think that it can help with "thinking in a language" by doing that, but at first possible chance, (in college or in high school) study aborad in Spain or Mexico. That will make you proficient in the language...to the point you don't have to think about what you're going to say first in English and then translate into Spanish, it'll come naturally.
I hope this helps.
im bi, and there is this kid in my class who i like. when i was walking down the hall way one day he was staring at me and when i was standing up talking to the teacher he was satring at me there too. wat do you think this means? he likes me?
Well, you could have just caught him in the mid-point of him glancing at you, as it is bound to happen...you look at one person and they just happen to be also looking at you. It happens. However, you probably made it obvious to him that you like him, so he is might be picking up those signals. It's not certain though that he likes you, but you should pursue it anyway.
Hope this helps.
What is the best way to ask a guy that you REALLY like out? I'm really nervous about him saying no and ruining our friendship. I'm also a lil scared that he'll go telling all his buds and then say no. I've never had a bf and i've never asked a boy out...Should i get one of my friends to ask him if he likes me or if he would ever consider me as a gf or more than just a friend??? We like to talk to each other and stuff like that. And everytime someone mentions that he might like me or he does like me he usualy smiles and turns real red. sooo idk how to ask him out!!! PLEASE HELP!
Lol, from what you've said from how he asks when someone mentions that, it does sound like he likes you.
I've told many people this, but here it is again:
Things shouldn't feel awkward if you tell a friend how you feel about them. If you're really good friends, it shouldn't. If he does say no, then take it at that and still be friends. You never know, if he does say no, down the road he may see what you truely are and eventually say yes, but he may never do that unless you tell him.
If you're really nervious, you could get a friend to ask for you, but I really think that it is better to ask him out directly. Next time you see him just get him to a quiet place and tell him how you feel. Or...you could also hit it casually then follow up how you feel.
I hope this helps.
I'm having a lot of trouble at school. I'm really not happy. I think a lot of people at my school don't like me. It's mostly just the girls in my choir class.
I'm really shy.. and I don't really talk to people unless they talk to me first. But I've never been mean to anyone ever. And a lot of girls in my choir class are kind of snotty to me and I don't know why. I've never really talked to any of them because I'm so shy and they're all kind of friends with everyone else in the class but me. I always get the feeling that they don't like me.
I don't know what to do. It makes me really upset and I LOVE choir but I never feel like I'm even part of the class because no one ever talks to me. I don't think it's because they think I'm mean but I think it's because they think I'm ugly and that really hurts my feelings.
I need advice. I don't know what I'm asking for specifically but yeah ... and don't tell me to be more talkative and less shy because I've tried and I'm just shy. I can't not be shy you know? And whenever anybody talks to me, I'm always really nice... so I don't know what else to do!
Your mindset may be the reason that you feel the way you do towards these new people. I used to be shy, and I know....we tend to sit back and over analyize people that we observe. Perception is something that changes with age and time. You may become less shy as you get older...and look back on how you used to be and how you used to think.
Try to think you're part of the activities and don't worry about what your mind is anaylizing about people. Shy people can only 'know' people by observing people and their body language. Thinking that they think you're "ugly" and such is probably not true, you are just observing that their body language is snobbish, but it doesn't necessarily make them snobbish in personality.
Try to put yourself near them or in or near groups. You don't necessarily have to talk. Wait for them to talk to you, then answer how you would.
I hope this somewhat helps.
okay well im 15 and i have a boyfriend named tom... and tom's female friend ashley ..that i dont trust ATALL she is a back stabber..she invited us to go to a party. and the girl that is hosting the party is my BEST friend hayleys WORST enemy. i dont want my best friend hayley to hate me for going. and i know there is going to be alcohol there because i saw the girl that was hosting the party talking about it on myspace to the backstabber ashley. oh yeha did i mention that ashley is also one of hayleys WORST enimies?
but on the other hand... i love parties,i wanna hangout with my boyfriend somewhere different, ive actually have been wanting to go to a party for a long time and i know every party since i got into 9th grade was gonna have alcohol,some of my friends might be there that dont drink also.
i really dont know what to do....
ANY ADVICE?
i wasnt sure what category to put this question under--sorry if i put it under a bad one.
Friendship really should be put over personal prefences. Also, this seems to be a bad situation in the sense of that there's a party, but it also has your friend's worst enemies and perhaps more people that you may not be at ends with. It's an invite, so you perfectly in your right to decline.
There are going to be more parties in your high school career, trust me. Wait until one of your good friends throws a party so that you know the host will stick up for you if something "backstabbing" were to happen. Being in a enemy's house with her as the host there's something bound to go wrong.
i like this boy. and i'm pretty sure that he likes me too. My friends think i should ask him out. But i've never asked out a guy before. And i dont want to ruin our friendship we have now. So should i ask him out? and how?! please help
thankss!
Make sure that he likes you back before you ask him out. Guys are generally dense most of the time (I should know, lol being one) and need usually obvious hints that you like him. If all else fails, just work muster up and tell him how you feel. The situation about being friends shouldn't be awkward if you reveal how you feel about him. Even if he were to say no, chances are, since you said something, down the road you never know if he'll change his mind. If things feel awkward afterwords, conversate and do the things and you normally do together. Friends shouldn't have to feel awkward because they may reveal deeper feelings to their friend.
Hope this somewhat helps.
Okay so this is the deal, I dated this kid for like 6 months he was my first love and we were each others first (noo i dont mean sex ) just kissing and just loving each other. Whatever, that sounded DUMB so ANYWAAY. So whatever, he is this big shot in our school.. and I had always crushed on him. Okay.. well 65% of the girl population in my school hated me while we were dating, beacuse they all loved him and I couldnt take it anymoer and broke up with him(also my bestfriends had crushes on him and hated that we were dating) . It was really hard for both of us and it sucked. So its been about 6 months and I'm dating someone new ( who i loveee ) and he is dating the bestfriend of mine who wanted us to breakup in the first place.. We've talked and I miss him and he misses me but we're both happy right now. I just know we have unfinished buisness but i love my boyfriend and , dont want to breakup with him. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG !!!
Okay so what should I do ?
I was thinking I would just wait untill we're both single and maybe hook up again. MAybe not
HELP.
It's interesting that this ended in a good way. Normally, when all your gal pals are all interested in one guy, and you're dating him, they could be mean and try to backstab you and force you to break you two up.
When you're both single again, you should hook up again. If you're still in school while you do this, I would wait until school is over for the year (or when high school is done). Things are good for you now, so don't do anything to change the situation. You have someone that loves you and you love, and if that fails you have someone else (hopefully) to go for.
Hope this helps.
i really like this kid, like alot. my friend tom said that hes gonna ask me out, but he doesnt know when. i really wanna go out with him, but everyone hates him and they say hes wierd and stuff. but i dont know, if he asks me out should i go out with him?
People probably don't understand him very well. If so, they probably hate him for the sole reason that he's different than other people. Or....they may want him for themselves (if other girls have said that).
I think you should go out with him since you obviously said that you like him. Other people's opinions (especially non-best friends opinions) don't really matter in the situation.
I have to re-boot my computer because of a virus. I have around 250 songs on my iTunes and once I re-boot my computer, they will be gone.
When I plug in my iPod after, they're all going to erase and I don't want to download EVERY single song.. again.
My question: What could I do to save my songs besides putting them on a CD. Any help will be appriciated & soon I hope.
If you have a flashdrive (or thumbdrive as they are also typically called), you can store any data you want on them. Since they run on Flash Memory, they won't ever be erased unless you remove them yourself from it. They work much or less like a miniture version of a harddrive. Flashdrive technology has come quite a way since the late 90s...and you can find a 1 GB one for about 20 dollars in some cases.
You can also look around for websites that offer free storage/uploading to them. Some sites like Google might have these options, but you got to search for them. They are a decent method of archiving files. Just make sure that the servers are reliable and that the site is sure to be around when you need it.
So my boyfriend & I decided that we were going to make each other things for christmas instead of buying them. I'm moving right after christmas so it has to be really special. Some ideas I had were making him PJ bottoms or a scrapbook. (maybe just collages with pics of us?). problem is, his mom is a seamstress and has a lot of experience with scrapbooking. I don't want to have to live up to her expectations. Also, I don't to spend a lot of money.. 10-20$ is good. something cost more to make than buy made. any thoughts or other ideas? thanks!
Perhaps you can conspire with his mom and think of something that you can both do. However, if you really want to go solo as you suggested, you could make jewelry. You can go to any hobby shop and find materials.
Though, I do think if you want to make a scrapbook or pj pants, you shouldn't feel like you don't compare to his mother. Exchanging handmade gifts is not a competition, it something that truely comes from the heart.
Hope that helps.
15/f. i'm in 9th grade at middle school and i always have this problem where whenever i start becoming friends with a guy or talk to them a lot, i always start to get a crush on them and never just stay friends. why does this happen? it is like i can't have any guy friends...just crushes. also once i start talking to a guy a lot people automatically think i like them it is very annoying. and when i do like a guy most people can tell. and i don't think that i'm being that obvious...what can i do?
thanks!
You are influenced probably much by horomones. If you really do start liking a guy, you'll know.
To explain why people think you like a guy that you're around: It is either because your signals (or body language) is suggesting that you like a person or everyone thinks you're a flirt and they like to tease you jokingly that you like a guy you're just talking to.
This is something that's always bugged me:How come celebrities can admit to taking drugs or whatever in interviews,but no legal action is taken?Does it have something to do with needing physical evidence or what?
In the same sense that I could say that someone I know smokes pot, and they probably wouldn't have anything aginst them. I know celebrities are different in that sense, but word of mouth is really weak when it comes to drug offenses. They need the hard evidence.
Ok, so i cheat. I cheat alot, i cheat at almost anything i do and i try and get away with alot of things i do. This has to do with all schoolwork. I get average grades. But i just wanted to know if this is ok. So we have these vocab books in english, well i took the books the teachers were holding onto from last year and use all the answers. so i never have to fill out the book. But when the test comes i learn the words because i feel stupid if i look off somones paper. But i just like things to be alot easier in school. Like i havent done homework in 2 yrs. Yet i still get average grades and i know everything on the subjects i just think it's very pointless most of the work they make you do. I just wanted to know if im depriving myself at all from learning that well. Im also worried if i start cheating later on in life like with taxes and money and checks and all that and i dont want to end up like that but right now im really good at it and i have never gotten caught. So im just wondering when i should stop, or if im hurting myself in anyway?? Thanks
Unless you have photographic memory, cheating can be a bad thing. When I was lazy and didn't have time to actually study, I would just use my memory skills and remember it. My memory isn't completely photographic, but it's close. However, now in college, I am finding I am not having time to do so, and feel like I am cheating my education out by rememberization. However, the key to my story that will hopefully help you out is that rememberization and cheating are the same in the sense you are actually not learning much at all. You're just teaching yourself new ways to not learn.
Some school work is pointless, but it has a point in teaching you how to study. It's not that you learn and remember what you studied after the school year is out and you know with every once in your body that most of the stuff you learned is pointless in the real world, but that you took proper care to learn the ways of studying. The further up you go in education, the harder it is to get away with tricks like rememberization and cheating (though rememberization won't get you in trouble).
As with what is said above, yes...continuing to cheat and find new ways about cheating will only lead to you cheating life. Whether it be that you can't pay taxes and you tax invade or something, what you learned in school (which was cheating) can come back to haunt you.
So, learn good study habits.
Study to learn.
And know there's a point to learning pointless crap, whether you know it or not.
i can't commit to a relationship my boyfriends only last about a week because i find some reason to break up with them because i start thinking that they are not the right one and i keep trying to find "mr.right" and i am fifteen!!!!! but i am a girl and i am a big romantic and i sooooooooo want to find someone who is like me in other words i want to find my "perfect match" but i keep on breaking up with guys and then there are guys who say that i am hot and that they like me but then they won't ask me out and do not tell me to ask them out because i am so afraid of rejection please help.
You have plenty of time to find Mr. Right. The thing might be is that you need time to figure out what you really want in someone. Also, people are flawed. No one is perfect. Remember that. Also, if you think you're not right for anyone, that is a lie. There's always someone out there for you. The reason your relationships don't last long could be any of those, but probably most importantly that you should give a guy a chance. You won't know in the first week that a guy is going to be "the one" and chances are he might accidently do something that makes you made or might make you think differently. The only way around that is to qleuch your fears about him not being Mr. Right and giving him a chance to prove himself...and for you to find what you want in your Mr. Right. Everyone's soul mates are different. But remember, be realistic too.
Hope this helps.
ok 14 years old and i've never had a boyfriend or kiss or anything. i don't know whats wrong with me. all my friends have had boyfriends but no, not me. im not ugly or anything like not to be conceited or anything but alot of people had told me i was cute and pretty. and i also have like alot of friends and they all say they love mt personality. i just don't get it. any answers to why i never had a boyfriend or how to get them to know im interested?
You shouldn't feel the need to be pressured just because everyone else has a boyfriend. However, if you really want to get noticed, you have to put yourself out there. AND....do this around people you truely like...and not just the general population of guys or every guy you see (or specific group like the popular kids and so forth), otherwise you could end up with the best looking guy in the school, but he treats you like crap. Just give signs and flirt with the person(s) that you're interested in. Once then, find common interests with the guy and hang out with him a lot to see what he's like before you start dating him.
I hope that helps.
okay so my boyfriend doesnt know the first thing about girls... he really doesnt open up to me and we are REALLY shy around each other and i still dont know much about him! hes like waht do you wanna know.. its supposed to flow naturally i dont know what to ask him becuase i dont know him! How can i help him without tellling him waht to do? Hes really cute and ive liked him for awhile and really want this to work, but i deserve more attention than this! Help me to help him to help me, lol thanks!!
Talk about something that you like and see if he chimes in on the subject. This is a good way to find out what he's interested in and to also see if you have common interests. He's a shy guy, so you might have to make the first moves into getting him to open up.
I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy I used to think was perfect. It isn't exactly the best relationship but we always seem to work through everything. I cheated on him very early on in the relationship, a little less than a month into it. He seemed to forgive me right away, as if nothing happened.
Then I caught him telling someone that he didn't have a gifl friend. We got into a big argument about it because he didn't see why it was wrong. He promised me it wouldnt happen again.
A week after that, I got a myspace. He was always telling me to get one so one day I did and searched him and added him. The next day, a girl left a comment on his page about seeing him and a great night of sex. I looked at her page and he told her the same things he told me. He swore he didn't do anything with her but why talk about it if you didn't do anything?
I just re-read that and I know this relationship isn't working but I don't know how to end it. Everything I plan on breaking up with him he some how talks me out of it. He has this was of twisting my feelings around and I don't know what to do about it. Help? He's 21 I'm 18
If he's trying to make you stay in the relationship, he's playing on the fact that you'll feel bad in the sense that you know he cheated on you, but you (in what you typed anyway)cheated on him first...and he may try to be using that against you. If you still have any feelings left for him, perhaps you should assess them and come to a point where you can make a decision about that. If you don't have feelings for him anymore, then break it off. It seems like too that you're unsure of really what to do, and he's using this to twist what feelings still remain to prevent you from breaking up with him. If you want it to end, you have to be completely 100% sure of that you have no feelings for him anymore. This will allow you to break out of his grasp.
Alright, well.
Me and this girl recently met and we became like, instant best friends. She calls me whenever she needs me, I call her whenever i need her, so on and so forth. And we have a cool time together whenever we hang out and she lets me know I'm her best friend.
But whenever we're hanging out with 1+ people, I know it sounds sort of selfish, but I feel ignored. I'm not an attention whore or anything, but I'd still want SOME acknowledgement from my best friend that I'm alive, you know? I don't know if it's cause me and her hang out so much it's like a breath of fresh air or what, but I've tried limiting space for a week or so now and we finally hung out tonight, and it still happened. I had to tell her three times I was leaving cause her and our friend were talkign to eachother. I just feel unimportant and unacknowledge whenever we all hang out together, so I just wonder, why bother inviting me to hang out with the two of you at all, you know?
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Like I know I could try talking to her, but is there anything else?
Get in the conversation. Your friend wants you to hang out with her and her friends, so join in on the festivities. Friends chat indepentantly for random amounts of time, so it a converstation with a group of friends, not everyone can be speaking or being spoke to at the same time. If your friend does this quite often on a regular basis like she'll talk with her friend the entire time there, then next time in private you could say something about it. You can always chime in in the conversation though about whatever topic that might be being talked about. If you do say something about it to her, try not to say it in a way that she'll probably take it as you're an attention whore or that it might affect whether or not you hangout with her and her friend(s).