kooka-burra's advice column | kooka-burra's Advice About Friendship

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Q: okay, the only reason I didn't put this under health or something is like I didn't think anybody would read then. Anyway, okay, I have this pain in my side every once and a while, and I am the kind of person that doesn't really tell their family anything! so I haven't told anyone, but my boyfriend and my closest friends, but my friends have been telling me that I should tell my parents,and my boyfriend is starting to freak out and really worry, but I really don't want them to know! But I feel like I just ran a mile and the only time it goes away is when I am excersising really hard, and if I stop then the pain comes back...so I guess, what should I do?

P.S.
no, it is not cramps that is what all of my friends said it could be, but it just gets worse, I have had it for 3 days streight now, if that helps...

Take the peoples advice. It's not like it has anything t do with sex or anything so it can't be weird with your parents.

I don't mean to feek you out, it could be nothing it could be some thing... not good.

If it goes away don't think it will go away forever.

Maybe you can get your family doctors number and take to them.

anyhow - just get it checked out.

Q: me and this one girl have been best friends forever.. and she got into a huge fight with my other best friend about 3 months ago.. now i hear shit from the both of them about the other ALL THE TIME and one of them is mad at me because they say that i hang out with the other one too much.. but i dont! i just try to make everyone happy!.. what should i do?

signed,
hopeless

Stand up for yourself.

These people have to understand that yes - you do have other friends. and they have to get over themselves.

if you feel comfotible with it, comfront them and tell them to stop getting on your back. You are entitled to hang out with whomever you want.

good luck.

Q: My good friend is having a pool party tomorrow and she invited many people to go. One of the people going is her boyfriend. I don't think I have ever hated anyone more than I hate her boyfriend. He treats me like shit, he treats HER like shit and they honestly make me sick when I see them together. I originally wasn't going to go because of the fact that he was going to be there, but then my friend Cara convinced me to go as well as my boyfriend. I made the decision not to go because I don't want to start anything with them. I know everyone is going to be there to have a good time, and I want to have fun but I CANNOT have fun if he is near me. I can't even begin to describe how much I loathe her boyfriend. I sort of feel bad that I'm not going but I know I'm making the right choice in staying home because I don't want to ruine it for anyone else just because I'm going to be misterable. But my question is, do you think I should go anyway? She really wanted me to go but I seriously will not be able to keep my anger inside if I see them together.

You did say that there are alot of people there so hang out with some of your friends and have a good time.

I think you might be missing out on something fun. I think that during the party you will be at home thinking "i should go - nah it's not THAT fun. Or is it etc. etc."

If he comes up to you, just say. "i'm not going to wast my breath on you. Your just a big wast of my time" and walk away. thats the key... just walk away I know it's hard. But if hes REALLY pissing pissing you off then leave. It;s no good to cause a scene.

your other friends and boyfriend will be there, so they will draw your attention away from them.

hope i helped
~kooka

Q: I'm at a friends house and the two friends that i'm here with are mad at each other!! My friend, lets call her Anne, thought that my other friend, ummm..lets call her Haile...anyway! She Anne thought that Haile like did stuff with Anne's boyfriend, but haile didnt, but anne is convinced she did!! I wanna help I really do, but I just dont know what to do anymore! I really dont want to get stuck in it, but I cant enjoy myself with all the tension whirling around....please help!

~Melissa~

This is ridiculous, what have you said to them? I don't think sitting them down and "talking it out" is going to help much in the siduation.

I agree with the other people answering your question. Get Anne's boyfriend on the phone. If Anne says that she wont believe him then you have to come in and say "well maybe you shouldn't be together." Put it in nicely, she will most likely get protective of her relationship with her boyfriend.

If they keep going on like this tell them that your going to leave if they don't stop this stupid argument. And maybe if things get to uncomfortible for you you should leave. This is not something you need to get into.

hope I helped!
~kooka

Q: ok I have known some one sence I was like born and then we havent seen each other in like 6 years and then we both change schools and it turns out that we go to the same school. his name is Colby and I have fallin in love with him. BUt I dont want to be because I think it will mess up are friendship. I dont know what to do what should I.
Megan

I really think that you LOOOOVE him. I think you have a deep crush. I meen seeing him after all these years has brought up knew feelings. I really think that you should keep it to yourself for now. Do a little flirting and see how he reacts if hes not interested, it would not be a good ides to try to go out with him. I treied that with a friend that i have known all my life. I moved to the U.S. ( i live in canada) and when i came back we went out even though he really wasn't interested in me. We broke up two weeks later and our friend ship has never been the same. I hate it and I wish i could go back and never start it all.

So be careful - I don't want your friend ship end up like mine. So only go at it of he wants to and make sure you know that it's going to work out. Who knows you might go out get to know each other on the way and wont be able to be friends again. Or not, these things are tricky.

Good luck
~kooka

Q: I had a friend sleepover last night, and now she wont get up!!!!!! I've tried everything, and i'm absolutly starving! What should I do?!

well if your hungry then just go and eat. when she wakes up just tell her that she would not gte up and you had to get something to eat.

Bring her up some food.

~kooka

Q: okay so i'm a 14/f, and i'm really into my best friends brother. they are step brother and sister, so they are the same age and in the same school, since they live together. her brother and i talk, and we don't like each other, but we just both think each other is attractive. my friend is getting very angry at the fact that i talk to her brother. i don't see why she is so mad - but she is almost forcing us to not talk to him. how can i confront her about this? i really want to continue talking to him and just treat him as another one of my friends - but my best friend is telling me that i'm going to far. what can i do to help the situation?

To you it may look like your just hanging out, but to your friend, it may look like more. Sit her down and talk to her. Be strong, but not over powerful. Don't back down when she accuses you of things but don't be pushy.

You may even get her step brother to talk to her too. I'm sure in the end you'll all be fine. And if you must try to hang out with her step brother on your own time and with out her. But not all the time because then she might think you are ditching her.

hope this all gets better
~kooka

Q: so here it is...
I flirt alot ! but only with guys i know well... not with this guy i like.. i dont flirt with him... but i flirt with likes guys who flirt back so i think they think that i like them.. but i dont... how do i stop flirting with ther other guys and flirt with the guy i like ?

Ps when i try to even talk to the guy i get really red and cant think of anything to say...
thanks

if any guy comes up and asks you if you like them. Just let em down nicely and tell them your just playing.

Don't try to flurt with the guy you like. Try to talk to the guy you like. Think of what your going say before you aproch them. think of things to talk about.

With the guys u flirt with.... If you can stop flirting with them then while you try to stop let them know your just fooling around. It's on thing to flirt, it's another to lead on a guy and then break them.

good luck
~kooka

Q: I was in art class when my "friend" came up to me and tugged my braid 'affectionately', but it hurt me and I ended up screaming almost at the top of my lungs "JESUS!" I felt bad after that because almost the whole class was staring at me, and my friend was ticked that I had screamed because she had done that to me before, but I think it's childish now and I refuse to let her. I feel really bad because you really shouldn't scream that in ANY class for that matter, because it might offend some people. I think I might have offended some people, but I was really embarrassed because I screamed so loud and I was dead quiet and my face was red. I don't know what to do. What should I do?

Although I think that

Q: I recently had a fight with my friend....and we havent talked in months. at first when we had our fight she told everyone she didnt want ot be my friend ever again...but today i asked my friend to ask her online our status. and she said she didnt think we would be the same, but she may still want to be friends. how should i act if i want to be friends but i dont want to seem annoying or clingy? i really want to repair this friendship! any tips for what to say and when?? help! i rate ^!!!

Well just be yourself, yes i know that doesn't sound like alot of advice but think about it.

why do you want to be some ones friend when you have to keep your guard up about every thing you say. If you do that she will see right through you.

relax, it'll be awkward at first but then i'm sure you'll start acting like old friends again. I'd bring up some inside jokes. Ask about her family members or pets. " so, how is so and so doing? did she get that Mp3?" stuff like that.

I'm sure you'll be fine
~kooka

Q: 13/f him 13/m friend 12/f

ok here it goes...one of my best guy friends(nick) that i was really close with is now slipping away, my friend(kayla) likes him and thats cool and all, but my friends sister(sasha she is 15 almost 16) has been trying to get to know him better for my kayla's sake, and i think jack is falling for sasha! he doesn't say bye to me anymore, he barley talks to me and kayla anymore and he doesn't even notice our exisitence i think im getting of jealous of sasha having him all the time, but i guess what i really want to know is how can i get him back to the real world? i mean we really miss him and he is a great guy, and i WANT HIM AWAY FROM THAT BIOTCH SASHA! it makes me angry and sad at the same time! so what can i do to get my VERY close (boy)friend back?....i think ive fallen for him to...

is jack and nick the same guy? your question is really confusing.

Well just because he never says goodbye to you doesn't meen you can't say goodbye to him. Friends just don't 'slip away' if you don't want them too.

talk to jack/nick more often and try to hang out with him away from school more often. Hopefully Sasha is just a faze and you two will be come close again (or more if you like).

talk to him and tell him that you are upset that he is ignoring you. Don't point fingers and sasha though - it's just you him and kayla that you should be worried about right now.

in time things will sort it's self out, but not without help from you.

good luck and i hope things do turn out for the better.
~kooka

Q: i hang out with my friends at school but i keep very quiet or else someone will start talking crap about me but when im with friends from sports i can relax and just let myself free. when i do something funnywith my freinds at skool they dont think its funny but when i do it with my freinds from softball they laugh soo hard they are crying. but the problem is thAT my friends from sports go to diferent schools than i do. what should i do>?

Well, I think a good idea is too find a few good friends that you can hang out with at school. May be the big crowd thing isn't for you? it wasnt for me it took me a whole year to figure out that I was much better off with three or four good friends that I could act like a loonie around, then have 10 friends that thought I was a freek.

Make sure you stay in touch with your freinds from softball, once your tight wiht every one you wont even notice that they got to different schools.

Q: I have a friend, who I know her boyfriend of 6 months is cheating on her. I went ahead and told her...now I need to know what to tell her from here...I want to be there for her, but I don't know anything to help cheer her up? (Please keep in mind that I'm only in high school, so I'm limited)

sometimes just being there is enough. invite her over for a sleep over or something, buy some chocolate ice cream and watch some chick flicks (or any other movie you too like) i would think a comedy works better for cheering up.

your her friend, you know what she needs most. maybe you just let her rant over the phone a couple of times.

good luck,
~kooka

Q:
hi my mom has cancer, and i have told my friends but only reluctantly about it and this was a while ago. I only didnt want to tell them because i didnt want for them to feel sorry for me. i dont need that. I was so sad when she first told my family. I havent cried since excpet when she accidently made me read an article about cancer and it was all about bad stories and unhappy endings, not what i needed to hear. my parents havent ever tried to talk to me about it but i am not the kind of person to talk openly. I try to keep it off my mind and think about what i can do, and try to be helpful. what i can basically. but at a sleepover my friends talked to me about this and they sort of emplied that i wasnt as concerned and sad as i should be. do you think I am handling this well? what do you think i should do? please dont give me something like, just talk to your friends, thanks that'd be great!

Don't let your friends tell how to feel.

To me it sounds like your handling it kinda of well. Your not pretending it's not their, but your not letting it control your life.

What did you say back to your friends? They can't possibly know how it feels to have some one so close to you have cancer.

I know you don't want to talk to your friends but how else are you going to tell them how you feel towards them and your mom? Maybe you can take aside one of the friends that you feel closest to? talk to her, and if you feel you can't talk to any of your friends, then maybe you should end your relationship with them.

Best wishes to you and you mom
~kooka

Q: Female 16...
My friend and i haven't been talking for about a month now and its all because she started spreading rumors around school about me and she also went out with a guy i really really liked, that i had told her about.. After she had hooked up with him she cheated on him with her so called ex boyfriend.
The guy i like has become a really good friend so i had to tell him. If i didn't i would have felt really bad about it..I actually have a few questions about this though.....
If he askes me out should i go out with him?
Should i keep this friendship between me and teh other girl?
and was it right for me to tell my friend about what she did to him?

she just backstabed you with rumors, got together with a guy you liked, and you haven't heard from her in a month.

Sounds like you really aren't friends anymore. So who cares what she thinks? If he asks you out then I say go for it.

I really don't think you should be friends with this girl. What are you getting out of it?

Best of luck
~kooka

Q: My friend Carmen is a freshman in high school and her new boyfriend is Greg a senior in high school. Now this may not seem very weird to you but i don't care just trust me..this relationship is WEIRD. Picture a 4'11" girl hugging a 6' guy. Before they were going out, Greg used to be Carmen's older brother's best friend. He basically dumped John(carmen's brother and greg's best friend) for Carmen. The guy is a huge ass hole. He didn't even have the coutesy to tell John, John found out by seeing them kiss, and that's not the way is should have been. This kid is a slimy and gross. The kind that only think about butts and boobs all day long and have too many zits on their face and back to count. Not only is he rude to carmen and her friends, he flirts behind her back...like all the time. He even tried to give me a back rub once while she was in the bathroom. He touches and flirts with girls all the time even when she's right there but she just doesn't see that he's a terrible person. I've told carmen all of this but she either doesn't believe me or is trying to pretend it isn't true. This guy is a creep. I have a very strong intuition and from the day I met this kid I knew he was bad news. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that she's going to loose her virginity to what I believe is the nastiest 18 year old alive. What should I do? Is there anything I can say to her or him to get her to understand how awful this guy is. I talked to a couple of people about it and their best advice is just to be there when she falls but i can't just let my best friend make terrible decisions. Please help me. I've run out of ideas to help her.

-Me

Yuck. A very sticky siduation. All I can say is yes be there. And ask her not to make any bad decisions like looseing her verginity. But don't derect it towards this guy. One day she'll see.

You can't make her break up with this guy, but you can discourage it.

Good luck!
~kooka

Q: Okay, there's this chick I know, who was kind of my friend. Here's where the problem starts. I heard that she thought I was annoying (but she still thought I was cool), so I backed off a bit and didn't hang around her a lot. NOW, she's in a fight with a really good friend of mine because she (the mean girl) called her (my good friend) a b*tch. I also heard that she wanted to rip up a card I made her for her birthday (but, being the great person she is, she just threw it on the ground when I wasn't around). I have to go to her birthday party soon, but she's so mean... This party is also for another person (who's a good, nice person). How can I cope with this girl being mean? I'm sorry this is so long, but I will rate! Thanks so much!

I think thats it's a good idea to stay out of her way. This girl has some problems that she needs to take care of, if there are alot of people at this party then I don't think you'll have a big problem. If there are very few people at this party then you could have some problems, talk to the "birthday girl" about it. And your other option is to tuff the party out. If it's really going badly then leave early.

Good luck,
~kooka

Q: I told my best friend that he shouldnt go out with this girl because she cheats on guys. Also, she knew i liked him and was gunna rub it in my face. I told him i didnt want to be his friend if he went out with her. He went out with her anyway. They broke up and he still likes her. She doesnt like him though , i do . He told me to stop but i cant. How can i get him to understabd.

your first mistake is telling him that you wont be his friend if he went out with that girl. People don't like to be told what to do, almost every person would do what they wanted anyway. Just because you and the other girl are having probelms doesn't meen you should use him. Second, I think he made it pretty clear that he doen't want to go out with you. Maybe it's just a crush and you'll get over him. Maybe not, wait it out and don't pressure him. Be yourself and be a friend, maybe he'll turn around.

bio

I am a 14 year old girl in a big city. I live off other peoples drama so i end up giving alot of advice. Love vargas girls, knitting and many other things. Feel free to write me any time at kooka_burra@hotmail.com