kooka-burra's advice column

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Q: Do you guys have ANY ideas on what to buy or make my BEST friend for her birthday?! I want it to be special, but I can't think of anything! Please help.

I did this for my friends party just over a month ago.

I held a suprise party for her, but before you write off, let me start by saying pulling somthing off like this is easier then you think.

I gave my friends the extra key to my house and they went to my house while i stalled my friend. If you have a cell phone you can call them once you about to arrive and pretend it's your mom or dad. Once we got there they jumped out, and there you go - a very simple suprise party.

When it comes to the gifts it also doesn't have to be that expensive. I went to the dollor store and got fun little stuff like a picture holder with our picture in it and little gag gifts.

I would highly recommend a suprise party and with alittle planing it can be great (plus who wouldn't be happy with a suprise party?)

Q: Well Lately my life has sucked big time i never have to myself between school and homework.. and all these guys i liked well they dont even talk to me anymore.. i just feel so lonely..and i dont really have anyone to talk to about this.. i just dont no what to do.. i have cut myself before...and i was lookin at this blade today and i really wanted to.. but i just didnt.. and i really think im going to end up doing it anyways i just dont no what to do.. im so confused i hate my life it is so stupid..plus this guy i really liked and i thought he rly loved me.. well i was talkin to him and he seems rly mean and i dont no if i want to be with him .. i dunno imma end up hurtin myself.. and i have nothing to do..HELP>>>
IM 14

calm down. relax - do things for yourself. The world wont end without this guy right now. any how it seems you need to focus on yourself right now. I am also 14 (female, i'm assuming you are too) and things aren't going great for me. In fact, things suck. But we are young and things will look up. Plus the great thing about being this age is that you can always blame the hormones. And it's true, our hormones want nothing but to mess us up.

if you have good friends then talk to them. I'm sure they'll kick some sence into you (and i say this in the most loving way - because i've been there).

the one thing that you should NOT do is hurt your self, take up a hobby, just don't do it. I took up knitting for instance and it's great to take your mind off things.

things can only go up from here.

Q: so i tried out for my first musical, actually my first anything, and i found out from some people that i was not a good singer at all. i think it was cause i was really nervous but i mostly think its just cause i dont sing good.well i always wnated to get a careerer in acting and theater like that. i just want advice/ your opinions about if i could still pursue my dream to be famous in theater even if i do sing horribly. because that same friend told me that i was amazing at acting. thanks!

I, like you, want to persue a career in theater, and i, like you, am a HORRIBLE singer. But okay, theres a difference between musical theater and theater.

My advice, go for it, you probably have amazing talent and not every job in the theater industry has to do with singing.

Good Luck,

kooka

Q: Our school has a talent show coming up, and almost every year its monotonous singing and bad dancing, with the ocasional gymnastics routine or guitar player. I and a friend were trying to think of something fun and different to do, to get the crowd interested and laughing. We're not afraid to be silly in front of people - but we can't think of what to do that isn't OVERLY stupid.

Any insight on this? Details would be great...not something just like "Do a skit."

Well if you want to get people laughing, and aren't afraid to be silly? Then i would do a skit by monty python.

if you have never heard of them then rent one of there movies like, The Life of Brian, The Quest for the Holy Grail, and The Meaning of Life.

They have alot of great skits, if thats what you are looking for.

(you can find alot of there scripts on line by googling, 'Monty Python'

hope that helped.

Q: I am an advicenator and i am new so i didn't know what to do. i pushed random quesion for me to anwser and i got one about a girl and she said her friend started cutting himself and she said he might commit suicide, i told her to get an adult now! did i do the right thing, please help i am new!

relax, your just here to help. Yes you did the right thing by telling her to get an adult.

if you feel uncomfortible answering certain questions then don't. Leave it up to advisors that know what they are doing.

You are not here to save someones life, just to help them and give them suport.

relax,

Q: okay, the only reason I didn't put this under health or something is like I didn't think anybody would read then. Anyway, okay, I have this pain in my side every once and a while, and I am the kind of person that doesn't really tell their family anything! so I haven't told anyone, but my boyfriend and my closest friends, but my friends have been telling me that I should tell my parents,and my boyfriend is starting to freak out and really worry, but I really don't want them to know! But I feel like I just ran a mile and the only time it goes away is when I am excersising really hard, and if I stop then the pain comes back...so I guess, what should I do?

P.S.
no, it is not cramps that is what all of my friends said it could be, but it just gets worse, I have had it for 3 days streight now, if that helps...

Take the peoples advice. It's not like it has anything t do with sex or anything so it can't be weird with your parents.

I don't mean to feek you out, it could be nothing it could be some thing... not good.

If it goes away don't think it will go away forever.

Maybe you can get your family doctors number and take to them.

anyhow - just get it checked out.

Q: im f/15 (almost 16). i weigh about 120. my height is 5'4". is this average for my age? please dont try to be nice, just tell me the truth. im trying to lose 10 pounds, any tips on doing this?

perfect hight, perfect weight, and i'm not kidding.

I'm 14 5'3'' and almost 120. you you might be even a little below average weight.

don't loose the weight. It doesn't look pretty.

Q: I like this guy but i am not allowed to date till i am 18 and i am 13 now. all my friends are dating and this is the most i've felt for a guy. what should i do or say?

are your parents really really REALLY strict? if so you could be screwed. if not? well mosts likey they'll let you date in maybe a few years. But lets talk about now.

If you feel comfortable try talking to your parents. There are some stong points you can make like "when did YOU start dating".

or you can ease them into it by first just talking about this guy like a friend. Prais him and make him sound really good to your parents. Don't use the word date. "I'm going out with my friend for a little bit" You may not be telling the whole truth. But your not lying either.

and of course the last option (notice i said option - not advice because this will most likely come back and bite you in the ass) You could go ahead and date this guy anyway. not advised.

Good luck, i hope it all turns out!

Q: what are the "birds and the bees"? i have heard it a lot and i have an idea of what it is but can someone explain it completely? thanks! ill rate!

It's what some people whould call a sex talk.

basically the grown up telling there kid about the science of sex. Like how the bees pollinate the flowers and the birds lay eggs. It's hard to explain so i found an artical for you.

its short and too the point,

http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-bir1.htm

hope i helped.

Q: me and this one girl have been best friends forever.. and she got into a huge fight with my other best friend about 3 months ago.. now i hear shit from the both of them about the other ALL THE TIME and one of them is mad at me because they say that i hang out with the other one too much.. but i dont! i just try to make everyone happy!.. what should i do?

signed,
hopeless

Stand up for yourself.

These people have to understand that yes - you do have other friends. and they have to get over themselves.

if you feel comfotible with it, comfront them and tell them to stop getting on your back. You are entitled to hang out with whomever you want.

good luck.

Q: my name is mark im 19 and im a male ... im dating a girl we dated for 2 years on and off we broke up over this past summer and over the summer she did stuff thats bothering me now in our relationship she had sex w. a total of 3 guys multiable times and messed around w/ 3 other guys she told me everything b4 we got back together and it botheres me alot i dont know whwat to do i talked to her about it and shes there for me and all but i dont know what to do i need some advice the only reason im w/ her is because i really love her anyother girl i would tell leave me alone but i need something that will help over that break up i only messed around w/ 2 girls but we didnt have sex or ne thing like that i dont know what to do help me out please

Stuff like this happens. You've been together for almost two years. A break up is going to be hard. But people move on in the long run.

I wouldn't get back into a relationship just yet. gie your self time to get over her.

Think about it. This girl messed around with three guys while she was with you! If she is doing this, the relationship would never have worked out anyway.

Just remember that there is always going to be someone out there for you. This was just a bump in the road.

Good Luck.

Q: Dear Ruth,

Hi I got a problem and I was wondering if you could give me some advice.

I'm in a relationship for 2 years now with a married guy. I never asked him to do anything and to be honest I always had the hope that he will leave his wife one day. Well 6 weeks ago the army send him back to the states. Suddenly 2 weeks before he left he told his wife all about me and that he don’t want to be with her no more. So he ended up to go to Colorado to his next duty station by him self.

Well after he got the states we talked on the phone and talked every day on the Computer. He was different he rubbed old stuff in my face like 6 month ago I talked to people on the internet. The reason I did that was cause I really needed the attention what he couldn’t gave me because he still was living with his family in the same house and also made me believe for a while that he will never leave her. So I thought the only way to get over it is to keep my self busy or find someone who helps me get over it. I don’t know why I did that because I love him a lot and I would do anything to make this work me and him. Well like I said he rubbed in my face all the time and said he don’t need a girl who talked to other guys cause if I would love him I would never done that. I don’t know why he brought this up cause we talked about it and I told him why I did it and everything was alright again. I mean I even told him everything.

Anyways 2 weeks ago I went to the states to visit him and it shocked me that was not the guy I met and knew for 2 years. He was distance sometimes really quiet and it seamed he was thinking a lot. I was planning to stay 3 weeks there after 2 weeks he wanted me to go back home cause he said he needed time to think. I did understood it cause I know he never been by himself after he left her. There still lived at the same house for 2 weeks and she was yelling at him all the time. So I thought he needs to be by himself to start working at the stuff what happened the last few weeks.

I got back to Germany did not hear a week from him. Yesterday we talked on the phone again. He said he don’t care about anyone no more, he got no feelings for no one and he just want to be left alone. I was like ok if you telling me you don’t care about me no more I guess I wont care no more neither and hanged up. I was really said and hurt that he said this after all we went threw. I also was mad that I went to the states for a jack ass like that. Today I called him again I know it was wrong but I couldn’t believe what he told me the day before. Well the talked normal until he started the internet thing again. We pushed each other that
far that I told him everything I felt. I said that he is a liar for telling me 2 years that he loves me and never want to lose me. That I cant believe he told me before he left that he loves me and then 4 weeks later he don’t have any feelings for me anymore. You can’t stop loving someone in a short time like that. He said that I should start to understand that we will never be like we used to be and there is NO us in the further I can be his friend and if I cant respect that then we should stop talking and break it off all the way. I should get the prcture out of my heat that me and Him are married and have a life together. I denied that I had a picture like he thinks made up. He wants to be single the rest of his life and he doesn’t need that shit no more. He DID love that’s how he ended it.

I don’t know what to think I'm really confused we really went threw a lot of problems in those 2 years and he also used to be my best friend all that is gone. I can’t believe he just can turn his feelings off like that. I don’t believe him that he wants me to find an other Boyfriend I just cant. Maybe I’m the dumb one here and just can’t take it that he dumped me, but I can’t understand why he is acting like this. He always was honest to me and never said he will leave his wife until he actually did and I think that surprised him too. He told me that he never thought he was able to tell her about me. He told me about his problems with her and that he doesn’t love her no more but ever made me any hopes. So I know he did not just played with me for 2 years. I don’t know what to do this is not the guy I used to know.
Please help and tell me what to too. Right now I feel like I’m falling and falling and cant never get up again. I’m so hurt that I can’t even walk or think about anything else. I don know what to do no more. Please help me.
If there is anything else you want to know let me know. Sorry about my English but I’m German and I’m really up sad and cant thing straight.

Thanks Jasmin

I don't know how much more i coud say, but i'll try.

First off i can understand why he changed when he left his family. He left everything that he had known, his wife, his kids, thats hard. At the same time he was wrong by treating you like that. Do you really want to be with this guy? Like you said, he's not the same person. Also how do you know that he is not seeing someone else in the U.S.? he did it to his wife, why not you?

What i think you should do?

try to get over him, don't sit around the house all day wallowing in self pity. get up and move on - hes not worth it.

If he calls back and begs for you back, saying that he didn't know what got in to him, then you could do a couple of things.

Not get back into that relationship (thats what i would do)
throw your self back him (do not do)
or let him explain and think about it.

I know it will hurt and i know that it will be hard. But hang with your friends, and try. The heart is good at mending itself, no matter how long it may take.

Good Luck and all my Love

Q: I have two cats. One is an elderly cat +10 years of age, the other is almost a year old. The younger one was adopted from the Human Society and he's extremely loving so my cats adjusted ok to each other. The only problem I'm having now, is at night when I'm trying to sleep, the kitten wants to play. He makes noise all night long, playing with everything from his water bowl to my video games to just jumping off the furniture. I'd swear I had an elephant in my apartment sometimes. How can I get him to calm down more at night so I can sleep?

I have had two kittins so i know what you meen.

after a while your kitten will get used to the fact that there will be no playing during the night. for now just close your door at night and wait it out. it will pass, so don't worry about it.

also i wouldn't play with it before bed, that will just get it more hyper.

Q: I have a tiger barb, a teara, a rossy barb and another fish.
( i dont know the name of it.) They seem to be getting along great!
like they are all best friends! they are chssing eachother around the tank like buddys. and I looked up on websites that tiger barbs nip.
Will my Tiger barb nip? it seems like he likes all the other fish.

your fish are not buds. fish don't usually chase each other around the tank, that is a sign of aggrestion.

your tiger barb might already be nipping. Or it could just want to have its own tank. some fish just don't get along.

You can get a seperator for your tank if things get worse. If your fish are new then it might just take some time for them to settle down.

hope things turn out alright.

KooKa

Q: Lately, our family has hit a financial problem. Today I was told something very shocking(sorry..but not going to say it). It hit me that, maybe, I need a job to atleast help my family and me a little bit. I know you guys get this question alot, but I seriously never thought I would need to find a job at such a young age. If you guys can answer a couple of questions it'll help me ALOT.

1) What jobs can I find at 15?? (Please be specific)
2) How much money SHOULD I get? Like,minimum wage? How much is that suppose to be? And what do I do if it isn't the minimum?
3) Do I even have a chance??

Thanks so much. I appreciate it. Really

after a brief look through google, i wasn't able to find the legal age to work in california. but i'm sure you could find it with a more in depth search.

You best bet? I'd say baby sitting. While the minium wage is around 5-6 bucks an hour, for baby sitting 7$ is low (i'm canadian by the way so my money might be a little off from yours, just bear with me).

there are many different ways to get baby sitting jobs. get your mom to call her friends, ask your own friends. If your moms okay with it then post signs on lamp posts. Also a sign with your phone number at a elementary school is a great way to get jobs. Also thing to keep in mind. if you do end up baby sitting, you need to be the best baby sitter to the kids so they will alway ask for you back.

your goal? A nice rich family with two or more kids (if you can handle it).

Good luck! You DO have a chance, you have no idea how many parents are looking for baby sitters these days.

Q: The Winter Ball is coming up on Friday and I have an idea for my hair. It's wavy and black, and I want to straighten it and make it curve inward at the end. I think it's called a "J-curl" but I'm not sure. It looks a little like this:

http://www.royalimex.com/Product/image/medium/CO_CO_J_CURL.jpg

only not quite as curly at the end. How do you do hair like this?

use a flat iron and a curling iron for the ends. Depending on the kind of hair you have, it could turn out - it could not. Be sure to try it out a few times before the ball. You don't want to be stuck at home for hours trying to style your hair.

If you find that yout hair is not doing what you want, show the pic to a hair dresser and they will be sure to make it just the way you want it.

it'll cost money - but you'll have great hair for the ball.

hope it turns out,

HAVE FUN!

Q: My good friend is having a pool party tomorrow and she invited many people to go. One of the people going is her boyfriend. I don't think I have ever hated anyone more than I hate her boyfriend. He treats me like shit, he treats HER like shit and they honestly make me sick when I see them together. I originally wasn't going to go because of the fact that he was going to be there, but then my friend Cara convinced me to go as well as my boyfriend. I made the decision not to go because I don't want to start anything with them. I know everyone is going to be there to have a good time, and I want to have fun but I CANNOT have fun if he is near me. I can't even begin to describe how much I loathe her boyfriend. I sort of feel bad that I'm not going but I know I'm making the right choice in staying home because I don't want to ruine it for anyone else just because I'm going to be misterable. But my question is, do you think I should go anyway? She really wanted me to go but I seriously will not be able to keep my anger inside if I see them together.

You did say that there are alot of people there so hang out with some of your friends and have a good time.

I think you might be missing out on something fun. I think that during the party you will be at home thinking "i should go - nah it's not THAT fun. Or is it etc. etc."

If he comes up to you, just say. "i'm not going to wast my breath on you. Your just a big wast of my time" and walk away. thats the key... just walk away I know it's hard. But if hes REALLY pissing pissing you off then leave. It;s no good to cause a scene.

your other friends and boyfriend will be there, so they will draw your attention away from them.

hope i helped
~kooka

Q: hey...does anyone know how to getr certain news articles online? like what website would I go to to find news articles from the daily local news? i tried dailylocalnews.com, but i couldn't find it. Please answer!! i will rate high for good ones!
~*jaimee*~

well what town/city do you live in?

Google "(your tow/city) news" or something like that and you might get your local newspaper.

Or if you already know your local news paper then just google that.

also if you have yahoo or simpatico/hotmail there home page then it should have the top news stories.

~kooka

Q: i need to find a one peice racing swim suit for swim team. i really want it to be speedo or something like that. all the websites i look at are all for adults and the smallest size is a 22. but i need a size 15 or 16. does anyone know a website that i can find that type of size of a suit?? please help i need it soon!!!

I think if you need it soon then you should go to a store and see the sizes. Just find a suit that you like and go to the speedo store and see if they have your size. If you want it soon then getting it off the internet isn't the best idea.

~kooka

Q: what do guys like better: a hard to get kind of girl... or like one that leads them on? thanks..

Well at first I think that hard to get would be a good choice but not forever. after awhile leading on or hard to get just gets tiresome. And if they don't think they can get you then they wll probably just give up.

~kooka

bio

I am a 14 year old girl in a big city. I live off other peoples drama so i end up giving alot of advice. Love vargas girls, knitting and many other things. Feel free to write me any time at kooka_burra@hotmail.com