ChOcOLoLo's advice column | ChOcOLoLo's Advice About Friendship

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Q: i have a lot of friends. but you know how in a group of friends, each person has like one friend that their best friends with and have had the best memories. i don't have ONE best friend. i have a lot of average friends. i don't like this because me and my friends arn't close and we only have an in school relationship bascially. i think its because people find me boring. im not really shy but im not the comedian in the crowd. i only have a few really close friends. and i don't know how to make the friends that i have closer with me. i invite them over, but it just doesn't work. all of my friends have other friends that they are closer to, so basically i get left out of everything. i don't even get invited to birthday parties. my friends like to have expensive parties so they are only able to invite like maybe 5 or 6 if their closest friends. since most of my friends are just my school friends, im not considered their one of their "best" friends. and when i AIM people they never seem to answer me. but i know they are on. i want one REALLY close friend that i can share EVERYTHING with, and i want a few really close friends and then some school friends. i don't want all school friends. i need more close friends where i can have fun with and share my secrets with. but i don't know how i can get someone to be my "best" friend. not just a regular friend, but a really really close friend. i try everything but they don't count me as their really good friend. it really hurts too because i'm always in the middle of everything. when my friends start cliques im never in them. it's not because there mean it's because i'm just their every day "school" friend. schools ending in 3 days and i really want to have people to chill with me this summer but i need to make closer friends. i have no trouble making friends, but i for some reason can't get someone to be my BEST friend. you know how everyone has that one person who they can always count on. people will be my best friend for a couple of days and then they will find someone more fun to be with and more funny and they will make that person their best friend. how can i make someone be my BEST friend?!?! theres this girl that is wicked nice and i've been friends with her for a longg time and i just want to be BEST friends with her. shes someone i could always trust and stuff. exept she already has a best friend and they have SOOO much fun together sharing secrets when i have to share secrets with my sister because all of my friends are just "school friends" who i don't talk to out of school. how can i make people like me and want to be my BEST friend?

Hey there! Have you ever heard of the quote, "If you want a best friend, be a best friend?" It is evident that you are doing this, but you are not only limited to one best friend, you are given an infinite number! In order for us to be really close friends with someone, a label isn't just given to us that we stamp on ourselves and say, "Okay, we're best friends now," but rather, the relationship grows. By being open with ourselves to other people, others will be more encouraged to be open with themselves and want to spend time with you. By being more honest with ourselves, others will be more honest with us too. While we build bridges to getting to know other people, deeper friendships will result easily. And also, others view us the way we view ourselves. So if you say to yourself, "I'm an awesome, fun-loving, friendly and bold person who's up to having new friends, and getting to know my close friends more," then people will start seeing you as such =D. What you could do is, obtain phone numbers of friends at school and ask if you all want to get together and watch a movie, or do something fun. You guys could also get together on school grounds, and talk story, or form an out of school study group with your friends if a test is coming up. Once you believe that you're an awesome best friend and those who don't see that are at a loss, people will also believe it.

Q: Does anyone know a Katrina H. She use to go to CHS and graduated in 99. Well we were friends for a couple of years but then all of a sudden she wanted to stop being friends. I mean she didn't call me anymore and didn't come by my house. It has been five years since we have talked I wrote her a letter to see what would happen and she didn't reply so I don't know what to do. I mean you would think that she would be friend enough to tell me why she no longer wants to be friends instead of having me wonder if I did something wrong or what. What do you think I should do? and if you know her could you get back to me too.

Hey there! The best thing is to talk to her. Do you still have her number? If so, then call her and ask her about how she's doing, and why she hasn't kept in touch after this long time. It's better to approach her directly than assuming and from hearing from other people, because you can directly see what may be wrong and fix the problem. Remember to never jump to conclusions, and try to clarify and solve the problem with her directly. I hope everything works out. If you need anything else, you can hit me up in the inbox. Take care always!

Q: k well my best friend krystal is always telling secrets about me to my other best friend ari(arianna) and well it dusnt exactly make me feel good:( but their always doing it!!!! especially at lunch. and wenever im around k(krystal) i feel down because of things like that. and not too long ago a(ari) called my house n said that k did not come to her house yet which i new was a lie cuz i knew she was going to her house and then i said hold on then i put the phone on mute and i heard them whispiring so i told her i had to go anyways she was acting all wierd so i knew k was over. and they just dont understand how i feel. and i also heard her dad say "hey girls!" in the background and a dusnt hav a sister. and they just really put me down especially k.
please please help me thnz guyys

sincerely,
sad gurlly

Hey there! Friendships should always be open. And most importantly, you should tell them how you feel. Be honest and tell them both straight-forwardly that you do not appreciate that they're telling each other secrets behind your back. Be open and ask what may be wrong. If you're just going to hold on to it, and not approach it directly by not telling them, or keeping it bottled up inside then the problem may never be solved, and the hurt builds up inside. Also, if your friends don't tell the truth when you ask them, then they're not worth your friendship. Friends are supposed to always be true to each other, adn this is made possible by confiding in each other with things that you know you woudn't tell anyone else. So the best thing is to approach them and be honest about the way you feel, and don't hold back. I wish you the best of luck, and if you need anything else, hit me up in the inbox. Take cares!

Q: Well see about 8 months ago I wouldnt care for you know like when My mom yells at me and then I met this guy that feels like he changed my life....but then we broke up and now my friends are worried that I will go back to being my oldself....they like the kinda new me... what do I do???

Hey there! Changing is entirely up to you. The people who come into our lives my influence us, but it's always up to OUR decision and chose if we want to change ourselves. Because of your boyfriend in your life, he really helped you and changed you, but just because he's gone for the time being doesn't mean that you HAVE TO change into that former person you once were. It's not what happens to us, but how we handle them that changes us into better people. And so, don't think about what other may people think if you change or do not change. It's only about you. Ask yourself, do you like this person you have become?? If so, go with it and be yourself. It's about who you want to be, not what others may want you to be. Take care always, and if you need anything else, just hit me up on the inbox.

Q: Me and my friend Paul are practically brother and sister! We've always been tight but over the summer it seemed as if we were getting feelings for eachother that werent normal 'friendly' feelings. He invited me everywhere with him. We went to the beach to watch fireworks, i joined him for dinner, and almost every weekend we hung out at his house watching the stars and talking. i never feel uncomfortable around him and i can tell him anyhing. Were both strong christians and believe that God will lead us in the direction we need to go. But I just dont know ...
is this Love? :-\

Hey there! Yes, it is love hehe. Because you guys are already friends, you guys can easily be yourselves around each other, trust each other and accept one another which is a strong foundation for a successful relationship. Just remember to always be yourself, and when the time comes, be honest with yourself and tell him how you feel, or he will tell you how he feels. Take care always, and I wish you the best of luck!

Q: so lets call the guy i like bob
lets call my best friend lucy
ok well heres the story...
last year i really got to know bob and i really liked him, but i couldnt tell if he liked me bak. well i would always tell lucy this and she seemed to care like she would always tell me to tell him i liked him but i was to nervous.
well this year lucy has a boyfriend and we just started school and she got a class with bob and i didnt. now she always tells me how he comes up to her table and talks to her and stuff. and lucy found out that bob thought she was hott and for some reason she needed to tell me this and i was kind of quiet after she said it and so she was like "i know your jealous". also she just now told me that she "liked him in the beginning of the year last year" and i doubt that cause she would have told me before. i just dont understand why she is trying to make me jealous when she is my best friend and has a great relationship with her boyfriend? ahh whats the problem?

hey there! i had the same situation happen to me. don't worry about it though. i kind of think that maybe things aren't really great in her relationship with her boyfriend at the moment, and knowing that you really liked bob, she wanted to make you jealous. but first of all, if your friend is talking to you about your crush like this, without thinking about how you would feel, what kind of friend is she, you know? friends should always support each other, especially when they confide in each other about their crushes. the best thing to do is talk to her straight, ask her what's wrong, and why she says that she likes him now, especially when she has a boyfriend. it's not right though, to give up a friendship for a guy, but your friend needs to see things straight and have some common sense about things. so the best thing to do is just tell her honestly about how you feel, but do remember that friends matter more than any guy. take care, adn good luck! if you need anything else, you can contact me through the inbox.

Q: well me and my friend lets call him fred... well me and him have been friends for a long long time... and well he's mad at me because well i dont really know why... but i dont know what to do about it... im feeling empty inside... and i want to talk to him but i havent been able to contact him.. he told me to fuck off.. because i was ignoring him but i didnt know that he had IMed me.. what should i do?
please help....

Hey there! I suggest that when he has calmed down, tell him that you didn't mean to ignore him when he IMed you, and that you're sorry for it. Because you guys have been friends for a really long time, hopefully he will understand. If he doesn't listen, then you might have to reconsider the friendship because true friends will lend an ear to a friend. But if it is something you really don't know that he is mad at you about, then try to talk to him calmly and ask him what's wrong, and explain to him that you really don't know what's bothering him, and he should definently tell you. Take care...

Q: ive got a frend and hes all like im rich im getting this and that but he lives in the same type of house as me hes got a different and cheaper car than mine he says he has original art worth £20,000 and he has but its no one famous and if you sell some art for £20,000 a go and you sell 4 you become famous huh hes really annoying wht do i do

Hey there! I kind of think your friend is trying to make you jealous... Try to not pay attention to him when he's bragging, because he'll make a big deal out of it and continue to annoy you more. If he still continues to do this, tell it to him straight-"Look, I know you're going to get this, and get that. You don't have to brag. Or, "Can you stop? Its really bothering me." If he still doesn't understand, I suggest that you not talk to him as much because real friends respect each other, also stop when they know that they are bothering a certain person.

Q: I am really upset right now. Let me flashback:
"Kaley" and I went to the same school two years ago, and I was there since I was in first grade. She just started school there that year, so I wanted to be nice and talk to her. It turned out, we had a lot in common and by the end of the year, we were bestfriends. I went over her house a few times and we always had a blast. Then at when school ended for the summer, she was going to a different school and I was also going to a different one.
Last year, we promised eachother we would still keep in touch, which I TRIED to do but she obviously wasn't interested anymore in being there for me. Now a new year is starting again with school and everything, and she sent me an email with her AIM. She told me NOT to ever call her though because she's always "busy". Now, she was online a few seconds ago and her away message said "hey, I'm around the house. Lindsey, call me!" And then when I was on for only a few seconds, she signed off. well, my name isn't lindsey and that made me upset. I'm so upset now... how can I deal with this?

Hey! Um, I think this happened because you guys are both going to different schools. You guys were like really good friends during the school year, but now that she has moved it feels like the both of you have distanced right? Hmmm...what I would like to say is, "Don't worry". Because she is going to a different school, try to understand that she's meeting new people and experiencing new things,and also you are going through changes. Even if she seems to hang out with her other friends more,it doesn't mean that it will replace the bond you guys had back when you guys went to the same school. So go out, have fun and meet new people. Because after all, you guys are still going to remain friends.

Q: hey, well see there is this guy...and he's really sweet to me on IM. then my friend tried to set us up. like she told him to get to know me, is what i really mean. and then he told her that i sound cool, but he wouldn't talk to me. i still wanna get to know this guy but how can i do that if he won't talk to me?
-can't get him to talk

Hey there! Um, first of all, I would like to say that always be careful in chatrooms, and IMing someone you don't know. Try not to easily trust people whom you've never met before online because sometimes, there may be these stupid people playing games with your mind you know? lol. Hmm.. I kind of think that the guy may be a little nervous to meet you in person..After suggesting it, he kind of stopped talking to you, am I right? Just try to talk to him casually and regularly again before you guys suggested meeting each other, and maybe later, kind of ask it again. But always, always, always be careful online. Try to get to know this person very well before meeting him. And when you do meet him, go with a big group of your friends or an older person. Hope all works out!