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Family, Youth and Mental Health CounsellorAge:
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July 13, 2006Answers:
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Hello All, I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.
I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)
I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.
advice
i have tried loving this child as if she were my own, shes so rude she screams in my face, and even hit me. i dont wanna go to jail over her and lose my own children. her real mom is in prison, she has not seen or talked to her since she was very young (3-4) shes fine as long as her butt is being kissed. i'm not her friend but i think at 1st i was trying to be. it has all blown up in my face. what way do i turn now?
You need to have a real conversation with your husband and you need to get help, from either a counsellor or social services. If she hits you again, spits at you, or any other form of assault you need to press charges, otherwise it will only get worse. Also you need to make sure that social services is at least aware of the problem now because from my experience if you back her into a corner she will come out with all sorts of allegations and stories that could destroy you and your family.
You are the adult, she needs serious help if she doesn't get it then she will end up in one of two places, jail or dead. I don't mean to be harsh but I have seen this type of situation too many times to count, and it never ends well unless parents and caregivers have the foresight to get help.
You may also want to look into some of the wilderness camps out there that work wonders with these type of kids.
Hope this helps, feel free to ask me for more specific help if needed.
S
I have a son who will be 25 next week, he is lazy, sleeps all day, doesn not want to work or go to school, his only hobbies are pot and alcohol. He lives at home and it hurts me to see him waste his life, what can I do?
As hard as this may be to do and hear it's time for tough love, you need to tell your son and stick to your guns that he has 3 choices, go to school - at least carrying a load of 4 courses, get a full time job with a minimum of 35 hours a week or move out. By allowing him to stagnate where he is you are enabaling him to be well nothing. Doing this does not mean you don't love him or care it means you care and love him enough to ensure he becomes at least a moderate success.
If you issue this ultimatum and cave you will never get him out of the house, if he refuses to leave you will need to ensure he does, by changing the locks when he goes out and packing for him. He will be angry but this will be best for him in the long run. Make sure you give him a date to accomplish this by I would suggest a one month deadline.
Any other questions please feel free.
Sara
i'm not happy with the person I am. I was happy with who I was before I got married but since then I've noticed how like someone close to me I am. The problem? I don't want to be like this person. It's terrible to say but this person is not a good role model, thinking back possibly never has be and when I look at them, I know I don't want to be the same. Weak and afraid and always miserable.
But if I'm already like this person, how can I change? How can I stop becoming something i'm predestined to be? I know it sounds confusing but please help me. I can't talk to this person about it because they would be mortified if they thought I felt this way and they would cry.
We all see things in ourselves that are reminders of those we love and hate in our past and present. The goal is to be self aware enough to stop the negative behaviors. We are not predestined to be anything, life is about choices sometimes both choices suck but there are always choices. It will take time but when you catch yourself and make yourself aware stop the behavior, if you are miserable about aspects of your life change things in your life, if you feel weak find ways to empower yourself and if you are afraid confront those fears.
All of these things are hard to do but through time and effort are possible.
HOH
I'm totally fed up of people borrowing money from me. My family gives me money to run the house and family(grandma, mother, brother).
My mother is #1 borrower. We have babysitter and she doesn't work but right now she owes me $1500! She doesn't even have the money to give me and I have about $300 to run the house for the rest of the month!
Then my friends they make me buy stuff saying they'll pay me back and they never do! I'm fed up and ready to take a stand.
HOW DO I GEt BACK THe MONEY from:
my mother &&&&
My friends?
Your first step needs to be to stop lending money to ANYONE! For your friends, if they need something and have no money and it is an absolute necessity then they have parents of their own they can ask or they can get a job. If they threaten you with the tired line of well then maybe you are not their friend point out that you are not willing to buy their friendship.
As for your mom, first off for this month when she needs something or if you have to make decsions as to how to spend your remaining money then you need to make sure that it is HER needs that are not being met, not yours or your grandmothers or your brothers. If she can't pay the babysitter then perhaps she needs to look after your brother. If she continues to bug you for money tell her that there is none and from now on if she needs so much money then she has a choice either get a job or get rid of the babysitter and look after your brother herself and then she can have that money, although why a mother would need to be paid to look after her child is beyond me.
You may never get the money back and the answer you are looking for is not in correcting the past its in protecting yourself in the future. I am unaware as to how old you are but this situation no matter your age is not a healthy one, you are the parent and your mother appears to be the child. I would really look into some of the free counselling in your area and address the real issues here you will see then that the issues around money will disappear.
Hope this helps.
I am at breaking point with my mom. She does not accept the woman I love, with whom I have two sons. This problem is damaging the lives of my family as well as my father and brothers. She twists events to the point of complete fiction and twists them in such a way that we are terribly victimizing her. In truth, knowing her condition, we have taken great care into our dealings with her and have always welcomed her in our lives. Somehow, my partner seems to sit in the wrong way, not greet her in such a way as to appease her, not call enough, not come from a nice enough family - the list is infinite. She doesn't believe that our intentions are pure. My partner has continued to try, despite the fact that she will never be accepted and that she will always accidentally do something wrong - but she has reached the point where she has spiritually given up - she can never show her real self to my mother again.
My mom creates massive drama around every important event in life - from the birth of our son, the completion of my PhD, moving into my first home - they have all been spoiled because of her fiction drama. Everyone in the family knows she has lost her mind, but everyone is afraid to confront her - and rightfully so. If you don't agree with what she says, then you are the enemy. So, she creates this fake world, people try to pacify her and we grow more distant. I am at a loss for what to do. I could talk honestly with her - a strategy which has never worked in the past, or I could keep trudging along trying to be nice and to serve as a bridge between the most important people in my life. My last attempt at honesty resulted in her listing off further transgressions on our part and her continued inability to understand any other viewpoint. Unfortunately, I have reached the point where I am too angry and frustrated to continue this much longer. I'm not willing to lose my mother – despite all of this, she is a very loving and good woman. However, I am afraid that I have no reasonable options to pursue! Any advice would be very appreciated.
Male, early thirties
Lullabelles advice is awesome, I would just like to add that you also need to discuss this with your partner and ensure that her needs are being met, and that she is happy with any choices you make. I would suggest that you put her first for the sake of your relationship and for the sake of your family. I also think that if your mother is this toxic then you limit the contact she has with your children especially in regards to leaving them unsupervised as the drama she creates will rub off on them and affect them in the present and future. Don't cut off all contact but limiting contact will ensure your sanity and that of your partner!
Hope this helps.
I don't know what to do and I really need advice.
My twin sister hates me. At least, I think she does. She acts like she does.
I moved out nearly a year ago into a flat with my boyfriend and since then, my relationship with everyone has improved....except with my sister. I've tried everything. I've got her round for an evening to watch movies, I even cooked a meal for her the day before yesterday. I invite her places and generally try to reach out and be sisterly.....but all she does is bitch at me.
For example, when I was there on Sunday, any time I said anything about the house (including innocently asking why there was a heap of bedclothes in the middle of my parent's bed), I got told that it was none of my business, because I don't live there any more. Then, when I try speaking to her about anything neutral, such as how work is with her and so on, she clams up. She won't talk to me and on the occasions she does, she does nothing but snap and be rude, ill mannered and.....I just don't know if I can cope with it.
It's getting to the stage where it is just easier to shut her out all together because I can't handle the way she rejects me all the time. Everyone has seen it, so I know it isn't me being paranoid.
I need some advice on how to handle it. I've tried fighting back, I've tried not saying anything..all I can do is get angry and cry.
Please help. Any advice will be gratefull received.
It sounds ti me that your sister may be jealous and have feelings of being left out as you are both twins and you are becoming an adult and moving on through life she probably views herself as stuck in a rut.
Here is my suggestion to you; write her a note or a card and tell her all the things that you are feeling and that you are trying to have an adult relationship with her but at this point you have run out of options. There is only so many times that she can push you away, tell her that the ball is now in her court and when she wants to be sisters again you will be waiting with open arms but until then any contact is up to her to initiate.
Doing this may open her eyes to the error of her ways and if not you have done all you can. Continue attending family occasions and outings when she will be there but simply be polite but distant until she makes that all important first move. You have done nothing wrong and its time to stop putting up with her crap!
Hope this helps.
I am a 20 year old female college student. I have been dating this guy for almost three years. His parents adore me, his brother likes me and im practically best friends with his sister. Usually, it's the mother or father that don't like the girlfriend, but in my case, it's his grandma! She'll say rude and mean things like "your nose is big too" or "well, as long as he likes your body, thats all that matters" (after telling my boyfriend's sister how skinny she is.) I respect her and have never had a problem with her until now. We are in a serious and committed relationship, but im afraid his grandma will say something to him or ruin our future. What should I do?
Welcome to the wonderful world of in-laws!! First off if his parents and siblings like you there is no worry at all of his grandmothers dislike of you to affect your relationship. Running and telling your boyfriend will only force him to choose in the long run between the 2 of you and trust me you can't win. Deal with it by being polite yet firm with his grandmother. When she tells you that your nose is to big ask her if it makes her feel better to insult you. When she makes a comment about your body thank her for noticing your figure as you work hard to be fit. Also I would tell her that you are more then a sum of your parts and what attracts her grandson most is your mind and intelligent conversation.
Eventually she should get the message, if not then ignore her as best as you can she is obviously bitter and needs to be shown how a true lady behaves in the face of adversity!!
ever since i was very young my mother has been abusive to me. i am the oldest of two children and the only girl, and my mother has always been jealous of my goals in life. she used to hit me severely when i was younger but the rest of my family ignored it and i have police reports but child services couldn't do anything because all i had to show were bruises and no witnesses. as i got older my mother started drinking a lot, she is probably drunk at least 4 nights in a week and she hasn't had a job for about 12 years. she just sits around all day and smokes and drinks and has her scummy friends over.
within two years though, i've been finding drugs and substances throughout the house that were clearly hers, marijuana and cocaine only. but she has the worst relationship with me because i don't go thorugh one day without being called a slut, cunt, little bitch, twat, you name it. i don't even fight back anymore because it's pointless.
this past december my mother in a rage pulled a knife out on me and put it to my throat. my entire family witnessed it and my dad ripped her off of me before she could have done anything. i called the police and because my father denied it happening they escorted me out and i began to live with my aunt up until now.
i just came back because my mother asked me to and appologised, and because she is my mom i agreed. but my younger brother is moving out with my grandparents because he cant take it herer anymore, and her name calling towards me is starting again. bowls and bags of marijuana lay around my house and it's disgusting. she smokes around all of us and my brother and i both have asthma but she dosn't care.
i've never lied about the situation or cried wolf to get pitty, the only firends who know about it are ones who have witnessed our fights.
my father won't divirce her because he says she'll take all of his money and we'll be broke. and he is scared of being alone since my brother and i are on the verge of graduating highschool.
is there anywhere i can go where they will put a stop to her durg abuse/ alcohol abuse/ child neglect, or is there any way i can have a restraint against her because i don't think it's fair my brother and i have to be thrown around to family members to live with because of her choices. it would be nice to live ina normal home for once in my life.
where can i go for help?
I think what you need to do is get proof of this so that not only the authorities but social services believe you. You need to take pictures of the drugs lying around, tape record your mom yelling and cussing you, not so she would know though. Bring this to Social Services and they will have no choice but to help you and your mom get the treatment she needs.
Your dad needs to be a man and step up to protect you kids. I think you should tell him that your safety is at risk as is your mental health. If he doesn't step up then he is just as bad as your mom and is basically giving her permission to be as bad as she is by not objecting.
If you need to vent or talk please feel free to leave a message in my mailbox.
Sara
All day my sister has been stratching me pinching me hitting me and kicking me. Everytime we have the littlest arguement which is litally every 2 seconds, she has to hurt me in some way. She even bites me! I have marks all over my skin from everytime shes ever hurt me. My arms and legs are covered in stratches blood marks and brusies from her. I know all sisters fight with eachother but sometimes I feel like it gets outta hand. Today, she got mad at me and stratched me and she wouldn't stop I kept yelling get away from me and stuff and she wouldn't stop so I pinched her so she would get the fuck away from me. One little pinch sends her into tears and she runs to my mom and of course no matter how much my sister hurts me, if my sister is in one little pain of discomfort and blames it on me my mom will always take my sisters side. I showed my mom all of the marks, and she goes good I'm glad she does that to you, if you got hit by a bus right in front of me it would be hard for me to PRETEND like I actually care. I never care what people say to me but when it's my actual mom I break down crying because I hate knowing people don't care about me. My sister pinned me down on the floor and handcuffed my hands with my dads old handcuffs (he used to be a police 20 years ago) and she started kicking me so hard and pinching me I couldn't move I felt like I was going to burst and just die. My mom was 2 feet away watching all of this happen and kept saying hit her harder, hit her harder. My mom doesn't care what happens to me. So I was still pinned down in hand cuffs so I tried to kick her with my leg to get her away from me but I was closing my eyes and by mistake I LIGHTLY kicked her "bad arm" to make her stop torturing me and she starts balling her eyes out. Of course my mom yells on the top of her lungs "GODS GOING TO GET YOU DONT YOU DARE TOUCH MY BABY YOU USELESS PEICE OF SHIT GO SLIT YOUR WRISTS." I said "mom did you see what she was doing to me she had me pinned down in hand cuffs what did you expect me to do just sit there." And she goes "I don't care what she does to you I hope you die." and she walked away. I ran up to my room crying. And then about 20 minutes ago my sister got mad because we were playing a ps2 game and she lost so she pulled my long hair so hard a huge chunk of it came out and I didn't cry but I tried to hit her but she ran away so fast so I popped her balloon that she got 3 days ago from a restaurant. My sister told my mom (but of course left out the part about her pulling me hair) and my mom started yelling at me and threw me on couch and just started beating me she hit my head so hard about 9 times it still hurts and she tried to choke me with the balloon and tried to stuff it down my throat. I managed to get away and I ran up to my room. I'm 13 and my sister is 10 so of course she never gets in trouble. My sister gets so much clothes and toys and cds and anything she wants she automatically gets no matter how stupid it is. My parents don't buy me any clothes I have to wear the same clothes from 2 years ago that don't even fit me any more. They don't buy me any nice things and when we go out to eat they don't even let me buy a drink and make me order off the kids menu when I'm 13 and I'm skinny but I eat A LOT and I finish the kids meal in 5 minutes and I'm starving while my sister 3 years YOUNGER then me is munching on a huge steak with 3 sides. I hate it!!!! My sister never gets hit and I always do. My mom throws me against walls and she even does it infront of my friends!!!! I can't stand this my sister always hurts me and I always get in trouble. I tried the police, but my mom lies so much so of course they believe my mom. My friends help me out so much and make me feel so much better but if they arn't at my house they can't see whats happening to me and its up to me not to get myself killed because no one else cares.
What do I do? I'm sick of living like this. My mom and dad won't even let me have a talk to them about it.
First of all you are not alone, no one deserves this and you need to get out. You need to go to your nearest social service agency and report it. They will remove you from the home and make sure you are safe.
This is not ok and I highly suggest that you get help now before something worse happens. There are safe places out there for you, if there is ever a question of anyone believing you instead of trying to run or staying at home start writing out as many details as you can remember when and where your mom and sister hit you, more so your mom and what your mom says to you. Also make sure you tell them about your lack of adequete food, clothing and other stuff you are not getting that you should be.
If you ever need help from the standpoint of a child and youth counsellor please email me even if its to help you deal with some of the social service people. sassysara_1975@hotmail.com
Dear Sassysara,
I have a major problem. I am a fifteen year old boy. I am extremely responsible and I am currently number one in my class at my high school.
My problem: my parents never let me go anywhere. Whenever I want to do something with my friends, I feel like I have to be home early, because if I am home after 11, they make me feel so guilty. Not even 11, sometimes 10:30 even earlier. My parents do not like any of my siblings to do things. We cannot go away to college, we cannot do alot of things that other friends can do to.
Do not get me wrong, I do not want to drink, party and do drugs and have sex. I just would like to hang out and do normal stuff, I do not have to be a party animal.
I really feel like I have no genuine friends, because the only time I see them is at school. So during the summer, I am just at home, working or exercising.
Any ideas on what to do? Please! I really need advice! I can't take it anymore! I have tried talking to them, but they deny everything and just want me to be safe. While thats nice, I need some independence! Do you agree?
Hey there,
Yes I agree that a 15 year old boy does need independance. I think that while yes your parents are trying to keep you safe they are also probably scared. You say that they "make you feel guilty" the thing is though that no one can make you feel anything. It sounds to me like you are afraid of disappointing them and it is this fear that does not allow you to stay out later.
Here is what I suggest, make plans with your friends, stay out to a reasonable time, making sure that your parents are aware of where you are and what you are doing and when you will be home. This will show them that you are being responsible but at the same time if they really do have a problem with this then they will have to actually voice it if they do then this is the time for you to have the conversation about trust and freedom.
Now about College / University yes your parents have some say as they are probably the ones footing the bill BUT you need to attend the university/college that will allow you to receive the best education possible while staying within their means, again this may be a case of what you are allowing yourself to feel.
I know its hard but you need to assert yourself and show your parents that you are not only capable of having independance but you have earned it.
Hope this helps feel free to ask me anything else.
ok, my dad owns a fifty foot boat, it's wooden, and it' was in really bad condition when he got it. He got it a year ago, and we have been down every other weekend since. (except winter and bad weather, and our tagsale) This weekend, we weren't supposed to go down on Sunday, and he was supposed to call our aunt to make plans so we wouldn't have to go. When we're down at the boat, we get crammed inside a little room, with a t.v. with cable. There usually isn't any food, and we're there for 6-8 hours. We can go outside, and check the marina out, but we have looked around a billion times. Lastnight he said we were going with him, and i asked what had happened, and he said he didnt want to deal with our aunt. Then I got upset, and slammed my door, and he came in and started swearing at me. Nobody deserves that, and if i ever have kids, i would never do that. Anyway, he yelled"I'll ******* stay home tomorrow, **** you, you little spoiled brat!" I don't know what to do. I'm sick of being yelled at, and hes sick of yelling.
Yeah, i don't like hanging out with my grandma, but what have we done all summer? I don't know who's right, me or my dad?
sincerely,
M.J.
Ok I had similar situations when I was a kid, and now as an adult and as a parent I can see both sides of the situation.
First your dad was wrong to swear at you, just because you slammed the door doesn't allow him the right to lose control, he is the adult and should know better.
I think that he is probably feeling that he works hard all week that for the family and on weekends he wants to have his own downtime. I would have a talk with him if I were you and explain why you don't like going and maybe you can compromise on him going either every other weekend or only staying for 3 or 4 hours.
You are not wrong to want time with friends and doing stuff you enjoy, but he is also probably frustrated. Try and set aside a time in the week to have a calm talk with him write up what you want to say first so you don't forget anything.
Hope this helps
my mom married my stepdaddy a couple of months of go and i told my friends about it at school and now everybody at school is making fun of me becouse my mom married a black guy iam not racist and i don't see what's wrong with a white person marrying a black guys it's just the color of your skin and we can't help it god made us that way,but how can I make my friends see it that way?
These people are not your friends if this is what they are saying. In order for them to feel more secure about themselves, their lives and their families they tear down yours tell them very clearly that if that is their belief then you really don't want to be friends with a bunch of ignorant people who are racists.
Hope this helps
Dear Sara,
I've been married for seven years to a wonderful person. I love him but have at times really struggled in my relationship with his mother, who although has many good qualities, can be very controlling and hard to be close to. My partner and I had our first baby six months ago and I've been trying to allow his mom to develop her own relationship with our baby, to the point of letting the baby cry for awhile at things she does not want my mother-in-law to do before stepping in. They are moving far away soon, so I try to let her do things that I ordinarily would be less giving about. Tonight, our baby fell from a sitting position on the floor and hit her head. She was okay but I think it frightened her and she cried at the pain. I was not in the room as I was making dinner while my mother-in-law and other family members played with her. I came at her screams though and wanted to take her to comfort her at which point my mom-in-law held onto her, insisting she was fine and looking very hurt that I was trying to take her away. We had a veritable "tug-of-war" (not too rough) for a moment with the baby. I finally took her and comforted her. I told my mother-in-law that it was "nothing personal" and that I would have taken her from anyone when she was like that, but she was still hurt. Once the baby was okay and my mother-in-law calmed down/came back to the room, I offered the baby back to her. You should know that my mother-in-law is moving a good distance away by her own choice in pursuit of an environment that is better for her health, so I try to be more generous with the baby, but at some points when it gets extreme, I feel I just need to take her. Was I in the wrong? How do I establish boundaries without making a war? This woman is very smart. I do love her. It is hard though because she gets hurt very easily and gets very angry easily too.
Ok you did exactly the right thing with your mother in law. I think that by telling her in a clear way that while you thank her for welcoming you into her family and being a phenomonal grandmother you need to do things your way so that you can make your own mistakes and raise your daughter your way.
Yes she may get angry or hurt, but point out that the joy of being a grandmother is spoiling your child without dealing with the consequences. Also by setting boundries now you are ensuring your future, what if the move does not work out and your mother in law returns? By setting the boundries now and not allowing your mother in law to get away with too much you are setting the bar.
So stay strong and what you may find most beneficial is that you and your husband sit down and agree on some basic boundries and have him step in from time to time when possible so you are not seen as always being the bad guy.
Hope this helps,
(I always knew I was lucky that my mother in law was already passed on...lol)
My 50-something year-old boyfriend lives in a household with his 80+-year old mother and a brother, also in his 50's. Last year his 50+ year old sister moved in with her daughter (his niece) and the daughter's 3 year-old son. (The niece has four other children who reside elsewhere.)
Recently, the niece moved out to live with a man but did not take the child. Now the family is in an uproar, claiming they don't want to take care of the 3 year old left behind by his mom.
I don't plan to get personally involved because these are dysfunctional, toxic people with bad attitudes. He keeps asking me for advice on what to do with the child, and he's angry that the niece (who obviously has problems) has left them with her responsibility. He also doesn't want his sickly 80 year old mother involved in the day-to-day care of a 3 year old child.
I am worried about the long-term psychological effects on a child who's being rejected by both his mother, grandmother, his uncles, just because they are angry with the mother. What confusion that child must be feeling, with all the hostility around him and an absent mother (his father is in jail)! This is how criminals and serial killers are made...
I say the kid gets abused if they force the mother to take him, gets abused if he's forced into foster care by the state, gets abused if the family is forced to keep him when they don't want to.
Do I sit and watch this horror unfold, walk away from them all and/or secretly call the authorities? I just can't seem to turn my back on this child....
As a child and youth counsellor I have seen this many times and I know the effects that it can have on the child. This poor innocent child needs to be removed from the home immediately. If you are not in a position to take him in the short term you need to alert the social service agency nearest you. Having worked in and run group homes this situation is much worse. Since he is only 3 he will be put in foster care, it is much better then where he is now.
I know you have probably heard horror stories of a child put in care but nothing could be worse then him feeling and knowing that he is not wanted and unloved. Where are his siblings? Can the person who has them not take him as well?
If you need more advice please send me a message.
14/f. This I guess could either go under families or friends. Sorry this is sort of long. This whole thing started in like, second grade when my friends would snatch my snack and food and stuff right out of my hands. I was too nice and it really made me sad, but I just didn't say anything. I was always being joked around with. My friends would call me fat just as a joke(even though I wasn't, I was JUST as 'fat' as they were). All of this bothered me and I didn't really show it until last school year. To prevent anyone from taking my stuff, I would scratch them or slap them when they perpously try to steel my food. I didn't TRY to scratch them and stuff, it was sort of just an automatic reaction. For example, the other day at the movie theatre my friend dumped the remainder of the popcorn in my hair so I slapped her. I still feel that most of the time they deserve it, but I have heard people think I am a bitch lately. I don't let people walk all over me like they used to. If they tell me to do something, I say no, just because I feel like I am being walked over. If they would have asked I would have said yes though. I think this is me unvolentarily preventing being walked over like in second grade. I really want to change because one of my drama-starting friends (same one in the popcorn incident) says that a lot of people think I am being a bitch lately. Please help me change... I don't want to be fake because I usually agree with the actions I take when a friend does something rude and uncalled for. Please help me change!! I don't care about that one friend liking me or not because I REALLY dont like her, but I don't want other friends to dislike me. I RATE!!!
OK from the sounds of it you are not being all that bitchy. Although I would try to work on the type of reactions you give. What works for me since I am naturally a bitch is to count to 5 then react, instead of hitting or scratching say listen I think that what you just did was uncalled for and unless you would like me to do the same thing to you don't do it again. IF they demand that you do something tell them that since you have your own mind you don't need someone telling you what to do, and if they want to get a yes out of you then they should learn the art of asking not telling.
If you say no with a joke it works as well i.e. wow I didn't know my mom made you my boss when she's not here...
As for being called a bitch women are often called that when we are assertive as opposed to men being called strong so it is something that you will hear throughout your life. Sucks I know but there are worse things to be called.
Hope this helps
okay i live with my mom only && i`m an only child . but sometimes she dopesnt trust me . and i really wanna hang out with this boy i like and my friend will be there with me of course but i dont know how to ask her ! but i think she will let me if she knows my friend is with me bc i wouldnt hang oiut with him alone . any suggestions on how to ask her?? asnwer quick thanks
Your mom will appreciate it if you are honest and ask her straight out. Just say "hey mom can I go hang out with (your friend) this guy so and so will be there but I will be with (your friend) the whole time.
She may still say no but she will start trusting you more and more the more honest and open you are with her.
Hope this helps
So i want to go to the movies on friday with my best friend and a guy friend. i asked my mom and she said to ask my dad and my dad says no because he doesnt want me going with guys. but the problem is, i really, really want to go because my crush might be there. and i really want to spend time with him before schol starts. what do i do to make my parents maybe think it over? thanks =)
13/f
I would not lie, only because if you are right and your parents don't trust you they could "spy" on you at the movies, also parents are not dumb even if you say no guys will be there now they are not going to buy that. Also if you lie and get caught they will def. not trust you.
I would talk to your mom, tell her that you are going with friends - yes a guy will be there but you are not dating him, do NOT mention that your crush will be there (thats not lying because you don't know for sure) ask her to talk to your dad because you don't understand why you are not allowed to be friends with guys. This will make her think and she will probably talk to your dad.
If the answer is still no then I would make arrangements to go to the movies another time (maybe the next day) and go with girlfriends so your parents have no excuse to say no.
Hope this helped
How can I say this ..... hhmmmm .... ummm how can I run away i want to run away i dont like my family I know were im gona go im going to my boyfriends house if I run away and my parents dont know were he lives so thats good .... but how can i run away without my parents knowing ? Cuz i got caught once so i dont want to get caught again ??...
thanks.
-xoxox Vanessa
Even if your parents don't know where your boyfriend lives they probably know his name or you have a friend that does, the police will find you. I have been working with teens for years and have yet to see one who can not be found eventually. If things are that bad at home, if something is going on then talk to another adult if there is no one you trust then call your local child protection agency they would rather see you safe away from home then running away.
If you want someone to listen then please let me know anytime.
I am a 35/f whose teenage daughter has been living with her father for most of her life.
When her father and I divorced it was decided she would live there because I wasn’t financially stable enough to give her a comfortable year-round home but she has always spent most of the summer with me.
While things have changed a lot now. I make a good deal more money, pay child support and have a much more comfortable home for her. She’s decided she wants to move in with me for the rest of high school because the high school in my area has a much better art classes and several of her friends attend it.
I’m delighted of course, the thing is, she is afraid to tell her father about this decision. She says she’s mentioned maybe moving in with me before, and it’s upset him or he has taken it as a joke. She has asked me to come over and be with her as she discusses the move with her father.
So my question is: Should I be there while she tells her father she has chosen to live with me next school year? I want to be there for her, but I don’t want her father to feel threatened or ganged up on. Part of me thinks she is old enough to be able to talk to her dad about this herself (I’m sure he’ll be a bit hurt, but he isn’t an ogre or anything, he wont go nuts.) So I’m quite torn, please advise.
Your in a tough spot, wanting to support your daughter while not undermining her father. Here is what I would suggest I would advise your daughter to talk to her dad first and do it in a way where she is talking to him in a calm and mature way explaining her reasons. Having her write down what she plans on saying so she doesn't forget things is a good idea too. I would then follow it up with a phone call from you to her father to set up a face to face to discuss the details.
He won't be happy about it but as you said he is not an ogre. As a parent all he wants is his daughters happiness as do you.
Good Luck, hope this helped.
i feel like my mom is my little sister. she acts like a little girl that likes to look through all my stuff just like a little girl would do. and it really is like she's a little sister because i get blamed for all of the things she does. everybody tells me not to let her do this and not to let her do that. so, i'm confused. because, on one had she is my mother, so i do have to listen to her but on the other hand, she's acting like a little girl so i'm constantly arguing with her. i can't handle the way she's being
what can i do?
First off her going through your stuff sucks and while she shouldn't there is not alot you can do about it except make sure that anything that you don't want her to see is either hidden really well or on your person. As for others blaming you for her behaviour and telling you not to allow her to do things, remind them in a very clear way that YOU ARE THE CHILD NOT THE PARENT.
If she can't handle being a grown up then the people who are telling you to be one need to confront her.
Hope this helps.