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humorist-workshop
want to be different
i'm not happy with the person I am. I was happy with who I was before I got married but since then I've noticed how like someone close to me I am. The problem? I don't want to be like this person. It's terrible to say but this person is not a good role model, thinking back possibly never has be and when I look at them, I know I don't want to be the same. Weak and afraid and always miserable.
But if I'm already like this person, how can I change? How can I stop becoming something i'm predestined to be? I know it sounds confusing but please help me. I can't talk to this person about it because they would be mortified if they thought I felt this way and they would cry.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
We all have parts of our personalities that were adapted into being, but that is not predestination. You took on traits that you learned by observation and the unacceptable traits you left undeveloped because you did not get approval for them. Now you are a grown woman and married and unsure of who you really are and can be. You know yourself well enough to see how you resemble those closest who have influenced you, and this scares you. No need to be afraid of the truth, it will set you free, remember. Just keep seeking it and count all your revelations as a blessing. Our role models always dissapoint, because they are human and we idealize them as if they were superhero's designed to save us. They cannot, but the better ones try to teach us to stand on our own. You don't need to hurt this person by telling them about your criticism of them. They already know their faults and even if they never acknowledge them to you, it will be okay. You need to acknowledge the truth to YOURSELF, because you are the one that matters. You have control over your own thoughts and can decide to rethink everything you want to and take steps in your life to do what reflects your new thoughts. The only way to carve out what you don't like and recreate yourself, is to accept that you have imperfections and have been limited by your perspective. There is much to explore and learn both in the world and in your mind, so think about and seek out the person you want to be and practice being it a little more everyday.
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We all see things in ourselves that are reminders of those we love and hate in our past and present. The goal is to be self aware enough to stop the negative behaviors. We are not predestined to be anything, life is about choices sometimes both choices suck but there are always choices. It will take time but when you catch yourself and make yourself aware stop the behavior, if you are miserable about aspects of your life change things in your life, if you feel weak find ways to empower yourself and if you are afraid confront those fears.
All of these things are hard to do but through time and effort are possible.
HOH
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