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Family Hurting a Child
My 50-something year-old boyfriend lives in a household with his 80+-year old mother and a brother, also in his 50's. Last year his 50+ year old sister moved in with her daughter (his niece) and the daughter's 3 year-old son. (The niece has four other children who reside elsewhere.)
Recently, the niece moved out to live with a man but did not take the child. Now the family is in an uproar, claiming they don't want to take care of the 3 year old left behind by his mom.
I don't plan to get personally involved because these are dysfunctional, toxic people with bad attitudes. He keeps asking me for advice on what to do with the child, and he's angry that the niece (who obviously has problems) has left them with her responsibility. He also doesn't want his sickly 80 year old mother involved in the day-to-day care of a 3 year old child.
I am worried about the long-term psychological effects on a child who's being rejected by both his mother, grandmother, his uncles, just because they are angry with the mother. What confusion that child must be feeling, with all the hostility around him and an absent mother (his father is in jail)! This is how criminals and serial killers are made...
I say the kid gets abused if they force the mother to take him, gets abused if he's forced into foster care by the state, gets abused if the family is forced to keep him when they don't want to.
Do I sit and watch this horror unfold, walk away from them all and/or secretly call the authorities? I just can't seem to turn my back on this child....
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Yes, it is a no win situation but it seems obviously that the mother's priorities reside elswhere and the child would be unloved and neglected with her. This is often the case with foster care as well, so I would say that ought to be a last resort. It is unresonable for an elderly woman to care for such a young child as well. It looks as though the uncles need to maek a tough choice, can they bite the bullet and care for her? Maybe foster care is the best, as long as those family members who do care about her keep in contact and monitor the situation. At least then it would be harder for mom to randomly decide that she wants her child back one day.
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well i'm 13 so i don't really know about the kid.
but i think you should keep him or her little kids are adorable.
and a 50 year old man living with his mom still.
hahahahahahahahahaha
sorry but that's histaricle.
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As a child and youth counsellor I have seen this many times and I know the effects that it can have on the child. This poor innocent child needs to be removed from the home immediately. If you are not in a position to take him in the short term you need to alert the social service agency nearest you. Having worked in and run group homes this situation is much worse. Since he is only 3 he will be put in foster care, it is much better then where he is now.
I know you have probably heard horror stories of a child put in care but nothing could be worse then him feeling and knowing that he is not wanted and unloved. Where are his siblings? Can the person who has them not take him as well?
If you need more advice please send me a message.
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In your position, I would call child protective services. There doesn't need to be anything 'secretive' about it. You can tell the family you did it, or not, but it is certainly nothing that you should be feeling guilty of or uncertain about. This family has fallen apart and failed this child, so the government steps in. Judgment or shame doesn't come in to this; all that is important is that the child gets the care he needs. The adult's involved (yourself included) need to shove their conflicting and complex emotions away, and just do what's best for the little boy.
If nothing else whatever agency your state or province has in place to protect children like this one could monitor the situation and provide counseling and resources that is family sooo desperately needs. They are the ones who are educated and sanctioned with the power to control where this child lives.
You don't need to get personally involved. In fact, I wouldn't even suggest it, the child doesn't stand to benefit from one more strange persons voice screaming in this messy drawn-out argument that she is embroiled in. Just get the proper authorities involved, and use what small influence you have in the family to keep them involved.
Good Luck to you all.
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Good for you for wanting to help. Regardless of the family and the mother....The child did nothing wrong and deserves a family that can love her and treat her good. Maybe you could try to take her/him? If that's not something you want to consider I would DEFINATLY call child protective services. There are so many wonderful ppl that want kids and can't have them on there own and can give this child all the love and care she need's. Best of Luck.
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