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Guilt
Dear Sassysara,
I have a major problem. I am a fifteen year old boy. I am extremely responsible and I am currently number one in my class at my high school.
My problem: my parents never let me go anywhere. Whenever I want to do something with my friends, I feel like I have to be home early, because if I am home after 11, they make me feel so guilty. Not even 11, sometimes 10:30 even earlier. My parents do not like any of my siblings to do things. We cannot go away to college, we cannot do alot of things that other friends can do to.
Do not get me wrong, I do not want to drink, party and do drugs and have sex. I just would like to hang out and do normal stuff, I do not have to be a party animal.
I really feel like I have no genuine friends, because the only time I see them is at school. So during the summer, I am just at home, working or exercising.
Any ideas on what to do? Please! I really need advice! I can't take it anymore! I have tried talking to them, but they deny everything and just want me to be safe. While thats nice, I need some independence! Do you agree?
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Hey there,
Yes I agree that a 15 year old boy does need independance. I think that while yes your parents are trying to keep you safe they are also probably scared. You say that they "make you feel guilty" the thing is though that no one can make you feel anything. It sounds to me like you are afraid of disappointing them and it is this fear that does not allow you to stay out later.
Here is what I suggest, make plans with your friends, stay out to a reasonable time, making sure that your parents are aware of where you are and what you are doing and when you will be home. This will show them that you are being responsible but at the same time if they really do have a problem with this then they will have to actually voice it if they do then this is the time for you to have the conversation about trust and freedom.
Now about College / University yes your parents have some say as they are probably the ones footing the bill BUT you need to attend the university/college that will allow you to receive the best education possible while staying within their means, again this may be a case of what you are allowing yourself to feel.
I know its hard but you need to assert yourself and show your parents that you are not only capable of having independance but you have earned it.
Hope this helps feel free to ask me anything else.
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