jammy12's advice column | jammy12's Advice About Families

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Q: I have a step brother that is 5 and we see him alot since incidentally we live next door to my dad and step mom (weird i no...) and every time he sees my mom pull in the drive way he shouts her name and only wants her and ignors me. same with if he is playing with my brother he only wants him. I dont know if he doesnt like me or what? What can i do so he will want me instead?

doesn't he talk to you? I'm sure he just wants to play with your other family members too. but all you have to do is show him alot of love and whenever you see him give him snacks.

Q: 26/f

My boyfriend is 29, we've been dating two years and we're getting married in three months. He has a nine year old daughter in another state. She doesn't know about me. He only visits her once or twice a year because she lives really far away, but he tries to call a lot and always sends money to her mom. I'm just scared because I've read articles about how a lot of kids have a harder time dealing with a parent getting remarried than they do dealing with their parents getting divorced in the first place! What's the right thing to do? I don't want to make her accept me as this new "mom" if she doesn't have to, but I also want to be honest, and I feel like I should get to know her if we're family now. The most important thing is that she's not emotionally traumatized... how can we do that?

well i personally think u shuld go visit her...maybe spend a day with her gettin to know her and her getting to know u. that's the best way...and never turn into the mean step mom..and don't try to be her mom too much. just try to be friends!

Q: My dads birthday is the 11th, and I don't know what to get him. He says he doesnt want anything but everyone says that. He loves books and money, hes a doctor, and he loves smart quotes from people. I wont even be home for his entire birthday so I want to get him something good. Ive already gotten him:
Ties
Shirts
Socks
Gift Cards
Cuff links
Coffee mugs
Please dont say
Chocolate-he'll give it to me, forget about it, or think its too bad for him
Jewlery-he'll lose it
Or any of the above things. I have about $50 to spend. Thank you so much!

Colange....or how ever u spelll it. Men's perfume! lol...or a pen. Your dad's a doctor...u can buy him a specialised pen or something for his office. MY dad's a doctor too...so something for his office or desk, men's perfume...or the pen works fine for me!

Q: I am divorced. We have 3 kids together ages 10,9,7... my son is the 7 year old. He comes home upset from visiting his father every time.He has been living with this boy who is 6 for a year, His mother has 5 kids by 4 different fathers and 2 are serving life in prison. one is (the boys) father. He is going to marry the boys mom in july and adopt him. This would be fine if he was a fit father but he is not.She is also a convicted felon.who only has custody of 1 of her 5 children. I am a suburban mom who makes a pretty good living, and gives my kids a good life, by the way he has also been convicted of domestic violence on our daughter. Should I keep my kids out of their home?? Its becomeing ever so bizarre.My son comes home cryin g because this new kid call his dad daddy, he feels like he has been replaced. His girlfriend told my son something about a month ago that set me off, they were spending the weekend with dad and girlfriend and my son asked when he was gonna see mommy and the crazy girl told him "mommy is dead i killed her", my girls said this was said..she has threatened to kill me through relatives, she is not all there. What do I do?By the way my ex and this woman were having affairs throughout our ten year marriage. This is not a stable environment for my kids, I am in a great relationship now and I might want to fight for sole custody and move away..Any advice??

I think that you should try your best to keep these kids away from this dad and new step mom. They sound horrible but then agin if your kids want to see their dad you can't stop them. Maybe you can arrange for him to carry them in the movies or mall alone without this lady or the son. That's the best advise I can give you. Otherwise if your kids don't want to go maybe you can ask him if he'll come once a week at your house and spend 1-2 hours with them.

Good luckk!

Q: 15/f Okay. So my little sister is turning 13 on early January--and we're not sure of how to celebrate her birthday yet. And she really wants it to be special. A party would be good, but she dosen't want it in McDonald's or something, that would be too kiddy. Malling could be an option too, but sometimes her friends aren't allowed to go out. And a masquerade would be WAY too expensive. So she dosen't want something childish, but something fun and cool for her birthday. Do you guys have any suggestions for her 13th birthday celebration? If you do, please share. Thanks.

Lila

Your best bet would be a sleepover with a night filled of activities! Like movies,some fun games, popcorn...stuff like that!

If not that...you could have a themed party...like a teenagers bash. With drinks and food and games. Truth and dare, etc!

Q: I am divorced and my son spends most of his time with his mother. I asked my son if he wanted to go to a Mets game with me (we both love baseball). At first he said yes, then a few days later he asked me if one of his friends could come along. My problem: I don't get to spend a lot of time with my son, and I was looking forward to the game as a chance for us to spend time together. I know that if his friend comes along I will feel like a "fifth wheel". My son spends a lot of time with his friends, and I don't think it is necessary for him to bring his friend along. What should I do?

As much as you want to be alone with him teens, including myself, find it hard to have a conversation with a parent.

I think he's afraid to be around you alone , no offence, but maybe he'd rather have his friend and ya'll could talk...not alone with u in a dense conversation.

maybe after the game you could drop his friend home and yoou and your son go to dinner or burgers.

Q: Hi. I'm Kaylee and I'm just turned 18.

My problem is my Mom, Emmy, who posts my pictures all over the internet. Mom cybers with men from all over the world. Its sort of her hobby and she meets some of them too. But she has started posting pictures of me and my sister and they have fallen into the wrong hands. People are seeing me in my new black dress and making comments.

If I tell Mom not to post my pics she tells me to mind my own business because these people are her friends. But I dont like them.

What would YOU do to stop Mom posting your pics in your new black dress. If you had one. A dress, not a Mom?

Well firstly maybe you should tell her you doon't want a picture taken...that way she kinda can't send them.
And 2ndly tell an adult u trust that won't tell her. Explain to them and ask for advice. You need someone that knows why she's doing this.
And I think you should tell her that you really don't like her doing this to you and ask her to kindly stop it because it's ruining your life.

I know I proobably didn't help much but I'm srry aboout ur situation

Q: I am 16 /F. Last week i visited my girl friend, she told me they are naturalists and celebrate all week ends as a naturalists and they wear nothing at home. So I went their to see and I was astonished to see all of them nude (Dad, mom, my friend, her 12 year old sis and 19 year old bro). Is this kind of thing allowed? Isnt it a kind of incest?

Nope this isn't a type of incest..believe it or not that's how they live.

Q: My mom's college reunion is coming up and I can't make it. This really nice, funny, and may i mention CUTE boy is gunna be there that I have known since i was a tiny baby. I have quite a large crush on him, but we see eachother like 2-3 times a year. I can't go to the reunion because of a really busy schedule. I really want to maintain the friendship with this boy but how can I get my mom motivated to invite his family over when she HATES having people over? They live like an hour and a half to two hours away. My mom thinks its too far for them to drive.

If your mum is comfy with you and boys tell her the main reason you want them to come. And well otherwise just ask her to have a little party after the reunion...it's a pretty gud excuse to me

Q: guys you gotta help me here!
My brother had always been a very popular, very colourful, very fun outspoken person..
But yesterday, he came home..and went straight to bed (if you knew my brother you'd know there's definitely something wrong!) So I went in to his room, and he was asleep, and you could see that his pillow was wet from crying. But i decided he needed to go through it on his own. It would go over. But today he came home and did the same exact thing, so I went in to his room, and asked him about it (and he know's he can trust me, we usually tell eachother everything!) (by the way, I'm 15/f he's 13/m) and he just said "nothing, I'm tired" bt I wouldn't let go, and kept asking, telling him whatever it is, I'm here for him, I love him, he can trust me..and so on, and he just started crying, but wouldn't tell me, so I stayed for an hour in his room, next to him, and he wouldn't stop crying! He just started crying more and more, until he lost his breath. I'M SO WORRIED!! We both jst ended up sitting there crying..and I don't klnow what it could be, he usually tells me about his friend-problems, gf-problems, and I already know about all the family problems (trust me, our family is the family from HELL) but idk, what could it be? Why do you think he suddenly won't tell me what's going on with his life? What can I do to help him? Or to get him to open up?

Please help me, thank you!

Well it's probably just a boy thing. I guess it probably has something to do with everything. Maybe he's just tired of the world right now...this happens to me alot I jus come home and I cry and cry and I have no idea y...it's jus I'm ffed up with this world. Jus show him some support.

Lutz of luv
Jamee

Q: When i was 6 i was put up for adaption..and i lost touch with all of my brothers and sisters. Well one of my 5 siblings was also put up for adaption after me. I recently found her on myspace and i sent her a message..and im nervous like she was on today and i sent her a message but she dosent answer its like she dosent even care..what should i do??

much lovee
lila

Well your not sure she got it...so if she has an e-mail e-mail her! I hope ya'll are all good and reunite

Good luck

Q: my mom and dad seperated last year. yesterday, i was borrowing my mom's phone, then it beeped. I thought the message was for me(from my mom, she has two phones) so i opened it. then it turns out the message was for my mom. i'm pretty sure her ex-boyfriend sent her that message. but from what i know, they're only friends now. there was some sort of code and i think it meant "luv yu", at the end of the message there was "Muah". friends don't really say that to each other do they? her ex-boyfriend is now living in another country. me and mom are going to that country this year and we're meeting him there. the reason my mom and dad seperated was because of her ex-boyfriend--and he took drugs too that time(my dad).from that message, is there something going on between them? or am i being completely paranoid? oh and should i confront my mom about this? i wud really appreciate your help! tnx in advance!

I'm sorry about everything that's happened and is happening in your family. I think you need to confront your mom and ask her about it...i mean we don't relly know what's up with it!
Anyway ask her and tell her how you feel about it that's the best you can do

Q: Tonight is familynight and I've known about it for about 3 days. I also got invited to go somewhere else with some of my friends. But the thing is that the place that I might go with my friends A LOT of people are going to. So it will give me a chance to mix and mingle with a lot of people and have fun. The place with my friends seem so much more fun that family night. But I don't know if I should just ditch my family for my friends? Can anyone help? What would you do? What is the right thing to do?

Friends are relly nice and stuf but you need to stick with your fam 2nite! It's the rite thing

Q: My husband's parents recently brought up the idea of buying a large piece of property in my town so they, my husband and I, and my brother-in-law and his family can all live together. We will each have our own house on the property so it will be something like a family commune.

I'm against the idea. They tend to be nosy and don't see a problem with dropping in unannounced and expecting to be entertained. There is also the fact that they do not like me and go out of their way to make sure I know that. They have went so far as to tell me that I'm a bad wife and tell my husband he made a mistake marrying me. I have told my husband that if they do move here, I want to move somewhere else. He is also against the idea. He sees their obvious dislike of me and also doesn't like the idea of the loss of privacy. I spoke to my sister-in-law and she said that she and her husband are against the idea as well. She also mentioned that she would want to move if they move here.

My problem is this: no one will tell my in-laws that they don't like the idea. I'm afraid that if no one says something, my in-laws are going to take that as acceptance of their idea and go forward with it. They already have started the search for property. Once they buy the property, we'll all feel obligated to move onto it, even though it's going to make us miserable. My husband and his brother say that they can't stop them if they want to move here. If I or my sister-in-law say something, we run the risk of being accused of keeping them from their sons and grandchildren.

How would you handle a situation like this?

I'm guessin there movin there is either to break up your marriage or control your lives. Someone needs to stand up to them and maybe it should be your husband. Talk it over with him and tell him you feel the same way as him and resolves things....
The best thing wouldn't be to move when they move by u...so it's better jus to tell them about it before. And yes it will be tough if you talk up so try to get ur husband to do the talkin

Q: last night after dinner my mom told me that she had something to tell me. she told me that she gave birth to me and my identicle twin sister. she told me that she couldnt keep oth of us because she was only 18. she didnt want to give both of us up. so she put my tiwn up for adoption before she was even born. i never knew about this only my mom and my grandma knew. they didnt want to brag about it to anyone. my dad knows about it also(my biological dad, he stayed with my mom through everthing and now theyre married!) so my mom told me that the couple that adopted my twin sister had died in a car accident and my mom was notified. and in their will they didnt give my twin to anyone. all it said was ask jennifer who she wants to live with. so jenny told the lawers that she wanted to live with her biological mom. so the lawyers called my mom and told her and my mom said yes. we get to meet jenny on saturday. im really nervous tho, because i dont know if we're alike or if were different and i dont know what to talk to her about. if anyone can give me advice i would be very happy. also im nervous if shell like hate me because my mom chose to put jenny up for adoption and not me. omg im so scared.

First of it's nice to hear that there is still some ppl in this world that have humanity (ur dad stickin wid yah maa) Well anywho I think it is relly great that u'l get to talk to her. Ask her wat she likes and stuff n let her know what you like. Get to know her and talk to her about anything...ya'll blood man. Yeah and ya'll shouldn't fite bout da (the adoption scene) cause ur mum had no idea who wuz who!

Lotz ah love,
JJ

Q: i'm 14/f

my father is taking my mother to court because i won't go to this house.

don't call me a bad child for not going, i mean theres solid reasons.

by law, could they make me go over his house?

&& could they determine if i had to go based on the reasons why i'm not going? hes trying to take my mom to jail bc she is "not allowing me to go over"

but i'm the one who is the reason why i'm not going there!

any help please!!!!!

Well I had the same problem...and well I got to stay with my mom althought it was like joint custody my dad doesn't come to see me again. This is so tough because you become so emotionally fit and esp at your age...I was 7-10 wen it happened to me. Well the first thing is try to get ur mom or lawyer to seek a child physcologist...n then from there she/he will determine who is fit for you. you're jus 14 and you won't be able to go to court so the closet u can get is the physcologists. I hope your mom doesn't get in trouble and you get to stay with her!!

BEST OF LUCK...and stay strong!!!

Q: my moms bf irritates the HELL out of me, like you have no idea. one time after i was getting over a fever we were going out my mom was like "do you want to take your coat" and im like "no im fine" and hes like "even IM taking my coat" and im like "okay..." and he's like "fine, stay sick if you want, i dont care" and i seriously wanted to backhand him. like, he doesnt even DO anything for me when im sick so why should i give a shit weather he "cares" if im sick or not. i dont think he was intentionally trying to be so bitchy but he seriously does that all the time and, to me, i dont see him as someone that has any authority over me since they've only been dating for 5 months or so. he lays it on too thick with my mom always saying "omg your such a good cook blah blah balh" allllll the time and i feel like i never get to hang out with her. i mean, obviously i have friends i hang out with a stuff, but it feels like i never get to see her anymore unless hes not there.
oh and he moved in with us.
joy joy.

sorry this was long but does anyone have any ideas of how i can talk to my mom about it??
thanks

First of he's just trying to fit in. Try writing a note to your mom and tell her you all need some family time. Save up some money and take her to lunch or a movie and try to build back your relationgship. Maybe your mom jus doesn't realise you need her...so try to let her know you do!

Q: hey guys whats up? i have my sweet 16 soon and i was tryin to think of songs for my candle lighting. I cant think of any songs for my 3 brothers, my aunt (godmother)& uncle, my grandpa, my other uncle ( godfather), all my girls, all my guys. If you have any idea of any good songs PLEASE HELP i would greatly apprictaite it soo much you dont understand. If you ever need help ill always be here to give you advice too.. so if you know any please respondddd thanks a bunch xoxo

byeeeee

Sweet Sixteen by Hillary Duff.
Or...
try some song with like moving on.
But I wuld like hillary's song if it was me

Q: Whenever i go shopping with my mom we always stumble across these REALLY cute jeans that I want her to try on. When she eventually does, she automatically says NO because they are too "trendy". My mom usually wear straight leg jeans which if you didn't know have absolutely no flare. My mom has a really big butt, so she looks ridiculous!! I told her nicely that these kinds of pants don't compliment her, but she just got mad at me. She's 41 and she thinks shes too old to look good in jeans. Can you give me some tips to convince my mom that she doesn't have to be young to look great?! Shes SOOO stubborn and sensitivE!!!!!

Lol get ur mom's size or a pair of her jean n for her b-dai or mother's day buy it for her! She has to accept it n wen she feels confident in em she'll be sassy enuff

Q: I am 14 and my mom won't let me wear thongs. My sister is 16 and still is not allowed to wear them. Alot of my firends wear them and some don't. Sure part of the reason I want them is because alot of people wear them but that not the whole reason. I don't want panty lines when I wear sweats of whatever. My mom has always been overprotected, she didn't let me or my sister wear a bikni until last summer. Last weekend I tried on a really cute bathing suit and all she did was say how it was to low and I need to wear something more modest or I will be sending the wronge message. She thinks if I wear a low bikni someone will come and rape me, to make a long story short she is inpossible to shop with. Anyway If I could get a thong it would make me feel that I beat my mom and won. Don't get me wrong I love my mom we don't have a bad relaship at all. It just she very religous and hard to talk to. Oh and even if I did buy a thong behind her back. I've never done my own laundry in my life so she defintly know something was up. Sorry that it was so long, guess I got carried away.

You're 14 I'm 13 and you know maybe I'm allowed to wear a bikini but I would not go as far as a thong..maybe I guess you know it's just a rebellious age cause I know what it feels like. My grandma, who I live with and she buys everything for me, would never allow me to wear one of those and she'll really protective just like your mom! I've learnt to live with it..although sometimes I do things behind her back I realised it's so much easy just to let her have her way and wait until you're 16 or 18 to do what YOU want! And just cause your friends are doing things doesn't mean you have to be like that...or act grow up just to fit in..be yourself until you can do your own things!