Guys don't forget their exes, they just don't like to show emotion.

I just answered a similar question, and my advice for you is much the same: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=579325.

I know you want badly to get back with him, but I think expecting it is setting yourself up for heartache. This is not the same as thinking about him though; allow yourself to think about the good times and grieve over the lost relationship.

If it makes you feel better, send a single message that says you are sorry it's over, and if he ever changes his mind and wants to try again, you are open to it. Don't promise anything; don't expect anything. This is just enough to say "I did my best and it didn't work," allowing yourself to move on.

Good luck and much love!
~TD

You are totally right. Guys don't respect you if you beg and bother them.

What I generally recommend is that you send ONE (and only one!!) text/email/fb message or whatever telling him calmly and maturely that you are sorry that the relationship is over and that if he wants to contact you in the future, you would be willing to talk about working on whatever went wrong. Then give him up! Don't be expecting anything back.

What this does is it lets the guy know that if he decides he's made a mistake, you are still approachable. At the same time, it allows you to say, "I did my best," and move on.

Do go ahead and change facebook and anything else related--not so much that HE sees you are moving on, but to encourage YOURSELF to really move on. Don't expect to get back with a guy; on-and-off again relationships are generally difficult and filled with heartache. You'll find someone else, don't worry.

Good luck and much love!
~TD

Breaking up is hard to do, but I think you need to take a long hard look at this relationship. You did not talk about how you feel about this boy; instead, you focused on how much time you two spent together. It sounds like you enjoy being needed, which is okay, but it does not work for this relationship. However, you seem obsessed with his missing you, so I'm not sure that this relationship is entirely healthy.

If you examine your relationship and decide it is still worth pursuing, give him some breathing space, because it sounds like that is what the boy really wants. Maybe send him a SINGLE text or email saying that you are open to getting back together if he changes his mind, and that he can call you if he wants. Other than that, leave him alone for a week or two at least!

It sounds like the guy cared about you at least, so you may want to consider being just friends--you can still hang out and spend time together, but he won't feel obligated to do "boyfriend duties," so he might be happier. Who knows, maybe you will be too!

Finally, if he does decide he misses you and wants you back, agree to give him some space--and stick to it girl! Everyone needs "me time!" One idea is that you can sit down at the beginning of each week and figure out your schedules. Agree that you'll only spend a set amount of time together; for example, 2-3 evenings out of the week and one weekend afternoon. Be sure to schedule things to do apart. Try not to be clingy or needy--guys hate it. Pick up a hobby or renew some other friendships to give yourself other things to commit to.

Whatever path you choose, good luck!

~TD

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you.

Okay, so the biggest thing that I tell people your age--have patience. It's a lot easier said than done, I know; I've been there.

You've told her once that you have feelings for her; I promise she won't forget. Most likely she is unsure of her own or is afraid of messing up your friendship.

Since she already has a boyfriend, now is not a good time to approach her. It's not fair to her or her current boyfriend. The best you can do right now is be a supportive friend.

Have trust and patience. If she has feelings for you, they'll come out eventually. Since you said that each time you wanted to ask her out, she was taken within the week, I assume she doesn't have really long term relationships. Your best bet, as horrible as it sounds, is to wait to date her until she's ready for a mature relationship.

Good luck and much love.

~TD

Aww! I also got my first kiss when I was fifteen, also with my first boyfriend (and was also his first kiss!).

Easier said than done--try and relax. The beginnings of relationships are always kind of weird and awkward. But don't worry about it.

Also, don't think about screwing up. Don't think about not screwing up either! If you concentrate on it, you will inevitably end up screwing up. Just don't think about it at all... do what comes natural, and if something goes wrong, think of it as something to laugh at later. Okay, much later.

I think most people remember their first kiss fondly, and probably you'll be the same. Our memories have an amazing way of taking our favorite memories and editing out all the bad parts. So if there's something that one or both of you stress about at the moment, just realize that it's probably a small thing that you guys won't remember in a few months!

Good luck and much love!

~TD

This sounds like the two of you could have a very good relationship. I had a similar experience in high school, and from my perspective, the best advice that I can give is to be brave, but also be patient.

You have to be brave to test the waters of a friendship. I met my boyfriend the first day of freshman year in high school, and I instantly liked him. We became good friends, and I too was worried about ruining our friendship. I have to say, our friendship was strained at times, but never did we manage to ruin it.

However, also be patient. Give your friendship time to grow so that it can withstand the pressures of a more meaningful relationship. High school (I assume you are in high school or at least middle school) is a very confusing time, and I thought that figuring out relationships was the worst of it. Try not to lose sleep over it. Easier said than done, I know--I lost my fair share back then. But you'll probably look back one day and wonder why you stressed so much. But now I'm sounding like an adult, and I promise I'm not all grown up!

So, like I said, give your friendship time to grow and blossom. Then, especially if your guy is shy, you make the move. I had to do all kinds of crazy things in high school. We met freshman year, but didn't start dating until the very last day of our junior year. I first tried just flirting (it doesn't work, btw), and I even confronted him one time and demanded to know where we stood and if he actually wanted a relationship with me. That didn't work either. What finally did it is I agreed to just be friends (although our friendship wasn't the best at that time), and I got myself another boyfriend. When that relationship didn't work out, my current boyfriend was there to hold my hand as I cried through the death of my relationship. And move in soon after.

I don't suggest that you get another boyfriend to make him jealous (especially not right away!). The point of my story is that usually things don't work out the way you plan--but they do work out if you just give them time.

Good luck and much love!

~TD

PS. My boyfriend and I currently have a wonderful relationship. We plan to get married after he graduates law school in a couple of years.

The best thing to do is to not focus on what he's doing now, but if you think about him, think about the good times of the past. I obviously don't know what your situation is, but I can tell you mine and you can compare. I still really miss my ex sometimes (from over four years ago), even though it was me who broke up with him, and I didn't treat him very well either. I was an emotional wreck at the time while I tried to convince myself (and him) that he was the one I wanted to be with, right before I broke it off. He was my first love, and my first kiss; I'll always remember that about him, and I'll always feel the guilt and pain of leaving him. Anyway, I had to sit and sort out all of my feelings. I don't keep a journal, but writing everything down helped. Whatever you do, don't focus on him "chasing other girls." Whether he is or not is not important, unless you want to get back together with him; I'm assuming you don't, since you want him out of your head. Think about the ups of your relationship, and you are also allowed to cry over the end of a relationship. It might also help if when you find yourself thinking of him, concentrate on something really hard not related to him at all. You can use an image or run through a scene of a movie in your head. It will get you off track, and eventually, it will become habit. Know that you'll always remember him, but you'll move on and that's okay. Good luck and much love.

~TD

The sexiest tat I ever saw was on a guy with really great pecs, and he had small chinese characters lined underneath his right pec. I wouldn't recommend it if you don't have a spectacular chest, but that's my favorite. A picture on the underside of the forearm is pretty sexy too. Good luck and much love!

~TD

Awww... I think it's so cute! All of the signs say yes! he does have a thing for you. Great relationships include great friendships, so friendships that blossom into relationships are so much fun. It's really nice to have someone to make out with, but it's even better having someone you can talk to and be yourself with too. My guy and I have been friends since freshman year of high school, but we didn't start dating until the end of our junior year. All of the time that we spend as friends just made the relationship we have now that much stronger. So, go with confidence and make that next move! Ask him to get coffee or lunch or something with you, and make it clear that you want to spend more time with him.

Good luck and much love!

~TD

Aww...he sounds like a good guy. Practice that communication, and you'll have successful relationships! Good luck and much love!

~TD

I think it is time for you to move on! You deserve better than this. A guy that makes you walk on eggshells then breaks your heart is not worth your time. Don't take the chance--if your heart is broken too many times, you just become jaded, and you'll expect every guy afterward to treat you the same, even though they all won't. Make a clean break if you need to, and take the time to heal. Don't answer his calls or talk to him online. Take time to mourn the love that is over, and be careful who you take as a rebound. If you do decided to take him back, however, be very careful, and be very clear with him that this is HIS chance to prove himself, and he better work dang hard too. Good luck and much love!

~TD

Yes, I definitely know what you're talking about! It was very similar between me and my bf. The easiest way I can think of is to say something like "I really love making out, but what do you think of going a little further?" It will still feel awkward--there's no avoiding it, I'm sorry. I still feel like the best thing for you to do is to get his side of the story. It's really hard to respect someone's feelings if you don't know what they are; if he is reluctant to open up, tell him that. If you try that and you're still lost, message me again with more details and I will try again! Good luck and much love!

~TD

I know you don't want to straight up tell him what you want, but that's honestly the best thing that you can do. You need to talk about it because if HE isn't ready to go that far, YOU need to respect that. He respects you, but I can't tell how much you respect him. Your relationship is not about only your feelings, wants, and needs, it's about his too, and you need to consider that.

Maybe instead of saying "lets do this," ask him how far he's been before (don't ask for details--it could lead to a fight), or how far he'd like to go. I'll tell you this--being silent about what you want doesn't make anybody happy. If you talk about it, either he'll realize how much you want to do, and make you happy, or he might explain his side, maybe you'll be satisfied knowing his reasons for not going to far.

Communication is the key to a good relationship--not just the emotional part, but the physical one too!! Guys can't read minds, so give him a break and tell him what's on yours.

Good luck and much love!

~TD

He certainly sounds like he likes you, but he also sounds unsure of himself. He probably hasn't asked you out either because he is shy or unsure or your feelings, and would rather not be rejected. Also, it sounds like y'all are friends, so he may be enjoying it and not want to risk messing it up.

Hopefully he's not like my boyfriend...we were friends and liked each other from freshman year and he did not ask me out until end of our junior year! When I ask him about it, his best answer is "I don't know." Guys can just be really dumb sometimes. It sounds like you are doing plenty of chasing, so keep making it clear that you like him and even tell him so if you have to, but you can also give him room to figure out what he wants to do.

Good luck and much love!

~TD

Hey, we all understand your pain, lol. I remember my big question was what to do with my hands!! Anyway, a simple kiss is, well, simple. If you've ever kissed anybody on the cheek, you can do that, but try not to knock noses--it's okay to keep your eyes open a little; look down and it won't look like you are staring. And a more involved kiss has more to do, but once you do it a time or two, every thing will probably come naturally. If you want to turn your head, pull back a little and turn to however you are comfortable; the guys I have kissed automatically adjusted. With your tongue, you can run it across theirs or even pull back and give their lip a little lick. And hands can go anywhere, do anything. It can be a hug, in their hair, on their hips, you could be leaning on them... anything really.

All that being said, I doubt when you start kissing you'll think about all of this. Don't keep a checklist in your head; just do what feels natural. And not all guys are great kissers, so don't feel bad making suggestions--just say, "hey, I really love it when you do this" or "why don't you try this..." Believe me, most guys will jump on it and even be glad they know how to make you happy.

Good luck and much love!

~TD

This isn't cheating--it's molestation. However, (I'm assuming this happened to you) I would talk to your significant other about it, so that word doesn't get to him/her through someone else and they believe you are cheating, which can be just as damaging to a relationship. If the guilt doesn't go away or you just need to, I would also suggest talking to a psychologist or therapist of some sort. While it's not smart to drink enough to lose control over yourself, it is never your fault if someone molests or rapes you. If you need someone to talk to, remember that there are many of us here that love to help, and you can always message us. Good luck and much love.

~TD

I agree with sodapop that you need to tell your friend. However, you also need to evaluate what kind of friendship you two have. If you do not have a strong friendship, you may have to face the fact that you two will not be friends anymore. Sometimes, a friend who loves her boyfriend will find it easier to pin the whole affair on you, and leave her boyfriend blameless--in that case, you will have worse than no friendship; you will more than likely become enemies. Some friendships, however, can weather it. Determine what kind of friendship you have to figure out how to tell her. If she's going to be jealous, don't put the blame on the guy. If you think she will dump you as a friend, you could ask if there is anything you could do to win her trust back. Hopefully you guys can work it out, but realize she will have trust issues with you for a while. However, all of that is better than someone else telling her--leaving you with no chance to regain her trust ever. Good luck and much love.

~TD

It is definitely your prerogative to get upset. The comment was hurtful, but even more hurtful is your girlfriend's lack of loyalty to you. I think people can say whatever they want, but they also need to think about what they are saying if they plan to have any friends. Either way, we can't control other people, but that doesn't mean we have to put up with them. Your girlfriend should be sensitive of your feelings, and instead of telling you to get thicker skin, encourage her family to treat you with the respect you deserve. Talk to her, and see what is going on with her, and feel free to come back if you need. Good luck and much love.

~TD

Hey sweetie, I know you're nervous, and you obviously know this, but the best thing to do is to ask him. BUT it's hard, I know. Don't worry, you have time in the future to build up your confidence. For now, why don't you just give him yours? If you go to school with him, you can slip a note into his locker? My boyfriend and I did that all the time for each other--it's easy, and it's a fun thing to do for each other once you've been going out a bit longer. Just an idea! Good luck and much love!

~TD

Hey girl, I definitely know how you feel. Before I go any further with advice, you sound like you really like this guy, but you know it's a bad idea. You know it, you've said it. So I shouldn't have to tell you. Please don't like this guy because you can't find anyone else right now. I promise you, there are guys out there that are good guys, attractive, and don't do drugs all the time. Although drugs may seem like no big deal, they can be, and you don't want to be involved in the chance that they are.

Okay, with that off of my chest, I have some tips and cheering up stories to share.

First off, let me tell you about my high school career. Freshman and sophomore years, I was really shy with low self-esteem. I shuffled when I walked, I looked at the ground, and I avoided people I didn't know. And, as you can guess, no dates, ever. I didn't really even have any guys flirting or talking to me much. Junior and senior year, I decided I didn't really care what other people thought of me. I looked up at people when I walked and gained a bit of confidence. I had tons of guy friends and flirted a lot. Better yet, I had dates to almost every school event, went out on a couple dates, met my first love, broke my first love's heart, then the man of my dreams asked me out (and we're still together).

The whole point of that babbling is that confidence, even a little, is the key. So here's my challenge to you: look at people. While you're walking down the hallway, pick a cute guy, make eye contact, smile, look away. Do it as much as you can, to as many people as you can (girls too). It's really no big deal, and yet I know it is. I remember how incredible hard it was to make myself LOOK at people. I'll tell you it does get easier...but I'll also tell you, I still struggle with it.

However, you need to try it anyway. It may feel fake and awkward at first, but the result is that the person you smiled at thinks, hey, she knows I exist, she must be a nice person. You'll make more friends, more guys will notice you, and when their minds wander, they'll start to think...that cute girl that smiled at me, I wonder if she's single? I wonder if she would date me? I wonder if she's a good kisser...etc. I won't delve any further into guys' twisted minds. And another upside? You'll have guys' attention, and you can't be called a slut or anything, no one can definitely say your smiles mean more than a smile, or anything like that. It just means you're friendly.

Some tips if it's really really hard (I hope it's not, but it may be): remember, this is not a long, ogling stare. Eye contact + smile...two seconds flat. (If you stare, people will think you are weird and obsessive.) Try practicing with your close friends, in the mirror, on your pet (they may not smile back, but hey, they're smiling on the inside).

Another little story (and you can skip it if you want...it won't hurt my feelings. Mostly because I won't know): there's this guy on campus I see every once in a while. He's gorgeous, and he's stolen my (as well as the other girls who have run into him) heart. We've never had a conversation, I have no idea who he is, but my impression of him is that he's a wonderful, sweet, sensitive and caring guy, and obviously a great kisser. Our encounters include nothing more than he smiles, says hello, how are you, and then opens a door or steps aside. And we're all convinced he's the most fantastic guy ever. Smiles are powerful...believe it! Btw, I just inferred the great kisser part, lol.

As far as "no other guys to like," I know it feels true, and it may be for the most part--that's just how it is in high school. Try giving guys a chance that you normally wouldn't. I know some guys that seemed immature, but it was mostly just an act to fit in with other guys--those guys make wonderful friends, and I imagine great boyfriends. If it doesn't work out, and they really are just immature idiots, you haven't really lost anything.

So be patient; high school is tough, but you are strong. Good luck and much love!

~TD

I'm back after a hiatus! I have graduated college (yay!) and am working with Thoroughbred racehorses in Kentucky.

I enjoy giving advice to teens because now that I am older, I have a proper perspective of high school, but I am close enough in age that I don't think I'll come off as some idiot with adult problems that has no idea how teenage life works. Generally I answer love life questions, since that is where many self-image problems surface-not to mention it's highly confusing! If you are wondering about my own love life... well, I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years. We are getting married once he finishes law school, and yes! We are high school sweethearts!

I also love giving advice to dog owners. I have grown up with dogs and currently have two mutt-butts of my own :) I have worked for several different veterinary clinics, including a vet school, I have taken tons of classes, as well as doing personal research.

I try to be understanding of everyone's problems...I also try to see things from the asker's point of view, but often I do not have enough information so I do the best I can!

BTW if you want to ask me a question, please keep in mind: I LIKE--decent spelling and grammer, proper punctuation, and real words; I HATE--using "like" improperly, lack of punctuation, and gross misspellings. I am happy to read and answer any question, but these are just polite things to do for any columnist!

Gender:
Occupation:
Age:
Member Since:
Answers:
Last Update:
Visitors:
Main Categories:



Favorite Columnists