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going nowhere
last year i wrote this kid i had a crush on a note saying i thought he was cute. after that note, i talked to him 2 times .. one right after i wrote it and one time in the summer .. i did it regardless of the fact that he told my friend that he did not like me, but thought i was a nice girl. now at school, we just completely ignore each other .. but his friends always stare at me, so i know he told them the whole story & i see him glancing over at me from time to time in the halls. but it probably means nothing. i just feel like a failure. i'm 16 and i've never kissed anyone. i'm not ugly & i get compliments all the time that i have nice clothes and that i'm really pretty, but i don't ever really talk to guys. i hear things that some guys think i'm cute, but thats it. i make small talk but thats as far as it ever goes. they don't talk to me and i'm really not friends with them, which is really pathetic. i'm just shy around guys & i thought doing what i did last year with the note would get me somewhere, but it didnt. it just made things more awkward this year. i mean, the kid isn't an angel..he smokes weed all the time & does shrooms on a regular basis..but he is the nicest person and is shy just like me. he is insanely hot and honestly every time i look at him he gets more beautiful everytime. i know he's probably not the best person to like, but there has been so many coincidences between us that its kinda creepy. (too many to name)and its just so weird how nothing has happened ever since i wrote the note in april. i dont know. what did i do wrong? what am i doing? i just dont understand how i've been single & unkissed for 16 years while everyone else is so far ahead of me. there's no other guys to like .. trust me ive tried. theyre all idiots and extremely immature. the one time i actually really like someone who is really attractive&a good guy at heart, nothing works out. HELP!!!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey girl, I definitely know how you feel. Before I go any further with advice, you sound like you really like this guy, but you know it's a bad idea. You know it, you've said it. So I shouldn't have to tell you. Please don't like this guy because you can't find anyone else right now. I promise you, there are guys out there that are good guys, attractive, and don't do drugs all the time. Although drugs may seem like no big deal, they can be, and you don't want to be involved in the chance that they are.
Okay, with that off of my chest, I have some tips and cheering up stories to share.
First off, let me tell you about my high school career. Freshman and sophomore years, I was really shy with low self-esteem. I shuffled when I walked, I looked at the ground, and I avoided people I didn't know. And, as you can guess, no dates, ever. I didn't really even have any guys flirting or talking to me much. Junior and senior year, I decided I didn't really care what other people thought of me. I looked up at people when I walked and gained a bit of confidence. I had tons of guy friends and flirted a lot. Better yet, I had dates to almost every school event, went out on a couple dates, met my first love, broke my first love's heart, then the man of my dreams asked me out (and we're still together).
The whole point of that babbling is that confidence, even a little, is the key. So here's my challenge to you: look at people. While you're walking down the hallway, pick a cute guy, make eye contact, smile, look away. Do it as much as you can, to as many people as you can (girls too). It's really no big deal, and yet I know it is. I remember how incredible hard it was to make myself LOOK at people. I'll tell you it does get easier...but I'll also tell you, I still struggle with it.
However, you need to try it anyway. It may feel fake and awkward at first, but the result is that the person you smiled at thinks, hey, she knows I exist, she must be a nice person. You'll make more friends, more guys will notice you, and when their minds wander, they'll start to think...that cute girl that smiled at me, I wonder if she's single? I wonder if she would date me? I wonder if she's a good kisser...etc. I won't delve any further into guys' twisted minds. And another upside? You'll have guys' attention, and you can't be called a slut or anything, no one can definitely say your smiles mean more than a smile, or anything like that. It just means you're friendly.
Some tips if it's really really hard (I hope it's not, but it may be): remember, this is not a long, ogling stare. Eye contact + smile...two seconds flat. (If you stare, people will think you are weird and obsessive.) Try practicing with your close friends, in the mirror, on your pet (they may not smile back, but hey, they're smiling on the inside).
Another little story (and you can skip it if you want...it won't hurt my feelings. Mostly because I won't know): there's this guy on campus I see every once in a while. He's gorgeous, and he's stolen my (as well as the other girls who have run into him) heart. We've never had a conversation, I have no idea who he is, but my impression of him is that he's a wonderful, sweet, sensitive and caring guy, and obviously a great kisser. Our encounters include nothing more than he smiles, says hello, how are you, and then opens a door or steps aside. And we're all convinced he's the most fantastic guy ever. Smiles are powerful...believe it! Btw, I just inferred the great kisser part, lol.
As far as "no other guys to like," I know it feels true, and it may be for the most part--that's just how it is in high school. Try giving guys a chance that you normally wouldn't. I know some guys that seemed immature, but it was mostly just an act to fit in with other guys--those guys make wonderful friends, and I imagine great boyfriends. If it doesn't work out, and they really are just immature idiots, you haven't really lost anything.
So be patient; high school is tough, but you are strong. Good luck and much love!
~TD
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I am a lot like you. I've gotten compliments that I was cute and stuff but nothing ever happened. I am shy. Very shy when it comes to guys. But now I have a boyfriend and I'm still shy around guys, even him. He doesn't mind because I'm opening up more. Your not a failure, trust me. And sooner or later a guy will come. Your not doing anything wrong. Just talk to guys more. You can act as if they are your friends, don't worry about what they will think about you at first. Maybe this one guy wasn't the right one but there is so many guys out there. You will get one. Just start talking to guys more, try being their friends. Don't jump right onto them but just casually talk to them and eventually you guys will be friends. Just a little confidence is what you need. Just open up a little more. Good luck!
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Heyy,
Firstly i do relate to your story, because that was very much like me when i was younger. To be honest, you kind of identify the problem, it's because your shy around guys, and like don't feel bad about it, just every day make a goal, talk to one guy more. Smile more, be friendly, in my last two years of high school i made friends with a lot of popular girls who identifyed my problem which is that guys sense insecurity and shyness in a girl, and it makes them feel kind of ackward too. Like think of the geek in your school and talking to him, it's kind of ackward..right. Not that your in the same league at all, but do you see where i'm coming from? Try not to get too hung up on this guy but definetley smile at him and say hi when you pass in the corridor and dress up really cute, act as if it doesn't phase you that he doesn't like you back. Also try to meet more guys by getting a job or making new girl mates who can introduce you to more people, or hanging out were there are guys.
Hope i helped.
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