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I'm In Love With My Best Friend! Please Help!
Okay. So I have liked this guy that goes to my school for a few months now. Over these past few months he and I have become really close friends, and during this time I also realized I liked him a lot. All of our friends agree the feeling is mutual. I have reason to believe he likes me, too. We talk to each other every single day without fail, we write notes to each other, he tells me he has dreams about me, we talk about our "future" together, etc. He also told my best friend that he liked me. The main problem is that he is extremely shy when it comes to romance, and I do not want to scare him off and wreck our friendship. But I need to do something soon because I'm losing sleep over this and all of our friends are sick of us holding back on our feelings for each other. I think what we both need is closure on the whole matter, and I hope the end result is positive, since I really want him to be my boyfriend! Please help me!
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This sounds like the two of you could have a very good relationship. I had a similar experience in high school, and from my perspective, the best advice that I can give is to be brave, but also be patient.
You have to be brave to test the waters of a friendship. I met my boyfriend the first day of freshman year in high school, and I instantly liked him. We became good friends, and I too was worried about ruining our friendship. I have to say, our friendship was strained at times, but never did we manage to ruin it.
However, also be patient. Give your friendship time to grow so that it can withstand the pressures of a more meaningful relationship. High school (I assume you are in high school or at least middle school) is a very confusing time, and I thought that figuring out relationships was the worst of it. Try not to lose sleep over it. Easier said than done, I know--I lost my fair share back then. But you'll probably look back one day and wonder why you stressed so much. But now I'm sounding like an adult, and I promise I'm not all grown up!
So, like I said, give your friendship time to grow and blossom. Then, especially if your guy is shy, you make the move. I had to do all kinds of crazy things in high school. We met freshman year, but didn't start dating until the very last day of our junior year. I first tried just flirting (it doesn't work, btw), and I even confronted him one time and demanded to know where we stood and if he actually wanted a relationship with me. That didn't work either. What finally did it is I agreed to just be friends (although our friendship wasn't the best at that time), and I got myself another boyfriend. When that relationship didn't work out, my current boyfriend was there to hold my hand as I cried through the death of my relationship. And move in soon after.
I don't suggest that you get another boyfriend to make him jealous (especially not right away!). The point of my story is that usually things don't work out the way you plan--but they do work out if you just give them time.
Good luck and much love!
~TD
PS. My boyfriend and I currently have a wonderful relationship. We plan to get married after he graduates law school in a couple of years.
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Since you two talk so much, try subtly making your conversation suggestive (not sexually) or flirty. It sounds like he does like you, and is just too shy to make a move. Most guys LOVE it if girls make the first move. If you two are talking about a movie, suggest you two go together.
Since you write notes to each other, why not surprise him with a special note.
Or if you find yourselves talking about the future together, ask him if he sees you as more then friends in the future, or better yet, now.
Or when you are talking, just come out with it. It will only strain any relationship you may have if you both bottle it up. Say you have to get something off your chest and even if he doesnt feel the same way you understand and your just happy you two are friends. It's scary, but you just need to let him know how you feel!
Good luck,
-Abby
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