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What do I do?
My name is Jack and I'm 22. Sorry if this is long but I really need the help. I recently found out that I have a 15 year old half sister named sarah. I've been searching for her for a long time and I finally found her. Well when I first saw her I noticed that she had scars on her arms that I think were from cutting herself. The more I talked to her the more I noticed something was wrong. At first she wasn't saying much I figured that was normal I mean she had never met me before and she had just found out that I was her half brother. I've been seeing her everyday for about 2 weeks now and she still seems really nervous like she's almost afriad to get to know me. I've also been trying to meet my father but evertime I go to see him she comes to the door and says he's not home even though his car is there. I asked to meet her mom and she said that she wasn't home either. This goes everynight. Well this afternoon I stopped by without calling first so sarah didn't know I was coming I wanted to surprise her. I heard yelling so I tried to see what was going on but the door was locked. I stood there for 5 minutes before my sarah came to the door. She looked like she was limping and seemed to be in pain. She said that she was going to a friends house so she couldn't go with me today. I asked about her parents again and again they weren't home. Well after she left I went in the house I saw that my father was drunk and her mother was too. I think they could be abusing but I just don't understand why she would hide it. I'm really worried about her. She's a really nice kid and I don't know what to do. I'm beginning to form a relationship with my sister and I don't want to ruin that. Getting to know my father isn't that important to me right now because I've found something better. What should I do to make sure that suspicions are correct? and don't say talk to her because she won't tell me. Also if she is being abused would it be a good idea to turn her parents in even if she doesn't want me to? I'm thinking about asking her to come live with me but I don't know much about 15 year old girls. Would having her move in with me be a good idear or are there other options that will be better for her?
Thank you in advance
Jack
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jack you have to tell someone call 9-1-1 something get her to open up to you and open up to you!
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If and when you find out your suspicions are valid...turn them in. Even if she temporarily gets mad at you it will be worth it knowing she is safe.
I think you should let her know that your door is always open and that she has someplace to go if and when she needs to. Make sure she has all your numbers and if you have to invest in a cellular phone for her (if she hasn't one). Doesn't have to have all the bells and whistles just a way for her to contact you if needed.
Hopefully she will trust you more as she gets to know you. If your suspicions are correct she may have a hard time trusting anyone. I'm sure she loves her parents even if they do treat her badly and don't deserve it. Kids are just that way. She wouldn't want to get them in trouble. I think ( though its a little late now) You should maybe contact someone in authority at her school and have them help you keep an eye on her. If they even suspect anything is amiss they are obligated to turn it in as a suspected child abuse case. It may take them getting turned in for you to get any kind of custody of her anyway. Be prepared in case that happens.
For now work on gaining her trust. Show up on time. Keep promises etc. I think I would give her surprise visits now and then too. If you can afford to do so you might also consult an attorney and see if he/she could offer anything else of use to you. Good luck to both you and your sister. :)
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TO: Jack
i know i may be young for a question like this but im going to try anyway. hope you dont mind. ignore this if its no help.
first off, there is definitely abuse going on. you should try to talk to your dad and stepmom in private without her knowing. try talking to friends and neighbors. do a little research. make sure your hunches are right.
if they are right then secondly, you must tell SOMEONE!! anyone that can possibly help. i mean of course you dont want your sister to keep suffering like this. make sure to let her know that you know as well.
also, i think that having her live with you would be a great idea, at least temporarily. she would have at least someone to be with and she can always find another relative if ever. at least let her know youll be there and thats the kind of big brother you are. another thing you can do is show her to your mom beecause im pretty sure both of them would like that dont you think? ya noe?
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I think having her come live with you is an excellent idea. If she lives with you, you can be sure that she wont get abused any longer. As for her parents, i think you should report them. it would be the best thing because they wouldnt be able to hurt her anymore. if you donty want her to find out you told ask the people you give the report to to keep your identity confidential. I hope i've helped you. Write back when you've decided what to do if you can or if you still cant decide.
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i say follow your instincts and let her move in with you youve got nothink to loose in fact your gaining a little sister and dont worry if you have problems with bonding with her there are some bonding classes you and your sister can go to im not saying that she is or isnt being abbused because i dont know her i dont know whats been going on and your dont really either so remember to be sure on what you think before you do anything that could turn out to be nothing but im not saying just leave it you need to find out whats been going on becuase if she is being abbused then it needs to be stopped dont go asking her all questions straight off your a stranger to her she hardly knows you she needs to be able to trust you before she says anything so dont put any presure on her she is only young and is probly scared of being on her own so you need to ensure her that she isnt alone and your always there if she wants to talk say you will do your best to help her and if her parents are abbusing her then you can end it but all she needs to do is speak up hope ive helped and if you want to ask me any questions then go ahead and i hope everything works out
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Wow, your an awsome person. I say follow your heart and have her move in and become close with her maybe you can get her parents helpt too; Thats soo nice of you and if there was just more people in the world like you,,
thx
-Meg-
13/f
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Go with your heart on this one. You little sister is in a bad situtation and needs out. I don't think she could be anywhere better than with you. You will have a battle on your hands, but I would personally fight to get custody of her. You care about her, Jack. Regardless of how little you know about raising a 15 year old girl, I don't think you'd ever hurt her. You are a far better choice than where she is now. Fight for her. She needs you. Here's a clue though, all girls that age are angry about something. Living with her will not be easy, but you will at least try to reach her and find her any help she needs. Call in DHR, file custody papers. See if there are any other relatives that are willing to stand with you. I wish you both well, Jack!
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Hi Jack,
I have a friend that when we were growing up had abusive father that was an alcoholic and she talk to a school consler about it and luckly we had a suport group at school back then call Alanon is for children and teens whos parents abuse alcohol and drugs I went with her to the meetings every monday it would be good to find a group like this in your town the are a sudsidarie group of AA if any thing this will get her to where she can tlk about it. As for turning them in that might run her off for good even though it is for her own good she could end up hating you for quit some time its only been 2-3 weeks of getting to know her she needs to feel like she can trust you it takes awhile for a 15yr old girl to warm up to the brother she didnt know she had. Oh and as for having her move in with you that could turn out to be a dosy but then again some times its not that bad your going to have to understand that even though shes a child she going to want you to treat her like an adult. Be careful an good luck Hope I helped a little.
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I know she wont tell you , but ask her about the idea of living with you. It would also be a good idea to turn her parents in , its totally wrong to abuse (if they do). best of luck
-samie
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Hi Jack.
Well is really sounds like your suspicions are correct and even if they aren't, it is definitly worth the try to find out! She may not be saying anything because she is scared of what her father might do to her. She is probably shy around many people because if he abuses her physicly then he probably does in emotionally and mentally also. That may be one of the reasons she is hiding it from you is because her father told her to and she has been so brainwashed by him that she believes she deserves what he is doing which isn't right. You should definitly call social services or the police. I don't know how they would feel about her living with you but its better then her current living situation. I am only 16 and not sure of the options you both have or what the laws are where you live, but anyone could see from what you are describing that they wouldn't make her stay there. I think you should definitly do something about this no matter what it is, even if it's getting her out of there yourself without help! You should do something about this, even if she doesn't want to. No matter if it ends up with her living with you or maybe even in a foster home, its definitly better than where she is now. Good luck and I hope whatever you decide ends well!
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