My grandpa died about one year ago, and the only time I cried about it is when i recieved the news on the phone. Not even at the funeral/wake..=\. But it's sort of hard to believe that I didn't because I used to have a diary and i wrote about how close i was to him and how much i loved him and such. Now for the past few days, all I have been doing is crying about him because I miss him so much. I mean i can't even watch certain shows on tv anymore because we used to watch them together, and songs that sing about relationships make me cry. My question is, why am i just starting to miss him and crying now? What should I do? This is the first time i've cried about him being gone.
Thanks for any advice. And btw, I dont have any other grandparents, and my parents and i arent that close so i cant get help from them. Thanks.
TO: my grandpa died.
i understand what your going through. my uncle died almost a year ago. i never cried about it until a few months afterwards. i think it was because everything was just too sudden. some could argue i was either running away from or hiding the pain in the death. [i'm not saying YOU are though].
it's okay to cry. i'm sure things have been somewhat lonesome, especially now that you're remembering all these little things about your grandpa. healing takes time. we might not feel the wound immediately but the pain is still there somewhere. now that its gotten back to you, let it all out.
i just want to let you know that you should never be sad because you're granpa died. it is said that those who mourn TOO LONG for a death is selfish because all they can think about is themselves and that person being together again. you should cherish the moments you two had and always look back on them to make you feel better, not worse. ya noe?
i hope that helps.
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If a friend is doing idiotic things that are endangering her health, how far must you go to stop them before it becomes "nagging"? Urge them to change their ways once? Twice? Get other friends and gang up on them? In the opinions of the great Advicenators, when do such actions go past the point of being helpful and instead become merely annoying and likely to irritate the person you're trying to help?
TO: Helping without nagging
well as i told another friend of mine just a few moments ago, a person's actions is their own. they have their options and if their mind is set on something then i'm sure theyre gonna do it.
helping is a responsibility and, at times, a buden. there is no limit to "help." your efforts in helping a person would NEVER go past "the point of being helpful" because, somewhere down the road, they will come to the realization that you were right.
my best advice is to just keep trying and trying. even though you feel like your nagging, you should keep on going to at least show you care. if the problem becomes critical, get outside help [i.e. friends, family, anyone theyre REALLY close with]. yea noe?
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does anyone have any suggestions on how to be more open? i've been too used to keep everything to myself. most of the time that i have expressed my feelings about something or a problem, i find that i made things worse, or hurt others. i do want to be more open, but almost everytime i try my feelings get the best of me. my girlfriend has been such a big help - i actually do like to tell her everything - but i wouldn't want to hurt her by being moody when my feelings do get the best of me... any advice? thanks - its much appreciated.
TO: [anonymous]
don't worry- i have the same problem. i seem to be "open" at the wrong moments and things just started to spiral downwards. i keep a journal where i write all my thoughts down and although it helps me get it out, i'm the only person that knows and so no one else knows what i'm going through.
i'm still in the process of trying to be more open, however, so i can't fully advise you on what to do- i can only tell you what i have learned thus far. choose one person, in your case your girlfriend, that you have to be fully open with no matter what. start with one and gradually go to two and then three.
at least that's what i'm doing. i find that the more i tell my best friend EVERYTHING, the less scary it is to leave things in the open, and the easier it is to tell my other friends a few things. at least the minor stuff. ya noe?
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sup?
recently nothing in my life is going well. I'm used to being an A student, but thats changing. I'm doing terrible in most all my subjects excluding english. As for a social life, all of my friends are dropping like flies with no reasons about why. My family is driving me crazy. The want me to be as obident as someone out of little house on the praire. I just don't like my dad, i never really have, and i treat him with respect in public, but at home we are all different. Sometimes i think about ending it all. I know i won't because i'm the biggest chicken you'll ever meet, but i think about it often now. By my school there is this big hill and i find myself staring at it too much. I know that i'll never tell my friends about my grades because i suppose i'm too prideful for that. so what i'm asking you is how do i make it out of this slump in one piece, quite literally.
TO: Slump City
first off i would reallie like to apologize for my lazy behavior in that i havent checked my inbox for a month and so this reply is extremely late. hopefully not too late.
i think i understand how you feel. at times, my world seems to go upside down as well and certain ideas pop up in my head that i know i shouldnt do. first of all, as little help as this sounds, keep your chin up. there is reason for everything, even if you dont believe in religion.
second, talk your problems out. pride can be hurtful and putting on a fake mask is worse than letting everything out. if your pride is reallie all that great, carry around a journal or a "thought book" and write everything out. thats what i do. it helps burn all the anger or depression and, if only a little, lifts some weights off your shoulders.
as for your friends, if theyre dropping away from you then make new ones. schools are big and so there will always be new people to meet. friends who leave yoo arent reallie your friends at all.
for your family there reallie isnt much i can say. you can try talking it out or letting them know because if they dont know then how can they fix themselves? otherwise, on the reallie bad days, just think about turning eighteen. i know some people who have a count down to when their eighteen and able to leave the house.
speaking of leaving the house...if your social life is in ruins then concentrate more on your grades and FORGET about your social life. as soon as you escape your trouble at home then you can create a whole new social life.
hint: the easiest way to leave the house without causing a family feud would be college so always have that option open in clear, like a back up plan.
well thats about all i have to say.
im not sure if anything is helpful but i hope SOMETHING in gettting this makes you feel better.
again i would like to apologize for the delay in the return of this response. i like yourself have been having troubles of my own and havent had much of a chance to check on this website.
if ever you're reallie down in the ground
you can IM me sometime: xolilmspiggieox
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Hey
This guy friend of mine (whos very timid at school) were IMing. And all of a sudden he kept saying he wouldn't come to my b-day party even though its in a month from now. And then out of no where he asks if i like him more then a friend. So i dodged that question and said i wasn't planning on dating or marriage. And he said oh thats great. Is it some of a relief to him that i didn't say yes?
Confused and crazy
TO: Super duper Confused
well if he didnt want to go to your birthday party then im guessing he WANTED you to say that (although its sometimes hard to tell online)... to be in the safe side yoo should talk to him about it and make sure everything is all good.. ya noe?
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hi, i'm not really used to asking for advice about such a, well, topic like this. I believe that i'm in love with the idea of being in love. Does that make any sense to you? I'm a sap for big broadway romantics like west side story, grease, and guys and dolls. Well anyway i know its odd, but i dislike most boys A LOT!! I mean, they are such jerks and treat girls as though they are second class citizens(at least most of the ones i know) but i'm not saying all boys are bad, i have a few good male friends. Anyway I tell all my gal pals that i'll never get married, but in the back of my mind i want someone smart to sweep me off my feet Yet i'm too cautious to allow anyone to get to know me that well. And besides i'm looking for a REALLY ReALLY REALLY smart one, i won't settle for anything less. Unfortuanly, there are no good looking boys in my area and if they are mildly attractive, they have sour personalitys. I have a sweet sixteen party coming up in october and next year is junior prom. AND I'M NOT going with a group of friends. I'm a stuborn independent gal who needs a confident young man because if i don't find one soon, i'll have gained 30 lbs from eating chocolate covered cherries and watching hugh grant confess his love to his on screen Co star.
Whats a girl to do?
-dreamer of love
TO: In Love with Love
haha you remind me of a younger, more naiive version of me (not that im saying your naiive or anything)... first of all being in love with love isnt such a bad thing... that means that you love romance drama and such like that.. from the way you put im dont think your sure if your ready for something like that in your life yet you want it... (ignore me if im wrong...)
well anyways there is not much you can do.. all i can say is your gonna have to wait it out... i know thats not the best of advices but theres reallie not much more i can say...love cant be one-sided and it takes two to tango...
my only advice is watch the chocolate and get off the couch!! being outside and being more interactive with other people will give yoo a bigger chance of finding that one "special" person rather than hoping he'll just pop out of the teev...ya noe?
hope that helped..
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There's a guy who in 6th grade-- long time ago, he liked me and he told me so, but I never really thought of him that way... but now, that he's grown up a lot, he's still got a great personality, and just because I told him I did not feel for him, we were still friends and all. And we go to different schools now, so I have only seen him once since 6th grade and he's really hott now. We won't be in the same school for another year and I don't want to lose him! I'm so confused... should I wait til a year or should I do something now? I haven't kept in touch so I think it would be kinda weird for me to just call him or something outa the blue after a year of not seeing him.
TO: long time no see
i have had this exact same scenario...i mean EXACT SAME.. haha okie well from MY experience i think that if hes a true friend then you won't have to worry about ever losing him...also you should start getting in touch with him now.. since you guys would be seeing each other it would be great if you guys were friends before you went to the same school together ya noe? call him up... as wierd as it may seem im sure things would go great as soon as you two started talking and im also sure he would like the surprise gretting... ya noe?
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i know this question gets asked a lot but i havent ever looked to see the answer.... well how do u put a background on myspace i cannot figure it out for the life of me!! so if you could please answer this question that would really help!!
thankees
xOxO
TO: myspace
here ya go... change where it needs changing and make style one word... yaa hopefully it will show.. if not tell me and ill try to send it to yoo through myspace...
(btw my myspace URL: www.myspace.com/xmashotty)
< s t y l e type="text/css" >body{background-color:white; background-image: url("BACKGROUND URL"); background-attachment: fixed; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 50% 50%!important;}
< / s t y l e >
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Girls: Do you think it would be cute for a guy to ask before kissing a girl? Would you find that cute or weird?
TO: Asking
i personally think that is cute but only if it's on their first kiss...after that being asked would start getting annoying...
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im a 15 year old girl and ive lived with my dad for the past 3 years and its hard to talk to him about girl stuff. how can i talk to him without making both of us unconfortable.
i rate high for good answers. thank you
TO: fed up
its always uncomfy for a dad and daughter to talk about "girl stuff". my best advice is either sit him down and set everything straight real fast or go to a best friend's mom and ask them for advice. ya know?
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This girl at my school thinks she is one of my friends,but she not.How do I tell her to get away?
Please help me asap.
Shannon
TO: I have not a friend
there is never an easy way to tell a person that they aren't your friend. if you dont like her then tell her up front, that what i think. or you could get someone to tell her. whatever way you decide to do it, tell her soon, because the longer she thinks she's your friend, the more she'll get hurt... ya know?
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Hi, I'm a freshman soon a sophmore and i need big help. Life hasn't been exactly "a piece of cake." My parents verbally abuse me sometimes (not lately though), I've been rejected a lot by guys that i like, and my school grades haven't been good. And lately I've just been too busy and tired. I've been physically exhausted and can barely even talk (which has lost me a lot of friends). So lately I've been cutting. I know its bad, but I can't do much else. I've tried telling/showing people, but no one seems to care. Is there another "constructive" way to relieve all this stress etc? Thanks
TO: Anonymous
first off, i'd like to apologize for a late reply. i haven't been around much internet access the past month and i hope my advice will still be good. now on to my reply:
cutting is not the answer and will never be the answer!! to most, cutting is just a backdoor in getting away from pain even though pain should be treated head-on. i WOULD say that a sport would be the best way to relieve you of stress and pain but since you said that you have been physically exhausted then the arts are next in line. painting and writing are very helpful in expressing feelings and no one has to see them. just go buy a composition book and draw/write your anger out.
as i have told the last person i gave advice to: cheer up!!! keep your chin up!! things get worse before they get better and i'm sure things will eventually turn around. although you can't exactly run away from your problems, confronting them and dealing with them right away is the fastest way of getting rid of them. your parents have a bad side as well as a good (i mean they are humans too) but don't let them get under your skin. just think: three more years!! your friends, well if they are your true friends, shouldn't be treating you like that. talk to them or make a new group of friends. also, don't set your expectations so high. guys will be guys and of course you'll be rejected a couple of times (not to be offending... i mean i'm the same age as you and everything and i've been trying to get a guy for a while.. rejection comes hard) but just wait. the "perfect guy" will come eventually.
remember: it's never too late to change who you are...!! ya noe?
ps- again apologies for replying late and i hope everything works out for the best.
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Hey
I'm a kid who just learned about the joys of a social life. Anyway, there is this one boy who i used to get along with just great. We'd always fight a lot, and have different views on everything, but i think thats what attracted me to him (as a friend!!!!). Anywho, all of a sudden he acted really strange. He said stuff like he was ashamed to be around me and that he didn't want to be friends anymore. It really hurt my feelings because i enjoyed his company a lot. Naturally, i asked my gal pals what was up with him, but they had taken his side and left me out in the cold when it came to info on the subject. I believe in loyalty, but i was clueless to what i did or if i did anything at all. I felt really safe around this guy and i can't seem to get him out of my head. I try really hard to hate him and more on, but i can't. I really want to know what happened but i can't approach him cause he ignores me and my friends keep saying that they are sworn to secretcy. I want my friend back! Am i insane or do i just really care a lot about what i've invested in this friendship?
TO: Crazy or Caring?
first off i'd like to apologize for taking forever to reply to this and hope my advice won't be too late. now to my reply:
you are NOT insane for caring greatly about this friendship...it's completely understandable that you would miss a friend, especially if the two of you were extremely close as it seems. i know a story exactly like your that happened to my two friends (let's say their names are craig and carolee). carolee did something that craig didn't like subconsciously and so although she didn't know what she did wrong, craig was still mad at her. i'm not saying you did anything wrong but maybe something you did subconsciously had upset him. the hard part is finding out what it is. if he won't tell you and your friends aren't talking to you maybe you can ask a close friend of his, or at least someone who is willing to give you a hint. also think about this: if he is a true friend then i'm sure he'll come around. ya noe?
again apologies for this being late and hopefully it's worth-it advice.
ps- good luck and keep your chin up!! things get worse before they get better...
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im 15/f & i have been dating this guy for about 5months now...whoopie 5 months i kno it doesnt sound long..but we talked for the longest before dating...we've had sex a couple of times & stuff...i love him so much..well at least i feel like i do & i know we arent going to break up & i know im guna be with him forever...but no one believes that i "love" him..how can i prove them wrong?!
sincerly,
Love Struck In La.
TO: Love Struck In La.
i know my answer might not be the best, but why prove it to anyone else? if you "love" the guy THAT much then theres no need for anyone elses approval except for that other guy's. ya noe?
ps: also, try to hold back on the sex... its not too good if you guys accidentaly get pregnant... ya noe? jus ta lil extra caution
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Would you be someone's friend still even though that person always went back on her word on things she say? Becuase I'm having that problem with my friend named J-lo, and I don't really want to be friends with J-lo anymore. because when I stop talking to her beacuse she goes back on her word with things, she always tries to talk to me agian and be my friend again then, tell every one who's her friend that i'm not her friend then everybody ends up asking me all these damn questions why I'm not J-lo's. And I'm sick of it, cause this kinda be happenin every 3 or 2 times a week. And I need advice what to do.
TO: anonymous
i have a friend like that too, although instead of going back on her word my friend lies a LOT. the thing i can say is go with what you feel. i know thats not much great advice, but if shes a great friend otherwise from her going back on her word, well, why lose her? talk to her about it and if she does it subconsciously then point it out to her. ya noe?
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My name is Jack and I'm 22. Sorry if this is long but I really need the help. I recently found out that I have a 15 year old half sister named sarah. I've been searching for her for a long time and I finally found her. Well when I first saw her I noticed that she had scars on her arms that I think were from cutting herself. The more I talked to her the more I noticed something was wrong. At first she wasn't saying much I figured that was normal I mean she had never met me before and she had just found out that I was her half brother. I've been seeing her everyday for about 2 weeks now and she still seems really nervous like she's almost afriad to get to know me. I've also been trying to meet my father but evertime I go to see him she comes to the door and says he's not home even though his car is there. I asked to meet her mom and she said that she wasn't home either. This goes everynight. Well this afternoon I stopped by without calling first so sarah didn't know I was coming I wanted to surprise her. I heard yelling so I tried to see what was going on but the door was locked. I stood there for 5 minutes before my sarah came to the door. She looked like she was limping and seemed to be in pain. She said that she was going to a friends house so she couldn't go with me today. I asked about her parents again and again they weren't home. Well after she left I went in the house I saw that my father was drunk and her mother was too. I think they could be abusing but I just don't understand why she would hide it. I'm really worried about her. She's a really nice kid and I don't know what to do. I'm beginning to form a relationship with my sister and I don't want to ruin that. Getting to know my father isn't that important to me right now because I've found something better. What should I do to make sure that suspicions are correct? and don't say talk to her because she won't tell me. Also if she is being abused would it be a good idea to turn her parents in even if she doesn't want me to? I'm thinking about asking her to come live with me but I don't know much about 15 year old girls. Would having her move in with me be a good idear or are there other options that will be better for her?
Thank you in advance
Jack
TO: Jack
i know i may be young for a question like this but im going to try anyway. hope you dont mind. ignore this if its no help.
first off, there is definitely abuse going on. you should try to talk to your dad and stepmom in private without her knowing. try talking to friends and neighbors. do a little research. make sure your hunches are right.
if they are right then secondly, you must tell SOMEONE!! anyone that can possibly help. i mean of course you dont want your sister to keep suffering like this. make sure to let her know that you know as well.
also, i think that having her live with you would be a great idea, at least temporarily. she would have at least someone to be with and she can always find another relative if ever. at least let her know youll be there and thats the kind of big brother you are. another thing you can do is show her to your mom beecause im pretty sure both of them would like that dont you think? ya noe?
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theres this girl in my class whos awesome! I like her alot but she has a boyfriend (who shes losing interest in). sometimes she stares at me and after class she talks to me for no reason. next year we have a major dance coming up (8th grade) and im wondering if i should ask her. please help, it would mean the world to me.
TO: to ask or not to ask
DEFINITELY-- what can you lose? but first, get to know her VERY well. thats always a bonus for your chances. ya noe?
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I have a friend named Rob who I've known all my life and he tells me everything. We both made friends with a new younger girl named Lena (we're in eighth grade and she's in seventh) and we have a great time together. Rob is a really nice guy, and I think that Lena is mistaking that for him liking her, and she's starting to like him. For example, whenever we are doing something, like bouncing on the trampoline, and Lena falls over, he's over there helping her up again, and she's mistaking that for him liking her. Rob has told me himself that he doesn't like Lena as more than a friend, but I don't want Lena to ask him out and break her heart. What do I do?
TO: Wrong Messages
first off, assumptions have a loooonnnggg range of accuracy from reallie accurate to really not. make sure your concerns are true. i know what youre saying and all but make sure just in case you do something stupid (heehee ive done that before and trust me it is NOT pretty). if you are sure then there are two options: 1) you can tell her straight out or 2) let things take their course. ya noe?
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I'm moving to a new school, in a different state this summer. The teacher who had most influence on me, was my chorus teacher. Would it be gay to get him a thank you card, and tell him how great of a teacher he was?
TO: Card?
no of course its not!! its always nice to give teachers cards that say how much you appreciate them and many people do it all the time. if you dont want anyone knowing then send him one when youve already moved. but its always nice to send them something. ya noe?
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Okay:
Put yourself in my position, say you like a girl. But, you have heard they like someone else. You can do one of two things, either keep quiet and stay quiet. Or you can play the risk card and ask her out(You dont give a F if it makes you lok like a total loser) What would you do? In my opinion this girl is absolutly BEAUTIFUL. She is smart, funny,great friend,awsome all-around person. And like I sais absolutely gorgous(sp?)
What Would *You* do?
TO: Choice
I dont think i can put myself EXACTLY in your shoes since im a girl and i dont like other girls (lol) but i get the gist... *i* would definitely go for it. theres not much to lose and half of your lifetime is taking chances so why not... ya noe?
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