Reesespieces022's advice column | Reesespieces022's Advice About Love Life

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Q: I broke up with my b/f a few days ago. One of my best guy friends ask me out then. I said yea, because I thought that I liked him and I didn't wanna hurt him. But now that I'm going out with him I'm not sure if I really like him. It kinda feels like oh I liked it better when we were friends when I could just say I love you all the time and he'd tell me the same thing. I don't know what to do now. Does anyone have any advice or had the same problem and what did you do?

while your intentions were good, your really going out with this guy for all the wrong reasons. that isn't fair to either of you. you have to break up with him. talk to him, but whatever you do, don't use any of those cliches (its not you, its me. i liked us better as friends) because as true as they may be, everyone knows them as "break up lines." you have to let this guy know that you're genuinely sorry. tell him that he is an amazing guy, but that you rushed into things, and right now, this isn't what you want from him. it may be awkward at first, but eventually you'll get your best friend back.

Q: What do you guys think of a 18-year-old(f) dating a 24-year-old(m). And don't give any of that "age doesn't matter crap" bcasue it does. What do yall think of the maturity levels?

The biggest problem I see... The 18-year-old is still a freshman in college and the 24-year-old graduated 2 years ago.

everyone matures at different rates, and if this 18 year old girl finds herself crazy about and connecting with a 24 year old guy, what right does anyone have to tell them they can't be together? yes, they are at different points in their lives right now, but if things are meant to be, they'll figure things out. if not, they'll eventually break up. its just like every other relationship- at this point, age shouldn't be the deciding factor. love is love u know?

Q: whenever im talking to this guy i like on the phone or online i never know wht to say!! its soo annoying and awkward. i dont know him tht well so what would be some things to say that would start a conversation?? please help! i rate 5s to answers that dont piss me off!!!

check around with his friends to see what gets him heated- you'll score some points for being interested in what he feels, and its usually easier for guys to talk about things that they're passionate about.

Q: okay,i really need a g/f..but i don't really like anyone and i don't know too many people out of school..its been a while since ive had oneand i feel somewhat lonley...

any suggestions?

i tell my best guy friend this all the time- yes, it sucks not having someone, but you can't be totally happy with someone else until your happy with yourself. find your inner confidence. once you get to the point where you don't feel like you need the security of a girlfriend, the right girl will show up. i know- easier said than done. which is why you have to live up your life for what it is right now.

Q: First of all thanks to everyone who helped answer my first question

my girlfriend is being a little cold to me lately and i'm not sure why. i mean she might be doing it just to tease me or because she's trying to break up with me. we also haven't talked in a while since we have both been so busy with school. i'm not sure what to think. i know that valentine's day is coming up so she might be doing it just for fun or she wants to make me dump her. i dunno what to think. Please Help!

Thanks!

Confused Boyfriend

valentines day is the perfect opportunity to figure out whats up with her. plan something special, to watch movies together, go out for pizza, whatever. see how she acts around you then. it might just be that she hasn't spent time with you latly, and shes reacting to it. if she still seems to be being cold, theres something going on. girls sometimes act on their feelings, and don't realize what theyre doing to their boyfriends. I've done it, and if this is the case, she really needs you to bring it up. tell her you've noticed shes been acting a little different lately, and you wanted to make sure everything was okay. if her answer makes it obvious that it has nothing to do with you, don't push it and continue to be there for her until shes ready to talk. if its obviously something having to do with your relationship, make sure she knows that you have to know about these things to, and you can't fix anything if you don't know what she feels is wrong.

Q: I like this guy. We flirt a lot, but he really likes someone else. Some people said he likes me, but i know its not true because of how much he likes this other girl. i know its not a cover up because, you can easily tell how much he really does like her. anyway, we have these dances on friday nights like once or twice a month. There's one tommorow (feb 4) and me, him, and the girl he likes will all be there. He's already saving a dance for her. She said she doesnt like him enough to want to go out with him, plus she wants to be single. She dumped her boyfriend a few weeks ago even though she still loves him just so she could be single. Im really not sure what to do, i was going to ask him to dance tommorow, but if hes gonna be dancing with her, than i dance with me would mean nothing since im obviously no match for her. what should i do? should i just forget about him and move on?

you should deffinitly dance with him. regardless of his feelings for him, you still like him, and have every right to dance with him. just be confident, go over to him, smile at him sweetly and tell him he's dancing with you. don't let her intimidate you.

Q: I am a 17/m and i really like this girl. I have a plan to ask her out. The only problem is that it involves two weeks and Valentines day. The plan is to leave notes in her locker with no name just ending it the same way. Should i go for the two week plan or should i just ask her?

absolutely wait and ask her out on valentiens day : ) my exboyfriend asked me out last valentines day...i loved it : ) the notes in her locker is such a sweet idea, but maybe do it for a week instead of two. Make sure you tell one of her friends what your plan is so that if shes having any doubts about you liking her, or about you asking her out, they can discreetly assure her that she has nothing to worry about.

Q: me and ryan* have been dating for about 6 months now. these past two weeks, it seems like he's been hitting me a lot lately. i mean, half the time we're joking.. but he's been kicking me.. we were walking down the hallway and i said something to him, a joke.. and he kicked me in the back of the leg.. i couldn't walk right the rest of the day.. he kicked my other leg yesterday before algebra ended.. and today, my friend jacki was over and he kicked me in the hip (very bony) so i started to cry and all. is he considered abusive ? what do i do ?

tell him this is bullshit that your not gonna put up with. absolutely no guy has the right to physically hurt you. if you've told him to stop and he continues to kick and hurt you, break up with him before things get worse.

Q: This is an odd situation. Just for a little background info, I have a boyfriend. I've been dating him for over a year. Valentine's day will be 15 months.
Okay, I just got the lead in the school musical, and I have a love interest (duh). My love interest is a guy half the girls in the choir have had a crush on (except me, lol). That isn't really the point, just a bit of background.
My problem is this: We rehearsed, and we ended up practicing a scene in which we kiss. I didn't feel bad about it yesterday, but today I feel like...awkward, and wrong, and like I was cheating on my boyfriend, but it wasn't me that consented to the kiss, it was my character. My boyfriend knows about the scene, but he doesn't know we actually kissed yet. I was gonna talk to him about it today but he didn't come to school.
The thing is, the director thinks stage kisses look fake, and refuses to use fake kisses. So it was real. But I feel soooo bad about it. I shouldn't, because I have no feelings for the guy, but I do.
Any advice for me?

you're acting : ) whether a kiss is real or fake, if you don't feel anything towards the guy, than you shouldn't feel guilty. i know you can't really help feeling bad, so why don't you talk to your boyfriend about it? tell him how bad you feel, and he will most likely tell you that he respects what your doing, and trusts you completely. Promise him the first kiss right after the show : )

Q: ok i like this gurl and i want to tell her and this is my plan but i want to kno if its corny or not. ok i was gonna ask her to take a walk with me and then take her hands and b like "i really like u and i was wondering if u could see me as a b/f?" abd then also if she says yes wat am i sapposed to do and wat do i do if she says no?

that is one of the sweetest things i've ever heard. corny? a little bit, but as a huge fan of corny things myself, i have a feeling the girl will appreciate it. Try asking her first, "just out of curiosity, what do you think about me and you being more than friends?" if her answer tells you she likes you back, than go through with taking her hands and telling her you really like her. if she says no, than you can just brush it off as you really just asking out of curiosity.

Q: I really think I love this guy.. but he doesn't go to my school and I haven't seen him in a year. I really miss him because I, deep down, have always loved him. I try to make plans, but he's always playin hockey. I REALLY need to see him.. what can I do?

P.S. =>more info: i'm 13 (so is he) im in 7th grade (so is he) he's totally hott, and sweet (so am i... ok i'm juss sweet, im like OK but he thinks im hott) and he lives near me (we're only one school district apart.

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME!

go see him! go with some friends to one of his hockey games. you hafta see if this guy is everything you remember.

Q: ok so my best friend likes this guy and i was like o ok but i didn't know him. well tonight we hung out with him all night and now i think i like him!! is that a bad thing? and what should i do if he askes me out?

You can't help who you like. But if he asks you out, you have to say no. i know you like him, but your friend does too, and she told you that before you even knew the guy. explain to him that for reasons you can't explain, things between the two of you cannot be anything more than friendship. that you are incredibly sorry, and you know how cliche it sounds, but it is absolutely not him. its hard to say no to a guy who you wish you'd be saying yes to, but you'll feel a lot better about yourself and your friendship when you do.

Q: How do I know when it's right to have sex with a guy I really love?

i think you hafta ask yourself a few questions
do you love him? you already answered that...you do.
have you been together long enough that you feel incredibly and completely comfterble with him?
do you have complete trust in him?
think about it, but in the end, the two most important things are love, trust and a really good understanding of each other.
if you need anything else at all..you know where i am.

Q: when you tell somebody that you "like them like them" , would (and or should)timeing be everything? because i feel thats how it's going with this one guy..

it sucks i know, but yes, timing makes a world of difference. i know this is gonna sound really cliche, but trust your instincts. and remember- just because the timing isn't right right now- it just means that the right timing is coming soon.

Q: ok so i always like a guy and i always want a bf and then i flirt to make them like me. then i go out with them and like 2 weeks into it or so i stop liking them and want 2 break up with them and after like a month+ i finally break up with them and then i realize taht i still like themand sometimes i go back out with them and sometimes i don't. but then as soon as i don;t have a bf i want 1 again. why do i do this? and how do i stop?

decide not to have a boyfriend for a little while. use the time to work on figuring out a little bit more about yourself. you probably don't like the guys after you start going out with them because you never really liked them in the first place- you liked the idea of having a boyfriend. figure out what you want, and when you feel ready to have a boyfriend again, make sure you give it time. don't rush into things. people say that it never works if your friends first, but usually its the best way. that way you'll be sure you like them enough to have them as your boyfriend. you'll be moving a little bit slower than your used to, but in the end it'll be worth it.

Q: okay, so me and my boyfriend of about 5 months got in a huge fight at homecoming a few months ago and the next day we broke up. during homecoming, i was really upset, and one of his friends was telling me everything was gonna be alright, and he kept hugging me. well after me and my boyfriend broke up, me and his friend sort of became friends with benefits, but then he broke it off when his old girlfriend wanted him back. i was really devestated, cause i had been in a really vulnerable state. then about two weeks later they broke up again, and we started hanging out again. i know its not right but i cant help myself. what should i do?

stay away from him. listen to yourself. he became a friends with benefits when his friend broke up with you, left you for his old girlfriend, and comes back when thats over? there is something seriously wrong with that. i know the whole idea of hooking up with him again seems comforting, but its only gonna hurt you more later.

Q: I really like this boy and he says that he really likes me, however he has a girlfriend and doesn't want to hurt her by dumping her. He is always with me and he tells me that he cares and wants to be with me, but I don't want to get hurt. It hurts me enough to know that he has a girlfriend, I have never loved like this before. Everytime he kisses me I seem to melt. I want him so badly, but what about his gf. he is afraid and so am I?

for right now, i really think you need to keep your distance until this guy gets his head straight and figures out what he wants to do. hes really not being fair to you, or his girlfriend. let him figure out what he wants- you may even realize that you really don't want to go out with a guy who will potentially cheat on you. you deserve so much better...a guy who thinks of you as his only one. hes out there, i promise.

Q: My best friend and I like the same guy. The thing is, he is dating my best friend. But she and he both know that he likes me also. He wants to be with both of us, but I don't want to hurt my best friend so I think I should back off. What should I do?? Thanks!

absolutely back off. regardless of his feelings towards you, your best friend is not only with him, but has been with him for 9 months. a guy who has been with a girl for 9 months and is saying he likes her best friend doesn't exactly sound like the greatest guy to date anyway. would he like your best friend if you were with him? listen, i know it hurts, but shes your best friend. a guy is not worth what you guys have. let her make up her mind about him, and try to be happy for her. after all, shes your best friend. hes just one guy.

Q: I've been talking to this guy for like 6 months, He never asked me out or nothing but we go to the movies and i go chill at his house to. A couple weeks ago he said he wanted to start seeing me more, does that mean he wants to date me or what? I know he said he wanted to take things slow but this is beyond slow 4 me. He never gives me any clues that he really likes me like i do him. He will invite me over and kiss me goodnite when i leave but that's it. {no kissing other than when i leave..lol thought that bared repeating} What should i say to him? Thanx 2 all who answer. I'll rate HIGHHH

i know exactly how this situation feels...my advice? talk to one of his friends to see how he's feeling. If they can't get any information, it kind of depends on how you feel about it. if you want things to move more quickly, ask him about it yourself. sometimes its better to let things go slow like that- i "talked" to a guy for a long time and we ended up having an awesome relationship when we finally did go out. all i'm saying that is you really should make sure you know what you want out of the whole ordeal, and then work on finding out what he wants. if they match up, great. if not, then its probably better to find someone who moves at the same pace you do.

Q: Hey,
theres this guy that always flirts with me, always talks not stop, and he even called me sweet. He taps my foot all the time and we end up getting into a flirty footwar, lol. I think hes gonna ask me out, but i really like him as a friend. What are some ways to turn a guy down nicely so that he doesnt hate u forever?
Signed,
girl under an attack of unwanted predator

for now, try to not act flirty towards him- i know sometimes being friendly to someone can be mistaken for flirting, but just watch what you say. you don't want to be accused of leading him on later. if he does ask you out, tell him that he is an amazing guy, who you, under any other circumstances would die to go out with, but
you like him way too much as a friend to wanna screw it up. the main idea is to compliment him and boost his confidence while at the same time, turning him down. leave one in my inbox or im me if u need anything else.. good luck : )

bio

Hey...im risa, known to some as Reeses : )
I love the feeling of knowing that something i said helped someone when they were feeling confused, upset, or just in need of hearing someone elses point of view. i know it sounds corny, but im always here if you ever just need someone to tell you your not crazy. : )

Because maybe...your gonna be the one that saves me.