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January 16, 2006Answers:
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I'm a 877 year old (reformed) demon who can furnish the brand of advice only a 877 year old (reformed) demon can dispense.
advice
my boyfriend and i have been going out for about 3 months. we hold hangs on the bus [yeah, corny, i know.] and hug and all that.. but what are some things like their girlfriends to do. btw, im 14, so is he. i just want to let him know i do care about him and everything..
Just because you're the girlfriend doesn't mean that the burden of keeping things harmonious and "peachy" needs to fall solely upon you. Let me say first off that sex is NOT the way to show him that you care. It's appalling how some girls think that the only way they can keep their boyfriends happy is to continuously put out like a common harlot. If at any time he even dares to suggest that you need to have sex with him in order to maintain your relationship, verbally slap him around and make him cry like a wee girl by dumping him in front of everybody.
That having been said, little gifts can work wonders. A card perhaps? A tin of cookies? Just don't go overboard. He's a boyfriend, not a fiancee or a husband. Even then, one can argue that the gift giving decreases exponentially once you get married. As an aside, that could be the as-yet unproven reason why so many marriages fail: not enough presents.
But never mind that.
I have a mental illness and have been out of the work force for a long time. What I have is called schizophrenia. I've been supporting myself for the last 5 years by being on a disability pension. I just got a job a couple of months ago part time. I get about 25 hours a week and don't need to collect my pension anymore. Well my question is about this man that works as a social worker for the local mental health association. I've known him for about 2 years and I've always sensed an attraction. Well yesterday he saw me get out of my car. He works in the building next to where my appartment is. He was asking me about the job and then when I told him it was going well he said " Good for you", and the way he was looking at me it wasnt just friendly it seemed more than that, like he had sexual feelings for me. I remember one summer when I went on a camping trip sponsered by mental health he went and he kept staring at me. Do you think this may mean he has feelings for me? And couldnt he get in trouble if he did want to date me because I'm a client of his. Oh yeah, he is 43 and I am 27.
I would imagine that there *may* be some difficulties with him dating you if you are indeed in a working relationship with him. However, please don't get the wrong idea that just because you're schizophrenic it automatically means that you can never be in a relationship. Engage him in more conversation and perhaps the truth will emerge eventually regarding his feelings toward you.
As a precaution, do be ever mindful that there are people out there who take advantage of others. If he's the predatory sort, he may view you as "easy pickings" because of your clinical history. You will need to determine his motives by listening to how he approaches the "relationship" subject. Do not grant him power over you in any shape or form by automatically acquiescing to his suggestions. Be in control of where you want to direct this matter.
My boyfriend is I think kinda annoyed with me.. I mean I talked to his best friend and he said that every time I call my b.f says "Here we go again" and well I am not sure if I want to be with someone who does want to talk to me or even wants to be with me unless we are alone.. and well I truly like him and i don't want to end it but I sometimes think that is the only way... the past few days he's told me he didn't want to come over.. it kinda ticked me off at first and now I am more like miserable. I don't want nothing to happen but I mean htings have just changed... and he lied to me.. which kinda ticked me off but I cannot tell him I know he lied to me because it would make him mad at his best friend.. soo IdK HELP ME!
Take him aside and have a chat about your relationship. It sounds like he may looking for an excuse to break up. If that is the case, be ready to let him go for the sake of both parties. You can't continue in a relationship where one side is obviously losing interest.
By the way, if in the course of your discussion with him he points out that he wants to leave because of something you did, take your time to analyse his statement. If you genuinely had nothing to contribute to the cause of the split, don't try to convince him of it if it seems obvious that he wants out. You won't be the weak party here nor should it be your fault that things are going down the toilet. It is *he* who is the coward with his decision not face you with the truth. You can do MUCH better. Don't weigh yourself down. There are PLENTY of guys out there; nicer, smarter, and better looking ones who you deserve.
Okay. The guy I like likes me AND my best friend. My best friend also likes him. Me and this guy had practically gone out in the summer and we were very close, so you can probably understand why I'm still hanging on to him. We're very good friends. And, everyone that I talk to says we'd make such a good couple and we're meant to be. But, my question is, should I still be hanging onto him, or let my best friend have him (even if it does mean I'll be hurt)?
Try to come to a mutual agreement with your friend that you won't let a guy get between the both of you. Although the old saying "all's fair in love and war" certainly applies in most cases, one thing to keep in mind is that it's arguably easier to find a guy than to form a lasting friendship based on mutual trust and understanding with another individual.
Having said that, if you want to rid yourself of the no doubt difficult task of having to choose between your personal interests and those of your friend, I would suggest that you let this guy make the decision. If he has told you that he likes both you and your friend don't you think that it's only fair that HE should be the one mulling over what to do? Making this into a competition between you and your friend will only serve to stroke this guy's ego (i.e. "wow! two girls fighting over me!") Let him do the work. If it turns out that he's indecisive, it's probably an indication that he'll be unable to fully commit his attentions to either of you, a case which will lead to all sorts of headaches and needless drama.
My bf lives in another province because he has to work in the oil rigs. He works very long hours and has no internet so we hardly ever get to communicate. He has a cell but because he's working all the time it's hard to get a hold of him. The last time I talked to him was on Xmas Day.
Should I wait for him to make the next call? I was the one that phoned him on Xmas Day. I personally think he's being insensitive for never phoning.
I'll rate 5's!
Well, good and free communication are keys to any successful relationship, so I think you should give him a call. Don't be overly zealous about it, however. You need to make sure that you don't want to come across as being too clingy and/or jeopardise his job by placing too many unsolicited calls.
It's a fine line you'll have to walk between preserving your relationship and allowing your boyfriend some space with which to perform his duties. However, do ensure that you don't become *too* relaxed in your attitudes toward the subject of his balancing work and your relationship. Give him too much latitude and you'll find yourself playing second or even third fiddle to his career. That, by the way, is a bad thing if your aim is to further develop what you current share with him.
ok im crazy about my bf. no one knows im dating him. he would do anything for me. but im worried what everyone will think. me and him have talked about it. and he is cool with it. he said it is my life and i can let people knwo about us only if i want. im not ashamed of him by no means. i dont know why i cant tell anyone. he always says that we dotn have to have the whole world nkow about us to have a good relationship. i agree. but i feel like im keeping my life away from everyone. what would you do in my position. ill rate high.
You should make it known. Why? Because if you don't and another girl comes along she'll probably make a move on him. Avoid unnecessary drama and "come out" as a couple.
Unless you like drama.
i dont know what this goes under. but me and my bf have been sexually active. there was a point when we thought i was pregnant. we were relieved when we found out i wasnt. but ive been babysitting a newborn baby. adn she is just so cute. i babysit her for hours 5 nights a week. he helps me. adn he does a great job. we both want a baby now. but were in high school. juniors. how can we get over this. i mean wanting a baby. ill rate high. plez help
Having a baby is a huge responsibility. Consider the following:
1) Earning minimum wage or slightly above minimum wage won't support two individuals, let alone two individuals and a baby.
2) A baby requires constant attention. Be prepared for countless sleepless nights and plenty of stress.
3) Parenting requires emotional and psychological maturity and fortitude. You will need to be able to deal with crises and deal with them effectively.
4) Children are NOT pets that you can get rid of if you tire of them. You can give them up for adoption, but it will KILL you emotionally later on in life. You will forever be thinking about the son/daughter you so haphazardly conceived and let go.
5) When your boyfriend finally gets a whiff of reality and the sheer amount of work that goes into raising a child, he'll probably bolt on you, leaving you a single mother.
6) If you are unable to care for the child, the responsibility will fall onto your parents, which is patently unfair, especially if they are of modest means. How can you feed four mouths when the most you can accomplish is three?
7) A baby will spell an end to your academic life for the time being and with it, any future prospects you may have in mind. Unless you fancy working 60 hour weeks at the local "super mart" to feed and clothe Junior, you'd want to reconsider giving birth at this juncture.
8) If your parents refuse to support you and your baby, you will have to find your own way in this world. No, it won't be easy. In fact, it'll probably be extremely difficult. And harsh. EXTREMELY harsh.
9) Without proper support during his or her formative years, your child may grow up to be a sullen individual who will resent you for the rest of your life for being so impulsive.
10) Point number nine contributes to the overall idea that *wilfully* having a child without the means to raise him or her well is just about the most selfish and irresponsible thing anybody can do.
well in sixth grade i was a complete loser, i mean ugh i had really curly hair and wore it in a bun, and i wore big clothes. like i didnt even care. and i liked this guy A LOT. his name was david, and like he didnt like me at all. and he hated me in seventh grade. and we havent seen eachother in a year. untill saturday night. and when he saw me. he kept looking at me. and like we cuddled or whatever. and he said he liked me. but like i dunno. sixth grade was weird for both of us. and ive changed A LOT since then. and i just wanna know should i give it a chance?
Perhaps, but don't forget about the past. This attraction he has toward you may be a purely physical thing with no emotional base. You might be setting yourself up for a colossal fall by giving in prematurely.
Be wary.
I'm 13/f and the boy i'm writing about is in my Lit class.
He sits behind me and constantly pokes me and squeezes my shoulder! It's really annoying and I've told him to quit it...but he persists and says "Come on you have sexy shoulders!!" The thing is...i used to like him, but i don't anymore. Does he like me or is he just being annoying. I've seen he does this to other girls...but he never squeezes their shoulders!!
1.Does he like me?
2.HOw can I get him to stop harassing me?!
Even if he likes you, that's a pretty annoying way to show it.
There are two things you can do and each situation depend on whether or not you still "like" him.
1) If you like him, ask him if you likes you and react accordingly.
2) If you don't like him and want to rid yourself of this pest, report him to the school authorities for harassment. Or, if you wish to be unnecessarily wicked, add in "sexual" in front of harassment.
The ball is in your court.
ok so i'm sorry if this is long but for you guys 2 understand you need sum background info. I want guys and grls 2 answer this question please.
First of all i'm 14/f and in 8th grade. I like this guy alot at my skool. We are friends and talk 24/7 on IM. We have 2 classes with eachother band and L.A. When we go on band trips he askes me 2 sit by him on the bus, he's been asking me who I like lately and sumtimes i c him looking at me. Plus he is so nice 2 me and says things that make me feel good about myself. Seems like he likes me right? Wrong. So I found out who he likes and he says that that is true. Plus another sucky thing for me is that the girl he likes, likes him back! How much worse could this get? I was devistated. I keep talking 2 him and he does the same things. Are these things signs? Or do I just like him alot and I want them 2 mean sumthing they dont? Any way i'm just really confused. I need 2 know how 2 make this guy like me. I REALLY REALLY like him and I really want him 2 like me back. I really need help please. I know there r hundreds of these kinda questions but i don't know i just need you 2 answer this one please.
much luv xoxoxoox,
marsbars
Please note that short of brainwashing and indoctrination, you cannot MAKE somebody like you. It's a process that requires time, patience, and a sparkling personality on your part (because, really now, if he likes you for, say, being an easy lay, does he *really* like you for who you are? Or is it for the sex?)
Having said that, this potential boyfriend of your sounds confused, indecisive, and lost - i.e. he's a typical teenager. If you want to be in a relationship with little drama, find a guy who's not as ambiguous as the fellow you're currently trying to win over. Consider the fact that even if you *do* somehow end up with him, you'll always have to be wary of the possibility that his eyes may be wandering toward this other girl and she may be actively trying to steal him from you.
Naturally, you needn't take any of this lying down. You may adopt a variety of courses to rid yourself of "competitors", but one thing you must be cognizant of is that there's a limit to how much you can do. Sometimes you can save yourself a lot of frustration by dumping the willy-nillying clod for greener pastures.
In any case, the best way to approach this matter is to ask him outright. Yes, it can be terrifying, but if you don't ask, you'll never know. You can also forget about getting a straight answer from him out of his own accord. He'll probably continue to play you like a violin either because he's an attention whore or he's so confused that he thinks he can have the both of you.
Your answer, therefore, is to ask him directly.
I'm feeling really bad about something. Well about 4 months ago a married man that I had feelings for gave me a computer. We never had an affair but came close. He gave me his old computer because he was moving with his wife to another province and said he just wanted to get rid of it. I excepted it but felt guilty about excepting such an extravagant gift. He knew I didnt have much money and I think he also gave it to me because he felt bad for moving away from me.
Well anyways, I havent told any of my friends or family. I have the computer hidden in the bedroom of my appartment. I put it in the bedroom because my friends never go in it, they usually just hang out in my kithen or living room. They all still think that I've been going to the library to check and send emails. Since he gave me the computer, I got the internet hooked up. I never said anything to my friends or family because I knew I'd be bombarded with questions, and wanting to know why a married man would give me such an extravagant gift.
Should I tell them or just keep it a secret?
signed,
guilty
Your friend is simply a kind hearted and generous individual. There's no need for you to delve too deeply into his alleged intentions. Use the computer and reserve the trip to the local library for paper based reading materials!
My math 10 teacher has been acting really strange around me. He came up to me the other day and said "my wife's maiden name is the same as yours". He also said I reminded him of his wife when she was younger, and said it in a kind of romantic (yuck) way. Another time he caught me and my friend writing notes, and then he came up to me, tried to read the note, and then said "oh it's a love letter to me". Another girl heard and thought he was joking, because she said "I highly doupt that sir". But I know he was being serious. I always catch him staring at me. One day he heard me say the F word. He told me to stay behind after class. Instead of giving me crap, he said "I'm really suprised at you, but I'm just going to give you a warning". He was talking seductively. I know he was enjoying having me all alone.
It feels really gross and wrong of him. I am only 15. He's like old enough to be my father. What should I do, and is he being inappropriate or am i overreacting?
Approach your school counselor on this issue. If the actions you've described are accurate, this could lead to extremely inappropriate and criminal situations. You need to tell somebody. Do not delay.
okay so theres this guy i like and i dont think he knows i like him or knows who i am. we never really talk but every time i see him it seems like hes looking at me and smiles at me and if im talking to my friend (shes friends with him) he will come over and say hi to her which he never does when im not around...i want to know if he really might like me or if its wishful thinking?
Ask him out. A simple answer for a simple question. Sometimes you need to take the initiative and make the first move. Sure, you can resort to elaborate schemes and posturing, but why take the long, hard road when you can just reach your destination directly?
Okay so apparently i've known this guy since before i was born! Our moms are best of friends even after "his" family got uprooted and moved far away. Our families stopped seeing eachother for a while. We just started getting together more and in the past 6 months, we've seen eachother 2 times. I am 13 and he's 14 almost 15. I have feelings for him, and no way is it lust. He's not even that attactive, but his personality makes him so much hotter. The last time we met, he was trying to convince me about something (i was too busy day dreaming to listen to what it was. Something about cornbeef) my face got hot and i turned away and laughed my head off. So did he. I think I'm such a dope! I can't even look a guy in the eye without laughing!! I acted myself and everything! Is this hopeless? I mean he IS almost 2 years older than me. He's 5.2 I'm 4.11. He's immature for his age.
Sometimes you just *click* with a person and there's no explanation for it. That you find yourself drawn to him in spite of him not being "that attractive" could be a sign that there may be something there worth pursuing; something that goes beyond mere physical factors and those kinds of relationships are often more solidly constructed than those that depend purely on physical attraction. If you feel that you need more time to "test the waters" so to speak, then by all means take as much as you'd like.
In many cases it's actually better to let things flow naturally than to "force" yourself into a position where you feel compelled to date somebody just because you think that it's "the right time" to do so. All in all, if being around him makes you feel good about yourself and he feels the same way, then I'd say go for it.
15 - Female
Okay, so, there is this guy I like a lot. I care for him a lot, I would do anything for him just about. We're pretty good friends, we keep in touch and whatnot -he lives a little bit away and he doesn't go to the same school as me-. One of the problems is, he's a really busy guy, he's got a job, school, and things he's been working on outside of school. I just want to spend time with him. It's kind of hard to be in a relationship with someone who lives a bit away, I know.. but yeah. He seems to enjoy my company as well and he tells me he wants to come down, but he has to go to work and stuff like that. We've talked about being in a relationship before, and he told me that he didn't want to be in one because he doesn't want his heartbroken again and he's too busy for a relationship... soo..
..Sorry that's all kinda jumbled. But yeah. Does anybody have any good ideas on places guys like to go with girls when they're just friends? Places that will keep them entertained and not have their brains wandering?
Aaaaaaannd... do you think we should stay friends? Is there anything I could do to make him want me more?
When a guy says he's too busy for a relationship, nine times out of ten he's either not interested or he actually *is* too busy for a relationship. Most guys don't bother beating around the bush on this sort of thing.
If you just want to hang out with him as a friend, perhaps you two can go out for a cup of coffee or a snack. Lunch is good too. It's non-committal and doesn't have any undertones like dinner.
You can't MAKE him want you more, by the way. At this point in time, yes, you should just remain friends. You don't need to discount the possibility of there being something more in the future, but just don't place *too* much hope on it. But hey, things change, right?
hi my name is jess i recently broke up with my b.f tony and wel he went to a party like a week after we broke up and hooked up with a friend of mine. i still like him and i cried when i heard what happened. i cnt take it anymore. how can i get over him. please help me ill rate 5's
--jess
For god's sake, don't give out good ratings for just ANY bits of advice.
In any case, getting over an ex can be difficult. Hell, it usually is. There's no quick way to about doing so, unfortunately, especially when your friend is now dating him. Quite frankly, that was a pretty rotten thing he did by going out with your friend right after the two of you broke up. Furthermore, your "friend" is equally as insensitive to the situation.
In all honesty, you need to distance yourself from him. It may be hard, but you'll need to build up your emotional fortitude and be strong about it. You may wish to re-examine your friendship with this so-called "friend" of yours.
ok, im asking the guys on this one bc i want a guys point of view but the girls can answer this one if they want. well there's this guy and i liek him alot. he flirts with me all the time but he has a girlfriend. he'll like put his arm around me and stuff some days and then some days he completely ignores me and im so sick and tired of this and i just wanna know what hes doing and ugh im just really hurt!! please let me know thx guys
WHAT? He's scum! He's moving in on you in spite of the fact that he already has a girlfriend. If you're a fool and fall for his advances, you can bet that the next time around YOU'LL be the girl who's going to be jilted for another "interest".
Stay away!
Ok well I've liked this boy for some time now. Like 6 years. I just dont know what to do I think he likes me but not sure. We were best friend but we both went to new schools this year and well we kind of arnt that close anymore. I still get that butterfly feeling in my stomach everytime he calls me or I see him but I just dont know what to do. I'm way to chicken to tell him I like him or to ask him our so dont even think about telling me to do that. Also I dont have anyfriend that are close to him to tell him. I just dont know what to do so please help me!!! I rate 5 for good answers!!!
He's probably as shy as you are. Tell you what, the best way to deal with this is to ask him out for something that's not *exactly* a date, but is more than just a short "Hi there! Bye there!" greet session. How about you go out for coffee? You know, to "catch up". If not coffee maybe bobba/bubble tea? Or whatever the devil people drink for fun nowadays? Oh, alcohol is not a good idea. Sure, they call it "liquid courage" for a reason, but too much of it and you'll probably tell him more than he needs to hear.
At the end of the day if you don't tell him and he doesn't tell you, then nobody wins. What's the worst that can happen? He says "no". Sure, it might *seem* devastating, but in time you'll learn that rejection, terrible as it may be at the time of occurance, is a part of life. After all, nobody can win ALL the time.
I stayed over my friends house one weekend and her brother is my bestfriends boyfriend. That night me and him stayed up and hung out and played around (like hittin eachother with stuff and pushin eachother of the bed) and he said 'You know what? Dont tell Cjay(my bestfriend) this but I think I'm starting to like you. I didn't like him before he said that and I started to like him.And they are the type of couple that break up everynight and get back together sooner or later, and this was a night they broke up.Then we stayed up all night watching movies and playing around and holding hands and stuff, nothing bad. But Cjay found out and she told me to stay away from her for however long. Her b.f told me that he ment that he liked me, and not to worry b/c he'll fix everything. I don't want my best friend to hate me, but I like her b.f....Idk wat to do....
It sounds like you may have been the catalyst that led to their recent separation. In which case, you need to ascertain what were the causes of the constant breakups between your (ex) best friend and her boyfriend. If it's a flaw in her personality that had caused the drama between them, then you really ought to consider having a chat with her and making your case. T
ry to convince her why it would never work out between the two of them. In fact, if you really want to be devious about it and are willing to do whatever it takes to get the guy, you might want to fill her pretty little head with the idea that there's nothing wrong with HER and it's all HIS fault. Ergo, she should break up with him because she deserves better. Lead her to that conclusion, let the situation cool down, and then date the guy.
If the boyfriend is at fault most of the time, then you need to ask yourself if you *really* want to be with somebody who isn't mature enough to make up his mind whether or not he wants to be in a relationship. He might be a complete idiot who can't make up his mind if his life depended on it. Hell, most guys are like that and it only gets worse with age.
I am 15/f, and re-entering a relationship with this guy I care a lot about. Long story short, I messed up big time and we broke it off for a few weeks. Now he is giving me a second chance, even though he is very hesitant about it. I want to show him I care, and do a few little cute things for him, only I have absolutely no ideas. My creativity is failing me, but I need to make it up to him. Anyone out there have some ideas?
Take him out to lunch or dinner, buy him a small token representing your undying love, etc. Just don't offer yourself as a sex toy. For one thing, you'll regret it later on if he breaks up with you anyway. He might also be nasty about it and tell everybody in school that you're willing to whore yourself out for affection. At the age of 15 you'll probably want to avoid getting an undeserved reputation as the school bicycle (you know, "every has had a ride" haha...and so on and so forth.)