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Um...angsty teenager?Age:
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BittersweetRain4Member Since:
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Hey everyone! My name is Jessi and I'm 15/f/IL. I've always been excellent at giving advice...or so I've been told by my friends. So you can ask me anything and everything...although I have a rather special talent for makeup emergencies (considering my mom sells it) and for dealing with affairs of the heart. (Some of my friends automatically come to me for boy problems.)And, without further ado...my advice column!
advice
Ah yes, silly as this may sound but I am in my twenties and having trouble striking up a conversation with this girl whom I happen to like. I have no problem smiling, winking, or saying hi, but thats it. Than i get nervous and words disappear. How do I strike up a conversation with her and actually get her interest. That without saying something silly. I don't mean over coffe or dinner. Just a random approach. Your tips and advice will always be very much appreciated.
First of all, don't be ashamed of being in your twenties and not know how to approach a girl. Men older than you STILL don't seem to know how to treat us. But, to tell you the truth, a little shyness in a guy is adorable. So embrace it. (Just not to the point of anti-socialness.)
It's hard to give you a line that is going to be universal enough for you to use. It's much better if you look specifically at what is around her, what she is doing, or who she is talking to. (Don't, however, look at what she's wearing and compliment her on it. If you haven't had a full conversation with her before, or you're not really friends with her, it will make you seem a little less straight. It is only okay to compliment when you are kind of friends with her.)
Anyway, let's say she is reading a book. Ask her what it is, who wrote it, if it's any good. Mention your own favorite book, ask her what hers is...Voila, you have just started a conversation about books.
Also, for a first conversation, make sure it is not too lengthy. You don't want to seem to be trying too hard to come on to her. Keep it nice and short. That way, later, she'll think, "That was kind of cool of him to be interested in what I was reading," rather than, "He talked for about twenty minutes about Ernest Hemingway when all I really wanted to do was get back to my book."
Now I obviously don't know if she reads a lot of books, or if you do for that matter, but it's all relative. Maybe she is listening to music, or eating something interesting...I don't know, that was kind of random, but whatever works.
Remember, just stay confident when you talk to her. The way you carry yourself is important. She has no reason to shut you down if you be yourself and stay polite!
Okay, I have a boyfriend and I love him more then anything. Only theres this little problem. I haven't gotten over my ex boyfriend. Me and him have been goin on and off for the past year or 2. He's moving at the end of the year and he now has a new girlfriend. He told me that once he could drive he would come back for me. (We're both 13) Only he told me that a few months ago before we went out again. I sort of flirt with him alot and don't realize it. My question is, am I cheating on my current boyfriend in anyway by flirting with my ex? He doesn't flirt back or anything because im pretty sure he doesnt like me like that anymore. I dont want to cheat on my boyfriend, and if I did i didnt mean to. Please help
I'll rate high im desparate for help =[
By definition, you are not cheating on your boyfriend. However, you are definitely not treating him the way a girlfriend should. He deserves to know the truth, that you still have a thing for your ex. It isn't fair to him.
ok im crazy about my bf. no one knows im dating him. he would do anything for me. but im worried what everyone will think. me and him have talked about it. and he is cool with it. he said it is my life and i can let people knwo about us only if i want. im not ashamed of him by no means. i dont know why i cant tell anyone. he always says that we dotn have to have the whole world nkow about us to have a good relationship. i agree. but i feel like im keeping my life away from everyone. what would you do in my position. ill rate high.
If you really really care about him, the least you can do is start out by telling your closer friends. Eventually you will have to tell people, because you don't want to lie to guys and tell them you don't have a boyfriend, so they think you are available and hit on you. If you are not willing to do this, maybe you should evaluate how you actually feel about him.
ok my boyfriend and me have been going out for 3 weeks now and it seem like we arnt going anywhere. i mean we have gone to the movies 2 times and out to eat twice and then ice skating and we held hands during both movies but he wont kiss me or anything. is he afraid? what can i do to get him to kiss me? his friends and my friends have told him too but he wont. what can i do to get our relationship going. or is he showing me signs that he has no feelings for me? please help me. thanks.
Chances are your boyfriend is just shy. You could try making the first move yourself and see what kind of response you get. If you get a negative response, then ask him if he doesn't like you or if he just isn't comfortable with the touchy part of relationships. There are some people (like my friend Becca) who have a personal space bubble, and they don't like to be touched very much. Either way, you should talk it out with your boyfriend and see if he just isn't ready for those steps in your relationship or if he's just nervous or if he's trying to tell you through lack of kissing that he doesn't have feelings for you. (I highly doubt the cause for not kissing you is because he doesn't like you, but I guess you never know.) Just sit him down and talk with him about it - otherwise, you'll never know! Oh, and one more point: just because you guys aren't getting anywhere in the kissing department does NOT mean your relationship isn't getting anywhere. It's not all about that, you know! ;)
what do i do? my girlfriends's best friend hates me (or so i think)... (14/m) any advice is good, thank you
Your question was very brief, but I'm going to try to help you the best that I can...
You think your girlfriend's best friend hates you...but you don't know for sure. So if I were you, ask this friend of your girl. Say, hey, I don't know if this is true, but I really feel sometimes you're not real fond of me...do you really dislike me? If she says no, problem solved, you're just paranoid! (Joke!)
If she says yes, talk to her about it. Ask her why she doesn't like you, and tell her you want to be friends with her, because you don't want this to come between you and your girlfriend. (Because I'm assuming you don't.) And if she refuses to let bygones be bygones, talk to your girlfriend about it, to make sure that it won't come between your relationship. Make sure you let your girlfriend know that you tried to be friends with this other girl, but sometimes people just clash, and let her know you will try to be civil around her friend, even if you don't like each other.
Hope I helped!
Me and my b/f have been going out now for 3 months. And i haven't kissed him yet..not even a peck. Is there something wrong with me? He has tried once to make a move but i backed off. Does anyone have any advice on how to do it or anything??!!!
First of all, no, there is NOTHING wrong with you. There are plenty of girls out there who are nervous about kissing and making moves with their boyfriend.
Before I say anything more, you should know that you don't HAVE to kiss your boyfriend. Don't feel obligated to do things with him. Make sure you love him. Kissing and making out is just a way of showing him you love him. And there are plenty of other ways to show him, if you're not comfortable with kissing him.
Now, it's hard, but you should just have an honest talk with him about what you guys are ready for at this point in your relationship. I always like to emphasize just talking it out, because it's the easiest way to find out what the hell is going on! But, if you don't think you can talk to him about this because it's sort of embarrassing to you, when you say goodbye after a date or hanging out, just give him a hug and a peck on the cheek. Maybe this will send the message that you are ready to be more intimate.
Good luck!
Is it true that girls dont like gamers? By gamers i mean people who play video games as a hobby or a profession. Also is it true that they dont like computer techs? It seems like everywhere around where i live that girls find that to be a turn off. I live in Tennessee, if that helps. Just wondering.
This is a rather interesting question, I've never seen anyone ask this sort of thing before. But, there's a first time for everything!
I, being a girl and all, feel I can answer this by saying that I don't think girls really care if you're a computer nerd or a "gamer." Some girls actually are gamers. (I sort of am.) But if a girl doesn't like you just because you're a video game kind of person, it's probably because she's one of the more superficial chicks out there. I don't think it's a turn off, but not many girls are really interested in video games.
So, basically, I don't think that girls find it to be a turn off, even if some of them are not video game people. And if a girl doesn't like you JUST because you're a gamer, that's pretty stupid that they didn't get to know you better first and...well, their loss!
I was obbsessed with this guy for like 6 months. I just got over liking him but my one of my best friends told me she went to a party and asked him to slow dance and they danced together 3 times. When she told me this i was speechless even though i stopped liking him. I am kinda mad that she danced with him-or i think i'm mad. I'm not sure whether or not i'm mad or just jealous...i still might have feelings for him. Do you think i'm mad at her or just jealous?
It's probably a little bit of both, actually. Mad AND jealous, I mean. I certainly would be a little upset if she knew that I liked him so much and had just barely gotten over him, and then she went out and danced with him. But I'd also be jealous, that she just went up and asked him and he said yes, three times, and I hadn't gotten ANYTHING like that from him.
Just explain to your friend that you're a little upset about it. She'll probably say, okay, I respect that, and step away from the guy. But if the boy asks her out, she has every right to say yes. If she likes him, and he likes her, you may just have to step aside and say, hey, I hope you guys are happy, you know?
Getting into a fight with a friend over a guy is one of the stupidest things you can do. Friends could be with you forever. But I really doubt that some guy that you dated in Jr. High/High School (whichever applies here) will be the one to stick around for so long that you MARRY him, or he is with you for the rest of your life. There are more fish in the sea, as everyone always says.
16f
k i FINALLY met a guy, after like a year of being totally single...hes gorgeous, plays football, around my age, and seems like a pretty kool person.. well he started trying to talk to me like last week..but then i went to tahoe for a week and he kept in touch with me EVERYDAY..he called me alot n we talked alot..then i came back yesterday and he met up with me and we hung out for like 5 hours.. from this hang out, we found out that we are TOTALLLL opposites..he is tha biggest PARTY guy i know..he smokes n drinks alllll the time..n he KNOWs that i think its the biggest turn off, yet he talks about it n stuff. and right when i first saw him at the spot we were suppose to meet, he was sitting down, smoking a cigg, and was like "hey wassup..lemme juss finish this stoge." so i waited there for like 2 minutes, just standing there waiting for him to finish his stupid cigg...after that we walked around n talked...we got to know eachother really well...but we are, again, TOTALL opposites..he said that im different then any other girl hes ever met cause all of them drink and smoke and are like stupid..he said im the first girl that hes ever had a real good convo with..we are really attracted to eachother physically..and im really into him, like even tho we are opposites i really wanna still try and make this work..and we were talking about how different we were, then he was like..well u know whut they say, opposites attract...aCouple my friends were around and i introduced them to him..and i walked off cause my phone rang, and they told me that they asked him if he liked me and he kinda didnt answer it fully, but he basically said that im totally different and im cute, and smarter than any other girlz hes met, but im kinda uptight..he told them that we are both shy right now..he said that he doesnt think id be able to handle his friends becaues they are total partiers..then like when we were about to like go home for the night..his goodbye SUCKED. like his friend called at the same time we were both leaving, and he answered it, and then he turned to me and said something like who should call who? then i was like u can call me onli if u want to..then he was like okay ill call u after football practice..then that was like it...its weird cause hes totally opposite from me...but i wanna try it out..the thing is, im really scared that hes not gunna call me again cause hes not into the fact that we are so opposite...i dunno im kinda down..whut do u guyz think?? [so sorry its long]
thanks!!!!
Personally I think there is NOTHING wrong with the whole "total opposites" thing. I mean, I certainly would NOT want to hang out with someone exactly like me all day. That would be so boring! I want some variety, you know?
But about the cigarettes and drinking and partying...maybe, if you really like this guy and start going out with him, you can be a good example for him. I wouldn't preach about not smoking and drinking, that would just lead to fights. But maybe he will see how smart you are and how cool you are, and how you don't have to smoke and drink to be cool. I don't want to make you feel obligated to be this guy's mentor and good example, however. So don't feel obligated AT ALL.
Also, if you do start dating him, don't let yourself get drawn into his crowd and start smoking and drinking just because they do. Respect your mind and your body, and go by your own rules. You can be friends with his friends, but you don't have to be exactly LIKE his friends. And if he thinks you're being uptight...oh well. You're just being you, and that's all that you can do. Don't try to please him by smoking and drinking.
Oh, and one more thing: make sure you aren't going out with him JUST because he is attractive. Look for other things, like his compassion, politeness, his sense of humor or how he treats you.
Just do what's right by you. Everything will be okay if you do.
During the summer I met one of my sister's boyfriend's friend.I met him once,I went to his house with them.His name is Stevan and he would IM me and we'd talk about different things just life in gernal{{sp??}}Yeah well one day he told me he was going to his dad's house and he doesn't get on much so I should call him.Well i didn't want to becuase I never talked to him on the phone so I thought it would be weird ya know?Well I did call.And I called everynight during the summer.We'd always flirt and stuff you know the normal.I started to like him and I told him.Then he told me he likes me.Well at the end of summer we kinda stopped talking but he's still the only guy I think about.Well I went to his house on Sat.He had his arm around me and stuff and was holding me tight.Well we kissed.And then it lead to making out.And when everyone was out of the room he kinda not fully but a lil on top of me and we made out.Well he hasn't asked me out. =-/ so what should I wait for him to ask me out{{which makes me crazy and I cry everyday....}}..Idk what to do....sorry it's long but it's my life.I'm 13 and female.
If I were you, I would just tell him that you really like him, and that you don't want to get hurt if it turns out he doesn't really like you. And if he says that he hasn't been lying, then maybe drop a hint that you want him to ask you out. ("Yeah, so there's that football game on Saturday...are you going?") Or maybe even just ask him out yourself. ("Well, do you want to go to the football game on Saturday with me?")
And for a first date I would recommend something very much LIKE a gootball game. Something in public, with a lot of people around, and the possibility of running into friends. Plus, the game is something to be talking about during the date. Or maybe, if you don't have problems talking with him, then take a stroll through the park, or something, or have a picnic.
But anyway, back to the first subject. I'm not sure if this was what you were trying to ask for, but if you're upset about him not asking you out, just ask him out. This is the twenty-first century!! Girls CAN make the first move!! Who knows? Maybe he's just shy to ask. Maybe he thinks the exact same as you do, that you might not really like him. Whatever you do, if you really like him this much, keep calling him and talking to him online. It's best to stay in touch, and if nothing else you can get a friendship out of it.
Like I always say, just do what is right by you and things will work out.
I am 15 years old and have never had a boyfriend. Is that normal?
Too often do we compare ourselves to others to see if we are normal. If you haven't had a boyfriend yet, then it's normal for you. And it doesn't matter what other people think. Maybe you just haven't found that guy. And a lot of people date others for the wrong reasons.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about being normal, or worry about the status of having a boyfriend. A lot of people treat them as accessories, not as a person they love, or at least like a lot.
So, to answer your question...yes. It's normal. Because it's you we're talking about, not other people who have had a lot of boyfriends.
OK so theres this new boy at school and like i talked to him before i talked to him at school online... and hes really nice n stuff and last nite we had our first football game! and then afterwards there was this party at my friends house so i invited him to come... he did and we had soo much fun, but i think he likes my friend Michelle, like followed her around n stuff... and like talked to her the most but hes just sooo great and perfect like he got up and danced in a cirle and he doesnt even like know ne one.. like hes the new kid! i love his confidence and how he acts and i dunnno but then my x boyfreind was there and he was like sorta mad at me for like being with the new kid... and my x is like my best friend... but he broke up with me! but i really really like the new kid a lot! so how do u think i should deal with this?
First I would say that you have to remember that you cannot please everybody.
Of course, you don't want to go and hurt your ex on purpose, but if you're truly friends with him and you are both over each other, there should be nothing holding you back from asking out this "new kid".
I am going to quote a very good friend of mine: "If you like someone you should just get it over with and ask them out. Then, if they say yes, great! But if they say no, it's okay, you know that they're not interested and you can just forget about it and move on."
Sometimes it isn't easy to move on just like that, it isn't always that simple. But you can see where you and this new boy stand. If he does say no, maybe you should really be yourself around him and open up. Maybe then he'll be attracted to you because he knows you better.
I also know it's not always easy to just ask someone out like that, because you're afraid of rejection. It's normal, everyone is. But I told my guy friend that I really liked him, you know, that way, and he didn't like me that way back. But we are still friends and talk all the time, and there isn't even that awkwardness that I thought there might be. Getting it over with is just the way to go.
So ask out this new boy, and don't worry about your ex. It'll be okay, as long as you do what's right by you.