about

Hi! I'm Linda. I would love to try to help you with advice about love and life. I can also try to help with Health: Mental issues in particular.

However, you can ask me anything. I believe in the value of honesty and I will do my best to be ethical, fair and genuine. xoxoxoxo

advice

I'm a 20 year old female from America. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months, but we've known each other since we were little. But my boyfriend has a dark sense of humor. He'll make jokes about other girls or breaking up with me or other things. He sees them as just jokes, and I'm not the type that can't take a joke but sometimes he does it too much. He tells me he'll tone it down but it just seems to occur again. How can I handle this? Thanks in advance! :)

Dear Brunt of Hurtful Jokes,

Occasionally, when we date someone who we've known for a very long time, the relationship tends to continue in that mode. It sounds like he's still in the juvenile state of development in relationships and you've matured to where you just don't see the need for the 'hurtful jokes' anymore. You are 20 years old and it sounds as if you're learning the ugly truth about passive aggressiveness.

He sounds as if he really is being passive-aggressive because saying hurtful things and then passing them off as jokes can just about make you think that you're the thin-skinned one when it actually is quite the opposite. I can only speak from personal experience, so my advice would be to not respond to these comments at all. An awkward silence to his comments can speak volumes. What I would also suggest is not to go down to his level. You're a young woman, so I have a feeling that you'll find someone when you least expect it that will respect you and his influence on your life will lessen considerably. It sounds as if you're maturing at a much faster rate than he is and trust me on this... it's going to start getting really old very quickly. Especially at the juncture you are now, it sounds as if you're just about over it. You could let it run it's course or you may possibly get to the point where enough is enough. I also get the feeling that you've been very patient but in my opinion, he's not getting it. And by the time he does, it may be too late. (for him)

Just try not to stoop to his level and let your maturity speak for yourself. Since you've known this person for so long, it may be just the way he has always related to you and finds it hard to break an old, (bad) habit. Good luck to you and if you'd like, let me know how it works out.

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Ok i'm 14/f and i have this bf who is 15 and we have been together for like ever. like 1 year and months but i know i need to break if off because he is the main source of my sadness and why i am always getting introuble. i can't though, its way to hard for. I really wish he would to me, so that i didn't have to do it, but that would probaly make me more upset and my mind would be so mad at myself. but i KNOW i have to, any idea's of how to make up my mind or know for sure if were meant to be truly? i love him so much and he understands me and can always make me laugh ectc. but when he's unahppy, i can never seem to make him happy, so he makes me unahppy.this is like alll the time. i hate it, but i can't ditch him for making me unhappy and depressed, can i? please help me out with sorting this out and everything, write me and i will write back with more information on the situation if you need more info. i just need some other opinons on this, because all my friends say to end it and no advice on the matter. thank lots

Dear Ireallyneed,
At the age of 14, being with your boyfriend for over one year is a pretty long relationship. I understand that it is very difficult to break off a long relationship, however, it sounds like this relationship is bringing you down...swiftly. You are at a crossroads right now and you have a choice to make. You have options. There are a lot of things you like/love about your boyfriend, but I believe that you have been thinking about this for quite some time. The only problem with that is that it just creates more stress. What you need to do is break it off with him now, in a way that it is definitely over and he understands that. If he asks for explanations, tell him that the relationship is not working out well for either one of you and you need to have some time to find out what makes you happy again. That's it. It's the truth and you do not need to offer any other explanations. Do not badmouth him to others, and if they ask the reason, tell them that it was a mutual decision and you have no hard feelings towards him...(even if you do...it will make you look gracious and classy) If he tries to engage you in an argument, it takes two to fight, please remember that. You don't have to fight with him. If you are unhappy and sad and getting into trouble, doing things that make you feel bad about yourself, please, just let him go. You'll feel hurt for a little while and maybe a little lonely, but in the long run (and you'll be surprised how quickly you'll heal without a bad influence in your life) you'll find happiness quickly. And perhaps you'll learn more about yourself and what you will accept and what you will expect in a relationship. Good luck! Linda

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well there's these two guys at my church.1)Philip. 2)Sam. Well, first i liked sam, then philip, then sam, then philip then sam. I just kept going back and forth. Philip, he's extremely nice, but when he gets mad...it's just really scary. Sam, he's nice too, it's just that, he can be a jerk sometimes. Well...Philip likes my sister, and they went out. but my sister dumped him, and he's really sad. Sam, likes my cousin, but she doesn't like him at all. i just dont know who to like. They're always asking me for advice about my sister and my cousin cause im related to both of them. I help them the best i can...but they just don't seem to notice that i like them. help?

Dear circle,
First of all, I would dump the idea of both guys. You say that when Philip (who's extremely nice) gets mad that it's just really scary. That's not extremely nice. Forget this guy. And you say Sam, he's nice too, but he can be a jerk. That's not nice. Forget him too. I think you probably like them both because they are in your same circle, they go to your church, and they like other people, they are just familiar to you. Keep them as friends and forget about dating them. Trust me, when someone comes along that you REALLY like, you'll know it and not have any doubts. You probably aren't ready to get involved with either of these guys because you are going back and forth with them. And to YOU, THAT should be a red flag.
Good luck.
Linda

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im a guy who is shy and i like this girl who is like my best friend and i want to have a bigger relationship with her, what should i do to get her attention? please help!! thanks

Dear Friend...

Well, it sounds like you already have the hard part down. That's the part about being friends first. To step it up a notch, I would start by being a little less available. I know that sounds strange but trust me on this. You want to get her attention but in a positive way. And you want to get her thinking about you. When you do get together with her, begin flirting just a little with her, just 'little' things, like moving her hair away from her face, or smiling a little bit and then looking away, ask her questions about her life, and be interested when she speaks. She will begin to question you a little to see if her intuition is correct. When she does, just tell her that you would like her to be your girlfriend. You can tell how you're doing by her response.
Good luck!
Linda

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I have been going out with this girl for like 3 or 4 months and we haven't kissed not even like hug but i dont want to bring it up like... you know so can SOMEONE PLEASE HELP i love her and she loves me but im to afraid of asking her or some thing so help!! plz!

Hi! You don't say how old you are, but I'm assuming pretty young. So, what I'm going to tell you is not about kissing, but about confidence. Your girlfriend is probably thinking that there is something wrong with her because you haven't even hugged her, much less kissed her. This is my suggestion. Take her for a walk and when you get somewhere that is fairly private. I wouldn't say one word. And PLEASE, PLEASE, don't ASK her if you can kiss her. She has probably wanting it as much as you. Lean into her and keep an eye out for any negative reactions. Give her a quick kiss on the lips slowly. Then do it again. This will give you some idea whether or not you can continue. Before you kiss her again, just say very quietly (almost in a whisper) and tell her you've been dying to kiss her for a very long time. She may lower her head a little and if she does, (it's just shyness) but she doesn't actually move away from you, place one hand on her face or her hair and kiss her again, longer this time. At this point, she will kiss you back and you'll be on your way to a REAL boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Then as a final word...tell her she's a great kisser to give her a little confidence. She will probably tell her that you are too and you will be more confident in kissing her the next time.
Good luck!
Linda

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Hi Linda, hope i'm not being to much of a pain for you but i really need to vent a little. So things took a turn for the worse with Kevin(that's his name by the way).I had decided to just relax and enjoy things with him and see what happens but we ended up in a serious conversation somehow and it got bad. First of all i want you to know that he is not a bad guy, he's been nothing but honest with me and i respect him for that, trust me, have had my share of asses and Kevin is one of the good guys. But, apparently i'm great as a friend and to sleep with but he isn't looking for anything past that. I found out last night that he isn't over his ex and even though she has moved on, he's not sure he wants to. I feel like a fool thinking he should care about me when he is still not over her. I guess they still talk all the time. He says that he doesn't want a relationship with anybody but if it ever happens he doesn't want me to be hurt. All i hear, is i want a relationship but not with you! I know that it's pretty clear that he's not into me but it's just hard to accept you know? We normally talk every morning and every night, he calls me like 3-4 times a night about anything so i guess i mistook that for something else. He says he cares about me, but i've been kind of avoiding him because i dont want him to know that he did hurt me. He really is a sweet guy with his own set of problems and it would really bother him to know that. I'm so sick and tired of being in a one side relationship of any kind. Now there is wierdness between us and i miss him like crazy, he's still one of my closest friends and as selfish as it sounds, the sex is really amazing as well. I should never have slept with him and let it go this far but i guess i figured he would have started to have the same feelings for me. This all started because he figured i was holding out hope that he was going to change his mind about us in the future and he got mad because he didnt want me wasting my time with him. He said he didn't know if he would change his mind or not and that he just wants to live for right now and what we have right now. Why couldn't i have just left everything alone and enjoyed the moment? Now he feels terrible and i feel terrible and i don't see any good out of any of this. Both of us have said that no matter what we will stay friends and i miss him. Obviously this isn't going to work out relationship wise, im not that naive, relationships especially at the beginning shouldn't be this hard and messy, but im not sure how to get past the little damage that has been done by me. I may be the most impatient person in the world when it comes to not wanting to be alone anymore. LOL! Anyway, thanks for listening Linda and sorry for the book i just wrote you. Believe it or not i have a whole lot more i want to say but i'll save that for another day! Thanks, Luann.

Hi Luann,
I don't think you're a fool and I don't you're being unreasonable. What I do believe, though, is that he is telling you the truth and you are refusing to believe him. The smartest thing is this letter that you wrote to me is that you were trying to avoid him. THAT is the smart thing to do. It is a known fact that when a woman sleeps with a man, the feelings for him get stronger. When it's the other way around, the man feels as if the challenge is gone. See how unfair this is?
I don't want you to blame yourself for this situation, it is his fault as much as it is yours. He knew you had feelings for him and in his own way, he took advantage of it. However, in your own way, you took advantage of him too. Friends (as you keep saying you are great friends) do NOT take advantage of each other and you BOTH did. So, what does that say? It says he wants something from you and you want something from him. Neither one of you are going to give in. One of you, (YOU, I hope) are going to do the right thing. Give up the power...and by doing that, you are gaining the power in this.
When you say you are going to miss him, could you be more specific? Let me take a guess. You are going to miss the flirting, the CHALLENGE, the sex, the faux love, the lust and it can go on and on. He, on the other hand, knows exactly what he wants. He wants thing to stay the way they are minus the pressure. Okay, so this is going to be hard, because it's never easy in this situation. You MUST avoid him. His calls, his visits, his friendship, everything. People don't live in the future, they live in the present because that's all there is. So, if he is giving you hope for the future, it's called stalling. Please don't have any regrets about sleeping with him because there is nothing you can do about it. Just try, no don't try, just DO. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, HOPE + DOUBT = PASSION. He definitely has the hope, but there is no doubt there. He has to feel as if it's possible that he's losing you. And another HUGE thing is he has to get over his previous love. The obvious thing here is that he is not being challenged, you are being too accomodating and he needs to FEEL as if he's losing that before he can even think about things. I know this isn't easy to do but you must help him to do it without letting on that you're doing it. As much as it hurts you, believe me, it must be done. Oh, and as far as having serious conversations with him, it's a power thing you're dealing with. If you must talk to him, keep him away from the serious and stay with the superficial. Also, it would help if you will find other people to talk to. If he calls you, be unavailable about 4 out of 5 times. Give him a chance to chase you AND don't give in to him until you are absolutely certain that he will respect you. This does not mean through words, this means through actions. Please write me again if you need me. Good luck in your new project.
Linda

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One of my ex's moved back and he is trying to pry me away from my boyfriend. He is also always teasing me for the worst things and he won't stop. I can't stand him!!! He is awful. So how am I suppose to deal with this jerk?? Please help!!

Dear Oldlove,
First of all, this 'jerk' can't make you feel bad without your permission. You are buying into this whole thing for some reason. If you truly can't stand him and really think he is awful, you would do everything in your power to stay away from him. So, what's going on?
Personally, I would tell him in a very straightforward manner, (not in a mean way) that he is not in your life anymore and you won't tolerate his behavior. And you have to do it with almost no emotion so he really feels like you mean it. The fact that he keeps doing and saying things to you means that he thinks he is getting to you. It's up to you to shut it down.
Good luck!
Linda

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I'd appreciate some direct ways to say something to my bf of over a year.

we'd been talking and he needed a float loan of $800 for a few days to help with a mortgage approval. that is ok. but when he called about it, i mentioned the fact that one of my friends saw his updated ad on match.com, that it hurt my feelings, he knows it hurts my feelings, i care about him a great deal, and i thought we were over and done with that BS months ago. His reply was... can we talk later? can I call you later? I said 'are you gonna call me later?' and he said yes. I said ok and we hung up. I know his style and he'll probably test the waters in a few days and then never mention it again.

Guys... just help me say no more, clearly in a way that he doesn't just shut down. Thanks.
ps... me f/39 and him m/35

Dear Nowwhat,
Hi. I'm glad you asked! You want to know how to say no without shutting him down?? It sounds as if he needs to be shut down. No matter how you say it, the way you describe him and his actions in your question, he is going to make it out to be your fault. I can already hear the guilt in your voice in just your letter. I can only imagine what you've been through already with this guy. First of all, he's 35 years old. How long have you been his girlfriend? Because I guarantee you, without you in the picture, he would get his mortgage paid somehow. With you in the picture, he will still get his mortgage paid, with or without you. It's NOT your responsibility. If he doesn't get it paid, it will be a costly lesson for him, he could lose his house, and again, not your fault. So first piece of advice. Don't give him the money. Please don't. Because he's looking elsewhere. And even if you DON'T catch him, which you've already done, he will continue to look. If he's cheated on you already one time, that respect is gone. And I'm not talking about your respect for him. I'm talking about HIS respect for YOU. It's gone. Because once you cheat on someone, it's very hard to give your all to that person anymore. The only way to do that is to get the respect back. And that means, shutting him down. You are 39 years old and playing a very old, dangerous game. You are both wanting the power in the relationship. He, with other women and you, with money. Trust me, if it continues, the relationship won't last long. I don't want you to feel like I'm coming down on you, I only want you to see it from someone else's perspective. Please let me know how it goes.
Linda.

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my girl friends best mate says she really fanceys me and keeps asking me out wat do i do

Hi there!
Say no. And I'll tell you why. She is testing you. She is also jealous of her best friend. When you say no to her, she will respect you for it and probably like you even more, but that's not why you should say it. It's not the right thing to do and if you were to say yes, please keep in mind that you are not only breaking up with your girlfriend, you are also breaking up the friendship with her friend. Another consideration is that if she is willing to do this to her BEST friend, what will she do to you when she tires of you? If she won't let up, tell her that you will tell your girlfriend what's up. That should put a stop to it. I know it's good for the ego to think that you are attractive to someone else, but you don't need to act on it. You will be much better off and feel better about yourself in the long run if you say no.
Good luck!
Linda

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ok wow here goes the problem.. me and my boyfriend have only been going out for like 2 weeks but for some reaon i really like him and idk he gets mad really easy and like if he says something and i yell at him back he will be like o shut up and hang up on me or something and if i dont then he be like see how i got my bitch whipped..
i mean idk what to do my bestfriend went out with his best friend and they broke up.. and now im scared because he thinks that imma do what she did to him and try to get with someone else and we might not se each other that much any more..
but is this bad i mean is this leading to a bad relationship and how can i get him to beleive that i wont do that to him?
help me
shaiina

Dear Helpme,
I'm so glad you're asking about this so early, because you ARE aware that there are some red flags popping up. You've been going out for about two weeks and you can already see signs. It doesn't get any better I promise. And getting out of a bad relationship is infinitely easier than getting into one. So, here goes. I am going to list your red flags and then I will suggest some things to do about them.
1. He gets mad easily.
2. For some reason, (in your own words) you really like him.
3. He tells you to shut up.
4. He hangs up on you.
5. He tells you that he's got his bitch whipped.
6. You are doubting your every move with him. (Because your best friend went out with his best friend and that is your problem how?)
7. You are already thinking this is leading to a bad relationship.
8. You want to "get him" to believe you.
9. He is reciting all of your ex-boyfriend's names.
10. You are buying into all of it.

I want you to think about this really, really hard. Okay? First of all, any guy who is telling you to shut up, calling you names and hanging up on you, does NOT love you. He may think he does, but it doesn't sound like he respects himself and he's very insecure. If he doesn't have the respect and security and trust in himself, he doesn't have it to give to you. He is in the RED. This means that not only is he not ready to accept you, to love you, he is not even ready to help himself yet.
Second, you cannot MAKE him trust you. Trust is something that one gives out of their heart. He doesn't have it, so he can't yet give it.
Third, reciting the ex-boyfriend thing is beyond unacceptable. What's in your past is in your past and it it not his business whatsoever. NONE. You are saying that basically you are in love with him and he's in love with you. I know that you think you are in love with him. But I think that there's a lot of insecurity on your part also to be getting into something that will not make you feel good, it won't benefit you in any way AND it could be dangerous. Please think about getting out while you still can. It hasn't been long, so please take advantage of this and let him know that there are things you have to think about, you don't want to hurt him but you don't want to hurt yourself either. Please let me know how it goes.
Good luck!
Linda

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Dear Linda,
My bf said he likes me still but he gets all hyper when hes near this other girl!How can i tell if he still likes me?

Hi!
Okay, you said he has already told you that he still likes you, however, he is acting strangely around another girl. I don't think there is a question of whether or not he still likes you. The question might be whether or not he likes someone else....also.
This may be the dilemma. Your boyfriend probably does like you very much still, however, he may be having some feelings for this other girl. Here is what NOT to do. Do NOT get upset about this in front of him. You do not want to appear as if you are the slightest bit concerned with this. Because if you do, he will think about it more and you will be pushing him towards her and away from you. What you need to do is acknowledge to yourself that this is perfectly normal. We will all be attracted to many different people in our lifetimes. And more often than not, we don't act on those attractions, we simply acknowledge it and move on. Please let your boyfriend do this. I am sure you are attracted to other people besides your boyfriend occasionally, but you don't act on it because you love him. Do not be hard on him for acting differently with this girl, however, you may want to keep the two separated. Good luck!
Linda

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Dear Linda, I wrote to you about the great man I met and I loved, loved,loved your advice. I absolutely agree with you except for one little problem. I seem to be a little insecure. When i'm around people i exude confidence, when i'm alone I think I do way to much thinking. For some reason I need answers right now and I dont know what i'm in such a rush for. We still hang out together and have a lot of fun and he acts very interested in me whether it's friendship or more. I'm worried I may start pressuring him again without even realizing I do it. I guess my question is, do you have any advice on how to just relax and let things run it's course without driving myself crazy in the process? Luann

Hi Luann,
Thank you for your compliment. I appreciate it!
About your question, you already have half of your problem solved. You say when you're around other people, you exude confidence. That is the first step to becoming more secure with yourself. First it's the thoughts, then it's the feelings and then it's the acting on those feelings. This is how most everybody 'shows' their personalities. The last part of it is believing it. (That's why people say to dress for success or fake it til you make it.) When you are around people that you feel comfortable with, you just naturally show your confidence because that it what you are feeling. The next thing you have to do is work on believing it. And trust me, you've already gotten the hard part down! The easy part is believing it.
Okay, back to this new relationship you have. You are doing just great and he's acting as if he's very interested in you without you having to pressure him. I think your problem is patience, not confidence. I totally understand the whole 'thinking when you're alone' thing. I do it too. But I find what helps me most is when I consciously take my mind off of myself and put it on something else. Doing a whole lot of dwelling on our feelings will normally work through the major issues, but when there is nothing big to work through, we tend to get petty with ourselves. And critical. About relaxing and letting things run its course is about patience. With yourself and with him. When you begin to have physical manifestations of what you're thinking (feelings), you need to turn them away from yourself. It especially helps to do something physical. Something that requires you to be doing something. This may sound silly to you, but I give myself facials and do a whole skin care routine. This helps me because I'm still focusing on myself, but I'm doing something, and it's funny because whenever I am the most insecure with myself, my skin looks great! I am not suggesting you do that, but maybe something that makes you feel good physically. Yoga, breathing exercises, writing letters to your family, going shopping, etc. Whatever you do, in the beginning of this relationship, when you are feeling the most insecure with or about him, deal with it on your own. Don't call him or if you are with him, try to do more listening than talking or cut the visit short. Good luck Luann and let me know how it's going.
Linda

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ok, my bf gets boners when im with him, i know this because hes told me ,i was just wondering if there is anything i could do? Also is there anything i could do with my bf that's cute, but not sex?

duplicate question

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ok, my bf gets boners when im with him, i know this because hes told me ,i was just wondering if there is anything i could do? Also is there anything i could do with my bf that's cute, but not sex?

Dear Confused,
There are lots of things you can do with your boyfriend that doesn't involve sex. The main thing I would suggest is be around other people as much as you can. It doesn't have to be done in an obvious way. It is very difficult to say no to someone when you really like them and you are both affectionate with each other. The problem is that when you start fooling around when you're alone, things just naturally get more heated and it will get harder and harder to say no to what you don't want to do. But, back to your question. You can make him feel good by massaging his neck or his back and have him do the same to you. You can kiss him and hug him and TALK to him. I would tell him that you feel uncomfortable with sex right now and you hope he will respect that and have patience with you. Good luck sweetie and let me know how it goes.
Linda

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Ive met this great man and we get along in all aspects, but from the start he has said hes not sure about a relationship because of his past. Hes been so hurt and has built this huge wall around him. I have made it clear from the beginning that i do want a relationship. Who doesnt want to be loved as long as its with the right person? He has just recently figured out that i have started having feelings for him and it scares him. Now im scared of how honest to be with him about it because i dont want to lose him from my life, hes also a great friend. On the other hand i wish there was something i could do to get him to see how great we would be in a relationship. Help me, ive been seriously hurt in the past as well and i dont like this feeling i have in my stomach. What should i do? I am 33 years old and hes 36 and we both have children from previous relationships.

Dear Ineed,
The one thing I have learned in this life is that when guys say they are scared, they are scared. When they say that they're assholes, they turn out to be assholes. When they say they need some space, they need the space, unfortunately, without you in it. You sound like a lovely girl who is kind, caring and nurturing.
You know that feeling you have in your stomach? It's a signal. It's a cue. It's a signal that something isn't right and it is manifesting itself physically. This is only the beginning. The beginning is the honeymoon phase and you are already feeling physical symptoms. It doesn't get any better. Okay, well occasionally you will be with him and get the feeling that it doesn't get any better than this. And it's exciting! You feel good, you feel that all is right with the world, you're HAPPY! That lasts about 30 seconds and then you start to doubt his motives. We women tend to crave those 30 seconds of euphoria and discount all the other behaviors. If it happens once or twice or even three times, we think it can happen again, maybe this time even longer.
You've been hurt in previous relationships and it could be a pattern that you're getting into. We can only work with what we know, and you have to teach others how to treat you. This means learning how you really, deep down, WANT to be treated.
I think you need to back up a bit. Just a little. You need and want a little more from him than he is willing or able to give. You say that you're good friends. That's great! It's the perfect place to start. Back it up to friends. I would start by releasing all the expectations that you have of him. Or that you want from him. Take his cue. Go slowly and watch for the signs that he is giving you. To do this, I would start with the phone. When you are talking on the phone, be very friendly, kind, do a lot of listening and not a lot of talking. Keep it short and YOU end the phone call. This works best when you are in the middle of a GREAT conversation. I know that sounds strange, but it works. Trust me. It will leave him wanting more. When you are together, same thing, different circumstances. Be a friend to him, not a lot of talking, perhaps ask him questions to get him talking about anything he wants to. Cut it short and end the visit first. Say you have other things that need your attention that you simply must attend to. Again, it will leave him wanting more AND it will put a little doubt in his mind.
HOPE + DOUBT = PASSION. You have to let him know that he is important to you, you will be there for him and that you have feelings for him. However, you MUST counter this with some doubt. This may be called mixed signals, but mixed signals is what a man thrives on. It's a challenge to him. It won't happen overnight, but it WILL happen if that's what you want. Think of it as a project you're working on. You are going to get what you put into it. I suspect this is the same reason why you are falling for him...because he is giving you the hope/doubt equation without even realizing it. But you can take that power back. This will work if it's done correctly. Please tell me how it works out for you.
Good luck!
Linda

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Ok, well, I really like this one kid, but the major problem is he likes one of my best friends. I needa find a way for him not to pay attention on her and pay attention on me. I need to know what turns on a guy. Like what do you want in a girl, honestly. Thanks for your help

Dear Ineedall,
I know you didn't ask for girls advice but I wanted to answer you because most guys don't really know what 'it' is that attracts them to a girl. I am going to try to give you a few tips. HOPE + DOUBT. This is what generally draws a guy to you. That equation = PASSION. You have to let him know you like him but give him a few doubts as to whether or not he can actually 'get' you. (This works for guys too...) Everybody likes a challenge. People like something they have to work at a little bit because it gives them something to be proud of, something that couldn't be easily gotten by just anybody. So, having said that, I would Smile, Be Friendly, Laugh a little at his jokes. Act like you like him as a person. Show interest but don't be falling all over him. If you pull back just a little bit, this guy will probably be questioning why you don't like him in that way. And he'll probably go to great lengths to find out. However, just one more thought. Do you like this guy JUST because he likes your best friend? Or, Did you like him before? Just something to think about.
Good luck!
Linda

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I was just wondering, is it possible for a guy to be too shy to IM you? becuase i have imed ths one guy i like about like 4 times in total but like over a span of about 2 months but..i'm just thikning is the reason he hasn't imed me first because he is shy or that he just doesn't feel that way about me? help please..thanks

Dear shy,
Now there's a handy excuse. Being too shy. However, I'm thinking he probably knows that you will IM him first. Unsure of whether or not he doesn't feel that way about you, but I can give you a few tips. First, if you "see" him on the computer, don't IM him first. Let him do it. And if he doesn't, please don't worry about it. You just want to put a question mark in his head. If he does eventually IM you, be friendly, keep it short and be the first one to go. Hopefully, it will leave him wanting more. When you see him, big smile, wave a little and keep on walking. You want him to know you like him but also that you can live with him or without him. That you're independent and confident in yourself. If he's interested, he will definitely throw out a few more hints.
Good luck!
Linda

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How can you tell who a major flirt likes? Does he show them more attention or less? Because I have a friend that is a major flirt and he's been following me around in the mornings before school, he's also suddenly starting to eat lunch with me, and always wants to be my partner in Drama. Why the sudden change is another question?

Hi!
Wow. THIS Big Flirt likes YOU. A LOT. He's going above and beyond his call of flirt duty. You don't pay that much attention to a girl that don't want to get to know better.
Why the sudden change? I can definitely hazard a guess. It's because you are not falling all over him and you are, rightfully, questioning his motives. If you want to observe that a little bit more, just keep being yourself like you have been. I'm thinking he has a major crush on you.
Linda

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ok what should i do i mean i like this guy well were together but he always is tryin to make me pissed off and crap and is a total suck up with my mom and when he comes over all he wants to do is be with my mom and brother and totally ignore me and if i dont do what he says he gets all pissed off and threatens to leave and break up with me? help! what should i do?!!
Thanks Kayla Ann!

Hi Kayla Ann,
Unfortunately, this guy sounds like he's playing games with you. I would definitely back up a bit with him. What he needs is a little dose of doubt when it comes to you. Right now, it seems as if he's pretty sure of your affection for him but you're not getting the attention YOU need. The next time he comes over and wants to be with your mom and brother, I would just quietly slip out of the room. And no matter how long it takes, let him come to you. When he does, appear that you are EXTREMELY busy doing something that doesn't concern him at all. That will do three things. One, it will peak his curiosity. Two, it will let him know that you can live with AND without him if you choose and Three, it will insert a question of doubt in his mind. A few words of caution, when he does come looking for you, DON'T act as if you're angry with him. Act as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Just be nice but quiet. Smile sincerely at him. Also, the next time he threatens to leave and break up with you, say, "If that's really what you want, no problem." Turn around and leave. Trust me, he WILL come after you if you do it calmly without getting angry or crying. He will be wondering what's up and also will think hard about it the next time he threatens you.
Good luck sweetie!
Linda

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20/f

This guy I had a date with kissed me on the firt date. Is that werid? I have never kissed someone on the first date before. Do you think he just wants sex?

Dear 20/f,
Kissing on the first date is not so weird. It depends of course, who you are. By the way, did you kiss him back? It's really all about how you feel about the person. If you thought it was weird, you probably didn't learn enough about him for you to feel comfortable kissing him. It sounds like you have high morals and high standards. That is great! And please don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. A kiss, in itself, is not such a big deal. It means he likes you and wants to get to know you better. Whether or not he wants sex right away really depends on who he is.
Good luck and happy dating!
Linda

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