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insecure
Dear Linda, I wrote to you about the great man I met and I loved, loved,loved your advice. I absolutely agree with you except for one little problem. I seem to be a little insecure. When i'm around people i exude confidence, when i'm alone I think I do way to much thinking. For some reason I need answers right now and I dont know what i'm in such a rush for. We still hang out together and have a lot of fun and he acts very interested in me whether it's friendship or more. I'm worried I may start pressuring him again without even realizing I do it. I guess my question is, do you have any advice on how to just relax and let things run it's course without driving myself crazy in the process? Luann
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Hi Luann,
Thank you for your compliment. I appreciate it!
About your question, you already have half of your problem solved. You say when you're around other people, you exude confidence. That is the first step to becoming more secure with yourself. First it's the thoughts, then it's the feelings and then it's the acting on those feelings. This is how most everybody 'shows' their personalities. The last part of it is believing it. (That's why people say to dress for success or fake it til you make it.) When you are around people that you feel comfortable with, you just naturally show your confidence because that it what you are feeling. The next thing you have to do is work on believing it. And trust me, you've already gotten the hard part down! The easy part is believing it.
Okay, back to this new relationship you have. You are doing just great and he's acting as if he's very interested in you without you having to pressure him. I think your problem is patience, not confidence. I totally understand the whole 'thinking when you're alone' thing. I do it too. But I find what helps me most is when I consciously take my mind off of myself and put it on something else. Doing a whole lot of dwelling on our feelings will normally work through the major issues, but when there is nothing big to work through, we tend to get petty with ourselves. And critical. About relaxing and letting things run its course is about patience. With yourself and with him. When you begin to have physical manifestations of what you're thinking (feelings), you need to turn them away from yourself. It especially helps to do something physical. Something that requires you to be doing something. This may sound silly to you, but I give myself facials and do a whole skin care routine. This helps me because I'm still focusing on myself, but I'm doing something, and it's funny because whenever I am the most insecure with myself, my skin looks great! I am not suggesting you do that, but maybe something that makes you feel good physically. Yoga, breathing exercises, writing letters to your family, going shopping, etc. Whatever you do, in the beginning of this relationship, when you are feeling the most insecure with or about him, deal with it on your own. Don't call him or if you are with him, try to do more listening than talking or cut the visit short. Good luck Luann and let me know how it's going.
Linda
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