Gender:
MaleMember Since:
June 18, 2009Answers:
8136Last Update:
May 26, 2019Visitors:
138308Favorite Columnists
karenR
AyyItsKristen
Erinn_the_bamf
Xui
storageanddisposal
lvr
Smartone
bewise
GradingCurve
anonymous99
HildaJrCarter
more...
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Abusive Relationships
Cooking
View All
about
My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I am a 72 year old Canadian heterosexual woman divorced for over 40 years, mother of one daughter, grandmother of 2, living on my own for about 20 years. I have a woman friend with whom I was very close for several years. The closeness began to deteriorate d/t various moves and changes in life journeys over the years and my own tendency to be reclusive. She and her sister moved about 300 km away about 8 years ago. We rarely see each other anymore, no longer are daily witnesses to each other's lives, meeting on a once a year weekend visit which includes her sister and other new friends and once a year pre-Christmas visit with a group of other old friends of hers, acquaintances of mine. I have not had more than 2 hours alone with her in all that time. I can't help still considering her my best friend but there seems to be a vast emptiness that I can't overcome. On our recent Christmas visit, I took something she said to me as a very personal affront and reacted with a very hurtful comment of my own, in the presence of some of her other friends. This occurred just before we were all setting out to return to our various homes, and she avoided all of us until we had said our goodbyes in the parking lot and I left in my car. I have emailed everyone to apologize for my behaviour and received many comforting words of the "this always happens with family" and "this too shall pass" variety, but I don't think any of them really understand how much I have hurt my dear, precious friend and how difficult it is for me to know what to do now. I told her in an email I would send her a more meaningful handwritten letter and have begun to compose many in my head. I want desperately to save this relationship but don’t know where to start. Words of wisdom needed.
You start with "I am truly sorry for what I said, I know I have hurt you and want to make amends." "Our friendship is too dear to me to let it end this way."
Then you go on to say that she said something that you took as hurtful and responded in kind which was wrong of you but was a knee jerk reaction. Use your own words but along those lines.
You two live 300KM apart or about 150 miles. I would suggest to meet somewhere in the middle for the day or maybe a weekend just the two of you. Making this suggestion would be a great Segway into tell her how much you miss the one on one time you use to have with he and how this would be a great time to catch up and possible plan some together outings.
My sister has some very close friends, one in particular that live on the other side of the country. At least once a year, more often now that they are both retired, they meet and go on vacation together. They have so far been on two cruises, been to Italy, Scotland on Great Britain and are presently planning another.
I don't know if your finances will allow for you two to travel like that but I am sure if you put your heads together you can come up with some time and places you can go together and enjoy each others company just the two of you.
You can also what I've just written as a basis for you letter. If you think it is possible for the two of you to meet someplace halfway between you then I suggest you keep the letter simple and discuss what I wrote face to face.
(Rating: 5) adviceman49: Thank you so much for this supportive answer. We had a similar situation only a year ago. That time it was between me and my friend's sister--my friend supported both of us and helped us get back on track.(All via email and telephone) Because some of that also related to me missing my friend, she and I agreed to do just as you have suggested, but life got away from us and neither one of us initiated such a meeting. I truly hope we can do it in the coming year, at least once. We have a lot to share.