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I will try to keep this as together as I can, but I might go off a bit on ordering, and no, this is not by any means short. One of my lovely features is explaining as much as I can for clarification, in some places a bit just to fine point one small topic... sorry ahead of time. I talk a lot ...
Alright, I will point this out now ... we live far apart from another. Specifically I am in America, and she is in Romania. As you can tell, we've never been in proximity to each other. Now that being said, we have talked nearly every day. How much and the depth of it varies each day. I however start the conversation everyday, which begins to lead to my what I'm .. concerned about.
She has said ( wrote ) many times , that she does care, for me. She does like me, she does like to talk to me. She likes many things. We have speculated the idea of a ( distance of the long-ness ) relationship ( laugh if you wish ) and whether it'd be plausible. The answer to that is to be determined still...
Anyway, the thing is, after all she has said, she shows so little of it. You would think if you care for someone enough as you say, you would be on the gun for talking with them, actively sharing your day or thoughts without being asked, or something you can commonly hear two people do, but she does not do anything like that.
If I don't say anything one day, we won't talk.. most the time ( albeit I never give it more than a day or two because at that point I miss her. Clingy, right? ) Or, it seems almost any little thing she is occupied with, makes her completely indisposed. I know how that sounds.. but I am being fairly serious. I am on a ride or walking somewhere, I think of her, and am fully abled to talk, but it seems almost impossible in her eyes. However that is not always the case, there have been exceptions where she would still talk, like sending a voice message while almost running somewhere, so I guess it sorta makes that point invalid.
Also, she doesn't like to share a lot of anything that is... I don't want to say "intimate", but anything that just isn't publicly known.. now I can imagine " Well that is her decision you creep ", and yes I agree, but I have shared so much with her, and I didn't think it'd be unreasonable to expect similar from her. She's never told me to stop, or that's enough, she'll read it, or listen, however, if there is ever a point where her input is desired, she doesn't always give it. Sometimes she gives a totally acceptable response, other times though, she kind of just overlooks giving it on stuff. She knows I hate that, and I will ask her what was up with it, but that is when sometimes things will get tense and communicating is scarce, because I can't just sit her down with me and talk, you get upset with another this kind of scenario, you simply don't answer them because you made the person unhappy. Not in all cases where she just goes entirely, she may leave that moment but come back and then I will try to fix it, but sometimes... sort of like now, she avoids communication. In this special case however she has gone to the capital on a trip, so I don't expect a lot of talking from her, I myself would still try to give as much as I could.
To be perfectly honest, I am fairly certain it was my fault this time, for something petty. What is it you should ask? She said she was going to a club during the nights maybe on her trip ( which contradictory to something else, i will say later), and that bugged me, and my default response ..... made it obvious it rubbed me wrong. After a short spiel on why it did after she asked what, she simply said she was going for her run and that sorta started the communication cut. I've talked to her since then, said sorry, and tried to be cute and say like " take some pictures for me dear, please. " Can I be blamed though for it bugging me, even a little? The girl I care for ( who happens to be very attractive ) is going to a club, with the possibility of being full of horny, hounding guys.. or girls ( ?? ) that may want to hit on her, or more. We aren't in a relationship, so there are no ties from being a couple, but it just doesn't sit right with me. ( guy likes girl, girl likes guy, but still goes to places like that. I don't know what kind of club, but I am going to assume it's not some paradise place that keeps significant others at a peace of mind. ) Now simultaneously, I want her to be happy, have fun, and do what she wants. So, mentally I am at a crossroads, but in the end she is going to do whatever she pleases. I have a fair feeling she actually went the night this was done.
I said this is contradictory earlier, and that is because one time asking about her, she went on a short spiel on how she says shes a weirdo, and that she doesn't open up to anyone and just surrounds herself with books and no one else. She doesn't like being around others, but goes to a club... there are holes in her logic to me, that makes me question her honesty to me some. Or maybe I just over think it too much. I take this much more serious than what most people probably do.
I think I can finally start to wrap this up. If only I knew how to write like this in high school... ( bad time for humor? )
In the end, I care for this girl, I really do, more than I can realize probably, I just want to understand. About her, her thoughts, you know,things you would normally pick up in person I don't have the luxury to find out without asking. And to have the peace of mind knowing when she means something, knowing it's true. knowing they mean it when they say something. I've try to set that standard for myself.
For about 2 seconds, I pondered the thought that if she saw this, she'd maybe get why I say so much, or ask.. maybe it'd change things.. for the better in a perfect world. But then I remembered how bad of an idea that would be... But she is someone I trust telling anything to, which is a seldom thing, so hiding stuff isn't something I really do with her, you know?
One last point and I am done, I have this very small worry, that the only reason she said love, is because of her overjoy shortly before that I sent her roses. Yea, I had flowers sent to her, sue me. Apparently they brought tears to her eyes( of joy ), and she was pretty much glowing the rest of that day, overjoyed... and maybe a few days following where she felt overly affectionate, but now it wore off and she doesn't really care as much as she lead on... I hope this part is just wild speculation on my part, but I won't rule it out.
So, what do you all think, do you think she doesn't care, I'm just there for boredom sake, maybe she really does care, and I just don't have the proper way to always talk to her? Is every issue my fault for over thinking? Is her level of engagement appropriate? Do you think she could step it up, should I lower it? Something else entirely? Did the borg invade? ( Only some will get that... ) I'd like *nice* input on this. Helpful, uplifting, but fair. I think that'd be reasonable. But if the need to be absolutely rude and insulting is for you, then do so I suppose. If there is clear input on maybe how I could bring this up in a fair manner too, that'd be perfect. I want to talk to her about this, but in a way where she will sit and listen, and respond, not leave for few days making me spazz the hell out. Having other's insight on how to do it would be great. I may even try to convince her to a skype call again ( we've only done it twice, but once it has started they have gone well, smiles, laughter, goofyness, things I wish we could do more often. ) and maybe we can talk about it in real time. Sort of putting her on the spot, but it'd work.. That sounds mean I know. And no, I don't intend to actually show her this. Probably. Maybe. We'll see.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and have input. I will say, if your advice is " forget her ", that won't happen.... before this got more serious, I ... actually tried to put a bit of space, and it did not work. Plus, I don't want to honestly. I want a fix, not a quit.
Grazie! (link)
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Wow! Thanks for all the detail. It does help when get useful information.
I am an older adviser, I will let you know that up front so you know. The younger crowd may have a different type of answer for you.
I really, really think you need to see this girl as a friend and not as a love interest. I am NOT saying that can't change someday if circumstances were to change. I feel from what you have said that she isn't even close to wanting anything more than friendship right now. If you push it, she may just stop communicating with you altogether. I don't think that is what you want.
When you meet people on the internet you can become fast friends. But you really do not know each other. When you don't see someone on a daily basis & see how they react to other people, and other things, you just don't know them. You know only the good and only what they want you to see.
Maybe she has had a bad experience with this in the past, or maybe she is just being cautious as she should be. You should be too. She does not want to talk about personal things because you just do not so that with strangers on the internet.
I think you should continue your friendship (You can love your friends without being "in love" with them). In addition, you should date & socialize with girls that you know at home. It may be an incorrect picture, but I see you sitting at home waiting to talk to her on the internet, while she is out living her life. You need to get out & do that too.
I hope you meet someday & everything falls into place. Until that day, stay friends and find a girl close to home. If you push wanting a relationship with this girl, you are going to scare her off.
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Rating: 4
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Although I don't like the overall make distance for a while, I do thank you for your more fair answer that you gave me. And yes, the picture you imaged is more correct than I would like to admit.
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