cux's advice column

I'm Jack/Jamie.

I'm 28 years old. I graduated from Michigan State University with my Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. GO GREEN! Now I'm a high school chemistry teacher in New York City living with my husband in a small studio apartment we pay way too much money for.

I've been on this site for 14 years as of March 23, 2020.
You may have seen me as CuxMiBeckNow7, but I've since shortened my name.

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Here is my Recommended Columnist of the Decade for the 2020s:
Laura!

--Jack

advice

15/f

I got my first boyfriend about a month a week ago. Hes super shy and I'm also his first girlfriend. Since its summer, and I knew we probably wouldn't see each other a lot, I decided to try and make plans so we could atleast hang out once a week. I have to make the plans. He doesn't. I have to call him. I have to text him. At first I was totaly okay with that because I really liked him and I was stoked he asked me out. But then I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies and he was all for it. Then later he sent me a text saying he had to go bowling with his family and couldn't go. So I was all okay, blow me off. its iight. so then i got talking to my best friend's boyfriend (he was practically the one who got us together) and he kept pushing me to call him, and so i did. but then his phone was off and we started talking again. I mentioned that I thought my boyfriend didn't really like me and he agreed. then I started talking to my best friend (his girlfriend) and she also agreed. So I don't know. I called again and left a voicemail this time saying we needed to talk. I know once school starts again, we'll be all good. But I don't know if we're going to last the summer. I really need to talk to him and see whats actually going on. Should I wait it out till school, or what? I wanted my first boyfriend to be someone I really liked, and he liked me. Not some random kid that I wasn't even friends with at first ask me out. So likee yeaah. Should I wait it out? Does he actually not like me or is he really that bad of a boyfriend?

The real problem here is that you're letting your friends tell you that he doesn't like you. How the heck do they know? What I mean to say is that just because your friend tells you something like that, it doesn't mean you should automatically believe them.

If you want the truth- you need to talk to YOUR BOYFRIEND, not his friends. They will make up any crap they want when they want.

I don't see him having to go bowling with his family as blowing you off. That's ONE time. Seriously, that's not even a big deal. I can, however, see that maybe the fact that he isn't answering his phone or whatever is what is making you doubt the relationship. That's more reasonable. But did you ever think that maybe his phone is dead, or he's not always near it. Or maybe he's busy doing something at the times you call him, and he can't pick up. Plus, humans are naturally forgetful, so maybe he's forgetting to call you back. I know I do that a lot, but that doesn't mean I don't care about calling back, you know?

I don't think leaving him the voicemail of "We need to talk" was a very good idea. That would scare the crap out of me, and it probably scared him, too. So when you do end up talking to him, don't get all defensive and stuff. Be calm, and gently ask why he isn't calling back. If you're mean about it, you can pretty much say goodbye to the relationship.

--Jack
(16/m)