A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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i'm already in high school starting on my sophomore year, and i still don't know what i was to do when i grow up. still looking for what i have a passion for, is it cooking? is it dancing? do i want to run a business? idk, what age should i know what i want to be? how will i find out? please & thank you (link)
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Most people figure out what they want and do not want as they go through their 20s.
I wanted to be a computer programmer when I went into college. Then I got a taste of programming for 40 hours a week, and I hated the idea that I'd be doing it twice as much if I actually pursued it as a career.
Over time, I finally figured it out. All my life, I've been one of the people my friends talked to when they were upset. My participation in websites like this was another sign. I like talking to people. I like helping, advice, and helping them figure out their own problems.
And so, I took a course on psychology.
I loved it. Learning how the human mind works, how people think, etc? It was great.
So I am a psychology major. I plan to eventuall get a doctorate, and become a therapist.
My advice, go into college planning to take basics. Pick courses like history, economics, electives, things that will contribute to any major. And pick one class per semester that is an area of interest. Try it out. See if you like it. If you do, take another. And another. Eventually you'll have a major.
Just so you know, most people change majors more than once in college. I went from electrical engineering to Comp sci to psychology, I know people who have changed more than that.
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15/f
So, just a few questions.
Where are places I can go to meet guys, other than school?
How do I go about approaching them in different situations?
What can I do to make hot, single guys more likely to approach me?
How can I attract older guys?
Thanks, xxx (link)
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Based on the phrasing of the question, spread your legs.
I wish I were kidding, but I'm not. The kind of girls who are looking for "hot, single guys" are the kind of girls who exchange sex for them, because thats what your "hot, single guys" are looking for. Especially in a 15 year old who has nothing much else to offer but attractiveness and sex.
Or, you could develop some standards, and ask things like "where do I find guys interested in the same things I am, who are intelligent and caring and mature"
Hot, single, older guys date girls your age for status and sex and not much else.
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15/m
I'm about to go into my sophomore year in highschool (in 2 days) and I'm 15 years old. I haven't ever had a girlfriend in my life. People call me pathetic and I get made fun of and taunted because of it. I used to be picked on a lot and such by people. I recently got into Martial Arts classes and I'm joining a JROTC program (an army reserve program) to help out with my leadership abilities some. There's this girl names Rachael who's one of my best friends. She's also in JROTC and is similar to me in almost every way. The reason I haven't been with anyone is because I haven't found anyone willing to hold a relationship nor have I found someone into everything I am....I've never felt this way about anyone, and I think I love her. We've been friends since Freshman year and I really like her....but I don't have any clue as to what to do about it. I'm not shy or anything, but I just don't want my heart broken.
Advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Brandon (link)
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Rule 1: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Rule 2: If you like a girl as more than a friend, having her be just a friend will hurt more than anything.
Ask her out. Flirt a little. The best advice is to do something. And understand that failure, or rejection, is part of dating. Its never fun. NEVER. But it happens. Ive been dating for a little over 10 years now, been in my current relationship for almost 4 of them. It took me a long time, alot of first or second dates that never went anywhere, and alot of rejection. And yet, the girl I have now, worth ever discerning moment.
Ive also heard it said, if you're going out with someone who you don't match with and who isnt right for you, whats going to happen when you come upon someone you ARE compatible with and you aren't single?
That being said, ignore everyone else. Its sad, these days, that people who stand above the rest are insulted and made fun of.
The people who make fun of you are pretending to be adults by having girlfriends and boyfriends. They don't really understand why people date, they are too immature to understand the kind of connection you are already seeking. In terms of maturity you are years ahead of the idiots who are ridiculing you.
And as a result, when you DO find the girl who's up to your standards, you'll be much happier with her (and so will she) than the people around you.
Something you will learn as life goes on. Having standards isnt easy. In anything in life, standards are not easy. But if you stick to them it is always worth it.
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Hey, will increasing your computer memory help increase gaming graphics and help reduce game lag and etc.? I like to play some downloadable massive online computer games, but my computer can't handle them very well due to lack of memory. If so, what do I need to help increase my computer memory? I'm looking forward to something I can just connect to my ports or something? Instead of something complicated like taking the hard drive apart to put in a new chip or something. Here's some info on my computer to help you with your suggestions: HP Pavilion with (link)
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It depends on alot of things.
First, go to run, and type in "dxdiag"
Run it, and check the "video" tab.
Here is your video card. I have 128 MB of just video memory, and my computer really isnt up to snuff. 128 is bare minimum, 256 is good, 512 or more is great.
If you don't have enough video, (64MB, 32 MB or less) thats problem 1.
Second thing you can do is check available hard drive space. I reccomend keeping 1 GB open for a paging file. Paging file (if you dont know) is a space your hard drive uses kind of like ram, its open space to save things that the computer isnt using right this second. When you minimize a program for a few minutes and then call it back up and it takes a bit, thats because its calling it from the paging file back to RAM.
Third thing you can do. Hit Ctrl Alt Delete and check the "processes" tab. I usually kill everything that isnt a neccesary system process when I run a major program, it helps alot. Kill your internet browser, etc, etc.
If neccesary you can also right click on whichever program process is the game, and select "priority" and put it at either above normal or high. I wouldnt reccomend "realtime" because it becomes your primary system item and everything else runs slow as hell until its exited.
Fourth, check your video settings and sacrifice some things. I have to play wow on low settings. I put textures to lowest (textures use a ton of ram) and draw distance is pretty short with my settings.
The other problems could be attributed to your hard drive speed (hopefully youve got 7200 RMP), Bus Speed, Processor Cache, etc.
Your computer is probably a bit old, I have to combat the same thing I'm running on a 5 year old laptop. Doing the things I suggested should give you an increase in performance. Anything else is going to involve system upgrades, although if the video card isnt up to snuff thats going to be a bit of a requirement.
Also, as stated below, use his link to check your internet connection. There is usually a way to check your latency in game on every MMO, if your ping is above 200 you're going to experience some issues, you want to hopefully be at 100 or under (I usually run between 78 and 90 milliseconds)
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i am not sure if it was flirting considering the nature of the initial relationship (he was my teacher in a course that i just took over the summer... no school problems attached here and that is what is confusing me because he is not a professor in college just a language course i am taking) but i am really kind of interested in this guy and i want to push it...
i don't know if he is a sleezball or if he is nice or if he's even as smart and unique as i'd like him to be... but i know he kind of understands my background... all i know is that i want someone and that someone could potentially be him...
in any case he seems interested in my background. in fact he asked me about myself on more than one occasion and he seems to see me under a different light after he realized we share a similar background with cultures that have similar norms (i am not sure for good intentions or for bad) in any case i can't seem to get a chance to be alone with him (with exception to this one time and we both had to go back inside and he pretended to step out for fresh air when he saw me go out distressed after a phone call... he asked what was wrong and offered to help me with studying... but being in such a foul mood i am not sure what signs i gave him................)
i will be seeing him monday... and it is probably the last time i will unless something happens... a girl i know from that class is coming along because we need to give in an assignment... how do i take advantage of this situation???? she is leaving with me so i can't wait for her to leave before me... and if in case that happens what do i say.... and how do i know if he is just caring or if he actually is interested!? any suggestions would be fantastic!!! (link)
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You're old enough to date a man his age.
You aren't his student, and he has no say over your grades, it shouldn't be an issue for either of you.
Though, I would avoid his work e-mails.
Go talk to him. Be a bit up front. Ask him if he'd like to take you to a movie.
Anything else either won't work or will have you two dancing around the issue. Wasted time in my opinion.
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I'm a 17 y/o guy, and have really bad hormones. I'm always horny and never seem to find a way to stop being horny. I masturbate a lot...daily in fact. Watch porn daily as well. I have a hard time with girls because of it. I feel its because i want the feeling of being loved... I'm not close to any girls, so being friends with benefits is not really possible. what should i do? and how should i go about venting? how could i get a friend with benefits? (link)
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Friends with benefits is a bad idea for you.
You sound inexperienced sexually. I dont mean that to sound insulting (hey, we were ALL sexually inexperienced at some point in our lives) but it also means that the last thing you need is to be introduced to sex or to gain sexual experience through a friend with benefits.
Talk to girls. Flirt. Ask some of them out. Go on dates.
And double your usual masturbation routine.
I used to get myself off two to three times on days when I had a date before the date specifically so I could enjoy the night and the company and not spend the entire time feeling like my balls were going to burst.
Hell, I'm living with my girlfriend of 3 years, we have sex varying from nearly every day to multiple times a day, and I still masturbate pretty regularly. Its just a good way to keep yourself in check, especially if you have a very high sex drive.
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Okay I don't have a purity ring yet, but I vowed to stay sexually pure until marriage. That obviously means no sex until marriage but does that mean no masterbating or anything like that? Like what are the guidlines most people who vow to stay sexually pure until marriage live by? (link)
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For your own sanity, don't let anyone but yourself touch you below the waist, and masturbate constantly.
People build sexual tension. Its part of being human. Everyone is horny, some more than others but especially between 13 and about 35 you're designed to want sex badly for both procreation and interpersonal intimacy reasons.
Honestly, I don't see sex before marriage as a bad thing. Sexual chemistry is just like everything else to me, you have it with some people and you don't with others, and I prefer to know before taking a step like marriage.
But thats not the topic. My reason for advising the limits to you are simple. If you let a guy touch you, you WILL eventually want to do more. The problem with that is twofold. One, you will want to do more and your own vow of purity thing will be in conflict with that. Two, sexual desire is powerful. Very powerful. Its to the point where wanting to be with someone that way can and often IS misconstrued as love. You can make bad choices because you want someone
Sex is great, its fun, and its ALWAYS better with another participant. So stick to masturbation (to keep yourself sane and in check) and avoid everything else as much as possible.
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i was just wondering, it has never happened to me thank god but if a girl or guy was to get raped 3 yrs ago. can they still do anything about it now.
i know that if someone hits you and you dont report it right away cops cant do anything about it if you report it later down the road with or without witnesses.
when we say rape does it mean the guy or girl has to have intercourse with the victim or can it be the taking of clothes off and almost having intercourse? (link)
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Usuall, evidence is the key factor here.
If a rape occurs, and the girl tells no one for years, there are no witnesses, etc, then there isnt much that can be done. Simply put, most juries won't convict and most prosecutors wont waste their time without concrete evidence that something happen.
Theres also whats called "statute of limitations"
Basically, this means that there is a time limit on most crimes where you must prosecute before you cannot be held accountable. Usually federal crimes and murder are the two things that don't have statutes of limitations.
Its kinda messed up, actually. You can be prosecuted 20 years later for misfiling your taxes but three years after a sexual assault (in Texas at least) the felon is completely immune to anything.
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I am 16 yrs old. Me and my boyfriend never have had sex with a condom for the past 6 months. Last month my period came on on July 10, 2008. Me and my boyfriend had sex a week later, my period was supposed to come on today which is August 10, 2008. I have not been feeling normal and been more tired than usual and been gaining weight. Could i be pregnant? (link)
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Yes, you could be.
If you are having sex, the answer to that question is always "yes"
Only a pregnancy test knows for sure.
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i don't personally use limewire to get music or other illegal downloading methods, but all my friends do. i was thinking of downloading limewire but i was wondering what the chances are of being caught illegally downloading music? and also what will it do to my computer, would it start running slower? (link)
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Limewire is crap.
There is a large majority of virus laden items out there, everything from songs to movies to programs.
And theres generally no way to find out if limewire items have these viruses until they are already on your computer.
But, if you go against my advice, and use it, go Google Peer Guardian 2. It is a program that should be running whenever you download anything, because it blocks IP addresses from known servers that can and will track your IP.
Its a toss up. Millions of people download and nothing happens. Thousands of people get letters in the mail, subpeonas, and other things that will cost you and your family thousands of dollars at the bare minimum.
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i'm very interested in december 21, 2012 (122112), the supposed apocalypse.
i was curious. some people, who are SO convinced that 122112 will bring nothing claim that december 21, 2012 is simply the end of a cycle and the start of a new one.
well, for all you people, WHY ISN'T THERE A 14TH CYCLE?
also can someone make an organized list of things that might happen on 122112?
i have...
1.) magnetic pole shift
2.) ice age
3.) global warming causing inhabitable conditions
4.) solar storms
5.) increases in flooding, droughts, tornadoes, tsunamis, ETC ETC ETC
(link)
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If I said that the world would end on 09/09/09
And the world actually did explode on 09/09/09
That wouldn't have made me any less full of shit for claiming that I knew in advance.
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15/m
ok i've been on and off about this a couple times i'm not sure if i am in love ok well she's one of my best friends and i think about her A LOT and whenever i see her or talk to her i get butterflies and i dream about her constantly (not wet dreams)lol and when i hear a love song i think about her and sometimes cry so is it true love? (link)
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No.
Your definition of love changes a bit as you are in long term relationships.
I would describe true love as knowing love. True love is knowing a person. Their good points, and their faults, and loving them because of and in spite of everything that makes them a person.
You can't love someone like that until you've known them for several years.
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Okay I didn't know what catagory to put this under so sorry But here is the question. and to tell you the truth it's kinda embarressing but here it goes anyways:
Q: Okay I've got 36 C breast. They're pretty average size I'm 13. But the thing is They have stretch marks all over them. I HATE IT. I cant wear low cute bikini's or anything!
AND i'm sure when I'm married and you know... have sex or whatever I won't wanna get naked. WHAT DO I DO. I don't wanna buy anything, unless that's all there is. But is there some kinda treatment that involves stuff I might have around the house? (link)
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You care far more than anyone else ever will.
Most especially any guys you'd ever sleep with.
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well i like this guy named ryan, and my friend likes him too. technically shes liked him longer, but that dosent mean anything does it? shes made out with him, but he likes me. she likes him alot, but since he likes me shouldnt i be able to date him? HELP (link)
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1) All is fair in love and war. If he likes you and you like him, you have every right to date him.
2) Being right doesnt always mean you get your way. You're in high school (I'd bet money) and in high school girls are petty, jealous, and incredibly emotionally immature. So, if you date him as is your right, you might lose a friend even though you're in the right.
3) Making out with a guy means absolutely nothing. The simple fact is that most single guys will take an opportunity to do ANYTHING with a girl of moderate attractiveness or better if the opportunity is put in front of them.
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so my boyfriend sometimes says things like tomorrow we're going shopping...what kinda ring do you want? or you're perfect lets get married...or That finger would look even more beautiful with a big diamond ring on it...and stuff like that. is he just joking around or does he really want to get married? i'm 17 and he's 19 which is legal where i live but we've only been together for a few months and i deffiently don't want to get married but he says he loves me and blah blah blah...so i dont know what to think/say when he says stuff like this. I usually just laugh or something but yeah...it kinda weirds me out. (link)
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Fair warning.
Bringing up marriage a few months into a relationship is a serious danger sign.
It shows that he's probably insecure
-if he mentions it alot, its because he wants you to respond in kind, and it means he's not secure in how you feel about him.
It shows he is incredibly needy
- He needs whomever he is with, its not about you being what he needs its about the co-dependency issue of it not mattering, as long as he has someone to cling to. If this weren't the case he wouldnt be bringing up marriage a few months in.
It shows he is very immature
- Marriage isnt something thats cute, or that you joke about. Its a commitment that shouldnt be brought up until you know yourself and your partner well enough to know you can work through things. As you've only been going out a few months, he obviously doesnt know you THAT well, and so it shows that he has some stupid idealized version of what a relationship is in his head and when you two DO eventually start to butt heads it isnt going to be very pretty because he isnt expecting it and has no clue how to handle that kind of situation.
He's young and inexperienced with dating. He doesnt understand the ebb and flow of relationships. I doubt he's dated anyone far past the honeymoon phase of a relationship before. Overall, right now, its harmless. And if you don't mind it too much, then you don't need to worry about it. But it's good to know where these things come from. In all likely hood he isnt actually wanting to or planning to get married soon, but he most definitely WOULD be willing to commit to something like that before HE should.
In other words, trust yourself, because you're the only one of the two of you with much common sense. If something doesnt feel right, you can't really trust his judgement on it right now. Date him for a while and maybe that will change.
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16/f, I REALLY REALLY need help. I get along with everyone in the entire world except for my parents. They treat me well by giving me a nice home, clothing, other things, etc. but don't always consider my feelings. Ok, so I think my dad has some problems. He comes home from work every day cranky and moody. He takes out his anger and bad moods on my brother and mom as well, but most of all, he takes it out on me. It happens on almost a daily basis. I try to just walk away but I can't. My feelings and anger take over and I fight back. I feel like it's unfair for me to be treated this way by him. He's not nice to my friends either. Then there's my stupid, predictible mom. She sides with him over everything no matter what, all the time in any situation whatsoever. She agrees that he's moody and never does anything or says anything. She never protects me in any of these situations even when she knows I'm not being treated fairly. I talked to her about it once, and she's like, "I'm not getting involved in these stupid fights you have with him" When she knows for sure that I'm being the one attacked she stands there and doesn't say anything. But she totally contradicted that statement last night. What happened was, my dad was trying to figure out how to use his new camera and we were gonna watch a video on it and I told him to rewind it to the beginning and he said he didn't know how so I told him I would do it (all in a nice, pleasant tone) and the next thing you know he's screaming at me for bothering him. What's really, really funny is that when my dad was screaming at me, my mom looked at ME and yelled shut up. So that tells you something right there. She's so very much in denial about this and I can see through her like glass. Also, didn't she say two weeks ago that she's not getting involved in any fights? After the video thing I completely lost my temper and there was a huge fight. I know I shouldn't have done that but it's not fair!!!! The fact that my mom NEVER protects me hurts me more than anything. I've tried to talk to her about it countless times but nothing works. She's a brick wall. She's so unbelievably quick to yell at me but never at him. When I was in sixth grade I would get into fights with my dad a lot (on a much huger scale than now, though). My mom decided that I have problems and I need to go to therapy. So I did for a few years, which actually helped me get through a lot of other things in my life besides my family and then stopped because things were going ok. But now, of course my dad has issues and is my mom sending him to therapy? NO! She's not doing anything about it because she's in COMPLETE, UTTER, DENIAL. I even asked her if we could go back to the therapist and she said no, probably because she doesn't want to hear the truth. My parents; attitude toward it is, "I'm the father I can say whatever I want You're the child, your feelings don't matter. And they're like, if this continues, you'll be punished big time. It's not fair that I'm the scapegoat for my dad's actions. I try to walk away and ignore it but it hurts too much. I've disliked him since I was in fifth grade. If he just went to therapy things would be better. Do you really think it's fair that just because he's the "adult" and I'm the "child" he can treat me how ever he wants? It's not fair!!!!!!!!! I cry so much over this and I'm desperate for help. I don't know any dads like this and any moms who don't defend their own children. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help me!
(link)
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He needs to find something to take joy in in his life outside the house.
His life is centered around providing for you guys. His life has few parts left to it that belong to him, more than likely. This lack of control causes anger at oneself and the world and a desire to dominate some aspect of your life.
He needs an outlet. Something physical would be great.
Hmm.
A random suggestion. Aikido.
Its a martial art based entirely in defense and thus mostly devoid of agression. Its fun, it would make him feel like a badass, it would be an outlet for agression thats safe.
As to the rest, I don't know. Communicating with parents so steeped in denial... I've been trying to figure out how to do that myself for about 8 or 9 years now.
You see, the underlying problem to all of this, is your parents can't change, and times always do. As you grow older, you become more sure of your position and more set in your ways. But the world never stops.
Self awareness AND the will to not completely eschew change is the only way to combat this, and your parents are in unbearably short supply. How to grant them any of that, I havent a clue.
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When is the right time to have sex?? (link)
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Depends on who you ask.
Your friends: Now!
Your family: Marriage!
Your parents: 40 or married or college, or whichever comes last!
Your religion: Marriage! Reproduction!
Truth is, theres rarely a "right" answer to that question for anyone.
Though, if you're under 17 or 18, the answer most definitely slants severely towards "not yet"
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hello. im 20 yrs old and i jus had sex for the first time.My partner and i had protected sex. What i want to know is he pulled out before he came even though he had a condom on. He then ejaculated and the sperm or watever ended up on my upper thigh and also in my pubic hair i immediately wipped it off and went to sleep. Is it a possibility that im might get pregnant. Oh and i just finished my menstrual cycle the night we had sex.
(link)
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0.000357% chance, or something like that.
Its always "Possible" if you've had sex and he came.
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i pulled a chair from underneath a guy and he fell and everyone laughed and then he laughed too as he got up. and then he gets up and sits right next to someone else and he barely talked to me when i asked him if he was mad at me.
i later found out he was embarassed? WTF? i wouldn't get embarassed if that happened. whats up with guys? do they really get embarassed that easily? (link)
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The below pretty much captured the essence of it.
Men actually have pretty fragile egos most of the time. At least, men and boys with little in their life to call accomplishment. (Think guys under like 35)
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okay 16/f, i have this boyfriend, and we've been going out for 7 months and he is very respectful and is in love with me and treats me right, but i've told him i wasn't comfortable going too far, with sex and he understands, but he like expects me to when we've been going out for a year..and i don't want to like dispoint him or make him wait for me, cause i dont know when i'll be ready. He is 100 percent comfortable with me, but i dont know why i'm not 100 comfortable with him, which can be the problem, im also scared to do some sexual things like head or fingering me, and i dont know whyy. so i believe that from my lack of sexuality he watches porn, but i feel like since he does, my expectations of those girls are higher and that im being compared and even if he doesn't see it like that or compare me in any way i feel like it does, but i'm just mental about the whole situation. i don't know what to do to make myself relax or feel more comfortable or do i just have to wait untill im comfortable whenever that will be. and i dont know what to do about my boyfriend because i don't want him to feel like hes gonna get something i'm not sure he will. so please give me advice thanks (link)
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Ok.
Sex is a skill. It does come relatively naturally to most people, but still it takes practice to both become confident and know what you're doing.
Generally speaking, the first time you have sex with someone is ALWAYS the worst time. Why? You don't know each other well enough. You or he might be inexperienced, or nervous.
Next, porn. Porn is not some standard that people are held to. Porn is something that he focuses on when he's trying to get off. No one expects a virgin to act like a porn star. In fact, when they do, it often comes off as cheesy and fake.
Be yourself. Its ok to be nervous. You have to be able to laugh about awkward elbows and clumsy clothes together. I have been kneed in the face during sex before. (More than once, actually) and various other injuries have occurred.
Yeah, it might kill the mood in the moment. But we laugh, we watch a movie, and 20 minutes later we're back at it.
As far as waiting, he doesnt get to set a deadline. Make that clear. You shouldn't put any more pressure on yourself, and neither should he.
Lastly, don't be afraid of sex or sex things. All of that can be conquered with communication. The couples who enjoy each other the most are the ones who ask things like "Did you like it that way? Should I do something different?"
Oh, lastly for real this time. His expectations.
He probably doesnt have any. If he's experienced, he knows what its like to have been a nervous virgin. If he's not, then he too is a nervous virgin.
Either way, he shouldnt have many expectations. About the only one you'd usually go into it with is expecting both of you to enjoy it.
Talk to him more.
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