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Hormones
I'm a 17 y/o guy, and have really bad hormones. I'm always horny and never seem to find a way to stop being horny. I masturbate a lot...daily in fact. Watch porn daily as well. I have a hard time with girls because of it. I feel its because i want the feeling of being loved... I'm not close to any girls, so being friends with benefits is not really possible. what should i do? and how should i go about venting? how could i get a friend with benefits?
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Friends with benefits is a bad idea for you.
You sound inexperienced sexually. I dont mean that to sound insulting (hey, we were ALL sexually inexperienced at some point in our lives) but it also means that the last thing you need is to be introduced to sex or to gain sexual experience through a friend with benefits.
Talk to girls. Flirt. Ask some of them out. Go on dates.
And double your usual masturbation routine.
I used to get myself off two to three times on days when I had a date before the date specifically so I could enjoy the night and the company and not spend the entire time feeling like my balls were going to burst.
Hell, I'm living with my girlfriend of 3 years, we have sex varying from nearly every day to multiple times a day, and I still masturbate pretty regularly. Its just a good way to keep yourself in check, especially if you have a very high sex drive.
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You have something so terribly twisted up.
Sex is not showing love. Love does not mean having sex.
Prostitutes have sex with dozens of people each single day and they have no positive feelings toward their clients. Prostitutes are not the only ones who do this.
Friend with benefits is pretty degrading of yourself and another person. How low is it to come to someone and say, "Get me off!" and then leave? Pretty darn low if you ask me. That's what friends with benefits means--and girls usually don't feel that way at all toward their male partner. They feel like their male partner cares about them while the male partner only cares about getting off from having sexual relations. It's how things work, seriously.
Engaging in sexual activity with someone right now is probably only going to make your problems worse. You can become even more obsessed with it. It can leave you with unexpected children or an illness for the rest of your life.
In addition, having sex with a girl isn't going to do anything with you learning how to interact with them properly. Girls are not sex objects--they are human just like you and have emotions. You seriously don't believe that having sex with someone will solve your communication problems, do you?
I'm not kidding, you shouldn't be looking for sex at all right now. You need to focus on having healthy relationships with girls, instead of unhealthy ones. Friends with benefits is an unhealthy relationship and you don't learn anything from it other than how to use someone for your own gain.
Engaging in this sort of sexual relationship will only hinder your ability to communicate properly with others. You will be more concerned over yourself than others and you will come off as selfish and arrogant. You're putting yourself in a situation that will alter the way you will interact with the opposite gender--I'm sure you don't seriously want to be the jerk that uses girls left and right.
By putting yourself in a situation where a girl is only sex to you, you will began treating other girls as only sex objects. Many men begin lying to women to get sexual gratification. They begin degrading women left and right and using them, only to leave them with emotional scars the rest of their lives. Some men end up with emotional scars themselves.
To help you out some, here are a few links you should definately check out while giving this thought:
Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research so you're aware of what they look like on the body:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You're young and hormones are going to make your horny but it doesn't mean you have to be silly and give into them. You sound like you're sexually "venting" in the healthiest way possible--masturbation.
Try to occupy your time and your brain with alternative plans. Join sports teams for one. It's healthy to burn off that sort of energy, which is built up inside of you and masturbation or sex isn't going to magically get rid of that.
The media keeps telling us to only worry about ourselves. Sure, it's fine to tend to your own needs--but what happens when everyone is too busy with themselves? What happens when everyone stops worrying about caring for others? They become depressed, wondering why they don't belong somewhere and why they feel lost in society. That is what is happening to you, most likely, whether you realize it now or not.
What's strange is the more we focus on ourselves and stop helping others, the less we feel good about ourselves. As humans, we NEED interaction. We NEED acceptance. We NEED to know we are important in life. Most of all though, we desperately NEED to help others to gain all of that plus more.
I highly suggest that you stop focusing on yourself. Yes, still continue to get help but try to put your excess time/energy/efforts into others. Find places to volunteer regularly at.
Focus on better activities for the people around you. If you feel you have a sexual addiction that you need to break, then this question from another user may prove to be extremely beneficial (check out my answer):
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time.
If you feel like you don't have time now--make time. Alter your daily schedules to fit a few hours in for volunteering. Instead of being on the computer for an hour, log in only for 15 minutes and do what you NEED to do. Instead of sitting at home for dinner every day, take one day a week to eat at the soup kitchen after volunteering there.
Focus on who needs you. In essence, this is all for YOU so this is important. Helping others will help you.
Having sex isn't going to make you feel loved. You will be using sexual relations for the wrong purpose, causing bad emotions to develop. You'll leave the situation just as cold and lonely as you are already. You are likely to develop feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and low self esteem.
Please reconsider this decision. Sex is not your answer at all. I hope your eyes open up to your surroundings and you find what I've said to be nothing but honesty. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me :)
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It's a phase your going through.
Everybody ages 11-19 goes through phases like it..so your normal.
And you don't really to have a "friend" with benefits because I had one and they get jealous really easy..and there's a bunch of drama.
Just keep doing..what your doing and eventuality you'll grow out of it!
Hope I helped!
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i am a girl and i have the same problem as you. lol
well friends with benefits wont help you trust me. it will cause drama because girls get to attached and jealous and even guys in the whole friends with benefits crap can get jealous. its not worth the drama.
have sex with someone who totally sucks at it. and you would rather masterbate. i dont think there is really a "cure" for it. i mean eventually you will grow out the phase i been in it since i was 14 and im 17 now. so i hope it happens sometime soon lol. but i havnt had sex in 5 months and i masterbate about ever other day now it used to be 3 or 4 times a day
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my friend had the same problem he told me about it ha, and he said he got a (fleshlight) look it up
he told me that worked for him hah
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Most guys your age have the same problem. You're young, so expect to have raging hormones. It's probably happening to almost every other guy you know.
If you want the feeling of being loved, then why do you want a friend with benefits?
There's honestly not much that's going to help you control your hormones. You could maybe get a hobby to keep your mind off of it a little, though, but please don't just use girls as a way to control it. That's really not fair to the girl.
Try to get your confidence up and talk to a girl you like. Be a gentlemen, not a perv, and don't make it all about sex.
Good luck!
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