A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Okay, so theres this guy and his name is Dan. Hes 45 years old, married, with kids, and I went to canobie with him, my uncle, and my cousins. And the only reason I was there was because one of my cousins is autistic and I was going to help. So right when I get there Dan comes up and puts his arm around me and just starts walking with me, and I was like what the heck? But I didnt say anything cause Im too shy. (Im 18 by the way) and we get to the first ride were going to go on and everyone kinda split up and went there own way and I was trying to figure out who to sit next to when he whispers in my ear, sit next to me in the back, and ofcourse, I was like uhm okay, even though I felt weird about that. But I did and it was fine, until I got off and he had his arm around my shoulder again. Anyways later when I was there this guy I knew and was just friends with came over and gave me a hug and I hugged him back and Dan came over and was like okay thats enough and then practically dragged me away from him. I found that soo rude but I didnt say anything. And towards the end of the day we were talking about who was easier to read, guys or girls, and this girl standing next to me was like oh is he your dad and I immediately said ha, no! And then I thought she would think I was weird so I was going to explain that he was one of my moms old friends but he interupted me and I was like Im a....friend. And I was just like oh yeah, hes a friend. But hes not my friend. Hes my moms friend. And I caught him staring at me a few times too, which made me feel so self concious so we went to his car because some of the others wanted food and water and stuff and I was looking in the reflection trying to make myself look better when Dan was like relax you look great. So I kinda blushed and was oh thanks. So anyways that was Canobie. Then like three days later my cell phone rings right and it was him. It was a text message that said pg. And I wrote back and was like what does that mean. And he called me back and said that it was a mistake and that somehow his locked phone, unlocked itself in his pocket and sent me a text. And I believed him until I talked to one of my best friends and she was like no, hes lying and now I believe her instead. And I already told her all this stuff and she thinks that he likes me, but I really dont know. Can someone please tell me what they think? Thank you soo much, and sorry about the length! (link)
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That there is what we of the random internet community call "legal pedo"
A guy who gets off on younger girls and chases them, hoping his "ohhh hes so old and experienced how could he be interested in me?!" gets him a score with younger girls.
Stay away. He's sexually interested in you is just being too subtle about it. Whats even creepier is the evidence of jealousy and possessiveness he showed when you were talking with a guy who was your friend. He was basically fighting off a potential rival.
Hes smart. He was very subtle and ambiguous to start off with, giving you signs that you could give him the benefit of the doubt on. Guys who do what he was doing will do this, giving you enough of an action that they can gauge your reaction to it without being overtly creepy. That, to me, says you arent the first 18 year old he's tried to seduce and he's probably succeded at least once in the past.
Block his phone, tell him not to text you, and if he continues mention it to your father and be honest about how it made you feel. You should be creeped out, if this kind of thing doesnt set off danger signs, make not of it so that those danger signs send off warning bells in your head in the future.
::Edit::
For your own personal peace of mind, I've known guys like this, and read stories, and heard stories.
He strikes me as relatively harmless, as far as it goes. He's got a wife and kids, and isnt looking to mess that up. As such, from his behaviour, hes looking to seduce rather than "conquer" and wants his young ladies to come fully willing. He wants to be the hot older guy who can still score with younger chicks, its alot about vanity. So if you tell him to stay away and make it clear that you won't tolerate him making passes at you, he'll probably leave you alone altogether when he finds out you dont want to be a pretty young thing wowed by whatever he thinks he has to offer.
Other guys can be far creepier and possibly dangerous. Men who go after much younger women usually have one or both of two motivations.
- They want sexual gratification because physically having sex with a young woman turns them on
- They want emotional gratification because being able to attract a younger woman feeds their pride and ego, and makes them feel like verile young studs.
People who are motivated by the first and only the first... well just go look up the definition of Pedophile somewhere. You'll get the idea.
People who are motivated by the second are the kind who sometimes divorce their wives and get a new, early 20s or younger trophy wife.
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Okay... Iv'e been in a relationship now for almost a year, and i love my boyfriend so much, but i have a problem. everytime i ask him about marriage he laughs at me... he says he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, so why does he laugh about that??? (link)
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A year isnt that much, and you sound young enough that you really shouldn't be thinking about marriage beyond a "its a mutual goal down the line" kinda way.
I'm 23. Been with her for 3.5 years. Marriage is STILL a "sometime in the future we want to" thing. No way in hell we're ready for that commitment yet.
He laughs because it makes him uncomfy. Just because he likes the idea someday doesnt mean he thinks its a good idea now.
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Can yeast infections go away by themselves if not treated after a while? (link)
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It can take far, far longer.
I would talk to your local pharmacist or your gyno about over the counter products.
My girlfriend's Birth Control makes her much, much more susceptible to getting yeast infections, so its something she has to deal with on a regular basis. We keep stock in over the counter meds for it simply because it can be the difference between 3 days and 2 weeks discomfort.
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k sorry for all of these things about pregnancy but ifa girl isa virgin and has sex for the first time is it arder for her toi get pregnant or is that just a myth (link)
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Youre actually far more likely as a sexually experienced person is going to know more and know how to protect themselves better.
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how come some people dont get scared on roller coaster rides? (link)
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Adrenaline creates different reactions in different people.
Take me. I am an adrenaline junkie. The physical and mental feelings I get in the midst of an adrenaline rush, well thats really the best way to describe it. A rush.
I love roller coasters. I've been skydiving and cliff diving. I'm probably going to die young doing something stupid (and loving it) on a motorcycle or something similar.
But for some of us, these things provide thrills instead of fear. Even when the adrenaline gives fear, the fear is thrilling. Its fun to do things that scare you a little bit, and its also fun to conquer fear.
Example. Skydiving. The first time you jump out of a plane... You are standing there looking out a door, the wind whips your face, and it hits you right about the time your hands are on either side of the door looking down at the ground "Holy crap I'm an idiot I'm about to jump out of an effing PLANE"
And then you close your eyes, and do it, and you're falling. You just made yourself jump out of a plane. I probably jumped up and down whooping for five minutes after I was groundside.
Its about conquering your fears and glorying in the rush that follows. And some people just don't enjoy that.
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15/f
Whenever im with my boyfriend he always tries to put his hand down my pants. and i wouldnt mind it but i have pubic hair and im scared it would gross him out, so talking to some friend we were all going to go skinny dipping. and they were like ugh i need to shave first. and me being curious was like shave what they were like my vagina its prickly. i was like oh yeah haha. so that night i went and shaved my vagina. and now it just looks weird and not normal... and i think i made the wrong decision. but i cant go back now. was i suppose to do that?
guys when your going to finger a girl do you expect hair or no?
and girls just please help with the whole situation of shaving down there. (link)
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Beard trimmer is far better than shaving.
A beard trimmer gives you zero razorburn. It allows you to cut the hair short enough that it doesnt get in the way or look bad, while leaving it long enough usually to avoid the ingrown hairs problem as well. Lastly, rather than being stubbly and rough for a week after it starts growing back it starts out past the stubble point so the hairs are still relatively soft.
All you need is a beard trimmer (like 15 bucks at CVS) a decent hand mirror and a good source of bright light.
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Hi I'm the person that asked this question
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=547323
I asked a question in your feedback but realize that was a bit silly. Sorry. =)
First I really did like your honesty.
I like having self awareness. But, how do I control the jealousy thing?
Now that I know, even though I had an idea before, I'd like to fix it and I'm not sure how to go about doing that. I really don't want to be jealous or anything negative like that. It's definitely something I'd like to improve.
Any further advice you think you can give on that? =) (link)
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Self awareness is a good start.
The easiest thing I've found, is to ask yourself why.
Whenever I have a somewhat unreasoning reaction to something, its always a result of something that I can eventually figure out. If you dissect why you don't like something, you can break it down into its core components. And you can then decide if its justified or not.
For instance, if you don't like him spending time with others, there are many possible reasons.
- Because you think he might have feelings for the person.
This is kind of a big one. If you feel this, then there are two things to address. One, does he actually have feelings for her. If a guy is telling his ex "I love you" the answer is almost unilaterally yes. Thats why I said you were perfectly justified with that, because saying I love you to an ex IS a sign of feelings and the fact that while he might not "think of her as a girlfriend" its a sign that he might wish he still could.
Personally, I would say that saying "I love you" to an ex is also somewhat disrespectful to you. My girlfriend only says that to one of her exes. He's her gay friend now, which is the only reason I don't mind. That, and after almost 4 years I know her and I know for a fact without a shadow of a doubt that she would never cheat on me with him (or anyone else)
And even then, its not "I love you" its "Love ya" like I would say to a close friend.
Anyway. Another reason
- You don't trust him in general.
This can be a result of a new relationship. You weren't even really dating him from what you said, which means this is pretty normal. You don't know him, his tendencies, or his history well enough to know if hes going to go back to her, or would cheat, or anything else.
- You don't feel like your needs are being met
Is he spending time with others and not giving it to you? This is one that takes some evaluation, because on the one hand he could be short changing you, on the other hand you might be too needy.
This one is usually something that has to be compromised on. He tries to give you what you need more, and you try to give him more space. This was, for a very long time, an issue between me and my girlfriend. We moved in together after being distance for a good long while. Going from phone calls and 2 weekends a month to every day, I needed my space. She, on the other hand, didnt know anyone in my city and so she had me, and whatever friends she would make to spend her time with.
It took alot of time, work and communication to overcome that one. Usually, if you feel your needs arent being met, there is going to be a compromise involved. You have to meet in the middle because if one of you has to bend over backwards to suit the other without the other giving ground it causes resentment and conflict.
Thats my best answer. Break it down. Then break it down some more. If you find in a situation like this you feel jealous because you dont trust him, ask why you dont trust him. If your needs arent being met, why?
Once youve got a clear idea of the problem, the next step is always communication. If both sides understand how each other feels, and both make accommodations, the whole process is alot easier.
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what does it mean when a guy blows in your ear? (link)
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That he's an inexperienced teenager who was told by his friends that its supposed to turn girls on.
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Ok.. I'm 13.. And i made a promise to God that i was going to stay a virgin until marriage... But i think about sex sometimes.. I never think about doing it, just.. you know... But does that make me a bad Christian? Its hard to not think about it when people my age are already losing their virginity... I don't want to be like that... It's wrong.. People my age are always joking about it and saying when they're 16 they are gonna lose theirs and stuff... But I think this is wrong... Also, what is all of the meaning behind a purity ring and how can i get one? Also, what is masturbation? I think anything about sex is wrong... Not just intercourse like some people... I am not going any farther than kissing... And i don't want to have thoughts or anything.. But i need to know what masturbation is. Thnx!!! (link)
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Alright.
First, I'll state my bias. I don't think sex before marriage is bad. I do think sex before you're emotionally ready for it and mature enough to handle the consequences IS bad.
And I personally think most people dont meet the stated requirements to have sex until somewhere between 18 and 25. But thats just me and my cynical view on people these days.
Anyway. Your thoughts and such are a biological reaction to checmicals in your brain and body known as "hormones"
Hormones create a desire for sex that is based in the biological need to reproduce. Some people have stronger hormonal reactions than others, some people have very high sex drives some people have very low sex drives.
All of your friends who are having sex are doing so for one or both of the two following reasons.
1) They are reacting to their hormones and giving into the desire for sex.
2) They mistakenly believe that their physical ability to HAVE sex is equal to the maturity and readiness to have sex, and they are taking part in an adult activity because they want to believe they themselves are grown up adults.
Basically, fooling themselves into thinking theyre mature because they have sex, when having sex shows that they aren't in any way mature.
A few notes. Sex is not wrong. Sex is, when done correctly, beautiful and fun and good and healthy. Its an expression of love and a way for two people who love each other to bond. What you have to understand, is that people who have sex before they are old enough get screwed up in the head about what its for.
Case in point, there is a 14 year old girl who asked a question about sex after you posted this. She stated that she doesnt play with herself because "thats what boys are for"
Its things like this that are a perfect example of why having sex at your age is an absolutely terrible idea. Its not wrong because "its just wrong" its wrong because theyre having it for the wrong reasons and they are far too young and immature to have it for the right reasons.
You asked about masturbation. Masturbation is touching yourself in various areas in order to feel physical sexual pleasure. Its usually accompanied by sexual fantasy, thinking about sex, etc. Some religious people might tell you that its also wrong, some might tell you its perfectly OK. To be honest most questions about whether sex is right or wrong will be answered a 100 different ways by 100 different people.
Purity rings. Purity rings are basically a sign of promise. Its a vow to stay chaste Chaste means virginal, innocent, until marriage. Usually this includes as you have stated nothing beyond a kiss until your wedding night.
Does thinking about sex make you a bad Christian? Depends on who you ask, I'm christian and I say no. Many priests would say yes. I know some baptist ministers who would agree with me. I know some who would agree with the priests.
But it is normal. Its natural. Its a result of your body reacting to Chemicals your body produces and its the way God designed you. Just learn to control the impulses and realize that your desire for sex stems not necessarily from your mind, but from your body, and you should be ok.
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Im a normal 17 yr old girl. I know rape is wrong, and I would never want to be raped, but I have recurring sexual fantasies about being raped or beaten during a sexual experience. I most certainly don't want that hapening in real life, but I continually have these fantasies which turn me on. I am worried that I am "sick" or weird. Are these types of fantasies normal? (link)
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Its actually alot less abnormal than most people would say or want to believe.
Sexuality comprises many things, and all aspects of the psyche and of human emotion can come into play during sex.
To give you an example, I know a girl. Good friend of mine. One of her biggest turn ons is a guy who can hit her hard enough in the face to knock her hearing out briefly. That is a pretty extreme example, shes one of the kinkiest women I know, but it serves its purpose as an example.
There are two main sides to sex as I see it. There is the sweet, intimate side of sex, and the raw, animalistic side to it. Both sides can have equal amounts of passion, but they are expressed different ways.
Your fantasy comes from an innate desire to be dominated. You might have heard terms like "alpha male" or "alpha or beta personality"
These express people's tendencies in many things. The desire to lead vs the desire to be led. You are on the submissive scale of the spectrum. Imagine that you are looking at a number line that goes from -10 to 0 to +10. Most people are between -5 and +5 (Negative being submissive and positive being dominating). You, are more like a -7 to a -10. Its not a bad thing, just an expression of how you function.
Its also worth noting at this point that women by and large tend to be more submissive while men tend to be more dominating. Opposites attract, which is why heterosexuality is so popular.
The trick is to recognize and control your fantasies. You might notice as you date that you are probably going to be attracted to more severe alpha male personalities to balance out your tendencies. Where a -5 sub might seek out a +4 to +6 dom, you as say a -8 will seek out a +8.
At some point in your future, you will find yourself in a long term relationship with someone you are sexually secure with and trust. You can start adding things to the sex every once in a while that tap into this desire to be dominated safely. You probably wouldnt actually enjoy being beaten, but being tied down by a trusted partner, or even just having your hands held above your head during sex strongly enough that you can't move them could likely provide a strong erotic reaction for you.
Just remember, safety first doesn't mean just condoms ;p
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I'm 18 and I was home schooled since 4th grade...
I was wondering what everyone on here thought about relationships, because I never went to public school and I've never really had a boyfriend before that has ever really worked out and I want some input...
I'm not sure what's okay and what's not. My friends boyfriends, in my opinion, were always not very good because when they were dating my friends (and some that are still together to this day) they will/would tell other girls like "hey sexy!" and "i love you too and I miss you too" like on their myspaces and stuff and through text messages. And there was a guy I was talking to while back that would say I love you to his ex g.f and he told me he still loved her but not as a g.f anymore and that they'd never get back together and I didn't have anything to worry about but he hung out with her alone and they still say I love you, and I didn't like that so I stopped talking to him in that way but we're still friends...
But to me, that's just not stuff you should say to someone unless your interested in them. But my friends tell me it's nomral, that that's how all people act in public school and in life and what not and that there is no reason to be upset or jealous about anything like that and I got a lot of crap for not talking to this guy anymore just because of that...
So my question is, do you all think that, that sort of thing is normal and okay? And should I not let things like that bother me should I happen to date a guy that does that?
And if you think I shouldn't get upset if the guy I date does that, how do I comfort myself and not let it get to me?
I'm not terrible looking, but I'm no beauty queen and I have a good life but I do have some insecurites and I guess I do like getting attention from a guy if i like him. I don't like any attention on me when im with friends or family but when it comes to guys I like I tend to want all of their attention and it kind of hurts my feelings when someone else seems to be getting treated so nicely by whom ever it is I'm interested in at the time/my boyfriend at the time.
So, if all this "i love you" stuff and hanging out with girls alone that are "just friends" even if they've had a history before is normal and I shouldn't be upset over it, can you guys tell me how to deal better so I don't ruin any relationship by getting jealous or "overracting" (as my friends call it) and what not? I mean I never mean it in a bad way and I never knew that it was thought of as okay before, but I guess I've been too sheltered, so, please help...
P.S-I'm not mean or witchy I just don't really get it, my whole life I've always been around people older than me and I'm an only child so please don't think I'm rude because I got upset over those things, if it's a problem that's why I'm asking for help. So, please no mean remarks. (link)
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Ahh sweetheart...
Alright. There are two aspects to this.
On the one hand is trust. Trust is important. You need to be able to believe that your boyfriend is going to be true to you even around exes and alone with other girls and such.
On the other hand, is danger signs. "I love you" to an ex you don't have a kid with is pretty abnormal outside of high school.
A side note. Something you may not understand for years to come. High school is its own subset of reality. The world and relationships and people don't work that way. High school and high school children do.
You, being homeschooled, are lucky. You were raised outside of the whole "brainwashing" thing that takes place in public school that teaches people "X" is normal and OK when it really isnt.
Later in life, what they are doing is more OK than it is now. The reason for this is simple. Most people from 13 into their 20s have a very flexible idea of whats "ok" and those ideas flex alot based on what everyone else whom they consider a peer says is "Ok"
On the one hand, you do need to handle yourself when it comes to attention. You've said enough that I can tell you are more jealous than you should be. Being an only child and homeschooled has gotten you used to being a primary source of attention.
On the other hand, the "I love you" to exes thing is a bad thing at your age range. Cheating is alot more common in young relationships where something like this is going on.
Work on your jealousy, but if you don't want to date a guy who's that friendly with your exes that is your choice and your right to make, because contrary to what your specific circle of friends says its not in any way "normal"
Most of the people I know rarely speak to their exes, and if they ARE on friendly terms they definitely arent affectionate and saying "I love you"
That is a definite sign of latent feelings he has towards her, whatever he wants to think. I wouldn't be comfy with it either.
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17/f
so.. my mom and i. not the happy campers. me and her always argue. she has done a tremendous amount of emotional damage to me. my father does nothing due to the fact that he is scared of my mother and would rather agree than pick a fight.. 17 years.. and she has over protected me.. which isnt really a good thing.. she has turned into a control freak who will yell and scream and complain till he has broken an eardrum.. this woman hits.. she says things i dont think children are supposed to hear from their mothers.. you'd think she is a stepmother. basically my home life is not where i want to be. ill be graduating hs june 2009, and i have been planning to move in with my bf after hs. only problem is my mother. i'd probably lose her and my father for the rest of my life.. what do you guys think? become independent although not an easy trip once high school is over? or put up with her and eventually get thrown out , yelled at, and hit because i do not meet her standards? what are my options? what can i do? i know moving in with him isnt the best idea. but it seems the best so far. someone give me a little guidance?
thanks =/
losthope (link)
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My father = your mother. Being a guy myself, I guess thats not at all surprising.
Heres the tradeoff.
On one hand, you can put up with it as long as possible and get as much support as possible. Which is going to suck when they cut you off because you can't necessarily predict when its going to happen.
Or you strike out on your own now, owing them nothing, and start building your life from scratch.
Either way its going to suck. I will tell you from experience that the world doesnt help you just because your family sucks and offers no support. Its expected that you'll get help from family and if you don't things like college treat you as an aberration.
Talk to your boyfriend, as well. As much as I advice extreme caution with this idea, a business marriage might be a good thing for both of you. You'd be amazed at the amount of financial aid, help, etc that you qualify for if you are married and both full time students. Though, it has to be a clear set boundary about what this is for, its just a civil union for tax purposes and if you choose that route I'd keep it between you.
I dont know. I have been on the outs with my entire family (extended family too) for similar reasons to you for over two years now. Its hard. It really is. People have told me that eventually they come around, but I find that to be untrue so far. My experience is that my parents have in the last few months softened from "we want nothing to do with you" to "we want contact with you on our terms". Which basically means that youre free to rejoin the family if you do everything we've been wanting you to do from day 1 (in other words, we want you back as long as you agree to do all the things that you said no to and we told you to fuck off for in the first place)
I honestly can't advise you. Its about what you can live with, and how you can live with yourself.
If you can live without talking to your parents for years, and without whatever semblance of love they might represent, then do so. If you can't you cant. I can't find fault with either decision, honestly, because I have days when I wish I had just done what they wanted, and every time I talk to them about anything I have the exact opposite day where I feel like I made the right choice without a doubt.
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Ok, so here's the deal...im a 21 year old female and i live in Winnipeg,mb. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years and we have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old babygirl. in the beginning it was great we went out and did stuff(movies,dinner ect...) now we stay at home and do nothing, like im totally fine with staying at home and watching movies and playing video games. heres the problem i think he may be losing interest in me, he doesnt show no affection towards me(hugs, kisses, cuddeling)....sometimes i think about breakin it off but i dont want him to hate me, i would stil love to be friends with him ad hang out and stuff..i dont know what to do im sooo confused!! somebody plz help me!! (link)
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You're in a rut.
Perfectly normal for a relationship thats been around that long, especially one with a baby.
Steps to correct.
1) Hire a babysitter or drop the kid off with family at least one night every other week. You need a change in routine, and a babysitter gives you plenty of time to go out and get dolled up, have fun. Or to do something together. Or to stay home and defile every room in the house.
2) Spice up the sex. Buy something sexy, or just try something different. A woman I knew in her 30s was 10 years into a marriage and it was getting into the kind of rut you are in. One night after the kid was asleep she artfully covered herself in hershey's syrup and called her husband into the room with "honey can you help me out" and "I made a mess I need to clean up" once he was standing in the doorway.
3) Ask for things. Communicate. If you aren't getting what you want or need then tell him. Be more affectionate and more passionate with him and let him know you want to respond in kind.
A great way to start it off is massage exchange. Nothing sexy, just a nice back and shoulder rub, or scalp massage (secret weapon, guys generally love having their heads rubbed, it makes us purr)
Tell him you need a massage and want to trade. Get him used to touching you.
4) Other options just include changing the way you act around him. Wear more revealing clothing at home when you can, show him that you havent lost interest, and there are good reasons he shouldn't either. Vary the routine. The biggest problem is that every day is probably pretty much the same as the one before it. Give him (and yourself) some changes to routine to break the monotony.
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Is it normal to orgasim seven times in one day (link)
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If you're a girl, yeah, because women are generally multiorgasmic.
If you're a guy, its not unhealthy, its just, well honestly most guys can't get it up that much in a day without some severe motivation.
I'm a guy, and more than 4 in a day and I probably won't be horny again until I get some sleep.
Just beware of chafing.
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I need a lil help, this is the first time that i've had a Bf and he is allready saying that he loved me, and i dont feel the same i like being with him i am gust not in love. I dont know what to do i am taking a week to think alone, because we've been spending alot of time together. Its gust i dont know if i am ready to be in a relationship with someone, or if i like being single to much >_< i am so confused and the last thing i want to do is hurt him cuz he is really caring. i gust really need some help or advice because i know after this week i'm gonna tell him everything thats on my mind and how i feel... i gust dont know what the right this to do is. (link)
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Ouch.
Sweet guys are also generally stupid. Especially sweet, somewhat relationship inexperienced guys.
He wants validation, he likes you alot and has no clue what love really is. Take it the way it really is. He likes you alot.
It sounds like you've been going out at least a few weeks. Talk to him. Be honest. Hell, tell him that you like him alot, but you don't think love comes that quickly. If he's coming on too strong, take your space and tell him why.
I'm kinda like you. I'm someone who likes their alone time and doesnt like being smothered. And you know what, Ive had a few relationships fizzle out because I told the girl point blank that she was trying to spend too much time with me. I like my relationships to be part of my life, not the whole thing.
If he's not compatible with that, then you might want to consider if he's what you want or need in a relationship. But I'll tell you, if you two ARENT compatible, then nothing will suck more than dancing around the issue for a few months or more because you don't want to hurt him before the break up inevitably comes.
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16/f.
theres this one kid who likes me like alot, he always calls me and texts me but i just dont feel the same way about him. and whenever he says stuff, i just dont respond back to it.
what should i do.
i dont want to hurt his feelings..
but i also dont want to lead him on.. (link)
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Be blunt and risk hurting his feelings.
Simply put, men have a surpassingly ridiculous capacity for denial.
Our arsenal includes
"She likes me but she can't admit it"
"She'll grow to like me"
"If I show her how good a guy I am she'll come around"
Etc.
Be blunt. Tell him he's a great friend, but you don't want to date him, and that it makes you uncomfortable to have a friend trying to be more. Tell him that if he keeps trying to date you he's going to ruin the friendship.
Honestly, being friends with a guy who wants to date you is difficult to impossible. Its just the way we are. Until he finds someone else to date or fixate on, hes going to like you. And hes going to hope.
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im 14 years old and have been with a couple of guys(they are all a couple years older an wayy more experienced) ive done alot of sexual stuff, but if its fingering or sex, it always hurts me, im not a virgin, but it always hurts, how come? (link)
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Oi...
No, guys are not for gratification.
You should not be having sex. You are too young and too immature, and from the sound of your problem your body has not finished developing yet.
People develop at different rates and start at different ages, but at 14 the normal kid your age is still in the early parts of puberty. During puberty the vaginal canal lengthens and widens in preparation for being big and developed enough to accommodate a penis. When it hurts all the time its because your body isnt as developed as it should be for what you are putting it through.
Climaxing is the same way. Part of that is mental. Women climax more easily as they get older and become more mature and able to handle the kind of emotional impact that sex has(or is supposed to). Also, as you get older your sexual body parts grow in sensitivity as your body prepares itself.
And no, "thats what guys are for" is not correct. Quite the opposite, if you are just horny you aren't supposed to go looking for a guy to scratch your itch. Sexuality between people usually involves some degree of intimacy, of closeness between partners. Its something that you share with another person emotionally. You've thrown that out the window and reduced sex to the equivalent of a pair of animals humping wherever you can for pure physical gratification. Whats worse is, apparently you aren't even getting that gratification, and you're being used by older guys for theirs.
Stop having sex. For a few years. Get ahold of a dildo or something and make do until you're old enough that you are having sex as part of the progression of a loving relationship.
Else you'll spend the next 20 years being little else than some douchebag's sex toy.
And I'm a guy telling you this, so I understand male motivations, you've had fair warning.
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are guys less atractive to that when giving sex i hav some on my butt and a little bit lower? i was just wondering...im pretty skinnybut i feel like i have a big but and thighs because of the strech marks........................ (link)
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Guys don't notice a 10th of the imperfections you notice in yourself.
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When all I'm doing is making out with my boyfriend, he gets hard. I mean, we're like laying together and stuff, but is that normal, for guys to get hard from just making out? (link)
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Wow, the answer below must be from a 12 year old or something.
Anyways, yes, perfectly normal. Guys can get hard when the wind blows. It means hes horny, and its not a big deal.
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I am thirty years old and have never made anything higher than 13 an hour. I am currently going to school and I have also been married for 8 years. My wife is unhappy with her job, and so I am helping her get a better one. I am facing foreclosure, possible job loss, and was recently in an accident where I may be getting sued. Unless I finish school or get a higher paying job, I face divorce and worse. I have been contemplating suicide, and would like to know what would be the most painless, and easiest way to go about doing it. I don't want any religious answers because I am so far from God right now, he couldnt find me if he had a compass. I am tired of struggling, I just want rest. (link)
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Suicide won't solve anything. It wont be rest. Nothingness is NOT rest. You want a non religious answer, here is one.
Ending your life wont solve any of the problems you have. You won't feel better afterwards. At absolute best, you will suffer a very slight amount and then just be gone.
At worst, well I'm sure you've read and heard enough descriptions of hell.
You want a change? Pick a vocation. There are schools and programs out there that give you specialized skills that will allow you to actually advance in a field.
A friend of mine is 30. He was married at 23, had a house and two cars at 25, was screwed over in a divorce that was not his fault at 26 and lost both cars and his house. He is working at lowes for 2 bucks an hour more than you are making right now, he has only a few friends and no one special in his life. Easily comparable to what you face, but he still fights. He still lives.
Because whether you believe in heaven and hell or nothingness, it still makes sense to live as long as you possibly can.
Hell, if you have to, run. Leave the town, leave the state, leave the friggin country. Start over. Running to start again is better than just letting yourself give up.
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