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Hi I'm the person that asked this question
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I asked a question in your feedback but realize that was a bit silly. Sorry. =)
First I really did like your honesty.
I like having self awareness. But, how do I control the jealousy thing?
Now that I know, even though I had an idea before, I'd like to fix it and I'm not sure how to go about doing that. I really don't want to be jealous or anything negative like that. It's definitely something I'd like to improve.
Any further advice you think you can give on that? =)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Self awareness is a good start.
The easiest thing I've found, is to ask yourself why.
Whenever I have a somewhat unreasoning reaction to something, its always a result of something that I can eventually figure out. If you dissect why you don't like something, you can break it down into its core components. And you can then decide if its justified or not.
For instance, if you don't like him spending time with others, there are many possible reasons.
- Because you think he might have feelings for the person.
This is kind of a big one. If you feel this, then there are two things to address. One, does he actually have feelings for her. If a guy is telling his ex "I love you" the answer is almost unilaterally yes. Thats why I said you were perfectly justified with that, because saying I love you to an ex IS a sign of feelings and the fact that while he might not "think of her as a girlfriend" its a sign that he might wish he still could.
Personally, I would say that saying "I love you" to an ex is also somewhat disrespectful to you. My girlfriend only says that to one of her exes. He's her gay friend now, which is the only reason I don't mind. That, and after almost 4 years I know her and I know for a fact without a shadow of a doubt that she would never cheat on me with him (or anyone else)
And even then, its not "I love you" its "Love ya" like I would say to a close friend.
Anyway. Another reason
- You don't trust him in general.
This can be a result of a new relationship. You weren't even really dating him from what you said, which means this is pretty normal. You don't know him, his tendencies, or his history well enough to know if hes going to go back to her, or would cheat, or anything else.
- You don't feel like your needs are being met
Is he spending time with others and not giving it to you? This is one that takes some evaluation, because on the one hand he could be short changing you, on the other hand you might be too needy.
This one is usually something that has to be compromised on. He tries to give you what you need more, and you try to give him more space. This was, for a very long time, an issue between me and my girlfriend. We moved in together after being distance for a good long while. Going from phone calls and 2 weekends a month to every day, I needed my space. She, on the other hand, didnt know anyone in my city and so she had me, and whatever friends she would make to spend her time with.
It took alot of time, work and communication to overcome that one. Usually, if you feel your needs arent being met, there is going to be a compromise involved. You have to meet in the middle because if one of you has to bend over backwards to suit the other without the other giving ground it causes resentment and conflict.
Thats my best answer. Break it down. Then break it down some more. If you find in a situation like this you feel jealous because you dont trust him, ask why you dont trust him. If your needs arent being met, why?
Once youve got a clear idea of the problem, the next step is always communication. If both sides understand how each other feels, and both make accommodations, the whole process is alot easier.
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