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home school outcast?
I'm 18 and I was home schooled since 4th grade...
I was wondering what everyone on here thought about relationships, because I never went to public school and I've never really had a boyfriend before that has ever really worked out and I want some input...
I'm not sure what's okay and what's not. My friends boyfriends, in my opinion, were always not very good because when they were dating my friends (and some that are still together to this day) they will/would tell other girls like "hey sexy!" and "i love you too and I miss you too" like on their myspaces and stuff and through text messages. And there was a guy I was talking to while back that would say I love you to his ex g.f and he told me he still loved her but not as a g.f anymore and that they'd never get back together and I didn't have anything to worry about but he hung out with her alone and they still say I love you, and I didn't like that so I stopped talking to him in that way but we're still friends...
But to me, that's just not stuff you should say to someone unless your interested in them. But my friends tell me it's nomral, that that's how all people act in public school and in life and what not and that there is no reason to be upset or jealous about anything like that and I got a lot of crap for not talking to this guy anymore just because of that...
So my question is, do you all think that, that sort of thing is normal and okay? And should I not let things like that bother me should I happen to date a guy that does that?
And if you think I shouldn't get upset if the guy I date does that, how do I comfort myself and not let it get to me?
I'm not terrible looking, but I'm no beauty queen and I have a good life but I do have some insecurites and I guess I do like getting attention from a guy if i like him. I don't like any attention on me when im with friends or family but when it comes to guys I like I tend to want all of their attention and it kind of hurts my feelings when someone else seems to be getting treated so nicely by whom ever it is I'm interested in at the time/my boyfriend at the time.
So, if all this "i love you" stuff and hanging out with girls alone that are "just friends" even if they've had a history before is normal and I shouldn't be upset over it, can you guys tell me how to deal better so I don't ruin any relationship by getting jealous or "overracting" (as my friends call it) and what not? I mean I never mean it in a bad way and I never knew that it was thought of as okay before, but I guess I've been too sheltered, so, please help...
P.S-I'm not mean or witchy I just don't really get it, my whole life I've always been around people older than me and I'm an only child so please don't think I'm rude because I got upset over those things, if it's a problem that's why I'm asking for help. So, please no mean remarks.
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Ahh sweetheart...
Alright. There are two aspects to this.
On the one hand is trust. Trust is important. You need to be able to believe that your boyfriend is going to be true to you even around exes and alone with other girls and such.
On the other hand, is danger signs. "I love you" to an ex you don't have a kid with is pretty abnormal outside of high school.
A side note. Something you may not understand for years to come. High school is its own subset of reality. The world and relationships and people don't work that way. High school and high school children do.
You, being homeschooled, are lucky. You were raised outside of the whole "brainwashing" thing that takes place in public school that teaches people "X" is normal and OK when it really isnt.
Later in life, what they are doing is more OK than it is now. The reason for this is simple. Most people from 13 into their 20s have a very flexible idea of whats "ok" and those ideas flex alot based on what everyone else whom they consider a peer says is "Ok"
On the one hand, you do need to handle yourself when it comes to attention. You've said enough that I can tell you are more jealous than you should be. Being an only child and homeschooled has gotten you used to being a primary source of attention.
On the other hand, the "I love you" to exes thing is a bad thing at your age range. Cheating is alot more common in young relationships where something like this is going on.
Work on your jealousy, but if you don't want to date a guy who's that friendly with your exes that is your choice and your right to make, because contrary to what your specific circle of friends says its not in any way "normal"
Most of the people I know rarely speak to their exes, and if they ARE on friendly terms they definitely arent affectionate and saying "I love you"
That is a definite sign of latent feelings he has towards her, whatever he wants to think. I wouldn't be comfy with it either.
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You're not an outcast, because I think you definitely have the right idea about relationships. No, it's not normal or acceptable for guys to whore around like that. I'll admit, some people in public school do act like that, but it's definitely not a good thing. If you ever date a guy and he tells other girls that he loves them, that's a good reason to break up with him.
Don't ever settle for less than the best. Even though your friends might tell you it's normal for guys to act like jerks and flirt with other people, never ever let that be acceptable. It's not considered overreacting to get upset if your boyfriend says he still loves his ex... you don't want to be his rebound girl.
You're not necessarily sheltered... your friends just have a really weird idea of how relationships should be. Good guys are hard to come by in high school anyway.
Don't sell yourself short! A guy who doesn't treat you right doesn't deserve you.
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Oh my ... what you just said has hit a chord with me. I completely agree with you. Why date someone who isn't fully committed to you? When two people enter a relationship, they should give some things up, especially casual flirting. I'm pretty sure these same guys wouldn't appreciate their girlfriends saying "I love you and miss you" to other guys, right?
I think some people are just so desperate to be in a relationship that they actually excuse behavior that bothers them, in fear that they'll have nobody otherwise.
Really, happiness is key in a relationship. If someone is happy despite this side flirting, then I suppose it's better left alone. But obviously it wouldn't make you happy, so don't ever lower your standards just so you can have a boyfriend. You shouldn't be in a rush! I didn't date at all through high school, because I was waiting for the right guy -- one who I would deem respectful. And believe me, I don't regret it.
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