A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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So I'm about to have sex with my boyfriend who is 16. We have been dating for about a year. I am a f/15. We love eachother very much and I'm excited/nervous to do it; but, I am also very self conscious. I mean, I have hair in places, and pimples or white dots on my nipples? What do I do, they won't go away? Plus, I'm not even sure what to do when we are about to do it or attempting. HELP PLEASE. (link)
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As far as instructions, just go to google and input a search for "________ instructions" and you'll get a laundry list. Just put whatever sex act you want to learn about in the blank.
Some other things you should know.
- Condoms -
Condoms are your first line of defense. Against pregnancy, if nothing else. Use them. Every time.
Condoms should never be "double bagged" as they rub together and are actually hundreds of times more likely to break. One is always enough.
Condoms come in many forms. Look for ones that say "spermicidal lubricant" on the box.
Remember, EVERY TIME!
- Spermicides -
They come in many forms, I'll get to the one I suggest in a minute. Spermicide is your second line of defense against pregnancy. They come in many forms, but the purpose is the same. Kill the sperm. In the case that a condom breaks after he climaxes, a spermicide is a way to also prevent pregnancy.
VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. They are sold in the condom section of any pharmacy, wal mart, etc.
Its a small film (square of plastic like material) that melts in the presence of moisture. You put it inside yourself, wait 15 minutes for it to dissolve completely, and you now have spermicide present in case of a condom break. Non Toxic, I discovered them years ago and have been using them with girlfriends ever since.
I suggest these. With proper use they have a stated about 86% effective rate in preventing what otherwise WOULD have been a pregnancy. Spermicidal lubricant on your condom + VCF = no missed periods (though NOTHING is 100%)
- Pregnancy -
It can happen on the first time. It can happen ANYTIME. If you are ever worried that you are, only a pregnancy test or a swelling belly will tell you for sure.
When you are worried, here is your timeframe.
You think you might be pregnant. Wait for your next period. If you miss your next period, wait a week from when it should have started and take a pregnancy test.
Take another one at a week, and another one a week after that.
If all three are negative, you can call your gyno, but 99% chance is you are not pregnant. My girlfriend has strangely erratic periods, it can be regular for months straight, then it will almost skip a month. She will freak out, take tests, and three weeks after it was supposed to start (or more) it will start and all her pregnancy tests will have been negative.
Oh, and if the first or second pregnancy test comes out positive, I recommend the third be in a gyno's office to make absolutely sure.
- Self Conciousness -
Rule 1. Guys are excited to see you naked. As long as you arent mauled or something, its like an explorer landing on a new continent. We get all giddy, and we couldn't give two shits what's actually there, because we're just stoked that WE'RE there.
Rule 2. Hes not going to notice or pay attention to or be turned off by most of the stuff you worry about. This includes all the things you are currently worrying about. This includes most things you might think up in the future.
Rule 3. Sex is a skill, and a learning process. Everyone was terrible at it once. Most people are terrible at it for a long, long time. Stop worrying about screwing it up. You will. Laugh about it, he's your boyfriend.
Just to give you an idea, I have more than once nailed my current girlfriend in the face with elbows, knees, or some other body part that caused fetal position curling pain on accident, and she's done the same. She even managed to head butt me once.
Neither of us is inexperienced. Shit happens. You laugh, sometimes it kills the mood, and you put in a movie and chuckle about it later.
::Edit::
It should be note, that I am not tacitly approving your decision. 15 is pretty young by most standards, including mine. If I were to advise you, it would be against having sex, simply because you can always have sex later.
But the information provided is a short crash course based on things like questions I see on this site every day. You should go to a website like coolnurse.com for more comprehensive information.
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Im 16f. I have one brother that is eighteen in December and one sister that is 10. Anyhow, my brother just graduated and is the jerk of the house. He is the troublemaker, he bums around the house most days, backtalks, blasts his music, does what most teenage boys do. He does have a job now that he goes to most days which is a plus on my behalf. Hes not around much anymore so hes not really a problem to me now.
But, My sister is a momma's baby, she talks to my mom as if she is still three most of the time, my mom is her personal chef and waitress when she is around, and she gets her way practically all the time. Heres where the main problem comes in, i'll give an example of something that actually happened: My sister accidently hits me with a tennis ball she is throwing around, and in defense i say "hey". My mom gives me heck because I 'yelled' at my sister, and then my sister goes 'haha' and so i gently bump her on her butt. Then my sister throws a fit (she gets mad instantly sometimes when she is tired) and starts hitting me with the tennis ball, so i grab her hand so she cant hit me, which ends up in me getting yelled at for holding her hands.
Its just so frustrating when i get in trouble for stuff i didnt do. My mom said i was backtalking to her today and got a bit frustrated at me, when she asked if i knew where the remote was and i said 'no. I havnt used it all day'.
My sister never gets in trouble because she is the youngest and my brother just gets told 'not to do something' even though he just does it again a while later.
It just gets on my nerves. I try ignoring my sister when she does have her 'tired/mad' times, but she usually ends up smacking me and then i have to hold her hands, if you know what I mean.
What things can i try to show my mom that she is really the instigator, and im just defending myself. (link)
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Ignore your mother.
At 16, you've hit the point where I consider you old enough that you don't have to do EVERYTHING your parents say.
Heres my version.
You swat your sister on the butt.
She starts hitting you.
You stop her. Hopefully with a harder swat on the butt added in.
Your mother yells at you. You sit there calmly throughout her tirade, and reply when you get a chance to break in...
"Mom, she was hitting me with a tennis ball. I stopped her. If she hits me with a tennis ball in the future, I will stop her. If you don't like it, work on teaching her to stay calm and manage her anger better"
And do it. Your brother does whatever he wants. Your sister is spoiled. Compared to these two, you are the child that they don't have to work to discipline. The only one that they can bitch at and have much effect.
Take that away from them without being defiant, arguing, or yelling, or showing attitude, and theres not much they can do to stop you.
My parents and I had this argument over curfew. They wanted me in at 10 pm on weekends. I was pretty responsible, and told them that no, I wasnt going to be home at 10 pm. They told me I couldnt take the car. I said OK. They said they'd lock me out. I said I wouldnt come home.
When I came home monday, they freaked out.
I replied that I hadnt gotten into trouble, I had made it to school and football just fine, and that I was going to take the freedom I had earned. If they didnt like it, they could force me to move out over a curfew.
Never heard another word about it.
Now, I will say, when I was younger I was an asshole. Defiant, contrary. Well, I'm still that way, but I have a much better handle on it than I used to ;-)
Anyway, just be firm with her. State your intentions and your logical reasons, and stick by it. The shit I've had to deal with for standing by my principles, including the ones that apply directly to myself, has been enormous.
But the satisfaction that is being right in a situation and never caving dwarfs it by miles and miles.
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18/m
im a senior and im married to a beautiful girl who i love so much!!shes 16.
anyways i have a problem...i broke up with my ex a year n a half ago and she wont quit buggin me! Shes only a freshman and shes getting on my nerves. I love my wife and our son and i hate that b**ch for trying to ruin things for me and my family. Today at school she wrtote me a note and i ripped it up in front of her and told her to leave me alone!! but she still doesnt get it!!!when will she get the hint? i dont want my lady to think im talking to her cuz im 100% faithful!! (link)
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Questions like this make me want to cry. America, thou art a sinking ship.
Anyway.
Ignore her. She only does it because she gets a rise out of you. If you ignore her completely and permanently (literally, act as if she isnt in the room with you, and delete her texts without reading them, etc etc) she will get pissed off and will eventually stop.
Next step would be a restraining order, which I imagine is hard to do on a 14 year old.
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i really like my boyfriend and whenever we make out i get really wet...like we're not even doing anything sexual but i get so wet and i dont really like it lol im afraid if we actually do do something i'll like squirt (ew) is it normal for this? oh and we've only been together for a few weeks so is it because its a new relationship? thanks (link)
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Its normal.
Its different.
Guys like it.
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Okay, this is sort of awkward, but here goes.
My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a while now and he used to go pretty fast and hard and I loved it. Lately though, he tends to go slower and deeper, which is also great to an extent, but I prefer it when along with that he finishes off going faster and harder. But, I'm too shy to flat out say it to him.
So, my question is how can a subtly get him to start doing it faster like he used to, without flat out saying it? (link)
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Are you kidding?
Say it. Loudly, if you can manage.
Verbal communication during sex is always a good idea, as long as you arent discussing your day.
I absolutely 100% guarantee that if he hears you tell him to go faster, he'll give you what you want unless hes physically tired and unable.
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In exactly one week, I will be going back to school. I want to go back exuding confidence. Right now I am very confident, however, a little more confidence never hurt anyone :D. So basically, I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to be more confident. Thank you! (link)
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The bottom answer is terrible.
No, you aren't going to not doubt yourself. For anyone of moderate intelligence, thats impossible. Even stupid people have enough sense to be self conscious sometimes.
Heres your problem. In simple terms. You don't know what you're capable of. Lack of self confidence is not pure negativity, its a lack of self knowledge.
The answer to this is experience. Trying it out. Finding out what works. Experience is does not come without failure or pain, but when you screw up, and you learn something new, thats one less thing you are going to screw up next time.
Given enough work and experience, you don't screw up at things very often.
So, how do you do this? As ridiculous as this sounds, you throw yourself headfirst into uncomfortable situations. In time, even the sense of discomfort begins to fade. You get used to being in wierd situations.
I'll give you an example. I used to be terrified of meeting new people. Because unless someone started a conversation, I could never figure out what to say.
So I started talking to new people. I tried stuff out. I asked questions, I made statements. In time I learned what people reacted well to, and how to get them to react.
Now, I am confident in my ability to walk up to almost anyone and start a conversation about almost anything. I'm not saying I always succeed,but my failure level is pretty low, and when I DO screw it up I usually know why it didnt work, and am OK with it.
So thats basically all you have to do. Do things that make you uncomfortable. Do them often. And resign yourself to failing at times.
Best way to approach life in my opinion.
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I've been friends with this guy since I was in 10th grade. I'm 23 now, so we've been friends for awhile. Recently, I got a phone call from this friend. He said that he was upset and he needed to talk. To make a long story short, he needed to borrow $80 to get himself to and from a funeral that was three hours away. I of course lend him the money.
The problem is, he lied about WHY he needed the money. There was no funeral he was attending. His friend didn't die like he said. He was going to some 3-day camping trip with like 500 other people.
He said he would pay me back on the first of the month and that's fine. But should I approach him about the fact that he lied to get money? Or leave it alone? (link)
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1) Loaning friends money is a good way to lose them. Be careful who you do that with.
2) Wait until he's paid you back to say anything.
3) Definitely say something, lying isnt cool and lying for money is worse.
4) Don't loan him money anymore.
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I always hear from people that high school is supposed to be the best time of your life. That this is the time when you find yourself. Well, I haven't exactly found myself yet, which is alright I suppose since I'm just going into sophomore year.
But I am a little worried. I've reached a point due to a horrible first year of high school where I just don't care about who likes me or if I have friends.
Basically the only thing I'm counting on to get me through this hellhole called school is that college, marriage, and kids will be better.
But I just don't want to regret twenty years down the road that my high school experience sucked. Then what do I tell my kids? "Oh yes don't worry! You'll be fine in high school!"
I hear my parents tell me stories about how their high school years were and I sort of feel like a failure at life.
So my question is, is high school really the best time of your life? Are there any adults that could maybe share what they thought were the best years? (And I'm NOT going to rate you low if you tell me that yes, high school is the best. I want honesty and I can take it.)
Thanks. (link)
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Alright.
First, the reason why people say this.
When you are in high school, the concerns are petty. You don't have a single truly serious thing to worry about.
Don't take offense at that, its true. Your concerns are friends, are fun, are handling school.
As you grow into adults, you are handed serious things to worry about. Money is a big one. Supporting others is one too. When you get married, you must work together to survive. Even moreso when you have kids, raising kids is a huge responsibility and something you worry about daily.
"Are they ok, am I raising them right, can we afford x, y, or z," etc.
For me, college was the best time of my life. High school was fun, don't get me wrong, but nothing compared to that first year, even living in dorms (I hated the dorms) and having freedom and not having to see my parents every day. I'm sure you can guess, we didn't get along)
As far as friends go, quality over quantity. Make friends where you can, but realize that when you hit college alot of them will grow distant. Enjoy everything you can, and do stuff while you still have the time. Join a club, go out for a sport, be involved in things you enjoy.
What high school is NOT is time to sit on your ass and do nothing. While it can be the best time in your life, it won't be unless you make it so.
The REASON people say high school is the best time in your life is because thats when its easiest to find a way to make your life decent.
You don't have to take care of yourself or pay your own bills. You don't have a decade or more of crap life has thrown at you to deal with weighing you down. You don't have worries like "am I where I need to be in life" and definite evidence that you arent yet. You're still trying to find a path, and life gets alot more complicated once you've found one and are trying to walk it.
What do you tell your kids? The same things your parents told you. Children are not supposed to be burdened with the worries of your past, they are supposed to be excited with the possibilities of their futures. I guarantee your parents have left out stories of both what they did and didnt do, and things that happened while they were in high school. No one has a smooth ride all the way through. Keep that in mind.
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In the past, Ive gotten my heart broken more than once and that has caused me to learn to be more defensive and just stubborn. Now im in a relationship with a great guy but I feel like I cant break some of the protective habits. Like I pick at things,sometimes get over emotional for little things and just can be so stubborn. I just noticed that I still do this and I dont think its cool. I really love my boyfriend and dont want it to end because of me...I need advice on how to just relax and let things flow instead of being so high strung.
Thank you so much for taking the time out to read this... (btw, Im 21 yr old female) (link)
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Communication.
Sit him down, and talk to him. Be honest and open and try to explain to him whats going on in your head.
Simply put, explaining how your head is working can help him understand how you feel, and give him some background he can address you from.
You can talk together about things he can say to you to snap you out of it. Thats what my girlfriend and I have done over the years. We both understand how each other work and we each have things to say to snap the other out of a rant or a funk, ways to communicate. Often times, the hardest part is snapping yourself out of a rut in thought long enough to recover to neutral and be ok. If he can do it and you can do it, thats two people helping instead of one.
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i have fantasies of my tennis coach who is about 35.
i'm only 15.
but i have no idea how to not think about it.
i mean hes attractive, but is there anything i can do to stop thinking about him in a sex related way. (link)
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A note before I begin
95% of guys do not have enough ego that they ever get used to girls expressing direct interest in them. We're hard wired to think you dont like us until proven otherwise.
That makes us weak when interest is expressed. Its the reason that so many teachers and students get in trouble these days. A young, attractive girl expressing interest (especially sexual, because all older men want to feel like they still have sex appeal) is very tempting regardless of whatever surrounds it.
As such, you need to be aware of how you act around him. Avoid flirting like the plauge. Avoid being alone with him whenever possible. Actively try to dress less attractively around him.
Another strategy that works beautifully for most people. When I was younger, there was this guy who was the track coach named Mr. Tames. He was a cool guy, about 25, relatively immature for his age.
One of his track girls fell in love with him. She wanted him, he wanted her, they skirted the danger line, and she wanted to wait until she graduated and then throw herself at him. But it was hard.
She was a friend of mine (former girlfriend's best friend, the girlfriend and i parted amicably) and I sat her down. I gave her this weapon.
"Every time you're around him. Every time you see him smile and blush, every time you want to flirt with or touch him, imagine him in prison. Imagine his life ruined, his name plastered across newspapers all over the US saying 'pedo teacher! pedo teacher' and imagine the damage to his life, friends, and family if you keep this up"
It worked. She left him alone. They ended up married at some point later or so I heard, but they waited until after she graduated and went to college to do anything.
I guarantee that if she had walked up to him and told him she wanted him, he would have given in.
You probably can't stop the fantasies. Girls have been fantasizing about their teachers (boys do it too) since the beginning of time. Just always keep in mind how badly you can ruin his life if you let yourself act on any of it. Thats usually enough to kill those giddy feelings like you slid a knife in their side and twisted.
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This is pretty sad, but im more experienced with guys who date sluts. im not a slut.. but still haha. i take them and change them and make them want me. anyway, so finally im dating a normal guy. its like our fourth date and hes gonna kiss me next time. he said "a kiss" so i guess just one peck lol. whatever, im willing to go slow. but how's he gonna do it? he seems kinda shy. is he probably gonna turn his head and go in for a long peck? or keep his head straight and do a quick peck? gah i donno, any shy guys here..what would yall do? also. if he doesnt kiss me by the end of the night,should i just kiss him. (link)
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Any guy who goes on a date with you wants to kiss you.
Obviously, in this case you want to kiss him too.
Which means overcoming the nervousness and apprehension is the only thing standing in the way.
If he can't overcome it, then yes of course you should kiss him. Afterwards have a talk about the fact that you dont mind and encourage him making moves, if he goes too far you'll let him know. Shy guys are great for this conversation, because theyre still too shy to actually go too far 95% of the time.
"Oh, I put my hand on your leg while I kissed you, is that ok?"
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I am 24 years old and am currently at a point in my life where I don't think I can be friends with my life-long friend of 19 years.
I have stood by him, even though it was hard, despite all the terrible decisions he's made with his life. He has 2 DWI's, lost his car, lost his band because of his drinking, lost many friends, slept with a friends girlfriend whom he is currently still with. He faces jail time, and could quite possibly lose his job. Needless to say, he's almost lost everything.
The other night my girlfriend and I went out with them, trying to put things behind us. Well, he decided to just disappear and abandon his girlfriend there. She was understandably upset and we took her to his house, where her car was. In the end, he was extremely angry that we helped her, and accused me of telling her lies and badmouthing him. Also saying I'm trying to "get between them."
In a nutshell, 3 people have one account of the evening, and he has his. It's completely wrong. He's desperate, possessive, and not fun to be around anymore. He doesn't want help, and gets defensive claiming people should mind their own business, etc, despite being his best friend.
It only got worse... He actually blindsided me for helping her, punching me in the nose from behind me. It became a physical confrontation and was obviously a act of complete desperation since he claimed we were making the situation worse and were trying to "make him look bad."
I've tried helping but he isn't receptive. I'm not perfect either, and make plenty of mistakes, but every time we hang out it feels like a gamble. I'm tired of it. Is it selfish of me to move on with my life? (link)
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When I was younger, I moved around a good bit. Different house in pre school, different house for 1st and 2nd, different schools 2nd to 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th, and then high school.
Needless to say, maintaining friendships when you're not a teen, have no car, have little phone access or freedom at home, was impossible. I had a new set of friends every time I changed schools, but was never around long enough to have anything but school friends who got left behind.
High school hit, and I didn't know hardly anyone. Two people I went to middle school with and actually talked to went to my high school. They were best friends and I was an aquaintance with both of them.
I ended up joining football to be social, and met D. Dwas kinda like me. Had moved around alot, didnt know anyone, same sick sense of humor and cynicism. We got along famously. By the end of the first month of high school, I would have called him my best friend. We had an intrinsic trust of each other, and he is to this day the only guy I have ever bonded with on that "Best friend who you think you'll be calling about issues with your wife when you're 40" level.
Over 4 years of high school, little changed. Whenever something bad happened to one of us the other was there to help recover. When I went out of the city for the first year of college, I came back at least two weekends a month specifically to visit him.
But during that time, he began to change. He became friends with one of the biggest assholes I've ever met, and got serious with a girl who I still think pretty much ruined him. The kind of white trash bitch who tried to get pregnant so he wouldn't leave her when they were having issues in the relationship.
His friend got him into drugs. When I say into drugs, I mean further in. We both smoked, we both played around with other stuff, but this friend wanted to turn D into a dealer, and wanted to supply him. D liked the idea of easy money, and he was planning on dealing hard drugs.
Its at this point I'll note, that D was not the greatest on common sense. He would have gotten himself busted very, very quickly.
I had already been advising him to break up with his girlfriend. Any girl who will TRY to get pregnant to keep you is not a girl you want to be with. Now I was trying to talk him out of trying to deal, but he would have none of it, it started conflicts between us.
The last straw, was when he withdrew his college money. He had been in a very serious accident about a year before, and had gotten over 150k after everything for it. One day, he went and closed the account. Almost 75 grand he planned to use to "start his business"
I couldn't let him ruin whatever semblance of a life he had left. I had a large number of contacts in the city. I went around and collected favors I was owed. D could not find anyone in the entire county who would sell him more than a personal use amount of anything, neither could his friend Mike. I shut both of them down completely in less than 24 hours.
This led to harassment at work, threats by Mike against my life, and my parents moving me to get me away from it all.
I knew the step I was taking was going to lose me my best friend forever. I have not since found a guy who I could relax around enough to be friends with like that. I spent my childhood watching movies about "kids and the friends they grew up with" and always wanted a best friend who would stick with me no matter what.
I gave it up for his benefit. I lost the best friend I have ever had in the process. It still hurts. I still miss him. I would still make the same decision.
You face a similar decision, only you are having to save yourself. Just because it feels selfish doenst mean its any less of a laudable goal, and it doesnt mean YOU are any less important than HE is. There is a point when the bonds have to be severed, and it sounds like you've reached it.
Give him contact information. Tell him that he's fucking up, and you can't keep being friends with him when things are like this.
Tell him to call you in a few years.
Its whats best for you, you know it. Now you just have to work yourself up to it. Hard, yes, but also necessary.
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Is it bad to have sex everytime you're with your boyfriend? I'm 17 and he's 18. We've been dating for almost 1 year now and people say it's bad becuase they think that's all we do, But is it really so terrible? (link)
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That answer has too many variables for us to give you an answer from a two line question.
Yeah, it could be bad. You could be a relationship based on sex, he could not care about you and just want to get laid, etc etc.
It could be harmless. He could love you very much and everything could be fine.
But if you want a better answer than that from anyone (that isnt complete bullshit) you're going to have to write a question thats about 15-20x longer than this with alot more detail about your relationship.
Even then, accuracy goes up from shot in the dark to maybe 1 in 50 of actually being correct.
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I just found out two days ago that my husband of 21 years had an affair with a woman who was in his drug rehab class. I know he talked with her on cell phone (I looked up the records) and I found out that they had sex once (in a car) and he wanted to come clean it happened about one month ago. He told me there was no feelings and he was done with the relationship. He also dumped on me that about ten years ago, during the course of one year he called about six escorts at different times and actually had sex with one. I am so heart sick and need to know if I could ever trust him again. What would you do? I am at the cross roads. We have 5 boys. (link)
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Been cheated on myself. Some thing I can tell you from experience.
1) You are the ONLY one who can know if you can trust the person ever again. Its a different answer for everyone, and it depends on more than just you. It depends on how well you know him or think you know him.
2) Wounds do heal with time, but this will NEVER fully go away. You will sometimes go weeks, maybe even months without issues if you do try and work to get over it. And then you will see a scene in a movie about cheating, or he will say the wrong thing, and it will come roaring back until you mentally suppress it again.
3) There needs to be alot of communication. When someone cheats its because they were not having some kind of need met. I will state here, for the record, that when someone cheats, it is THEIR fault that their needs were being met, because he did not come to you with the problem. Whether you go, or stay, you are going to have to talk to him about this at length. Don't make any rash decisions until you do.
To be honest, I can't advise you in an actual decision, and this website is a terrible place to look. I havent been married for 21 years, and have no kids, no marriage even. I can't say what that investment is to you. I can't say what it would mean to me, either. I just havent been there. Neither have the majority of people on this site.
I would recommend searching for a community or forum perhaps, or a local support group. Just take every advice you get with a grain of salt, because you are not other people, and everyone's advice is biased in regards to how they think.
Two people I would recommend, Rahzie and Younggrandma. Both are wise beyond their years and I believe both have more years on the books than me (Younggrandma definitely does). Ask them private questions, you'll probably get a more personal answer.
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hi, im 14 and my penis is 5.5 inches when errect, is that average? (link)
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Yeah pretty much.
Though, at 14, theres a good shot you've still got growing to do.
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So, I met this guy J last month. He liked me, but I didn't like him like that.
Keep in mind, that although he's only 18, he's been forced to grow up alot. Well, he started dating this girl a few weeks ago. She's 25, and has a 2 year old child, and they're engaged. I'm 17, by the way, if that helps.
Well, he's been calling me every single day for three days in a row. He's going through alot right now, and his family has just pretty much disowned him for reasons that he doesn't even know. He needs his fiancee to keep a roof over his head, or else he's out on the street.
I feel like I can tell him anything, and me and him can talk for hours on end.
To top things off, my parents have already judged him, and they don't like him because of the situation that's going on right now.
I can see the downside to what's going to happen, and I can't do anything to stop it. Someone's going to get hurt.
There's another guy in my life. But, I'm not having much luck with him at all. I'm so afraid to call him, because last time I called him he got so high, and didn't even remember me.
Please, don't tell me to push J away. What do I do? I'm so confused. (link)
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Christ.
Ok. So heres my perspective. If I were "J"s best friend, I would do everything humanly possible to break up his engagement.
A 25 year old girl with a 2 year old dating an 18 year old... She's feeding his ego because she wants a second provider and a father figure. More than that, she picked an 18 year old. A guy with enough ego that she can feed his inflated "I want to feel mature" mentality and control him utterly. Whether she's nice and doing this somewhat unconsciously because she found a good guy and wants to keep him, or shes basically a controlling gold digging... you get the idea, I dont know.
However, you are not his best friend. You don't even know him that well. I can't advise you to jump into the absolute shit storm of drama that that could be. Thats your own judgement call. You have feelings for him, which makes it harder. If you WERE just a friend, I'd tell you do all you can.
But theres no way you can interfere and salvage a relationship. You aren't a 25 year old cooing soothing "youre so grown up" bullshit into his ear and giving him the respect (or illusion of it) that he feels he doesnt get anywhere else. And you won't be able to subsitute that in yourself.
There is a warning you need to give him though.
Marriage is a very, very dangerous proposition in this day and age for a guy. Because the courts favor a woman, most especially if there is a child involved somehow.
Moreover, the girl is definitely going to be more loyal to the child than to him. Thats pure human instinct, our children come first 95% of the time purely because we're all built that way.
What this means, is that if the relationship/marriage go south, she WILL fuck him over as hard and as thoroughly as she possibly can in order to get everything she can out of him for the child and herself.
And I can guarantee that it will go south. He's a stupid 18 year old, probably with low self esteem, about to marry a 25 year old with a 2 year old kid.
I see one of two things happening.
1) He isnt successful, and the relationship goes south because he doesnt become the provider she wants him to be, and eventually she divorces him, takes what little they have, and leaves him with nothing.
2) He is succesful. He gains confidence in himself and becomes harder and harder for her to control because his ego is fed by his own actions rather than her words. The relationship goes south, and she rips him a new asshole in divorce court and leaves him with nothing.
I'd almost suggest you make him read my response. He needs to hear it from more than just you. Dude, if you're reading this, think about what you're doing. You're 18 and life is fucked. I've been there before myself. Ive been kicked out of my house, Ive been cut off, I've been screwed over by both friends and family in ways you don't even want to imagine.
Marrying this girl is only going to make it worse. You are screwing yourself over and putting yourself in a very vulnerable position over a girl you havent known probably more than a year. You don't need to become husband and step father at 18, I don't care how much she likes you or how much she tells you you're amazing. There will be other, less damaged women in your time.
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Ok,
So hi its sayah again,
uhm, so i am not pregnant
but i kinda want a baby now.
I am sad and disapointed
evern though im only 14
but still, i was thinking
and should i try and prego again ? (link)
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no.
No.
NO.
And a resounding NO.
Two very good reasons why.
1) You are not capable of taking care of a baby on your own at 14. Its that simple. You cannot afford to provide for the child and you won't be able to do so alone while maintaining any kind of a decent lifestyle for some years. Theres no reason to put a baby or yourself through that when you can wait, get married, do it the correct way and have a stable family that you yourself help provide for.
2) You are incapable of providing a role model for your child.
This is more detailed. In this world, children take their first lessons on how to relate to people, how to behave, etc from their parents and how they are raised. At 14 you are not old or mature enough to provide an example to a child. Thats not a strike against you, or saying you aren't were you should be at 14. NO 14 year old is capable of doing that.
Hell, I'm 23, intelligent, caring, and still in my opinion NOWHERE NEAR being able to be a good parent and role model like I believe I should be to provide a role model for a child.
You need to be mature and old enough to be able to provide a role model for the kid. This includes being an example of providing for yourself. You need to be able to show the kid how they should behave by your example. Having a kid isnt just a commitment to taking care of them, its a commitment to being a decent and mature enough person that they can look at you, emulate you, and make you proud.
My suggestion, get a pet or something. Seriously. A kitten, a puppy, hell a gerbil or hamster. I had a friend who at 18 had the "baby bug" urges and went out and bought herself a Chinchilla. Snoopy is adorable, and gives her something soft to hug and play with when she wants to take care of something.
Until you meet the above criteria, do everything you can to avoid pregnancy. Get on BC, use condoms, etc. That is, if you can't avoid sex (I dont think someone your age and maturity level is really ready for sex in the first place, personal opinion)
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friday i didn't take my bc pill.
i had sex friday night.
we used a condom and pulled out when he came.
i took both friday and saturdays pill on saturday because thats what my sheet told me to do(i remembered i had forgotten friday at the time i was taking saturdays pill)
im pretty sure im okay because we withdrew and used a condom.
so, i'm pretty much okay, right?
bc of condom AND withrdawl. (link)
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You should be ok.
Generally, as long as you don't miss a day often (like less than once a full cycle) you should be ok.
Using a condom, pulling out, and BC, and taking your pills to catch up, you SHOULD be fine.
But there is always a small chance. Having sex at all means theres always a small chance. Look for your next period. If you miss it, wait a week, and take a test.
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I am 14, I want to go to another school.
I've been at my school for all my life, and it is HORRIBLE.
We have barely any sports, no foriegn languages, and rude teachers.
(not to mention the students are horribly mean and cruel)
-true story: A kid who broke his leg, was walking down the hallway, and the other kids started kicking his leg. Then, the other children didnt do a thing about it!-
Anyway, back to the subject.
I REALLY want to change schools, along with a friend of mine, however, the school will not release us. It wont. They said: "You need to try the new program and 3 course schedule."
Which, for 1 is going to mess us up.
And besides that, i DONT want to go to the school. My PARENTS DONT want me going there either...and we've got everything, but the *darn, NOT THE WORD I WANTED TO USE* school wont let me go.
They dont even have a good reason.
That, or they wont tell me.
I WANT TO GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.
I have permission from parents, so why wont they let me?! I AM SERIOUS. I WANT TO LEAVE.
I've found another school, I've set things up with them.
Now the school is feeding me lies.
This is bull. (link)
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Get your parents involved.
Legally speaking, you have to attend A school but not any specific school.
Generally, if you just go yourself, they will ignore you. What you have to understand is they DO have a reason. Several actually.
1) Every public school gets money each day for every student in attendance. Less students = less money.
2) At 14 you write more coherently than half the seniors did at my school. This means you probably get good grades to match. Schools get more federal and state funding the higher their average GPA is.
Which means, they aren't going to want to let you go again because less intelligent students = less money.
Bring your parents in to talk to the principal. If you have been accepted at another school, all you have to do is request a transcript.
If your school refuses to cooperate, go to the district superintendent and the school board.
But I guarantee your parents WILL have to get involved. It is bullshit. Its selfish and self serving on the school's behalf. You are going to have to fight for it, so start fighting.
This isn't the kind of bullshit you should take or accept. And you can ALWAYS go over their heads. The school board should help and you should get what you want pretty quickly through them. If not, the mere ghost of a legal threat is usually enough to inspire compliance
Speaking of legal threats... Look up a local attourneys office in the phone booth. You'll get a secretary, talk to her and describe the situation. If they can't help you, usually they will have another firm they know of who can, or at least someone else. Keep calling lawyers until you find one who handles this kind of law.
If necessary, get online and look up "Education law firms" and call some people there. What you really need is a consultation to find out what your rights are, and if you can find someone local you can find out what regulations you are up against so far as the school is concerned.
Once you find someone who can help, if possible go meet them and you'll have to pay a consultation fee (usually like 100 to 150, talk to your parents about it and bring them) and they can tell you what they know.
Get a business card and keep it on you. When you talk to school board/district superintendent/etc bring the card of your lawyer with you. It makes officials like that very, very nervous when they see someone who feels theyre going to have to sue for something that just should be granted. You'll probably get handed what you want on a silver platter after that.
Also, threats to take the story to the local paper or news station generally work pretty well also. No school wants bad publicity, and in the world of the internet, a local annoyance can become a national news story in a few hours.
These people have jobs to protect, and they'll gladly see you gone and give you what you want before chancing troubles in their cushy government position.
But chances are, a little anger and hell raising by your parents in the principals office would be enough. He doenst want to see you go to the board any more than the board or superintendent wants to see you go to a lawyer or news organization.
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so if my friends and i were to seran wrap or post-it note someone's car, thats not illegal is it? because it's not vandalizing property? anything we could get in trouble for by law? (link)
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Saran wrap yes, definitely. Why? Because if it gets hot, it melts to the car, and you have possible paint damage.
Post it notes, same thing with the adhesive.
If you want to play a prank, possible ideas include
- Using colored wax to write on the windows. All it takes is some elbow grease to get it off, even if it gets really hot.
- Mummification with toilet paper. Just don't wrap it under the undercarriage, you won't have paint damage even it it rains or gets really hot. We did that, laying a nice two coat layer of toilet paper over the top of the car and even wrapping the mirrors and wipers in it. It was hot the next day, they just pulled it off, no harm no foul.
Just do it to a friend with a good sense of humor. Jokes against property when you dont know or don't like the person have a high probability of ending in criminal charges and/or a lawsuit these days.
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