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affair
I just found out two days ago that my husband of 21 years had an affair with a woman who was in his drug rehab class. I know he talked with her on cell phone (I looked up the records) and I found out that they had sex once (in a car) and he wanted to come clean it happened about one month ago. He told me there was no feelings and he was done with the relationship. He also dumped on me that about ten years ago, during the course of one year he called about six escorts at different times and actually had sex with one. I am so heart sick and need to know if I could ever trust him again. What would you do? I am at the cross roads. We have 5 boys.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do you love him? If you do it is possible
to forgive and move on. The trust might
take a little while to get back to normal
but if you BOTH want to make it work you
really can.
You mention a drug rehab class. Is he going
to school or is he a recovering addict? If
he's an addict then he may not have been in
complete control when he did these things.
That doesn't make it any better & no excuse
makes what he did right. But it could be an explanation.
He has confessed. That makes him feel better
and maybe a little less guilty. I know all it
does is hurt you. As Witty said before me, this
is a decision you will have to make on your own.
Does he seem genuinely sorry? Is he committed to
working on your relationship? You do have a
lot of time invested in the relationship
already. You also have 5 boys to think about.
Its only been 2 days. Don't jump to hasty decisions.
The main question you need to ask yourself
is Do I live him? If you do and If he feels
the same, work on it. If this is just to
much, then get out and don't look back. :)
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He is not showing any respect for you so why should you show respect for him. Leave him. And i'm not trying to be rude you should have some respect.
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Been cheated on myself. Some thing I can tell you from experience.
1) You are the ONLY one who can know if you can trust the person ever again. Its a different answer for everyone, and it depends on more than just you. It depends on how well you know him or think you know him.
2) Wounds do heal with time, but this will NEVER fully go away. You will sometimes go weeks, maybe even months without issues if you do try and work to get over it. And then you will see a scene in a movie about cheating, or he will say the wrong thing, and it will come roaring back until you mentally suppress it again.
3) There needs to be alot of communication. When someone cheats its because they were not having some kind of need met. I will state here, for the record, that when someone cheats, it is THEIR fault that their needs were being met, because he did not come to you with the problem. Whether you go, or stay, you are going to have to talk to him about this at length. Don't make any rash decisions until you do.
To be honest, I can't advise you in an actual decision, and this website is a terrible place to look. I havent been married for 21 years, and have no kids, no marriage even. I can't say what that investment is to you. I can't say what it would mean to me, either. I just havent been there. Neither have the majority of people on this site.
I would recommend searching for a community or forum perhaps, or a local support group. Just take every advice you get with a grain of salt, because you are not other people, and everyone's advice is biased in regards to how they think.
Two people I would recommend, Rahzie and Younggrandma. Both are wise beyond their years and I believe both have more years on the books than me (Younggrandma definitely does). Ask them private questions, you'll probably get a more personal answer.
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You know what they say...once a cheater, always a cheater. It sounds to me like your husband has done too much damage to continue on with the relationship. It would take a lot of patience and strength for you to forgive these episodes. If I were you, I'd get a divorce ASAP. You're husband has cheated multiple times, how could you expect him not to again? He probably just figures it's all okay since he told you about it.
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21 years is a long time...and if he came clean, it shows you that he cares and that he loves you.
sometimes guys get a little curious but the fact that he told you is a plus!!! i knw yur heartsick, but think of it this way, you have him and those other females dont and they never will...so jus try to move on with your life and
keep him around
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