Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
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Alright, Me and this guy were talking a lot and he told me he loved me and all that jazz. Then he started getting mad at me over stupid things and once I would explain myself he would be like alright. Then we got in this huge fight. And fought for a week. Then just yesterday he IMed me out of the blue. He said that he wanted to try the friends thing for now. I really like this kid, If I don't love him. I don't know what to do. He's always flirting with other girls and everything and I'm just like...wow. I really want to go out with him. But I know he would say no. I just wish he would like me.
I mean whenever he said he wanted to try the just friends thing for now part he sent me this poem/letter he wrote during the week we were mad at eachother and it made me cry. It basically said that he will always care about me and that sometimes he's stupid about things and wishes I would just over look them.
I really don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I just want him to like me..Wow...Please help me.
I rate 5's (link)
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Hi,
First of all, i have to ask you if you really are sure that this is the right time to broach the subject with you have to have a secure
relationship in place first. This is for you to have something to fall back upon in case the feelings are not mutual.I had a friend who was in a similar situation...Unfortunately, her friend didn't feel the same way, but they had a strong friendship going on to begin with, and they settled into it in the end when it wasn't meant for them to be a couple.I really can't tell you when is the right time to tell him..It is something that only you can feel..Unfortunately
though, there is no easy way to be direct with such emotions. You just have to be straight foreward and say it. They say, if you love someone then just say it right there out loud, otherwise the moment just passes by. So
seize the moment when you feel its the right time and tell him that you like him more than just a friend. Maybe before you tell him, you can test the waters somehow...If there is a mutual friend who can find out for you if he has deeper feelings for you or not. That would give you much more confidence when talking to him. And just remember that if it doesn't go the way you want it to, then maybe you are just meant to be
friends and that Mr. Right is still out there for you :)The best way for you to tell him is to simply be honest. We can't help the way we feel. Find a time when you can be alone with him. It may be best to do this face to face. Sit down and just tell him that you're beginning to like
him. Chances are, he may feel the same way about you.However, before you break the news to him, you might want to make sure that he'll be ready to accept it. Make sure you've got a secure friendship in place before you tell him. Most of all, you must feel comfortable telling him
about your feelings toward him. If you don't feel
comfortable doing it, then it may be better to wait a while. I sincerely hope that everything will turn out for the best.
Good luck!
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ok so me and this guy have liked eachother for a while no, we hung out every weekend during the summer, and during the first couple weeks at school, and he would always give me hugs, but then we started to become a little distant, and then today, he said " i dont like you anymore", but in kind of a funni way i guess..i think..but he is a joker type person, and then right after he saud that he gave me a hug...i dont know if he ment it..or what....im confused (link)
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hi,
It's understandable to want to be with someone you care about. But try to give him space too. If you feel like you need him or miss him try to distract yourself- Go out with friends, pick up a hobby. Sometimes people try to fill their life with other people- but life is a balanced mix.
While giving him space make your own. Were always here.I understand what you're going through. In a relationship, girls and guys sometimes see things differently. For example when we girls have a problem we want to talk out and speak the problem, but when the boys have the problem sometimes they rather be left alone by themselves. The case you're going through is also similiar. When girls like us want to spend all the time we have with boys that we love and adored, these boys somehow just need some space.I know that most of the time it will make you feel
like he doesn't want to spend time with you, but that's just not the case. It's just before he met you he had a life with his friends, family, you know and he gave part of that up to be with you. All you have to do is give him some time of his own. It's not like you are the only one who's going through this. Alot of girls gone through the same problem and most of the time because they either want to spend their time with their boyfriends or they just so afriad that one minute without watching he will slip away. But im sure if you give him some space sometimes of his own. And next time when he said that always know that it isn't meant he doesn't want to spend some times with you. It just you know,boys are boys,just need to give him a little time off with his friends and when its time he'll
bounces back right at you.
Take care!
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I truely like this kid so much. I've known him for 4 years, and he knows I like him and such. Actually, last year in 7th grade, he asked me out. He was smiling although he said he was serious, but I said no because I figured that he was joking (he's that type of person). Than after he asked me out, he started doing weird stuff to me, and requesting I do things to him. For instance I would usually help him with his French homework, and he would ask that I sit on his lap. He would always hold my hand, try to kiss me, etc. Then he started to get worse, like ask me to have sex with him, flash him, go over to his house and in his room...
This year, he acts as none if it happened. He won't mention the slightest thing to me. That doesn't exactly bother me but it's weird. I still like him and it's not that he acknowlages me (because we're still best friends), but he doesn't like me this year like that.
I just wanted to know if anyone here thought that maybe he took advantage of me. Please help (easy 5's)
(link)
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Hi,
Assertiveness is a way of expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct, honest, and appropriate way. An assertive person effectively influences, listens, and negotiates so that others choose to cooperate willingly. It does not mean being aggressive, nor does it mean you will get your own way all the time. But it should help prevent you being burdened with other people's problems and responsibilities.
If you tend to panic, hide under your desk or fly off the handle at the first whiff of a problem.
Be clear about what you want to say: Make direct statements that take responsibility for what you say, i.e. use 'I' rather than 's/he' or 'everyone thinks.'
Get straight to the point: Don't allow yourself to get sidetracked by colleagues or trying to soften the blow.
Be prepared to compromise: Remember that other people have rights too don't become the office bully.
Use suitable facial expressions: Maintain good eye contact and keep your voice firm but pleasant. By keeping calm and attentive you will make the other person more ready to compromise.
Listen: Let people know you have heard what they said. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them.
Ask for time to think, if necessary: There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need time to make a decision.
Don't apologise unless there is a good reason to do so: Don't say 'sorry' merely because the other person is unlikely to be pleased with what you are saying. It is better to give reasons rather than excuses for what you want to do.
Learn to say no to unreasonable requests: Use the word "no" and offer an explanation if you choose to. Do not apologize and do not make up excuses. Paraphrase the other person's point of view. This will let he/she know that you hear and understand the request.
Often you can get assertiveness training within the workplace or at a local evening class. Ask your boss or contact your local careers centre for more information.
Goodluck
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I recently met this guy and we're now dating. We aren't exactly what you would call the cutest couple because well, some people don't believe we belong each other. Those some people being my friends.
I'm what you could call the preppy high school cheerleader that hangs out with other preppy cheerleaders/jocks.
He is...well I'm not sure what he is. When you look at him you think oh, just another punkish looking emo druggy kid. Which is what my friends think. But, he really isn't. He did voluntarily dye his hair black and has an eye brow and lip piercing. Along with another one that is below the belt that I haven't seen yet ;P.
But anyway, back to the point. He's a sXe(straightedge). If you don't know what that is, it means that he doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs and doesn't believe in casual sex.
I was recently involved in an accident. The accident should have never happened because we'll the driver and I were drinking. Fortunately, I'm still alive. And because of the accident I've decided not to drink anymore. (I met my bf after my accident).
My friends think that my bf is BS and that he's just kidding himself. And obviously, do not like him. His friends and I get along fine and he doesn't mind my friends, except for the fact that they don't like him. What should I do?
(link)
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Hi There,
Sometimes it's easier to seethe in silence when someone makes you cringe, but that doesn't solve the issue. If anything, bottling up your feelings like this just makes the problem seem worse. It means you risk a situation where your mate steps just slightly out of line once more and you explode right in front of them - which doesn't solve anything.
Whatever your boyfriend has done to make you feel so awkward, it's always wise to pick a good time to talk - preferably when you're feeling calm and there's nobody else around to chip in or stir things up for you.
Your aim here is to encourage this person to think about things from your point of view, without leaving them feeling shame-faced. If your mate can see the upset they've caused for themselves, they'll be more likely to change their behaviour.
Nobody likes to feel as if they're being attacked, or that somehow they have to defend their actions, so don't lay into them - it'll only risk a fistfight (or that slappy-scrap thing girls do sometimes).
You can't expect them to shape up straight away, especially if you're both feeling a bit self-conscious after getting things out in the open. Instead, give them some time and space to process the problem and act upon it. If they value your friendship, you should see a new improved mate in no time.
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For my boyfriend and my two month anniversary I am getting him a belt buckle. But that won't get in until after Monday. I wanted to write a cute note that would let him know how much I cared about him. I kind of know what to write, but can anyone give me some other cute, sweet ideas? We have a bunch of inside jokes (Cheese Nips, for a minute, bunches, foshow, etc) I don't know how I could tie any of those into it though. I was thinking about taking a picture of a Cheese Nips box and changing the text to stuff about us but thats too hard. Do you think it would be cute to draw a Cheese Nips box (full page size) and instead of putting Cheese Nips just make it look like the box and put Happy Anniversary? Lol, I rate high! (link)
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Hi There,
Why not say it person thats so much better?
So you've been dating for a while. You're crazy for each other. Everything you do, see or say each day somehow relates back to that someone special. You can't stop thinking about them, you can't stop talking about them either. You are made for each other. Two peas in a pod. A match made in heaven . . .
So go on then . . . say it - tell that person how you really feel!
Telling someone you're in love with them for the first time is never easy. It can take months to pluck up the courage, or it can slip out at the wrong time and potentially wreck a relationship.
Ask yourself if you're genuinely falling in love with this person? Saying it without really meaning it is like holding up a sheet of Clingfilm and hoping they won't see through it. There's nothing more obvious than a fake 'I love you', especially if it's said in a bid to earn you some sex, and even if it works they'll hate you for it later.
Plan ahead. But not too much! It's a good idea to know roughly what you're going to say and when, but don't make it a military manouevre. Let a little spontaneity rule the moment, as its there that emotions come to the fore. If it all sounds too stressful, however, then consider writing a love letter instead. That way, you can draft it to your heart's content. Just be aware that you'll have to face them afterwards, and say it for real some time.
Keep an open mind about their response. It's all too easy to get so caught up in how to deliver the line that you fail to see beyond it. Don't go assuming they'll respond in kind, however, and melt into your arms. It may come as a shock to them, or worse they might not feel the same way. Whatever the case, don't hold out for the best-case scenario. Unless, of course, you're prepared to wait until you know for sure that they feel the same way.
Be bold. There is no quick-fix way to make this moment painless, but you can deliver the goods by speaking clearly, and holding eye contact too. It's no good mumbling the line into your shoes, or saying it so quick that you're obliged to repeat yourself because they didn't quite catch it. Get it right first time. Come on, now. Consider yourself a sniper of love. You have them in your target. Your aim is steady and true. Now give it your best shot. You wouldn't expect anything less yourself, after all.
Be patient. Even if you don't get the response you want straight away, you will have irreversibly changed the dynamics of this relationship - hopefully for the best. If it comes as a surprise, then give them time to digest things, and work out what it means to them. Ultimately, telling someone you love them shouldn't earn you anything more than respect. It's a heartfelt expression. Not a password to make things more intimate.
See what you think otherwise its your decision
Goodluck
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I am going out with this boy and we really "love" each other, but he is really shy. He can barely hug me without laughing. He is really cute and sweet, but feel guilty because his friends make fun of him. I don't know what to do, i want to kiss him on the cheek on monday, i know that he would be cool with it, but then his friends would never let him down for it. What should I do? I feel soooo stupid. (link)
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Hi There,
It's a shame this guy found it so difficult to relax when he met you. He was probably wishing he could send you a text during the date. That way you could read what was on his mind and he wouldn't have felt so shy trying to tell you in person.
Clearly he finds it tough to establish the same kind of connection face-to-face that you've got. He obviously likes you, but be aware that it's also very easy to open up when your whole relationship is based on text alone.
This can make things feel a bit weird when you actually meet - as if you have an intimate knowledge of a complete stranger - and in some ways you have to get to know each other all over again.
So why not use your one channel of communication available to suggest a fresh start? Stress that when you meet you're both bound to feel a bit awkward, but that things will get easier as you learn to relax in each other's company. That way he'll know you're not expecting too much from him to begin with, which will free you both up to find the right words for real.
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I have changed a lot ever since my dad died. I have become sad. Like not just sad, but like "depressed" I don't know if I am, but I'm afraid that I am. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and have to push myself to even sit by my friends. When I am with my friends I try to laugh and smile to make it so that they don't have to see me this way, but I can't do it much longer. My grades are dropping and my parents don't suspect anything yet. I don't want them to know, they don't really understand. I don't feel comfortable talking to my mom because she cries every time i talk about him, and my step dad... well I just can't talk to him. I don't like my councilor, besides, he would talk to my mom and step dad. I can't talk to my grandmas or aunts, I just don't know what to say. My boyfriend would understand, but we aren't that far in the relatiopnship. So I don't know if he would be comfortable, it might scare him away. My father died 3 years ago, I don't know why it is just starting to bug me now. My whole life is confusing! Can you help with any of it? thanks for whatever you can do in advance! (link)
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Hi There,
After someone close to you dies, you go through a process of mourning. Grief is the visible sign of that mourning and encompasses a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms that you experience after a loss. It is vital to let your feelings out as by bottling them up will only lead to emotional problems in the future.
Grieving for a loved one takes time. We all go through the process in different ways, and often experience conflicting or even overwhelming feelings, but slowly life will become more bearable.
The important thing is to get support from people you trust. Your family and friends all understand what you're dealing with, and will want to help. Exactly how is down to you. Whether you want to talk about your feelings, reflect on your loss, or simply get out to take your mind off things, just do whatever feels right and makes you feel better. And remember to keep in touch with your doctor. If you are having sleeping problems, your doctor may prescribe sleeping tablets or may refer you to a counsellor if you feel the need for more help to cope with a loss.
The grieving process takes time and should not be hurried. How long it will take depends on you and your situation. In general, though, it takes most people one to two years to fully recover from a major bereavement. It's common to feel especially vulnerable at times such as their birthday, the anniversary of their death, and during the Christmas holidays.
If someone close to you has dies, it can be especially difficult for those left behind. Don't be surprised if you feel completely shocked and numb, or even furiously angry at them. It's OK to feel this way for a while, and other people who knew them may be going through the same thing too.
Remember to keep in touch with your doctor. If you are having sleeping problems, your doctor may prescribe sleeping tablets or may refer you to a counsellor if you feel the need for more help to cope with a loss.
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OK, so I've started "seeing" this guy that I ADORE and this weekend he was away. Anyway i went out with friends to this bar everyone goes to, and this drunk guy basically grabbed me and starts making out with me! I told him no, but he wouldnt listen, and i kinda reciprocated for a few seconds before realising it was a mistake.
I feel really guilty, and its poss he could find out as its a bar where lots of people know each other.
I dont wanna tell him what happened, what should i do? thanks (link)
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Hi There,
Some people say that just thinking sexy thoughts about someone other than your partner is enough to describe you as unfaithful. But the most common definition is someone who is publicly committed to one partner, but who has a sexual relationship with another person. In a marriage or other long-term relationship, it's often described as an affair if it goes on for longer than one night.
Almost as many females are unfaithful too, although sometimes their motivation for straying may be different.
These are some of the reasons, but beware of anyone who just uses them as excuses or justification for their behaviour:
Fear of commitment: The most common reason for this is plain old immaturity, but occasionally it points to deeper psychological problems.
Getting back at someone: This is often done to punish the other partner for being unfaithful.
Wanting to break up: Some people see being unfaithful as a way to get out of an old relationship, but they often don't stay with their new lover afterwards.
Boredom or unhappiness: Often, the relationship is not working well, things are too routine and predictable, or there are sex or communication problems. Some people are seeking affection or attention, while others go looking for sex.
Power trips: The unfaithful partner seems to think that they are entitled to have whatever they want, whenever they want it. They don't seem to care much about the consequences of their actions, or who gets hurt.
Insecurity: Someone who has low self-esteem and needs lots of approval to feel attractive can be flattered easily.
Think about this and see if this is you and how you are feeling. You may want be honest with him as its not fair on him
Goodluck
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Hey. I was recently thinking about becoming a model, I dont know...just for fun for a little while. Everyone says that Im really gorgeouse (spelling??) and that I should go for it while I am still young. The thing is..I have no idea where to start!!! So I guess my question is, how would I break in...are there any former or current models here that could help. I just dont really want to get screwed over by some stupid company that says they know what they are doing, but really its just a scam...I've heard the horror stories. so Any Ideas??? Easy 5's!!! (link)
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Hi There,
Different agencies offer different work. Some provide temporary jobs, some permanent. Some specialise in certain fields like standard office posts, freelance, au pairs, self-employed workers, entertainers or law.
Signing up with an agency can be a convenient way to get short-term work in a hurry.
An agency should not charge you for finding (or trying to find) you work. There are some notable exceptions to this, including modelling and entertainment agencies are allowed to charge you a fee of up to £40 for finding you a placement outside the UK, but cannot ask for this money until you have accepted the post.
If an agency takes you on to do temporary work, they must give you a clearly written statement of their terms.
If agencies place advertisements for jobs, they must say in the advert that they are an employment agency. So the best place to search is the internet, news papers or magazines
Good Luck
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Okay so im a sophmore and my best friend is a Senior. Ive been noticing lately that everytime i tell her that i like a guy or that i think this guy is cute she always seems to like flirt with them in front of my face. For an example there is this new guy at our school and hes really hot so i told her that i thought he was cute and they sit at the same lunch table so she always tells me these stories and she sent me their conversation trying to make me jealous. If shes suppose to be my best friend why does she do this? Or am i just being paranoid but if im just being paranoid then i dont know bc I seem to feel this way a lot. Please help me i'll rate (link)
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Hi There,
It sounds as if you're really fed up because this sort of thing keeps happening to you. So, how can you stop it?
Well, you probably need to learn to be a bit more assertive. This will mean calmly standing up for yourself. It seems at the moment that you let people change arrangements and that you feel powerless to stop this, but then feel hugely angry afterwards. The trick is to put your case firmly long before it gets to this stage.
In this situation, I think you might have more success if, when a friend muscles in. In other words, you need to be calm and clear about what you want. It's not easy, but once you learn how to do this, it will help you not only with friends, but in jobs and relationships too.
To get you going though, here are two hints to start you off on that assertive road:
Speak up for yourself sooner rather than later
Express yourself by using the word 'I' not 'You'
We tend to use 'you' when we're getting angry. This does not sound calm and assertive.
It takes practice to stand up for yourself calmly and firmly in this way. But it's well worth the effort to learn how to do it.
Goodluck
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okay I need some help, there is this guy who I went out with twice. The first time we went out I was in the tenth grade and he was a senior, well we broke up for a very stupid reason. Anyways, we started going out again in like 2003, which was afer i had gone to college for two years. We ended up breaking up because his parents kept trying to control our relationship and stuff like that. So needless to say, we didn't talk much after we broke up. But he works at the mall which I go to alot and I always found myself staring at him and I caught him staring at me a few times. We have hung out a few times and I can't seem to get him out of my head. I know he likes me still but he has a girlfriend and she is extremely controlling. He wants to do stuff with me and although I really want to, I won't because he has a girlfriend and I know how it feels to be cheated on. So, my question is, how do I get him to dump his gf and come back to me? I love him so much. please help, any advice is great. (link)
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Hi There,
It sounds like your feelings for this guy have overwhelmed you, and prevented you from viewing the situation objectively. From what you've said it's clear he has some commitment problems, but was prepared to play with your emotions while making his own interests a priority.
Right now, however, it's understandably hard for you to accept this. It will take time to get over him, and the way forward is to surround yourself with friends and family. By all means talk about what happened to people you trust, but also focus on the fact that you're a free agent now with a life of your own to lead.
What you're feeling won't go away overnight. In many ways you need to grieve for the loss of what you had. But slowly you'll learn to accept that what happened is in the past, and move on feeling stronger for the experience.
However its upto you in whatever you decide to do, I think you deserve better and he already has a girlfriend anyway.
Goodluck
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ok maybe someone can help me figure out whats up.
my period has been whacky. i got it in the end of august for i think 4 days (my usual is 5)
and just recently my vagina has been uncomfortable. ive been feeling pain in there. i will keep an eye on it because for some reason now it is ok,but before it hurt kind of bad.
a friend suggested its a possible yeast infection? could it be this? what else could it be?
backround info : in july i was somewhat sexually active. i gave head and got fingered. (link)
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Hi There,
An infection caused by excessive growth of a yeast called candida albicans or monilia. Candida is naturally present in the human body and does not normally cause any problems. In certain conditions, it starts to reproduce rapidly and causes thrush.
There is a thick white lumpy vaginal discharge.
The vagina and vulva become red and sore, and there is usually intense itching.
What makes attacks of thrush likely?
Warmth and moisture - tights, nylon underwear, and tight jeans
High sugar levels - diabetics, increased sugar or alcohol intake
Hormone changes - pregnancy and the contraceptive pill
Antibiotics - these kill the friendly bacteria that stop the yeast growing
Damaged skin - vaginal deodorants, disinfectants, perfumed soap, rough sex
General poor health - tiredness, anaemia, and stress
Wiping yourself from 'back to front' after going to the toilet - yeasts and bacteria in the bowel can get wiped onto the vulva
How do you get rid of it?
If you aren't absolutely sure it's thrush, go see your doctor to make sure it isn't an STI.
The standard treatment for thrush is pessaries (tablets that are placed high up inside the vagina with an applicator) and soothing cream that kills the yeast.
If you are using pessaries and cream, remember to wear a panty liner; they can be a bit messy.
The commonest brands are called Canesten and Nystan, and are available on prescription and over the counter.
Male partners should be treated with the cream to make sure they are not carrying the yeast on their penis.
Many women say that putting natural live yoghurt on the area is very soothing. The bacteria naturally keep the yeast under control.
Avoiding soap and detergents helps the skin of the vulva to heal.
Talk to your GP about it; you might need a quick check-up or some tests.
You can try a longer course of pessaries and cream; always remember to finish the course.
There is one-dose tablet you can take by mouth that many women find very effective.
Avoid everything that makes an attack of thrush more likely (see the list above)
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ok well i have a boyfriend, but it's not really working out.. i like this other boy 2 NOT THAT I"D EVER CHEAT ON MI BF! but well its nice to know that he liked me back.. but then he started to not like me and begin 2 like mi TWIN SIS!!! grr idk wat 2 do.. i'm upset
Jackie thanks!! (link)
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Let's say you fall for someone big time. You don't even have to be dating. It can be a crush that turns to a fantasy, maybe an obsession. Whatever the case, if the object of your affection doesn't share your feelings it can spark a sense of loss, yearning and frustration that may prove hard to overcome
Every experience is unique, but a pattern has to build for the sense of love to become so strong that it threatens to overwhelm. For example, just spending a lot of time thinking about that person, without actually seeing them, can cause your feelings to grow out of proportion.
Only time can help get strong emotions into perspective. You can't fall out of love with someone overnight, after all, and in some ways you need to grieve for this lost love. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you're bewitched by someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively.
Surround yourself with friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable then just time spent having a laugh in their company can remind you that there's more fun to be had being a free agent.
Goodluck
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well my boyfriend did soemthing stupid and lost his MP player and he hasnt even had it for a week.(only 2) and cant find it his mother has been askin him about it(they were out of town) and he doesnt know what to do.. i offered to get it for him because if he parents find out then he cant get his license and come and see me. (that means i got to wait a another year) the MP players is 90 dollars i got 400 in my bank account but it is a sub account from my mothers.. my question is can I take money out of it since it is under MY name and if so how can i do this?? thanks in advance (link)
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Hi There,
There are 2 options you can either go to the bank and withdraw money from the counter make sure you have your account details and they may require some ID or if you have an ATM card you should know your pin number and you can take it out of the machine that way as well
Goodluck
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well ok here's the story..me n this 1 guy have been 2gether about 2 months ago but not as going out we were just 2gether that kind of a thing. i wanted him 2 ask me out but he just got dumped by his ex n he felt lonely so he was w/ me, i didnt care bcuz i really like this guy. after a week he stoped talking to me n i tried getting over him, right when i said im completely over him i saw him infront of my school n all those feelings came bak. i cryed when i came home. then 2night i saw him again n he huged me but he acts like nothing ever happened n it bothers me. i think he likes 1 of my friends but i like him a lot, i want 2 get over him but i cant. im usually a heart breaker or the big flirt but now im hurting. i dont know what 2 do n i really need help..plzzz!! (link)
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Hi there,
Crushes are addictive - they make life exciting, and give you hope and focus. This is why we let ourselves make the same mistakes over and over again, it is the thrill of the chase, except it is often more of a loiter!
Here are just some of the symptoms:
You love them yet you don't even know them
All you can think about is them and what if...
You've planned your whole future
You follow them round like a puppy on your lunch break
You go red whenever you see them
You lose the power of speech and co-ordination in their presence
Butterflies in your stomach
Pounding heart
You stammer/stutter something like "have you got the time?" at them
You imagine hours of conversations with them
How to cope
Try not to tie yourself up in knots about this - you've set yourself up with a fantasy relationship, but that's all. The emotions feeding this fantasy can seem very real, but the advantage is you don't have to deal with the actual person. It's like a sexual encounter without the real-life hassles.
It is fairly unlikely to turn into reality as often crushes are formed on the unobtainable; they may be attached, a famous film star or totally unsuitable. You have to accept that this romance will never exist outside of your own head. Often, just confiding in someone you trust will help you get things in perspective.
If things get too intense try to limit your time spent in their company. In time, you'll get a grip on this fantasy, and see it as a learning experience about some powerful emotions. If anything, it'll work in your favour when it comes to dealing with real life, realistic relationships.
Unobtainable crushes can hurt like hell - the object of your affection may walk past like you don't even exist or, perhaps worse, notice your drooling and laugh about you with all their mates. If this happens, deal with the rejection - treat yourself, see your mates or curl up at home with a DVD of your choice.
On the practical side, try to fill the time you would otherwise spend thinking about your crush. Plan your day. Promise yourself some crush-free time, and set up a reward afterwards. Once you've defined the boundaries, a crush like this can be a positive experience. One that can set you up to deal with the emotional side of future, more realistic relationships.
Goodluck
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there is this guy. lets call him herman. well, me and herman went out for a year and i loved him deeply the whole time. he was my first and only love that ive ever really had. anyways, we broke up last year in the worst possible way. we dont talk or anything and i see him a lot in the halls between classes. he is the only person i think about even if i am going out with some other guy. i mean, he is the only reason i live. sometimes i wish that we had never met because i hurt so much. yeah well, i havent got over him and im pretty sure that im not gonna get over him for a long while. he used to be my best friend. my first real kiss. anyways, i dream about him every night. and i mean EVERY night. but i dont know why. i wish there was a way to stop. why? why do i dream about him? do you think these dreams are telling the future? are we getting back together sometime soon? (i wish) if anyone has any advice, i would surely appreciate it. thanks in advance. i will rate high. =[ (link)
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Hi there,
When you split up with someone that you still have feelings for it's tempting to let them make all the rules in order to keep them in your life. The problem is, if there's no hope of reconciliation, you're just prolonging the agony - and it will take even longer for your broken heart to mend.
This is so difficult, but until you accept that the relationship is over you'll probably keep reading 'secret' messages into everything connected with your ex. It's particularly hard to believe you really have been dumped if you're still seeing each other. The best way to get over a relationship is to sever all connection - even if just for a while. Of course this is very difficult if you're in the same job or at uni together - but the less contact you have the better.
If your ex has said something like: "Of course we must stay friends", be wary. Do you need this person as a friend? Well, perhaps it would be good long-term, but right now you want them as a lover - and being treated simply as a friend will prolong the agony of coming to terms with the split. The truth is that it will probably help your ex's guilt about dumping you, but you're the one who needs help right now, not your previous partner. The best thing to do is to keep your distance for a few months - and after that time, decide whether or not friendship is possible or even desirable.
Goodluck
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well am 15 and well i liked my cousin' cousin and he isnt nothing from me cuz that my uncle's side sooo yea i really like him soo yea i really dont know what to do should i go for it or back off cuz i really do like him and he doesnt have my bllod in him and his 14 and i always have liked him since we were little and i think he likes me back but i dont know if i should go fot it and am gonna see him this sunday soo should i go for it and yea we r going to the movies at city walk and my uncle is going my two cousins and thier cousins (him) and well please tell me what should i do???
p.s i hate when mean ass people answer soo dont even bother!!! (link)
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Hi There,
In a situation like this, it's not uncommon for feelings to develop, especially if you're close in age and share similar interests.
Whatever you're feeling is fine. It's how you choose to act upon such affections that matters, so try not to feel guilty or ashamed. The key is to consider the long-term implications of getting it together with someone you're related to genetically. Quite simply, you will always be family, which can cause untold grief should you become involved in a romance that goes wrong. Relationships fail for all kind of reasons, of course, but you can expect extra pressure from the way people respond to your relationship notably family and friends.
If you do find yourself falling for anyone who shares your nearest 'n' dearest, consider turning to somebody outside the situation (a trusted friend or telephone help line) and open up to them about it first. You'll find just talking through the situation will make your feelings more bearable, and help you to realise that they can be overcome.
Only you can decide on the next step, of course, and much will depend on your circumstances (such as whether the other person is aware of your affections or feels the same way). If it's a crush then be clear with yourself that it is just a fantasy and even enjoy the feelings it brings. It won't last long, especially if you focus on meeting people outside the family. Ultimately, if it is something you feel unable to resist be sure to avoid making any decision in the heat of the moment.
Goodluck, I hope that wasn't too mean
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Can ecstacy kill you or hurt youu badly if you only take HALF A PILL? Please help fast! (link)
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Hi There,
Users take the drug to enhance feelings of empathy with other people and increase sensitivity to their surroundings.
Sound, colour and emotions can seem much more intense.
The energy buzz from ecstasy means users may dance for hours.
These feelings tend to last three to six hours.
The risks:
As the drug kicks in, users may experience an initial rush of nervousness, and uncertainty, a tightening of the jaw, increase heart rate, sweating, and nausea. This is sometimes known as 'coming up'.
Some users have reported a bad experience on ecstasy, including feelings of paranoia and confusion.
Much depends on the content of the drug and the user's state of mind at the time.
Ecstasy effects the body's thermostat.
Dancing for long periods in a hot pace such as a club increases the chances of users overheating and/or dehydrating (see below for advice).
Taking ecstasy may leave women susceptible to cystitis and thrush.
Men report difficulties in attaining an erection or orgasm while on ecstasy.
After the effects have subsided, users can feel tired and depressed for days.
There is some debate into to the long term psychological effects of ecstasy use, including links to possible brain damage.
The law:
Ecstasy is a Class A drug.
It is illegal to reproduce, supply, or possess the drug.
Supplying ecstasy can result in life imprisonment and a fine.
If you are planning to take this drug:
To avoid overheating and dehydration especially when dancing, users should take regular breaks and sip about a pint of non-alcoholic fluid such as fruit juice or isotonic sports drinks over the course of each hour.
Be aware that not all ecstasy tablets contain MDMA, and the effects may be unexpected.
Do not mix alcohol with ecstasy or other drugs (MDMA and viagra is especially dangerous).
Related terms
Coming up/ rushing - on the verge of feeling the effect on an E.
Loved up - feeling the full empathic effects on an E and feeling enormous affection for everyone around you.
Peaking - feeling the full effects of an E, usually a couple of hours after ingestion.
Sketchy - confused speech and having trouble thinking clearly as you come up on ecstasy.
Please do not take Drugs
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Ok well my best friend is really pretty and everyone loves to be around her. Alot of guys like her, its not even funny.
Well i would say i think im pretty but compared to her i dont feel pretty. It seems like everyone wants to be around her and not me.
I feel jealous all the time, and i hate it...i mean she is my best friend!!
What the heck is wrong with me and how do i stop feeling jealous?? (link)
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Hi There,
Jealousy in your friendship is one of the strongest and most unpleasant emotions. You suspect there is a rival for the attention or affections of your friend.
If you are jealous about them:
Think about why you might be feeling this way. Are you being unfair?
it's fair enough to have an honest talk with them and say that you really want to spend more time together.
If they do spend lots of time with you already, ask yourself how reasonable you're being here. There's a fine line between wanting to be with someone, and trying to control them. If this is the case, don't sit around brooding when you're apart. Go out and get some interests of your own to take your mind off your jealous thoughts. You do not 'own' your friend.
Have they ever given you a good reason to believe that, If not, your own feelings of paranoia could be to blame, so don't take it out on them.
explain it gently to your friend, without making a big fuss or any threats.
People who suffer from jealousy are often very insecure, and their worst fear is that their friend will leave them. If there is no real reason for your jealousy, then your shouting, pestering or nagging could really drive them away.
it may be time to find a new friend.
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how do u kno when ur being played? (link)
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Hiya,
It's natural to be wary of someone who seems to have a bad reputation. If people keep repeating the same stories about someone, there could be an element of truth to them, but it's worth bearing in mind that rumours and misinformation can spread too.
It's possible someone who was hurt by this guy has decided to spread some gossip about him to put off other women. It's also possible that a woman who was rejected by him is doing it for revenge. This isn't to say what you've heard definitely isn't true, just that it's a good idea not to take it at face value. Sometimes, it's wise to follow your own instincts.
If you like this guy and he's being nice to you, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and go on a date with him. If you don't want to sleep with him, you don't have to. If you make it clear you won't sleep with him until you're ready it's likely he'll reveal his true colours. You'll probably find out quickly if he's only interested in one thing by the way he acts with you.
Does he seem genuinely interested in getting to know you? Does he ask lots of questions about your life and interests? Does he want to go on proper dates? Does he want to meet your friends? These are all signs he may want a relationship. But it's good to remember that forewarned is forearmed - if you get any vibes he's only after sex, just don't sleep with him.
Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do or don't feel ready for. You're in control here.
All the best
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