ask lightoftruth



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators



-Ask me anything and I'll answer the best I know how
Gender: Female
Location: Washington
Age: 22
Member Since: October 31, 2010
Answers: 2040
Last Update: November 15, 2017
Visitors: 44018

Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All

Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
DangerNerd
adviceman49
kittenlover2000
Drewb13
i have problems thinking about how fat i am and at first it was no big deal, i would just not eat, i would come home from shool having not eaten and then tell my parents that i was full and didnt want dinner. i then started osessing over it and now i get into bed and i cant sleep because i can feel my stomach pulling my body i dont know what to do because if i told my parents they would be so upset and porbably force me to eat but now i cant sleep or eat and i can feel myself getting fatter and fatter and i dont know what to do (link)
You could possibly have an eating disorder but you need to tell someone about it. If you really feel like you can't tell your parents, tell a teacher or a school counselor.

These kinds of things always start of small and then get worse. You really do need to tell someone because you don't want to mess up your life. Many people have gone through this and if you get help, your problem will be fixed and you'll lose weight the right way instead of just not eating because it doesn't solve the problem, it makes it much worse.
So go talk to someone. Good luck.


Ok. Where do I start.I lost my 7-8 year long best friend because of things out of my control. In other words, she hates me for reasons that I didn't do, but she thinks I did. My father died about 11 months ago. Other than my brother, those were my two closest people to me. Losing my best friend was hard, but I had my father there to keep me on my feet. I lost him slowly and painfully. I moved far away afterwards with my brother and a few other friends. I really love my household and they mean a lot to me, but anytime I try to talk about my emotional problems I feel as though they take it personally. Like they need to say the right things or they need to tell me how to fix it. I don't want to bring them down just because I feel down, but now I don't have anybody else to talk to. I have taken up working out which has been a great stress reliever, but I still have this underlying feeling of hopelessness. I feel like I have grown up too fast, I feel as though there are pieces missing from me and I can't find them. Lately, I have been getting better, but in the mornings I would feel no reason to get up. I keep trying to do things I like doing, but everything even that feels so pointless. I felt like everything was meaningless before losing my father, but in a good way. It freed me. I felt enlightened and carefree, but now I just feel so empty. I just want to feel alright again. I have suicidal thoughts, but it isn't that I want to kill myself. I just sometimes think about the relief of it, but I know I am going to get there someday and I am in no rush. I am not looking for you to have all the answers. I just need someone to tell this to who isn't going to be hurt by my words. Even though I love the people around me. I don't feel close to anyone anymore. I know it sounds silly, but in this world of 7 billion I feel alone. I am sure we all feel that way though. (link)
Well, like you said, many people feel alone at some point. Many people also grieve differently and what you are feeling is natural.
It's not always best and you don't always get what you need when you talk to family and friends about how you're feeling. Most of the time, it makes you feel worse.
What I really think you need is to try counseling. I think talking to someone else and having them help you through what has happened is best. It will definitely benefit you. So try that out and see if it does anything for you.
I mean you are trying, which I am really impressed. Most people who feel depressed just let themselves continue feeling that way instead of trying to get out there and do something. I'm glad you have strong will power.
Try counseling and see if it does something for you.


I just turned 13 a few days ago and beat my moms 30 year old boyfriend wrestling and armwrestling. He's acted embarrassed and sour ever since. I'm wondering if it was wrong to beat my moms bf wrestling in front of her. I'm only 105lbs and 5'0" and my moms boyfriend is 160ish and 5'10" but I'm strong for size and age and can wrestle some. It was for fun but competitive. Maybe I should let him win one time to help his self esteem.
Girls/ladies any advice would be helpful. I just need to know if my mom is ashamed about it. Would you as a mom be ashamed? (link)
I wouldn't think your mom would be ashamed. You probably just hurt his ego. If the next time you guys wrestle, you don't have to let him win. I mean I think that's worse so I mean if he wants to gain some muscle, then leave that on him. If he's going to let this get to him, it's a bit immature. But I wouldn't worry too much.


15/f so the other day my guy friend told me to sit next to him in class but it wasnt really like a classroom it was like a little theater where we watch movies. sometimes we get along and sometimes we don't. im not trying to act conceded or cocky or anything but i know what guys say about me like im hot, blahh blah but its like im not gonna flip out everytime a guy hits on me so i know he talks about me and hes said like i think shes hot, she has a nice ass, i would f*** her. but i really dont think about that stuff when we talk and i dont like him at all. but when i sat next to him i honestly didnt think he was going to try and hit on me.. but he did. usually almost everytime im like stop or i hit him im like one of those girls like i dont sugarcoat it and i tell you like it is and he calls me prude. but we were sitting there and when the lights were off he was just rubbing my knee so i was like whatever and then it was my thigh and then it was my inner thigh and then it was like my groan area next to my vjj. i didnt say no and he just kept doing it but i didnt really care. im just wondering what this means? because i know hes fingered girls before but we were in school so obvioulsy he knew that wasnt going to happen but what was he trying to do? and why didnt he just want to make out or something..its confusing. thanks (link)
He's just a guy who wants sex from you. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend, but since you don't like him, that's not a problem. He just wants to mess around with you and get more than he will ever get.
So your question to what does this mean? It means he wants sex but you should know that since he's already said that about you.


Im 14/f and ive been depressed for quite a bit of time. I started having family issues and then my friends started talkig about me behind my back. I have about 2 good friends now which havent changed their opinions of me like everyone else. Although, the smilig girl at schooll is tired of hiding behind a smile. I started thinking abiut suicide and self harm and then at the end of february, i started it all. Its been hard and everyday has gotten maybe a little better but not much. I hate myself. I act before i think. I feel numb. Unwanted. Useless. Stupid. I used to only cut with scissors. It got away the emotional pain but tonight i mangled a razor blade and used it instead. It wont stop bleeding. The pain was nice. I needed it. I dont want therapy and my parents dont know anytjung. What do i do and how do i overcome my addicion? (link)
Well you're not alone. There are so many girls (and boys) who have self-harmed. I have as well but it went on for 6 years. I never got help and I still struggle with wanting to do it.
Now, I wish I had gotten help.
You have to talk to someone about this. You can get over this and you obviously want to before it gets worse. There are people will help you overcome this.

They will help you work on your confidence, and then work through your problems and how to deal with them the right way. Because your body doesn't deserve what you're doing to it.
You might not want to go to therapy or counseling but it's harder to do this by yourself or with the support with two of your friends.
Talk to someone and get the help you need. Good luck.


If I ignore a guy for like a week and have not herd from him because he's always busy with work and never has time to really talk. When he finally does email, shouuld I ignore it a couple of times or should I only answer back on the emails he gives me. Also should I wait a while before responding. usually I answer right away. My age is 31 and I'm female. (link)
Well if he's just busy with work and that's what is keeping him from emailing, then I would just respond to the emails he sends you.
It'd be a different story if he wasn't busy with work and had more time to talk.


So I'm 13 and I'm not really comfortable going to school because of the people there (And I can't do anything about it, so please no answers on that). I was thinking homeschooling; And yes, there is someone at home that can homeschool me.

The thing is, I don't know how to tell my parents in a way that they'll understand and say yes. Can you guys please help me?

P.S. Please don't say that I'm "Missing out"... I already thought everything through. (link)
Try to sit down and talk to them about it. Don't beg them and don't act whiny or anything. Try to sit down with them and be mature and state your reasons on why you want to be homeschooled.

There are different ways to be homeschooled. I was homeschooled when I was in 6th and 7th grade. I had computer CDs and I did my schoolwork on the computer and my mom would log onto her account and check it all later.
My brother was homeschooled later and he did one where he was given his work by a teacher and went to the school maybe once or twice a week to have the work graded. He was involved in a type of homeschool where there were other kids who were homeschooled and they went on field trips every so often.
Then there is the typical one where you buy your books and do your work all through paper and all that.

Anyways, I'd bring up these with your parents. Tell them you think you'd do better being homeschooled and that you'd be willing to work very hard because honestly, being homeschooled is much harder than going to a normal school.
I hated being homeschooled but it was because I felt like I didn't try very hard and I didn't get to be with friends much.

If they don't agree, there isn't much you can do but push through it.
Good luck.


We're in college, but my roommate has been saying minor things that are a little aggressive whenever she has a friend over. I really don't like it when she acts like that and it pisses me off really bad. She'll say something rude, then say just kidding. The friend will also egg her on by being like.. don't let her talk to you like that. I'm not the type to joke around with hurtful things and she knows that. I don't know if she's just taking advantage of that fact but I'm starting to get really annoyed with her behavior. They say that people who say hurtful things and joke around after it usually are harboring something similar inside them. This is perhaps the second or third time that she's behaved like that and I think one day I might just explode, but if I do that it looks like my fault or that I am crazy because she was "just kidding". How can I deal with this situation? (link)
I guess one of the things you learn in college is to put up with annoying roommates.
Well, the best thing to do is talk to her. I had some annoying roommates in college last semester and the best thing to do is say something. The next time she does this, just talk to her after her friend has left. Tell her even though she's says she's kidding, you don't like hurtful remarks at all and it's starting to get a little annoying. Just ask her to stop and hopefully she will.


I am 12 and I already hit my period but for 2 months they have been late. I have been really sick and I'm gaining more weight every day.i can't fit in any of my clothes.but the only time I've really done anything with a boy I made him use a condom and it wasn't even sex.we just made out.plz idk what to so (link)
You think you're pregnant but you haven't even had sex? No.
Periods are irregular a lot. Your body is changing, that's why your weight is changing or you just have an unhealthy diet.
You can't get pregnant without having sex.


13/F

So I go to sleep at about midnight then wake up at 6:00AM. I have stuff to do, that's why. Should I sleep more? Is it okay? I don't know how I'll be able to sleep more. (link)
Everybody is different and everybody's body is different and needs different amounts of sleep.
At 13, normally it's around 8 hours but it might be more or less depending on your body.
Are you feeling tired during the day? If you are then you need more, if not, then you are probably fine.

If you feel the need to sleep more, then you have to train yourself because you're already adjusted to going to bed at midnight and waking up at 6.


I've known this girl since the beginning of college. To me, she was like no other. During orientation, everyone was walking around, talking, running, and when I saw her, everything stopped for a moment and I only saw her. Since then, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I got to know her and for the first few months, we actually got pretty close. For the first time in a long time, she made me happy. But there was one major problem. She had a boyfriend. Since she knew I liked her and wanted to be with her she grew distant of me. Any attempts I made to even talk to her were stopped. So I gave up and grew depressed. Went like this for a few months..up until February. We came back from winter vacation and we're all together in a room (me her, and two other friends) and she tells us her boyfriend broke up with her..through a letter. She told us that about a week from Valentine's so I went and get her flowers and all that stuff. She called me a dork (which was a good thing) and said she was flattered. But she didn't want a relationship just yet (and I get that) but to not wait for her to be ready. Now we're getting close yet again, but one of my friends (who's closer to her than I am) say's she just being friendly. I would think he's right, but what does that mean for me? Should I give up completely, or "wait" for the opportunity with her? Mind you, she's the only person whose opinion I actually care about. She's the first to actually make me try to be with her (I've never had a girlfriend) and she's the first to make me..happy. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I just get over her (which I'm trying to do, isn't working out too well) Or should I wait for my chance while at the same time not letting other opportunities pass me by (Like I'd get any) like she wants me to?

Sorry for the long question, but I really had to explain everything to avoid getting the same response I've gotten from other people. I'd appreciate all the help received. (link)
Don't wait for her. She told you that you shouldn't wait and there's probably a reason for that.
If the time does come and she might be ok with trying things with you, then fine, go ahead. But right now, you should just move on.

You said you have been trying to get over her but not succeeding? Well, you shouldn't spend a lot of time around her. You should find other things and hang out with other friends that make you happy. I know you said you're not normally happy but honestly, you shouldn't let a girl be the thing that makes you happy. You need to go out and find something else that will get your mind off her until you meet another girl who will really be into you as you were into her.
But number one, don't say that you can't get over her or that you'll never get over her. You will if you actually try.


In school i have a group friends,6 to be exact I've known 1 of them (call him "M")for 11 years now. I've known (let's call him "K") for 6 years now. last year a new comer came and somehow entered our group(call him "B"), he quickly became mine , M's and B's best friend ,but suddenly this year i started feeling like I've been replaced by him. I distant away from the group a little bit to see if anyone would ask or look for me but no one did , as they where hanging out with B all the time.I didn't really mind , but it hurts pretty bad , but i thought that maybe that's just because i was he one who distant the way and maybe I'm just being jealous from all the attention B got , then one day M invited me and B to his house(the only reason i think he invited me is because I invited him and B to my house before). and in M's house he and B both entered the room and left me with M's grandmother ,M seemed to really ignore me and only cared about B , now that really annoyed ,me since I've known M for so long and it's not the 1'st time. in case you're wondering were all males , confronting anyone is not an option,I was just thinking of cutting them off. WHAT DO I DO? (link)
I wouldn't cut them off. If all they ever did was make you feel replaced, then they don't seem like terrible friends.
I know you don't want to talk to any of them about it, but it seems like the best option. Tell them how you felt about it and if it they could stop doing it. If they continue, just find new friends.

In school, I had a group of friends and every year we had new people that joined our little group. They normally got lots of attention, that never bothered me though because they were all my friends and I cared for all of them. Can't let jealousy get to you like that.
Try bringing yourself back into the group or try hanging out with B more or have some time to invite them over and hang out too. If you just act cool about it, they'll probably want you around more.

If you really just don't want to talk to them and wouldn't care if you lost them as friends, then just go make new friends.
You can always have more friends. You don't have to cut them off completely.


Okay, I am doing a project at school and its on the titanic. The point is, my partner and I don't get along and I already asked to switch and we cant! Any ADVICE WHAT TO DO?? (link)
You just do the work. Keep the talking strictly to the project and that's it. Don't bring up whatever it is that made you guys not get along. I'm sure you'd rather get a good grade, so just focus and don't stress over the person you are working with.

I mean when you're older, you are going to be working with people you don't like, who don't like you and people you just don't get along with. So it's best to learn now.


So i danced with a guy who i am very close with and also like(alot). We slow danced for about an hour but my friends were constantly signaling him to kiss me. We laughed it off and talked singing the lyrics to the songs they were playing, he flirts with me constantly but he flirts with everyone else, guys and girls its just part of his personality. but a couple of times we would be faceing each other and our eyes would lock, but i am very shy so i ended up looking away everytime. Then after the dance he got really nervous around me and started avoiding me like crazy. Did he try to kiss me and did i blow it? Any suggestions on how to fix this? (link)
Well I don't think you blew anything so nothing really to worry about. He just sounds nervous. He might have tried to kiss you but I think he just couldn't get the guts to do it.
Just act normal with him and things should be fine.


Okay so I'm 13 and a girl and a model. I've been sexually abused by my brother in law(its been reported) my family always calls me a bitch,slut whore,ugly,fat ect.. I've took a OD a few times it never worked obviously since I'm alive. I cut myself. So lately I've been hearing voices in my head telling me I'm a bitch,no one loves me,I must starve to be thin,I'm a whore, everythings my fault,I must kill myself,the only way to end the pain is through cutting and suicide. The voices are killing me!! My bestFriend knows about them and says I might be depressed. I can't tell my parents or any relitive or anyone at school pls keep that in mind. Pls just help me I really need help. My family can't find out though. (link)
My younger brother hears voices also, you need to go talk to someone about this. You need to get counseling and get on some medication to stop the voices.
Right now, since my brother held it off so long, he's in a mental hospital.
You need to go to the hospital or tell a teacher or school counselor and tell them you need help.

If you tell them, your parents will probably find out but they can't stop you from getting the help you need. There are going to be adults to back you up. Just go talk to someone.


I'm A 13 YEAR-OLD AND MY FRIEND IS ALSO 13.
Ok, so my friend is ALWAYs talking about, oh, I don't know... how she 'loves with all her heart' her 19 year-old boyfriend who has cheated on her numerous times, and she has done the same, or how she lost her virginity at 11, or guys that she's made out with at waterparks, etc. She is also incredibly slutty, but I'm her friend because her personality is good and she stands up for me... but the fact that all the guys in my class and in eighth grade love her and the older guys always tell her that they want to make-out with her, while I'm standing right there (and they ignore me), and she just laughs! all of this, plus my mental disorder (I claw at myself when I'm overwhelmed) makes me extremely insecure, but not in the way that I think I'm ugly, I honestly think I'm beautiful, but in the way that I feel left out and no guys like me.. I mean, one or two have called me sexy, but she (my BEST friend) has been in all these... 'experiences', I guess. and I just feel unwanted by guys. (ps: we're in 7th grade, and I would appreciate it if no one told me, 'oh! you're too young to care about that! I want REAL advice from people.) (link)
Well you think you're beautiful. I think that is something great. I mean you'll mostly be hearing about how young girls don't find themselves attractive at all.

You don't want to be like your friend. I think you already know that, well I hope you know that.
I do understand where you are coming from though. Being next to someone who boys find attractive is hard because it feels like they aren't even looking at you.
Now I'm sure you know that you don't want the kind of attention she has.
You don't want guys telling you they want to make out with you, you don't want guys calling you sexy. It pretty much makes you look "easy".
You want to be the girl that guys like because you look pretty and beautiful.

Young boys like her because right now, they are shallow. They are learning about sex and going through puberty.
Older boys like her because she looks easy. If older guys start looking at you, it's either because they are just pedophiles or because there is something about you that is making you look like they want a piece of that.
They don't really want you, they want your body and just sex. No good older guy would want to go and actually be a serious boyfriend of a 13 year old.

My advice, don't put yourself down or compare yourself to your friend. Maybe try not to hang around her as much. She can still be your friend but there are still a lot of other girls who can be good friends who don't go around giving herself to guys. She's not going down the right path right now and you don't want to follow her.


I have been dating this girl for a good 4 days but before we started dating she would hug on me and all that good stuff and now she does not and she would text me every day and now she does not sometimes i wont hear from her all day if i text her she wont text back some times and its like she is not even putting an effort into or relationship and there will be opportunities for us to see each other but she rarely takes it and just the way she talks and even texts me sounds well here is just one example. the other day we went on a double date and latter that night i sent her a text.
me: i enjoyed spending time with you tonight and i hope we get to be together more
her: i enjoyed it to. we had fun. i wish to hang out more to. goodnight
and its the hang out part that annoys me thats what she calls us spending time togrther she tells people we are togther but she does not talk or even really act like it and its to the point i want to just break up with her i dont want to but i just dont want to be in a relationship where i'm the only one putting an effort into it. what should i do (link)
Ok, well it's only been for days and you're considering breaking up with her.
My advice? Talk to her. Ask her why he is acting like this. Don't text her about this. Face to face talk. Don't accuse her of anything, don't say that she is a problem. Just calmly ask her why she is acting like this.

I mean it's been a few days so maybe there's more to it. Just give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she's having some other problems and they've been occupying her mind.

If this continues on, then reconsider your relationship. Right now, you need to talk to her. Communication is important or the relationship will not work.


I'm this really great long distant relationship. its almost like we're not even apart.
But i still have feelings for my ex. Iv had them for three years now and i cant seem to quit get over him. i told him the truth and he said it was alright that i still had feelings for him. that he just wants be to be happy. but i still cant help having feelings for my ex. i honestly dont know what to do. (link)
Well you can't be with him and still have feelings for your ex.
So you need to choose. That's all there is to it. If you want to be with your current boyfriend, you need to try to get over him. You have a great guy, you need to realize why you and your ex broke up.

You need to realize there is a reason. You also need to believe that you will get over him. If you don't believe it, then you won't.

Make sure everything that reminds you of your ex is gone. Pictures, gifts, and his number and facebook.

Start doing your own thing. You don't have to spend all your time talking to your current boyfriend and you don't want that extra time thinking about your ex, I mean it's been years and it is time to move on.
Maybe try learning new things.

You might want to get rid of friends that are friends with him. I'm not saying completely dump them but don't hang around them that much. You need to really put effort into this if you want your boyfriend.

Talk to your family. They are there for you and they can help you.

Anyways, I understand it's hard to get over exes. Even if it's been 3 years, I understand and I've been there.
If you really believe that you want your ex, then don't stay with your boyfriend. It's not fair to do this to him.
It's not that you're being a bad girlfriend, you just need to get a hold of your feelings and figure out what's best.


Okay so I live in Canada, I am a 16 year old girl. My gym teacher has a student teacher that has come in to study for his apprenticeship and get his teaching degree. He is 25 years old and is really nice to me. He is great looking and I'm not talking from adolescence but he truly cares about me. He shows it in an every day activity. He has said I'm his favorite student and we talk in a very intelligent way. He has helped me with my problems and we always have harmless flirting. For instance, I'm a competitive soccer play and am in the soccer module this semester. He is my teacher and we always go one on one. Of course I always get the ball but its really cute. I know this is illegal but we have developed feelings for each other . He's really not my teacher and he goes back to school next month. What do I do next? Any advice accepted. Negative or positive (link)
Well even though he's not your teacher, it is illegal. You already know that. He could still be charged the same as if he was your teacher. I don't think it'd be fair to him to lose all his hard work to get this far and then lose it.
He might be a really good guy so I doubt he would want to be more with you and lose everything.
So he is leaving and the feelings were fine and fun but it can't be anything more than that.
So what you do next, you are happy from the memories and you move on.


i asked a question about, 2 days ago about weather i should be sexually active...i have to come to realize that i shouldn't, but theirs one thing. we have been together for 5 months as of Thursday. But, I'm only 13 and hes only 14, and wants to have sex. I've told him multiple times that i don't want to but he continuously talks about it. And he seems to get irritated when i say no. i don't want to break up with him, nor do i want him to break up with me...how do i tell him no so that he finally stops talking about it, without getting irritated? HELP! (link)
Ok well, you have to tell him no straight up. Tell him you feel like you're too young and not ready to become sexually active.
Now, if he breaks up with you over something like that, he is a pig. All he ever wanted was sex from the relationship. If he does stay with you, then you know he respects you.

It's understandable that you don't want him to break up with you and you don't want to break up with him but if he really is only in this for sex, why be with him? If he keeps pressuring you, it's going to make you uncomfortable and you won't be happy with the relationship.

If he is a good guy, he will understand and he will stop. He is being a bad boyfriend if he keeps doing this to you. You both have to be completely wanting it to be able to enjoy being sexually active. Tell him no and tell him to stop talking about it.




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker