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The just kidding remark

Question Posted Thursday April 4 2013, 11:13 pm

We're in college, but my roommate has been saying minor things that are a little aggressive whenever she has a friend over. I really don't like it when she acts like that and it pisses me off really bad. She'll say something rude, then say just kidding. The friend will also egg her on by being like.. don't let her talk to you like that. I'm not the type to joke around with hurtful things and she knows that. I don't know if she's just taking advantage of that fact but I'm starting to get really annoyed with her behavior. They say that people who say hurtful things and joke around after it usually are harboring something similar inside them. This is perhaps the second or third time that she's behaved like that and I think one day I might just explode, but if I do that it looks like my fault or that I am crazy because she was "just kidding". How can I deal with this situation?

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Razhie answered Friday April 5 2013, 1:50 pm:
It's April. You are in college.

So, how much longer do you need to live with her exactly? Are you out of this arrangement by June?

Honestly, although what you've described is annoying and rude, it's also the kind of thing you need to be able to shrug off.

You've got some of your own shit to deal with if you can't take this kind of casual rudeness once and while without loosing your cool. Not all problems are best solved by a confrontation. Many are best solved by shrugging your shoulders and saying "That's their shit, not mine." and letting it go.

Because you are right: You will look crazy if you explode at her. Either because that is what she is passive-aggressively aiming for, or because she honestly doesn't get why what she is doing is rude.

If you only have about 30 days left. Ride it out and consider it a learning experience.

If you have a longer time with this, don't psychoanalyze her, or rush to confront her, or blow up at her (both of those things would also be rude). You can talk to an RA or student leader in your dorm to talk out your problems and come up with some better approaches, or to have them mediate a conversation between you both.

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lightoftruth answered Friday April 5 2013, 2:35 am:
I guess one of the things you learn in college is to put up with annoying roommates.
Well, the best thing to do is talk to her. I had some annoying roommates in college last semester and the best thing to do is say something. The next time she does this, just talk to her after her friend has left. Tell her even though she's says she's kidding, you don't like hurtful remarks at all and it's starting to get a little annoying. Just ask her to stop and hopefully she will.

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sistapinkle answered Friday April 5 2013, 2:11 am:
Ummm.....F your roommate..

Can you put in for a different roommate?

I mean, you could be civil about it and straight up ask her what her problem is with you and why she continues to speak to you that way and how you dont appreciate it because it makes you feel like she is being aggressive, and did you do something for her to feel she needs to be that way towards you... blah blah blah...

or you could do what we used to do back in the day and put a lock in a sock and beat her when she falls asleep, or put rotten cheese in her bed sheets....or piss....

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