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I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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I'm a 33 year old female.
I met a guy at the age of 17 dated him for 5 years and then married him. He turned out to be mentally and psychologically abusive to our kids and I. He was sometimes a little physically abusive to the kids. Before we met i had had a 3 year relationship with another guy. We'll call him Joe. I lost touch with joe for several years but we became friends again 5 years ago. since then we have talked on the internet almost every day. He has helped me through every conflict in my marriage by being encouraging all these years and only became flirtatious about a year ago. We were never intimate during that time.
My husband and i began speaking of separation several months ago when he was rough with my son again and i had had too much. After we had decided to separate Joe and i became intimate. We had shared feelings with one another and that we wish we had never broken up. Basically my husband has been gone a month and a half. Meanwhile joe and i have been dreaming of the future together, saying we love each other, etc.
I was lonely one night 3 weeks ago at night and I entered a chat room intending to casually chat with someone. I wound up meeting a man who seems amazing. we have so much in common. He's amazingly intelligent, speaks a zillion languages, is going for his doctorate has traveled abroad. Basically he is crazy about me and wants to meet in person. He is so tempting to me. He makes me feel like a cinderella. We'll call him bill. Now i'm all excited about bill and wonder if i should take a chance on him because he seems like everything i've ever dreamed of.
On the other hand i have joe who i have pledged my love to and who loves me and i know will be kind to me. He's been my constant source of help through the years and i know he's real and close by. Bill is 4 hours away. Do I go for the old friend and risk settling out of loyalty? He's a sure thing. Or Do I take a chance on Bill who might make my life a fairy tale? I have a nagging feeling that I should go for bill but Then i might be missing out on the average joe who would take care of me for the rest of my life.
Bill says he understands that right now im not ready to define our relationship. Joe says he only wants to be with me but understands if I "need to sow some wild oats." (link)
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You're old enough to know that fairy tales don't exist.
I can understand your situation. Disillusionment and hope that you havent been naive this whole time, wanting to find what your husband didn't provide, etc.
Internet romance is amazingly shallow. You can't really get to know anything but what someone shows you, and its not until you spend a ton of time together that you find out the real person. The flaws, the chinks in the armor, the things he isnt going to tell you in the throes of online infatuation.
Joe seems in it for the long haul. He loves you, he has been waiting (probably) for this opportunity since you broke up, and is even willing to wait while you rebound and go have some comfort "I'm still hot, people still want me, I'm a worthwhile person whatever my ex husband thinks" flings.
Right now, you don't need to be pursuing ANYTHING. You need to recover. First, get your divorce. End one thing permanently and finally before you begin something else. Get your life together, get yourself together, and from THERE you can figure out what you really want.
I can't say who you should date, or if you should date either of them, but I can say you shouldn't be trying to figure it out right now.
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17/f
The short version:
Harassment. It`s happening. How do I make it stop?
The details:
I am in my final year of high school, enjoying the last chapter of my life as I know it before university. I have an amazing, small group of close friends. We walk our own path. Sure, we don`t always make the attempt to be getting drunk every weekend at parties, nor should we. We`re okay with always being together and we certainly don`t go out of our way to make other people feel bad. I volunteer, have marks to be proud of, and am an openly confident person.
On facebook, I`ll take the time to comment on my best friends' pictures, letting them know when they look great. Never in my life have I commented on a picture of myself saying I look amazing, I don`t feel the need; however, I do not put myself down under any circumstances either. It seems that the people in my grade cannot handle my confidence or independence from them.
A group of people have taken it upon themselves to attempt to copy the (professional looking) photos that my friends and I post. We love taking pictures and have received many compliments about our albums. I think that is awesome, I enjoy photography and am glad to hear that other people like my work. It`s an art form, to me it`s all about expressing my opinion, creating an captivating image, and presenting my talent. It just happens our photos are a little 'above average', it shouldn`t imply that we are conceited.
It seems that this question has gone slightly off topic; however, I`d argue that it is rather difficult to clearly believe and understand my situation without some clear evidence.
Their album of posted pictures has received comments (negatively directed towards us) from school 'friends', aquaintances, and strangers alike. There are over 40 people commenting and the pictures have not even been up for a full 48 hours yet. Recently, I was physically and verbally attacked at a grad event. I had to defend myself, I am not a victim. After being pushed several times by one girl, I punched her.
It just happens that she is the most 'popular' (and undeniably evil) girl in the school. She also happens to have a strong interest in the guy that I like and am attempting to get to know better. I can no longer consider myself innocent in this situation since I hit her back, if I tell any figures of authority at school I will receive an automatic suspension. If that happens, I lose my reference to get into the most competitive program at my dream university.
This situation is overly complex and complicated. As much as I`d like to move on and forget about it, I have an unbelievable amount of people working against me for no apparent reason other than jealously. My close friends also receive verbal harassment from these people, but it is me that they truly want to bring down. I am not a victim, I am not a follower, and I refuse to dull my shine or hide in the shadows to escape these attacks.
This situation is not going to go away on its own; it certainly won`t allow me to get to know the guy that I have an interest in, since the 'popular' girl has trouble letting him out of her sight, and believes it is her right to control and own him. I cannot see how he would find her actions impressive and I doubt the feelings are mutual between them. Enough of the details, I have hardly begun to explain the full extent of the situation anyways. What do you think about this? What could I do? (link)
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Wow.
To say the least, I am impressed by you.
A truth of life, people who are independent are viewed as threatening by people who are not. Your sheep classmates do what everyone else does, and have self confidence based in "everyone else does it, so it must be right".
So, when you don't do what they do, and don't want to, they think you must be wrong for them to be right. So they try to make sure you are "wrong".
By trying to make your life a living hell.
What do you do?
Get some time alone with your guy. Ask him to ask you out. Give him clear signals that you are interested, engage him in conversation, go out and get some dinner and wow him as much as possible (shouldn't be hard, an intelligent and attractive young woman showing interest in you is hard to resist) and take your interest in him outside of school, so that you can get to know him uninterrupted.
You are right that you have to be careful. You might want to consider confronting this girl. Something along the lines of "Youre a stupid bitch, and I'm tired of dealing with you. You can leave me alone, or you can continue escalating this and I will make sure that pretty popular face of yours is deformed and requires skin grafts"
Can you stop them? No.
Ignore facebook bullshit. Stupid drama bullshit online shouldn't bother you, if it escalates to actual online harassment you can report that, as far as the punching incident its your word against hers and you have enough deniability that they can't suspend you, so forget that incident and try to get evidence of new ones to use against her.
Ive had to deal with similar recently. Drama whore at work who refuses to allow people to just work and go home. I had to quit that job to get away from it, because the only other option for me (with my temper) is physical assault leading into an arrest I can't exactly afford.
You can't leave, obviously, so you can take it, or you can spend your time trying to fight back. If she physically assaults you, she's going to do it at a time when she won't get caught, so either find a way to have witnesses so that you can not fight back and press charges, or knock her fucking block off and then pretend it never happened.
I wish I had better news, but shitty people don't change (at least not quickly and without public humiliation usually) but the best thing you can do is go about your life, ignore it unless it comes down to face to face harassment, and get this guy alone so you can work your magic on him uninterrupted.
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15/f okay so on friday (10/17) ill be going out w/ my bf for like a month. we havent kissed or anthing yet i mean we hug but we dont like hold hands or anything like that yet, evne though i realllyyy want to. i guess you can say that were not really the type of ppl that will go around making out w/ eachother in the middle of the hallway. i just dont know what to do. he tells my friends that he is too nervous to make a move or anything but like i dont want him to feel like that i want him to be comfortable w/ me. should i say something, should i wait it out a little bit? i mean we havent hung out yet because ive been grounded and hes been going away for the weekends. i like him so much. and another thing im worried about is that he only likes me because he thinks im hot. pleaseee hellp! (link)
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A month without even kissing is a pretty strong argument against him only liking you for your body, first of all.
When you're alone, give him a hug, then pull back just enough so that your faces are a few inches apart and just stay there until he figures out what you're inviting him to do.
If he tries to pull away, don't let him, and keep your face close to his.
He will get the hint eventually. Smile at him afterwards, so he knows he did something right.
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okay i really need some help haha. my breast size is a 36 D or DD either one depending on the bra..but the size of my nippple (not the ball thing) the brown part is huge! and i love the size of my boobs but i get so embarressed when i have to take off my bra beacause i think guys will think its disgusting. i need advice from girls and guys! please and thank youuu (link)
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I can guarantee that the last thing a guy looking at Double D's with large nipples is thinking is "thats disgusting" unless he is gay.
Even then, well one of my best friends is as flaming as can be and still loves breasts. Despite being gay, he still falls into the "I don't have them, so theyre cool and I like them" category that all straight men fit into.
When a straight man watches a woman with decent cup size take off her bra, the voice in his head is saying something somewhere between "Hell yes!" and "I can't believe I get to see those, Hell Yes!"
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I just want to know..
Is it wrong or mean to not tell my friends about me having sex?
I've never been the girl that tells her friends EVERYTHING..mostly because i just feel like its MY business. My friends are very very judgemental and they'll talk about it with other people. They have HUGE mouths. So yes, i don't want them talking about my personal business with eachother. I wish i could tell them and they would just say "Okay." and not talk about it. But..even if i begged them to do that..its just not going to happen. I really love them to death but..telling them things is not something i'm comfortable with. So, really, is it wrong that i don't tell them??? (link)
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As you said, its your business, not theirs.
It is perfectly within your rights and privileges to not tell people you can't trust to take information with maturity the things you do.
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My mom passed away recently and left certain things to each of my many siblings. One sibling mentioned that our mom didn't own much and left behind very little. I don't know how she meant that but it bothered me somehow. I don't want to pass away and my children think "I didn't leave much". I didn't want or expect anything from my mom but feel bad someone had the thought that she left little (material things) behind. My question is, do children really expect to inherit a lot from parents? Or what would a child (on average) expect or want to inherit? I wouldn't want to disappoint my kids (too much). (link)
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Your siblings are more than just a little immature.
It is a parents responsibility to give their child the tools and help they need to be successful in the world themselves. Not to leave them money.
When my parents eventually die, there are many things I hope to inherit. Examples are
- A bench carved by my recently passed grandfather. He was a carpenter who made many things over the course of his life, and all his kids have various things from duck decoys to bowls and furniture. His wife still has a grandfather clock that he made by hand.
- Several pictures of my grandfathers, including a picture thats about 2 feet by 3 feet framed of my grandfather standing on the wing of his P-51 fighter taken towards the end of World War 2.
- Various other heirlooms that are family or history related.
To me, these are the things that should be passed down from generation to generation, and should be kept in the family. Money is just money, its nice, but in the end its just a tool for living. Things that are filled with memories are what should be focused on.
I plan to keep photo albums and such for my children, and I plan to preserve anything handed down to me for my kids. These are the things that are important, and if your mother didn't possess things like this, then its sad, but also a fact of life.
Children do sometimes expect to inherit things money and such, we call people like this spoiled and entitled.
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Okay so this is just a random sims 2 question but im curious.
Okay, so you know the sims 2 body shop, right? Well how come the clothing and hair and make up is so much clearer on there but when you get to the actual game it's blurry? Is there any way to fix this?
It's so annoying (link)
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I would check your graphic settings while youre doing the normal game.
Basically, the body shop is going to be clearer because it is only rendering (rendering means drawing or displaying if you didn't know) the single character and all the User Interface parts you interact with.
When you go to the actual game, its not just drawing one character, its drawing a bunch, plus houses and furniture and in the background its doing a bunch of stuff as well. Its naturally going to be blurrier.
It might be possible to turn up the graphic settings in options in the actual game, but you want to be careful. Sims 2 is a very, VERY graphically laggy game if you don't have a high end system to work with, turning up settings might make the game run like a computer from the early 90s, which is to say slow as effing molasses.
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18/f
i have been on birth control for about 2 years now, mostly to regulate my period and because it use to be so heavy. the one im on is called ortho tri cyclen lo. i know your suppose to take it the same time everyday and during the school year i do, except on the weekends. during the week i take it at about 6:20 and on the weekend i take it at about 10:00 and in the summer i usually take it at about 10:00 too everyday. i know this is bad and i should be taking it the same time everyday but its so hard for me to wake up that early on the weekends just to take it and i dont think i would be able to fall back asleep. the thing is that i get my period when im suppose to, so im pretty sure its working fine! i have never had sex before but when i decide to (when i feel i am ready and in love) how protected would i be if we used a condom and am on this birth control? also is the birth control going to be effective since i am taking it at different times, not the same exact time everyday even though i am getting my period the day i am suppose to be getting it every time?!
thank you [: (link)
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You're fine.
The pill isnt "take it at exactly the same time or you're screwed". Though taking it a few hours later on a weekend might technically increase your chances somewhat, in terms of actual risk its probably 1-2% more likely to not work, maybe. Thats probably exaggerating.
My girlfriend and I use spermicide and birth control only. Four years in, no problems so far. Get spermicidal condoms and use birth control and you've probably got a one in ten million chance of getting pregnant. Nothing is 100%, but if you did its tantamount to an act of God.
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so thers a theory that the world is gonna end on december 21, 2012. i know that the mayans predicted this,but how come people think its gonna end? they said its something about a winter solstice, but what does that mean?
can someone explain to me how the world is gonna end or why it is cause im curious about this.
thanks! (link)
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People are stupid.
The mayan calendar indicates that December 12 2012 is the end of a cycle. What "the end of a cycle" means is a very debatable topic considering there isnt exactly a Mayan culture around to continue the predictions anymore.
Beyond that its just fear mongering. Anyone who says that they "know" when the world is going to end is lying. No one knows, and most everything people say in that regard is BS that they made up, or BS someone else made up that they bought into.
I could tell you the world will end tomorrow. If the world actually did end tomorrow, it wouldn't make me any less full of shit today.
People said that the world would end in 99. People said it in 2000. People said it in 01 and 03. People say it about 2012. I'm sure people said it about the year 1000 too way back when.
But, based on actual scientific evidence, the fact that the world is 4 billion years old, Earth will probably end when the sun goes nova.
Which is slated to happen sometime in the next 4-8 billion years? Been a while since I took a science class so I can't remember what that schedule is.
Either that, or humans will eventually destroy ourselves, and life will continue on Earth without us.
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TO be honest, I guess the problem is more my Mother than anyone else.
I moved out of my parents house to live with my boyfriend three years ago. In those three years, my parents (who live three miles away) have been to visit us in our home a whole two times. My sister only ever contacts me when she needs me to do something for her and I never get any phone calls from ANY of them!
My Mum lost her Father at Xmas last year and her health isn't great but she makes NO effort at all to deal with any of these issues, despite a huge amount of support from everyone around her. But in all this, she has forgotten I exist for any reason but for her. I phoned her every day but stopped to see if she would ever call me. It's been three weeks since we spoke and all I get are messages on Facebook wanting to know when I'm going to see her.
Why is it always ME that has to make the effort?? Why can't she just be my Mother and be there for ME? She NEVER is there when I need her most because she's too busy wallowing. I'm desperate and completely without my parents right now.
What can I do?? (link)
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Honestly, you're making a bigger deal about this than you should.
You stated that she sends messages on facebook asking when you are going to come. She is reaching out, just not in the ways you'd like.
Talk to her. Tell her you want her to come visit, and you want her to call.
I live with my girlfriend. She visits her mom all the time, her mom doesn't visit us much at all. Her mom isn't comfy with it because we aren't married.
If you need something, ask for it. She can't read your mind.
To give you an idea of how bad it could be, my parents do not call, do not e-mail, do not visit, do not contact me in any way. They live in Houston, and me sending them messages asking for status updates with the hurricanes is the only contact we have had in the last year, initiated by me.
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im 18 years old, female
i've never had a boyfriend before and i'll ive done is madeout with two guys and that was about two years ago. everytime someone hears that i have never had one they're all shocked because everyone tells me im gorgeous (and i do think im pretty, not trying to be conceited at all) its just that i dont know whats wrong with me. maybe i'm too picky but all these guys try to get with me and i always just see them as a friend and never anything more. im scared to kiss a guy or anything because it's been so long and i just dont know. i like this boy right now but has a girlfriend. he tried "fingering" me and i really wanted him too, but i just couldn't let myself do it. i feel so awkward doing that kind of stuff. all my family and friends are always like why dont you ever have a boyfriend! and im just like i dont know. im so worried about school right now because i just started college and i usually dont go looking for one. im outgoing around people i know, but i wont approach i guy i think is hot when im by myself. what do you guys think, what should i do im starting to get really depressed about this... (link)
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The rules of attraction are a fickle mistress.
Now, a key piece of information here is exactly why you say no, or see them as "friends"
The two reasons that are hinted at in your post are that either they aren't physically attractive enough for you, or you are just too nervous to let go enough to like them.
Regardless, you do seem to have somewhat high standards. Not a bad thing, but high standards are harder to meet. Trick it, you need to figure out exactly what your high standards mean. What exactly are you looking for?
Also, boy with girlfriend BAD! VERY BAD!
Sorry, old habit. Don't go after attached guys. Its always a bad idea to interfere with relationships, and especially seducing guys away from their girls. You set a precedent for the guy to cheat on some level, and you set yourself up for the same thing happening to you if you succeed.
Now. How to solve the problem.
First inkling is to tell you to seek older guys. It sounds from your post as if you are looking in your own age group. Guys and girls mature at different rates in different areas, and girls tend to mature in the areas that allow for decent stable relationships earlier than guys. Generally speaking, guys are more mature when relating to people they arent dating, while girls are more mature at relating to people they are dating.
So, go a little older if possible. At 18 don't go above 22-23, but a guy between 19 and 22 is probably more apt to be compatible with you.
Something else to think about. From what you've told me, you are operating a little to much in the physical. You talk about making out, and about almost letting a guy finger you.
Thats not what relationships are about. You haven't said anything about guys who you can talk to and hold a conversation with, guys who are intelligent, or sweet, or anything about personality at all. Your criteria for judging guys might be a bit shallow. If thats the case, find a guy you can talk to and who can make you laugh. Smile at him, get him to ask you out, and go on a few dates.
Note, I said few. Not one or two, go out with him for a few weeks at least and don't do anything other than kiss him. Focus on getting to know each other. Stray away from "guys you think are hot" and stray towards "guys who you are interested in as people"
If you approach it based entirely on "do I get wet thinking about this guy in my pants" you're going to fall flat on your face in dating even if you do eventually find someone to date.
Should I be wrong and you want a better analysis, send me a private question with some more detail.
What kind of guys do you go after? Both looks and personality.
What kind of guys go after you?
Why do you think of people as just friends?
What is your ideal guy?
Give me some clarification and I might be able to help more.
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Ok well one day my friend was sick so she texted me, asking me if I could get her work and notes from the two classes we have together. I did, and since than, she's been sick a lot (but that's due to the weather change turning to winter). The last 3 days that she's missed, she was actually skipping which i don't understand since she's a 91% average student. Photocopying is 10 cents per page and i have spent $2.60 on her so FAR, which is saying a lot.
Again, she's a 91% average student. And i have to photo copy her notes because the one note that I lent her to copy, she lost it! I can't loose notes when there's a quiz or test coming around so I have to photo copy them at school and give it to her sister to take home and give it to her.
Should I continue to give her notes since she is my friend and that's what a friend does, or not? (link)
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So many idiots in the world, your "friend" and the poster below me are two prime examples.
Please don't do something as stupid as giving bad/false notes. Your "friend" is lazy and a bit of a user, but she hasn't done anything that should affect you beyond minor annoyance.
I would charge her for the notes. If you want to just get your money back, ask her for a 5 or a 10 and tell her that you'll let her know when you run through it with copies.
I did this in college. I take impeccable notes with as much detail as I can scramble to write during a class. Usually I get just about every word out of the teacher's mouth down in shorthand, especially for classes like history, math, and sciences.
I realized that my class mates (especially those who skip) would panic at the end of the semester, so I offered and ended up selling the entire semesters notes for 30 bucks a pop to about 45 different students in my Economics and History classes. I got lots of money, they got notes that let them guarantee at least a C on the final exam.
If it gets to you, tell her that you feel used, and you don't like that you are responsible and she is not, and that she needs to find her way into class or make an arrangement with the teacher if she's going to miss that much. I'm willing to bet more than half of her "sick" days are skippig.
Not your responsibility to carry someone unless you are friends enough that you are willing to. Ive done that, a few friends of mine only passed Pre Cal because of me. But that was my choice, because they simply _couldn't_ handle the material and I could, so I let them copy enough off me to not ruin their GPA's before college acceptances came through.
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So, my boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 years on and off. (btw im 17 adn hes 18) so weve known each other forever, and its not like weve dated other people, because we have, we just alwasy wound up together..we even stopped talking for a whole year..
I love him very much, and we hang out everyday which i love, but it seems like thimgs in our relationship have become boring..and i dont wanna let him go, i care about him wayyy too much, so i was wondering if anyone has any suggestions, like how do married people do it and stuff? just i wanna liven things up, both in bed and out of bed, but out of bed prefferably.
k.thx. (link)
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Vary the routine.
Both in bed, and out.
Outside of bed, do something new. Go do something together you've never done before, it can be anything as long as its fun.
Start a conversation about sex. Ask him the following questions, and answer them for him as well.
1) What do you fantasize about?
2) What kind of porn do you watch/like?
3) Is there anything you've always wanted to do, but never been able to bring up?
Communication is always the first step, in this case it can help alot. Figure out something you WANT to do, and go from there.
Also, go hang out with friends together. My girlfriend and I are poor as shit right now. We live together, see each other every day, and yeah, it can get pretty boring. We bring friends home and hang out with them because its the cheapest way to entertain ourselves. Do the same.
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Well I was diagnosed with breast cancer and have started treatments and, the treatments take a lot of energy out of me and i just dont feel the same, my fiancee is horny almost everynight i can say babe im tired i just want to go to bed but then as soon as we go to bed he starts trying things, I feel bad telling him no, so I give in.... Its early in my treatment but Im losing sexual intrest Im not turned on as easily either, how can I get him to calm down and realize that I really need sleep, or am I being selfish? (link)
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There has to be a compromise.
Men gain alot of their needs for emotional intimacy through sex. He needs you, and as his partner...
Sex between partners is not just a luxury, its a duty to one another. That being said, your health is a priority too.
You have to see that you BOTH have needs, and you have to compromise.
Also, studies have shown that even when you aren't "In the mood" having sex with a loving partner can still be beneficial to you, and you can still enjoy it.
Try to get yourself in the mood for him some more, and draw the line when you really need sleep. You probably need to talk to him about it, make it clear that you have a need for sleep, but you also have a need to make sure that he gets what he wants and needs out of the relationship, including sex.
Tell him you want to talk to him about how to achieve both objectives.
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18/f. I just called my boyfriend because I am freaking out about school work and I need some support. And he sends me to voicemail! I get a text from him five minutes later telling me that he will give me a call later because he is hanging out with his friend Jenny. Wtf?! Couldn't he have at least answered the phone and tell me that instead of ignoring it?! Would any of you like that? Am I making too much out of this? (link)
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Hah.
Looking at the answer below...
Alternating caps, gibberish, several x's as if thats somehow become a good idea.
Nothing like relationship advice from a 15 year old, right?
Anyway, you shouldn't be freaking out, but I'd be miffed. I only send people to voicemail when I am actively doing something, and usually I will explain it in a text at first opportunity.
You know, "Driving with friends, can't talk" or "Playing video game, can't talk". Even if its a simple explanation, its courtesy to give one.
Talk to him about it. I mean, he did give you an explanation, but "hanging out with a friend" isnt a great one. It doesn't sound like he was physically occupied and couldn't spare a hand to hold the phone, it sounded like he just didn't want to talk to you in front of her, and thats just a little odd to me.
As a guy, I wouldn't hesitate to answer a call if I'm hanging out with a girl I'm friends with. Talk to him, ask him why he couldn't answer for hanging out with a friend. Don't be confrontational about it, just seek information.
You are and aren't making too much about it. It could be that he just didn't want to be rude and be on the phone (given you were upset, it can be rude/awkward to talk to you for extended periods of time with a friend in the room). If you usually call him upset about things every so often, this is a distinct possibility.
In that case, just tell him you'd appreciate it if he only sends you to voicemail when he physically can't afford to pick up the phone, and otherwise if hes busy he can just answer and say he's with a friend and doesn't want to sit on the phone and be rude.
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im 18 and my boyfriend lives in a different state. he always come to visit me. my last class is on wednesday (im in college)
i want to visit him this weekend and im taking the bus bc my car cant make it up there (its old)
i need a very good reason to leave my house for 4 days to tell my parents any ideas? they dont allow me or my sister (22) to have bfs. they are just strict so any GOOD ideas. (link)
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Wow...
Thats ridiculous. Your 22 year old sister.
As far as lies, you know far better than we do about your life, and what would be believable by your parents. I have no idea, and I doubt I could offer more than a shot in the dark.
But your parents... that needs to be addressed. I imagine college is possibly on the line, but thats ridiculous. You need to talk to them, tell them that at 18 you are talking to guy, and you are going to date however you can, that it is past the point when they can do anything other than threaten your future for being a normal person and dating at 18.
Thats how I'd approach it anyway. Tell them that you have a boyfriend, tell them that you are going to see him whether they like it or not, and that it would be really fucked up of them to threaten your future or your freedom because you are being an adult and developing adult relationships.
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Okay so ive been with my boyfriend for almost 4months now and for some reason he cant get completly up. Im not use to teasing boys and so on. My ex was already always ready to go. So i have no idea whats going on. I try and to different things kiss him bite his ear go down on him and so on, and he just still wont get fully hard. He says its cause hes not comfortable around me. But what does that have to do with anything he also says i need to be more of a freak. What do i do someone please help lol (link)
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If he's not getting fully hard its one of two things.
1) He's incredibly nervous for some reason, or incredibly insecure about himself.
2) More likely, he has some kind of issue besides nerves, probably medical in nature.
I couldn't tell you which one, but he said he isnt comfortable so I'm tending towards 1. As to why... talk to him about it and see if you can find out.
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My brother is 18 years old and works at the same place as i do. (I'm 16). Long story, very short, he and his friends easily steal money. My bosses have no clue, have no cameras, and are not very on the ball. I'm talking grand theft. He's stolen approximately 5,000 dollars I'd say. It's extremely horrible. I've SEEN him steal some money, and I've heard from a couple of his friends that he confides in tell me that he does this. My brother is basically a straight A, seemingly nice kid, and my parents are too stupid to piece together that he's a thief. He bought half of a 15, 000 dollar car, and my parents thought nothing of it. They were pleased with his "savings and hard work ethic". I work the same damn job as he does and I've saved up maybe 1500 dollars, if that. My grandma asked me how he got such a nice car, and I was THIS close from telling her about everything. I don't know what to do. (link)
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hmmmm
This is a genuinely tough question.
I can't advise you on what to do except the first step.
Talk to him about it. Tell him that it makes you extremely uncomfortable that you have to know that he is stealing, the example he sets as a big brother. Tell him you've always looked up to him, and now you don't know what to think that he's just stealing from work because he can.
Beyond that...
If you have to tell someone, tell your parents. I say this because they have the best chance of altering his behavior. If nothing else, they might be able to force him to quit the job, removing the opportunity to steal. At his age he could be charged with enough in the way of crimes to ruin his life. He's putting his future on the line.
In your place, I would keep this a family matter as much as possible. Cops aren't going to help you with this, theyre just going to be happy you handed them a conviction, and they will drop as many charges on his head as they can, because thats how our criminal justice system works, it throws as much at you as it can, because they get money for convictions and such.
But yeah, I can't advise you to keep quiet. Its not your responsibility, even as family, to ignore your conscience for his sake. Talk to him first, ask him to stop, don't yell at him just try to get him to talk about it.
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he isnt 18, first of all. and he wont be till like, march. and by then i will be 14,not that it makes it any better, i know. but i dont think I wrote my question right...
See, me and him have known each other for a while. I guess you could call us good friends. But we drifted apart when he was15 and became friends again recently. we became friends again BEFORE the whole window incedint (which happened accidentally at first)
I know it doesnt really sound like it makes sense that a 17 year old would even want to be friends (or anything) with a 13 year old. But im pretty sure it doesnt (and never has) bothered him. He KNOWS I wont have sex with him, but i let him fantasize about it anyway, which i know he does. But we have being doing a lot together lately, and i think he genuinly cares about me. not just getting in my pants. (link)
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Ok.
Do not give men fantasies about you.
Yeah, sure its flattering. I'm sure at 13 knowing an older guy whacks off thinking about you seems like a good thing, it makes you feel like an adult.
That being said, being a tease is almost as bad as a girl who has sex to gain acceptance. One girl spreads her legs, the other makes guys think she might, but both are not respected because they are sexual objects.
The point about you being able to land him in jail is still true. You are too young and he is too old at this point, its not a good idea. And whether you "know that he knows" you won't have sex with him, the kind of hopes you are giving him are cruel and unfair.
Whether he cares or not, he is still going to WANT into your pants, and you aren't old enough to do what he's ready for. Conflicting desires.
Be his friend. No more shows. Lower your blinds and stop leading him on.
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(this WILL be long)
i'm 15 f. turning 16 in december.
katie just turned 14 [but shes in my grade]
Okay, last night my friend was having problems with her boyfriend.. he refused to drive her home or anywhere so i asked my boyfriend to go and get katie.
after helping her and listening to her bash on and on about her boyfriend, my mom comes upstairs and asks what we want for dinner. we dont want anything because im not hungry and katie had food at her house.
after katie and dave talked and worked everything out (via text message & phone calls) he said that he'll pick her up to talk it out more and in a more mature way talking face to face. okay..
katie offers for me to sleep over. i say okay, but my moms asleep. ill leave a note. well, right when were about to leave [and get into katies boyfriends car] my mom is coming upstairs. i whisper "shit, katie, hold my bag!" my mom says to katie & I, "what are you guys doing?" i said "i'm sleeping over katies house tonight i dont have any plans (this is like at 10 at night)". my mom was like whos driving? Well, you should always tell the truth because in the end itll just come out bad. "katies boyfriend". my mom went off the walls. she was like "I'm not allowing katie to get in the car with a boy. laura, you're staying home. katie, get your mom on the fucking [sorry for the language] phone!!!" i go "MOM, WHAT THE FUCK, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" i text my boyfriend saying "i'm sorry we cant hang out at katies tonight".
katie maturely gets her mom on the phone on her cell phone. well, my mom goes. HANG UP THE PHONE. i go.. "what the fuck mom you either want to talk to her or you DONT!" katie is like "karen, this is the only way i have to get home, so i need to take this ride. i'm getting in that car, my mom knows about it, please, chill out" my mom starts to argue with her! "katie get your mom on the phone, write down her number right now! i'm not allowing you to get in the car with a guy when i dont have your parents permission." while im just sitting there watching my mom flip a shit at my friend.. i'm getting heated as shit.
my mom calls katies moms cell phone, because her mom was out to dinner with family. "it went to voicemail and it only said please leave a message, now i dont know who the fuck i called". yet again.. im getting more and more heated. and so is katie. katie says "here, ill give you my house number" my mom calls and no one answers because yet again, THEIR OUT TO DINNER!
well, katies boyfriend shows up and he calls "katie, im here come outside please its cold" she says to my mom "well, hes here, dave hold on a second". my mom goes "who the fuck is DAVE?" she goes "my boyfriend" my mom goes "how old is he?" she says "17" i go "MOM SINCE WHEN WAS IT YOUR FUCKING BUISNESS HOW FUCKING OLD HE IS, MOM GROW THE FUCK UP (my boyfriend calls and i ment to press scilent but i accidentally answered) SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SERIOUSLY GO FUCK YOURSELF. I FUCKING HATE YOU MOM YOU'RE EMBARISSING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. HONESTLY, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW, THATS THE HONEST TRUTH." well, my mom didnt even answer that. so katie goes "hes waiting outside, i have to go" and she just walks out. well, now becuase of her actions, im grounded. i cant go out for a week. my mom is offically physco and says "whenever you go to a friends house, or whenever they come over here, i HAVE TO TALK TO A PARENT!"
it's like my mom doesn't trust me anymore! what do i do, what do i say to her? i honestly did NOTHING! i dont even know what I! did wrong. last night i was about to kill myself, im not even kidding. it's like my mom cant accept that im growing up and that i WILL make mistakes, [oh btw my boyfriends turning 18 in november.] and she doesnt approve that my boyfriends 2 years older then i am. what ever happened to the saying "age doesnt matter?" do any of you know where im coming from? suhfiauh i need so much help, PLEASE (link)
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I'll try to control myself after this and answer coherently, but you are a spoiled brat.
If I had a daughter who yelled "who the fuck do you think you are" the next three months of her life would be contemplating the inside of her room instead of having a social life.
That was incredibly disrespectful. Whatever you think you've earned, or whatever you think you deserve, this woman has taken care of you for almost 16 years, helps maintain a household, and that alone far outstrips anything and everything you've ever accomplished.
I hated my parents, and I didn't behave with the obvious entitlement you do.
A few lessons.
1) Your mother can be held responsible if something happens to your friend and she let her (at 14, no less) go out with someone she doesn't know.
2) As long as you live in her house you owe her more than a note while leaving. At not even 16 where you get off thinking you have the right to go wherever without restriction...
She has the legal RIGHT, not just privilege, but RIGHT to have you where ever the fuck she wants you, whenever. If she says you're at home, you're at home. Thats enforceable by cops if necessary, and if you pushed her to the point where that was necessary, thats on you, not her.
Yeah, you were about to go hang out with your two boyfriends at a house with no adults. Believe it or not, this is not normal teen behavior.
Well, let me rephrase, because I'm sure by now that teenagers think its perfectly normal to be unsupervised with boyfriends at 14-16.
Parents restrict what you're allowed to do because you do not have the judgment yourself. Yeah, you decided to go over to an unoccupied house with two guys at least one of whom she has never met. Guys older than you.
What do most teens do when alone with boyfriends, now?
Its not normal for children your age to be allowed to do whatever they want, and the fact that your mother even ALLOWS you to suddenly plan to sleep over somewhere at 10 pm shows an enormous amount of trust on her part.
Yeah, your mother freaked. Shes human too. And yes, it IS her business when a 14 year old child in her house is about to leave with a 17 year old guy she doesn't know. It is her RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that everything is OK, including talking to parents. Your mother is a smart woman, and obviously a better parent than the average.
You just hate it because she restricts your freedom (rightfully so, because based on what you've written here you have nothing like adult judgement swimming around in that head of yours) and you think that because other people have freedom you should too.
Teenagers always say "but this person gets more freedom than I have, and I'm more responsible"
Parents answer with "I give you plenty of freedom, and your friend should be confined to her room and watched day and night"
I did it too. I bitched, because I was (at least, appearance wise) far more responsible than ANYONE my age. I got myself into a bunch more shit than most, but I never once in high school got caught.
I considered that to be "responsible". You know, I had sex, I drank, I partied, I slacked, but I got straight A's and never got an STD or got anyone pregnant, so obviously I deserved more freedom than I ever got, right?
You know, someday you will understand this. When you are faced with being a parent you will remember all the shit you got away with and try to prevent it in your kids.
My children are screwed. I got away with so much that theyre going to feel absolutely untrustworthy in my eyes. I'm going to be prepared for everything, including probably monitoring their computers, my kids won't have internet in their room until theyre 16 probably.
Your mother had her eyes opened. You were about to go to a friends house with no one home except your friend and some guys, and she was about to let you. So shes tightening the noose.
As for being grounded, you deserved it. Saying stupid shit you don't mean (or are too immature to not mean) and being that disrespectful deserves more than "grounded for a week"
What did you do? You proved yourself to have bad judgment. You were about to go to a house with no supervision at 15. You were going with guys she doesn't know. You cursed her out in front of a friend as if she has no right to question you, as if she was a baby sitter and not the woman who birthed and raised you and has paid for your shit since you couldn't string a single word together.
Do you know what parents are for? They are supposed to provide rules and structure because you don't provide it on your own.
Yea, you are going to make mistakes. That doesnt mean you are supposed to be allowed free reign to make them. The rules she sets are designed to (as best she can) create barriers so you can't fuck your life up TOO much.
You know, so you can't get an STD that will alter your life, or have a baby, or even just get emotionally abused by some guy she doesnt know.
And age isnt just a number. That saying has two uses.
One, is for adults to reassure themselves that a 5-10 year age gap doesnt matter when the girl is 25+ and the guy is 30+.
The other, is for stupid teen agers to tell themselves that a guy 3-4 years older (which is alot bigger difference than 25 and 30 is, maturity wise) that what theyre doing is OK.
You are not an adult. You are not exhibiting adult behavior. You are acting like a spoiled child who thinks (as all teens do) that they are ready to handle the world.
Theres one other thing here.
Today, or whenever this happened, you acted like a child. Instead of staying calm and talking to her, you freaked out more than she did (and she had a good reason from a parents perspective) and childishly yelled shit intended to hurt her.
Yeah, you really proved that she has good reason to trust you. You wonder why she doesn't? Its because you do not talk to her like anything but a teenaged child, and when confronted you act out in anger rather than even making a coherent argument.
If you want to change that, sit down with her calmly and ask her why it bothered her so much. What is she worried about you doing?
Talk to her about her concerns, because ALL of this from her side is coming because she is worried about you. Rightfully so. You just said "I was about to kill myself"
Because you are grounded? You call this growing up? You arent growing up, you're just acting like you are.
Acting like an adult and growing into one are two different things.
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