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Parent passing away
My mom passed away recently and left certain things to each of my many siblings. One sibling mentioned that our mom didn't own much and left behind very little. I don't know how she meant that but it bothered me somehow. I don't want to pass away and my children think "I didn't leave much". I didn't want or expect anything from my mom but feel bad someone had the thought that she left little (material things) behind. My question is, do children really expect to inherit a lot from parents? Or what would a child (on average) expect or want to inherit? I wouldn't want to disappoint my kids (too much).
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Your siblings are more than just a little immature.
It is a parents responsibility to give their child the tools and help they need to be successful in the world themselves. Not to leave them money.
When my parents eventually die, there are many things I hope to inherit. Examples are
- A bench carved by my recently passed grandfather. He was a carpenter who made many things over the course of his life, and all his kids have various things from duck decoys to bowls and furniture. His wife still has a grandfather clock that he made by hand.
- Several pictures of my grandfathers, including a picture thats about 2 feet by 3 feet framed of my grandfather standing on the wing of his P-51 fighter taken towards the end of World War 2.
- Various other heirlooms that are family or history related.
To me, these are the things that should be passed down from generation to generation, and should be kept in the family. Money is just money, its nice, but in the end its just a tool for living. Things that are filled with memories are what should be focused on.
I plan to keep photo albums and such for my children, and I plan to preserve anything handed down to me for my kids. These are the things that are important, and if your mother didn't possess things like this, then its sad, but also a fact of life.
Children do sometimes expect to inherit things money and such, we call people like this spoiled and entitled.
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It really does depend on the wealth of the family. If your mother didn't leave much then she probally spent all her money on you and your siblings rather than herself. Personally, I wouldn't expect many things from my parents if they were to pass. Yes, I would want 1 or 2 things just to remember themselves by, but I don't expect to get a ton. The amount doesn't matter. I personally, want to inharet my favorite shirt of my moms. Maybe a piece of jewlery that was important to her or something along that line. I think that a child just expects to get a few personal things. Like, if your little girl was in love with one of your jackets. That would mean a lot more to her than 10,000 dollers. See where i'm going? I think that when your older and you have kids you'll understand what is wanted and what is not. Do understand, that your siblings were probally sad. Yes, they shouldn't have said this but maybe help them cope. This is the time when you all need to ban together and help each other deal with your loss.
I'm sorry about your mom.
And may she rest in peace.
-E
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First off, I do think it's extremely important in these times of high emotions and pain, to assume the best in those around you. These little misunderstandings, when mixed with grief and pain, can sometimes swell to dangerous proportions. I think its best not to dig too deeply, but just to shrug and accept your sibling's statement at face value.
As for your actual question though: I think, more important then what you leave behind, it's best to prepare your children. Enough should certainly be left to cover a funeral expense, that is only polite. But after that, it's your money to do with as you please. What is important is preparing your children for your wishes, so they expect what they get, and what they get is what they expect.
Of course, everyone wants to inherit a small fortune! That would be nice. But the best way to be sure and not disappoint your children is to not mislead them. Although it’s a difficult discussion to have, for everyone involved, I think it must be easier come the time to know what the situation is.
My parents have always been clear with me: They don’t expect to leave much behind. They would rather help me with things I want now, my education and perhaps a home, then leave an inheritance. My father jokes that he intends to spend all his money while he is alive, and I expect he damn near will. They’ve told all their children this, and although it’s not a comfortable thing to hear, there is a peace in knowing that my parents have thought about how to divide their estate among their many children and it wont be our headache for us to figure out when they are gone.
Really, just think about what you want to do, and when your children become young adults, let them know what the deal is going to be. Knowing can only make their lives simpler and let you feel comfortable and confident in your plans.
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