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Jealousy and uncontrollable harassment.. help?
17/f
The short version:
Harassment. It`s happening. How do I make it stop?
The details:
I am in my final year of high school, enjoying the last chapter of my life as I know it before university. I have an amazing, small group of close friends. We walk our own path. Sure, we don`t always make the attempt to be getting drunk every weekend at parties, nor should we. We`re okay with always being together and we certainly don`t go out of our way to make other people feel bad. I volunteer, have marks to be proud of, and am an openly confident person.
On facebook, I`ll take the time to comment on my best friends' pictures, letting them know when they look great. Never in my life have I commented on a picture of myself saying I look amazing, I don`t feel the need; however, I do not put myself down under any circumstances either. It seems that the people in my grade cannot handle my confidence or independence from them.
A group of people have taken it upon themselves to attempt to copy the (professional looking) photos that my friends and I post. We love taking pictures and have received many compliments about our albums. I think that is awesome, I enjoy photography and am glad to hear that other people like my work. It`s an art form, to me it`s all about expressing my opinion, creating an captivating image, and presenting my talent. It just happens our photos are a little 'above average', it shouldn`t imply that we are conceited.
It seems that this question has gone slightly off topic; however, I`d argue that it is rather difficult to clearly believe and understand my situation without some clear evidence.
Their album of posted pictures has received comments (negatively directed towards us) from school 'friends', aquaintances, and strangers alike. There are over 40 people commenting and the pictures have not even been up for a full 48 hours yet. Recently, I was physically and verbally attacked at a grad event. I had to defend myself, I am not a victim. After being pushed several times by one girl, I punched her.
It just happens that she is the most 'popular' (and undeniably evil) girl in the school. She also happens to have a strong interest in the guy that I like and am attempting to get to know better. I can no longer consider myself innocent in this situation since I hit her back, if I tell any figures of authority at school I will receive an automatic suspension. If that happens, I lose my reference to get into the most competitive program at my dream university.
This situation is overly complex and complicated. As much as I`d like to move on and forget about it, I have an unbelievable amount of people working against me for no apparent reason other than jealously. My close friends also receive verbal harassment from these people, but it is me that they truly want to bring down. I am not a victim, I am not a follower, and I refuse to dull my shine or hide in the shadows to escape these attacks.
This situation is not going to go away on its own; it certainly won`t allow me to get to know the guy that I have an interest in, since the 'popular' girl has trouble letting him out of her sight, and believes it is her right to control and own him. I cannot see how he would find her actions impressive and I doubt the feelings are mutual between them. Enough of the details, I have hardly begun to explain the full extent of the situation anyways. What do you think about this? What could I do?
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Wow.
To say the least, I am impressed by you.
A truth of life, people who are independent are viewed as threatening by people who are not. Your sheep classmates do what everyone else does, and have self confidence based in "everyone else does it, so it must be right".
So, when you don't do what they do, and don't want to, they think you must be wrong for them to be right. So they try to make sure you are "wrong".
By trying to make your life a living hell.
What do you do?
Get some time alone with your guy. Ask him to ask you out. Give him clear signals that you are interested, engage him in conversation, go out and get some dinner and wow him as much as possible (shouldn't be hard, an intelligent and attractive young woman showing interest in you is hard to resist) and take your interest in him outside of school, so that you can get to know him uninterrupted.
You are right that you have to be careful. You might want to consider confronting this girl. Something along the lines of "Youre a stupid bitch, and I'm tired of dealing with you. You can leave me alone, or you can continue escalating this and I will make sure that pretty popular face of yours is deformed and requires skin grafts"
Can you stop them? No.
Ignore facebook bullshit. Stupid drama bullshit online shouldn't bother you, if it escalates to actual online harassment you can report that, as far as the punching incident its your word against hers and you have enough deniability that they can't suspend you, so forget that incident and try to get evidence of new ones to use against her.
Ive had to deal with similar recently. Drama whore at work who refuses to allow people to just work and go home. I had to quit that job to get away from it, because the only other option for me (with my temper) is physical assault leading into an arrest I can't exactly afford.
You can't leave, obviously, so you can take it, or you can spend your time trying to fight back. If she physically assaults you, she's going to do it at a time when she won't get caught, so either find a way to have witnesses so that you can not fight back and press charges, or knock her fucking block off and then pretend it never happened.
I wish I had better news, but shitty people don't change (at least not quickly and without public humiliation usually) but the best thing you can do is go about your life, ignore it unless it comes down to face to face harassment, and get this guy alone so you can work your magic on him uninterrupted.
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Wow, that's long.
There will always be a time in our lives when we step outside our usual selves and do something which we'd usually regret doing later.
I don't understand as to why you're letting these people get you, I mean, you know how good you are, they're just trying to copy you and therefore, you shouldn't let them get to you. They're just being sad little girls. If they're jealous, you should be proud because it means that they look up to you with a kind of envy and anger because you've got what they haven't and they're just trying to bring you down.
If they can't handle your confidence and your independence, then that's their problem, not yours. You know that you're strong enough to rise up and above this childish behaviour.
You say you're in High School? Well, that group should be in pre-school.
Don't worry about what you did. This girl was getting up your sleeve and pushed you... however, how hard she pushed you and what she said before would have to justify your actions. Who cares if she were the most popular girl in the school? That's not going to get HER into a top university is it? I don't think that being popular means anything and no university would care if she were popular or if she were a queen.
But you've worked hard to get to where you are. Don't let one little incident upset you. Keep on doing what you do best.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
P.S. Remember, the ones who bully are the weak ones and they've got issues and they want to take it out on somebody else.
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