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sex and cancer
Well I was diagnosed with breast cancer and have started treatments and, the treatments take a lot of energy out of me and i just dont feel the same, my fiancee is horny almost everynight i can say babe im tired i just want to go to bed but then as soon as we go to bed he starts trying things, I feel bad telling him no, so I give in.... Its early in my treatment but Im losing sexual intrest Im not turned on as easily either, how can I get him to calm down and realize that I really need sleep, or am I being selfish?
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Ok, I actually have a more black and white view to this problem than some of the other answers.
You are have been diagnosed with a serious illness As a result you are undoubtedly carrying a very heavy emotional burden, apart from the physical effects of the treatment.
This is a case where he must accommodate you. I do not think you need to compromise with him as such. He should have the empathy to understand what it is you are going through. A bit of perspective should make him see that his sacrifice of occasionally forgoing sexual intimacy is fairly trivial in the greater scheme of things.
Now, it may be that he does not really understand that you do not feel like it. Since you gave in a few times, he may think that you just need to be "warmed up a bit", so to speak. Naturally you need to explain this to him. Ask him also to understand that you are going through a difficult period and you need his support on this.
As your future husband, he should be more than willing to make that adjustment. Guys may or may not need sexual intimacy more than women, I have no clue to be honest. However, I do know that this is a time when any fiance, husband, friend, family member, etc. must do their best to support you to get through this difficult period.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you get well soon.
Alin 33/m
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your dealing with a very serious sickness so i would explain to him why im not that interested in sex anymore .i hope he understands cause someone who truly loves you would..i wish you the best of luck with everything keep hope alive..
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There has to be a compromise.
Men gain alot of their needs for emotional intimacy through sex. He needs you, and as his partner...
Sex between partners is not just a luxury, its a duty to one another. That being said, your health is a priority too.
You have to see that you BOTH have needs, and you have to compromise.
Also, studies have shown that even when you aren't "In the mood" having sex with a loving partner can still be beneficial to you, and you can still enjoy it.
Try to get yourself in the mood for him some more, and draw the line when you really need sleep. You probably need to talk to him about it, make it clear that you have a need for sleep, but you also have a need to make sure that he gets what he wants and needs out of the relationship, including sex.
Tell him you want to talk to him about how to achieve both objectives.
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You are fighting cancer, of course you aren't being selfish! Your health comes first before your fiancee's sex drive. Let him know that your treatments really exhaust you and that once you get better you'll have all the energy for him. You shouldn't neglect him entirely, though.
Comprimise, promise to try to meet his needs as many times that you think you can handle.
Good luck and heal fast,
-Abby
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