A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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so i weigh about 115, 5'5. female 18.
why do guys love girls who are so flexible for sex? because of different positions or what? also since i'm a virgin i was just wondering, is it helpful to be in shape? i mean yes, i'm a very skinny girl but i am not in shape really. i get tired when i run for like 2 minutes haha. is this bad for sex? maybe i'm just thinking if your more in shape, you will have more stamina which will help you last longer in bed? i don't know, am i thinking all wrong? (link)
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Yeah. Being in shape helps on both sides. Its difficult to remain horny during sex when you're panting and about to black out and orgasms have nothing to do with it. But you don't have to be able to run a marathon, its more about muscular endurance than wind.
Something for you to amuse yourself with. Kegels.
Next time you use the bathroom, stop it mid pee. Feel the muscles you use to stop mid stream? Those are your kegels. When you aren't doing anything, practice flexing and squeezing those muscles. Do this alot. Every day.
Good things come of this later.
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18/m
Ever since right before my girlfriend broke up with me, I've been soooo horny, I don't get it! (Fyi,That's not why we broke up)
I'm a virgin, and I can't get the thought of eating a girl out, or getting head out of my mind! It just sounds so good! Lol
I don't even know if advice will help, but thanks in advance! (link)
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Triple your usual masturbation routine.
Some of us can go once a week, some of us must go once a day, some of us absolutely require two to fifteen orgasms a day to remain sane.
I'm in a 4 year relationship and I'm like you most days. We're just hard wired that way. My girlfriend swats me alot.
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Okay...
Basically I'm 18 & have been in a 2 year relationship with my partner.
I DO NOT want any advice saying ''Your not old enough, Your not ready etc etc.''
Because in my eyes, your never ready to become a parent until it happens.
We have decided we would like a child, I'm coming on 19, and I have very supportive and some what well off parents who would be there for me in any situation.
What I am actually asking for is some advice and some signs of pregnancy, coming from someone who has experienced it.
I have joined up to a website that tells me basic dates that are best for falling pregnant, according to my menstrual period, however is there any particular things that may ''encourage'' pregnancy??
Sorry if this is too graphic but..
I had sexual intercourse with my partner on 25th/26th & 27th (today) December, and on the 25th I felt something almost instantly, and that feeling I have carried with me for the last 2 days, its like a heavy feeling in my stomach, and like a constant bloated feeling, is this my mind playing tricks because I'm so desperate for a baby?? Or is it a tell tale sign??
I don't think my chances of falling pregnant just at the minute are very high because I only stopped taking the pill 3 days ago, however I had forgotten to take it here and there beforehand, so the chances of me being completely protected are very little.
I haven't ever felt this heavy bloated feeling (along with the weird pains and noises) before ...
Can anyone help me and suggest things to encourage and recognise pregnancy?
Thank You! (link)
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You know you aren't ready to have a baby when
- You mention your age in connection with having a kid
- You mention your parents ability to help in connection with having a kid.
- You don't want to hear contrary opinions in connection with having a kid.
I'm sure there are plenty of others that would apply to you, but you didnt give much info to go on in your question.
The most important thing about having kids is setting an example for them. You have decided you want a kid, come up with your own justifications like "you're never ready to be a parent" and such.
Thats complete BS. There IS such a thing as not being ready to have kids. Being almost 19 about to have a kid that your parents will have to help pay for when you probably don't have anything like a full education or the ability to work anywhere that pays more than 12 dollars an hour falls squarely into the "not ready" category.
You probably are going to give me a 1 or a 2 and respond angrily, but I'm sorry I can't give advice to someone who in a few short sentances has demonstrated that she is not ready for what she wants to do. Doing my part to spare the world a few more kids who are fucked up because they didn't have decent parental models for responsible behaivior.
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OKay...umm can you get pregnant from dry sex....i mean if the guy his has penis out but the girl was wearing underwear AND pantyhose...my friend told me that her bf didn't ejaculate but h di earlier when she gave him a handjob but it went in the toilet...then like 10-15 mins later they did the whole penis showing/underwear & panty hose thing.
Please answer she's FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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The chances of pregnancy here could probably calculated out to something like one millionth of a percentage point.
Virtually impossible without an act of God.
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Warning: This will get long. 14, Female.
When I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. I think I am one of the most disgusting looking people on this planet. The boys in my school don't make this any better either. One day during a class I was fixing my eye make up and my teacher was like "Don't do that in here, save that for you're time. You're pretty without the make up anyway." and on of the boys made a comment that really, really hurtful remark and still does to this day it hurts, which was "HA NO SHE'S NOT" That was one of the meanest comments I have ever recieved, and it makes me cry.
My best friend is commonly agreed as the prettiest girl in my grade, not just by us freshmen but by everyone else too! When I stand next to her, I feel so gross. I hate it, honestly I do. I used to cut and I'm trying so dearly hard to refrain from it, but each day the temptation gets harder and harder to resist. I know I'm skinny also, but I feel like an ogre to put it in simpliest terms. I feel like I'm overgrown and horribly fat. It's disgusting.
I'm on pills right now for controling Bi-Polar, and that makes me feel even worse about myself. Like I'm incredibly "fucked up" and I have to take some stupid pill to be a normal human being. It makes me cry at night. I can't help it though.
Anerexia and cutting never looked so good. I'm heading in the wrong direction and typing this had made me cry, showing how much it affects me. I sometimes wish I would die, and get it over with, so all the sadness will disappear. When I'm going to take my pills, sometimes I consider taking them all so it would all be over.
Please someone help, I'm loosing all hope in life, and I don't know what to do. (link)
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Oi.
Two things I know ALOT about.
Body image, and being an abnormally half functioning human being.
Body image is something you have to conciously fight. You have to look in the mirror and find things to like about yourself. Its that simple, and that hard. Also, exercise. Instead of cutting down on food, get out and jog, lift a few weights, swim. Get in shape. Its harder to hate a body that works well for you, and looks in good shape. Hell, just get a bike and ride all over your town/city.
The other stuff...
I am severely ADD. I have an impulse problem thats got more than one down side. I have unthinking impulses to do things that are hard to control. Its usually pretty basic, whatever I feel like doing I want to do, whatever I don't want to do I hate. Jobs have been a problem for me, because if I hate the job I hate going, and hate being there. I do my job, but it makes me miserable and I eventually quit for something else just to have a change.
Same way, if I feel like doing something, I do it. This results in lots of time spent video gaming or hanging out or otherwise having fun when I NEED to be productive.
Its hard to find motivation when most of your motivation comes from impulse.
I spent 4 years on Ritalin before I refused to take it, and have been approved for one of the highest doses of adderol (adult ADD medicine) that is legally proscribable. I refuse to take it, I prefer to fight my battles without the pills. I can't tell you with any confidence thats the right decision, but I refuse to let go of that last shred of pride.
But I go through the same things. Frustration with myself for my failings, wondering why I can't seem to function normally without medicinal help. My brain chemistry is fundamentally different from the average person, and I've had to deal with crap in one form or another for 24 years because of it.
Being your age sucked. I won't lie. You won't begin to develop real confidence in yourself until you get out into the world and succeed on your own terms. High school won't give you that opportunity, so be prepared for that. But there is life after high school, and in that life you can choose to live however you want, fight your battles, and find your way to success as whatever screwed up mess of a person you happen to be.
It helps. Alot. I'm broke, I live in a shit small town because I can't afford to live where I'd like. I'm 24 and a sophmore in college without the money to take classes anytime soon. But I know what I'm capable of, and I know how to get what I want. All I need is the patience to work until I get there.
Thats all you need too. Patience. Hard as hell, I struggle with it myself, but as there is life for me after 24, there is life for you after 14.
Oh, and an idea.
Make a goal. A plan. Pick something you want to do, no matter how small, and accomplish it. Pick something else. Do that. Join a team, beat a video game, bike 20 miles in a day, read a book you've always wanted to read, write something beautiful. You will learn what you like, what you can do, learn to take pride in your accomplishments.
The world is your oyster. Go get yourself some cocktail sauce.
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I've had sex with my boyfriend and i love him more than anything but i don't like the thought of giving him oral. I have gave oral to another guy before i started going out with my recent boyfriend so he never really lets me live that one down. Now i'm kind of easing up and would want to give him a bj but if he cums does that not mean we can't have sex? like i wouldn't want to give him one and it be done with. When i done oral for the first time the guy warned me when he was going to sum so he didn't do it in my mouth which i was so relieved about. Also if i have my mouth down there and then we have sex i don't think he'd want to kiss me which is also kind of offputting. Is there a happy/medium anywhere lol
I think my question is alot of questions in itself so answers to any would be grateful. (link)
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Hmm.
Well, my personal opinion is that sex is messy, sex is fun, and mess is part of the fun. Thats why you shower afterwards. The point is that you do something like that for your lover, and you enjoy it because of the pleasure you're giving them. Its fun to be a bit dirty to please your boy/girl.
As far as kissing, just tell him if you can put it in your mouth he can kiss you after. After all, it does belong to him.
The happy medium is you both learn to enjoy doing things to each other as long as it something you're willing to do. You compromise by sharing that trust and intimacy with each other that you can do these things and its not only "ok", but very fun for both of you.
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my boyfriend broke up with me bc he said im 2 down on my self he was like were done. he also said i put 2 much emotional baggage on him.. i am rlly saddd.. but is it right for a guy to break up bc of me being too down on myself..im really sad (link)
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Yes, it is perfectly ok for him to do this.
Adults do not wallow in their problems to the point that it is depressing to be around them.
Well, ok, yes they do. But then they get medicated, or people stop wanting to be around them.
Its no one's responsibility to take care of you and keep you from falling apart emotionally except your own. The only real exception to this rule is when a couple agrees to each other that they are each other's responsibility.
Most people call that marriage.
It wasn't his responsibility to comfort you constantly. Its one thing to comfort someone when they are upset for a good reason. Death in the family, being treated badly, losing a job. But constant negativity?
Take a deep breath, and think about something that makes you smile. Seriously. When you feel down, stop, and think about something that makes you smile.
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Is it ok to be a virgin at an age of 17? (link)
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In all reality, its probably the overall smartest decision you can make.
Focus on dating and relationships, and let sex come along when you're ready for it. Just find a friend who turns you on, who you like to kiss just as much as you like to talk to. Human nature will eventually take its course.
A quick perspective. Do you know why sex is so glamorized in our society, and why you asked this question in the first place?
Insecurity.
Lots of people who are having sex, aren't doing it for the best of reasons. But they don't want to think that what theyre doing is wrong, so these people start telling people who make other choices that THEY are wrong. Because if everyone but you is wrong, you must be right, right?
Stupid logic, but it works on a massive scale because most people are sheep. Thinking like this is largely responsible for things like Fashion, reality TV, and frivolous lawsuits.
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Whats normal in terms of how many girls a guy has slept with when he is 24? Thanks (link)
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There is no "normal".
There are only numeric averages, as theymos has provided links to.
Besides, theres more than just age.
At 24, you might have been active for less than a year or more than a decade. Thats going to change the number. Where you grew up, your family, your school, etc.
Asking this means you're insecure about your number. I'm guessing you feel you're on the low side (as few people with high numbers are worried about not being normal, no offense intended). You really shouldn't be worried about that. A high number doesn't mean anything good. Increased chance for VD and some very unpleasant memories (one night stands and drunken hook ups aren't glamorous in hindsight. )
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i was previously engaged and he cheated on me so we broke up. well i grew up with this guy and we were close up until last summer and then we stopped talking because he started dating one of my "acquaintances" well they broke up around the same time we did and for the past month we have been hanging out a lot. we went hiking today and it was so peaceful. well tonight we both admitted there is something there. i dont know if i should open myself up to that again. neither of us want a serious relationship. we arent ready but we need each other to lean on seeing as how we are going through the same situation.
should i continue being his good friend or should we have a fun friendship/kinda relationship?
like hike and go places and kiss sometimes but stay just good friends? (link)
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You both still need time to heal.
Hang out alot, keep it strictly friends. No kissing, no prolonged touching.
Wait. Until you're both going nuts. You'll give in eventually, and when you do you'll both be more ready, a bit more healed up.
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16/f
about two weekends ago i was at my friends house and her brother and his friend who are both freshman were there. we had a lot of fun and just watched movies and stuff, i met her brother and his friend there for the first time. well a week after that my friend told me that her brother's friend, jef, really liked me and said all of these things about me that i was really hot and had a good body ..he asked if she had any naked pictures of me, he asked as a joke but i think he was serious..that kind of make me ..eh. but anyways so then he asked for my number and it was good. then he never texted me so i was confused..so i went on facebook and IMed him then he was asking how far ive gone, and when i said 2nd i dont think he was too happy to hear that but whatever. then he asked if i liked him and i said yeah and he said its cool i dont know though ill have to think about it. and i read that and was just like uhm..what..so i asked and hes like just text me i got to go. so i did and he told me, "im too involved in school and basketball right now, i dont think having a girlfriend is that good for me" so basically, he broke up with me, and we werent even going out. which is so weird. i didnt even ask to go out with him. then a week later which was friday night, my friend, who is his best friend's sister, was over. and he saw that my status on facebook said, "with sarah" so he IMed me and was like sarah and i got so pissed. he didnt talk to me for a WEEK but now that sarahs over, he suddenly wants to talk through me, to sarah?! she doesnt even talk to him. so then whatever after a few pointless conversations we had i was like, "did you IM me to talk to sarah" and hes like, no why? and im like because you never talk to me and now that sarahs over you are..and hes like, what do you mean i talk to you everytime your on. and im like uh no you dont..but thats okay. and hes like fine ill talk to you then if thats ok with you. and i was just like uhh..its not my choice, you can do whatever you want. and then hes like, what do you mean do whatever you want? haha. and i was just like wow. thats not funny..no so im like, haha wow. and then he was like can i ask u a question? and im like yeah and hes like, do you stil like me cause adam said you did..(adam is sarahs brother who jef is friends with) and im like..how would adam know i dont even talk to adam. and hes like i dont know he was guessing i guess. do you? and im like well alright, i liked you a lot last week, but then i thought it was kind of weird how you made it out like you really liked me but then told me you didnt want to go out with me..and hes like, ok yeah im just kind of confused about stuff right now. and i was just like, thats fine but you didnt have to tell you didnt want to go out with me if you didnt want to. you kind of let me down, and i didnt even ask. and all he said was, sorry i mean your great. like..uhmm? what? so im just like yeah now you tell me, do you like me? and hes like, well i dont know not as much as i did..i kind of like someone else, and i only saw you that one time i dont know bout you. and i just wrote, okay. and hes like yeahh. and im like just promise me that next time we see eachother things wont be akward. because i mean your a cool kid like i dont want something like this to ruin it. and hes like, yeah no prob. and maybe if i get to know you better maybe well i dont know. and im like haha its fine i just dont want this whole thing to ruin a friendship, i hate it when that happens. and hes like, ok sure i got to go though so lets talk on the cell right now ok? and then he texted me and we talked about the movie step brothers then he said how much fun that night was when we all hung out togethor and then he said he had to go to sleep so i said night and then he never talked to me or texted me since then. i knew he was going to do that but whatever. so last night, i wandered onto his facebook..and some girl, wrote on his wall and was like, hey!! im staying up for you tonight so text me (link)
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That was almost completely unreadable. Between the run on sentances, the pre-teen grammar and misuse of the word "like", and the completely rambling thought process making it impossible to determine what (if anything) in this diatribe is useful information...
Sad at 16...
Anyway. If you seek drama prompting people, be prepared to be buried in drama. Its that simple. You seem like someone who at least subconciously enjoys drama, thrives on it, and seeks it. Else you wouldn't be interested in the kind if idiotic 14 year old boys who ask you "how far you've been" and "if you have naked pictures"
Fix that. If you keep going for guys who are hot, stupid, and immature you're going to be back here next week with another one of these rants.
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Hey! I'll be sixteen in June and was hoping for a summer job. I know that PacSun hires at sixteen, so I was thinking about working there.
The problem is that I don't know how to get hired! Do they have to have a help wanted sign up? Because when you don't see many of those when you're walking around the mall.
Do I just ask for an application or something?
How do I do it and what are the chances of actually getting hired?
Also, there are a lot of malls around my area. Should I apply for all at once? If so, what happens if I get hired for more than one store? (link)
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Just walk in, and ask to speak to a manager. Ask them if they are a manager in charge of hiring, and for an application.
If they say theyre the GM (General manager) or just say yes they are, introduce yourself and ask them if theyre looking for any help at the moment.
If the hiring manager(s) are not in, ask when they will be back in, and bring your application in then.
When meeting someone, a quick relaxed handshake, an eye contact, and a smile will get their attention. Use your body language to project the image of a happy, positive person.
Give them a good contact number, and hope for a call. Check back in a week to two weeks to see if anything has changed, persistence is a good thing with prospective employers. Managers like hiring people who want to work at their store specifically.
Speaking of. A few things to come up with.
- A reason you want to work at this store. Make something up if you have to. Two things that always work are liking the things sold in the store, and saying you're a customer and you've always liked shopping here, so you thought it would be nice to work with people who run a store this well.
- Questions. Come up with 2-3 good solid questions. A simple and easy to rely on option is "what opportunities for advancement are there?"
That question is great. Word it however, and the employer is thinking theyve got someone who wants to work there a while, and work well enough to be promoted.
Anything like that works.
- Answers to likely questions. Theyre going to ask you why YOU can do this job well. Theyre going to want to know what sets you apart, why you'd make a good employee. You've got to be modest and yet confident. One of the biggest traps employers throw out is the "tell us of a fault in a good light" questions. These suck, they might ask how you handled a very negative situation, or they might ask you straight up to explain a time when you screwed up something.
Ive gotten that one. Interviewing for jobs dealing with the general public and the many, many assholes contained therein, I was asked to give an example of a time when I handled dealing with an aggravating person in a bad way.
Fortunately, I have been gifted with the ability to fabricate mountains of bullshit with less than a moments notice, so I made up some crap about a time when I was working on a project for a college class and it was a partner project. Partner was a jerk so I told him off, did the project myself, and when he showed up not having done anything I let the professor know I had done it all myself.
See what I did there? I created a situation that showed me to be a hard worker even when not dealing with something interpersonal well, and I showed that I'm not unwilling to let my superiors know when I see someone trying to get by without doing their work.
Don't lie unless you're good at it. Its better to say "I can't think of anything" than to make up a story that they're not going to believe for an instant.
Lastly, body language. Mentioned earlier.
Look people in the eye. It shows confidence. Confident people are more appealing. Don't fidget too much, and smile. Smiling also shows confidence and ease, and people like other people who smile more. Don't grin constantly, but smile a little more than you might normally.
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My 16 year old son ran up his dad's cell phone bill to $6,000!!! He was downloading you tube videos. Is there anyway his dad can get out of this because my son is a minor? He needs his cell phone for his business. Please help!!! (link)
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Hmm.
Legally, you're probably screwed. Your contract is going to make charges your sole responsibility. Basically, your husband is responsible because he allowed your son to have access to the account.
First advice is speak to an attourney. I believe that if the charges were by a minor under 14 it would be more easily contestable. But don't quote me on that.
Go meet with an attourney ASAP.
But there is a very good chance that your son just stuck his father with a 6 grand debt that you won't be able to shake. Cell phone contracts are worded to put situations like this in favor of the company.
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Ok I have known this guy for about 5 years,but really have been talking a lot the past year and a half. We have hung out only a few times and the other night we was sittin in the car drinking and the cops came so he was like elts go inside the house.While in the car he was talking about his new years resolution being not sleeping with a girl while hes been drinking a lot because he loses the girls friendship. I ended up hanging out there all night and I had to take my friend home...she borrowed my car to see a friend we was layin on the couch then went to his bed and he was like I want you to stay..but its up to you. And on and off waitin for my friend he was outside smoking and hes hugged me hes like I have known you for a year I can atleast hug you then hes like your the girl I have talked to for the longest. So I ende dup staying meanwhile he said we wasnt gonna do anything and I kept brining up what he said in the car so all we did was cuddled and kissed. He tried other things but I stopped him because of what he said in the car. I got up the next morning left he didnt talk to me much the next day I would text him but he didnt text me back do you think he feels weird about what happened or maybe has feelings towards me and doesnt kno how to react to what happened? (link)
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That one is a hard call.
I did that in high school. I slept around more than I should have. I didn't mean anything by it, I just didn't have the self control to find a reason to say no unless I was in a relationship. And I had alot of opportunities outside relationships.
Then again, looking back, I was a selfish asshole. Some of the girls were just looking for fun same as I was at times, but some weren't. They slept with me hoping for something more, and I slept with them not really caring why they were sleeping with me.
That made me something of a prick before I developed a little self awareness.
Some part of him is pissed that he didn't get laid. I'm in a relationship of four years and live with her, and I STILL get a little annoyed when I act seductive and don't get laid. I think its a hardwired response in most guys.
Angry so you don't feel sad kind of thing.
My question to you, to ask yourself, why did he say what he said in the first place. To me, that sounds like a line. It sounds like he was testing you by talking about that new years resolution.
You and he are drinking. He starts talking about having sex with girls while drinking. You don't act disgusted or provide him with a negative reaction, so he knows that the idea of sex with him is at least not repellent to you. Its his "go ahead" singal.
So, basically, that entire thing could have been (and not to sound biased, but remembering the BS I've come up with in my time I think probably was) a complete load of bull shit designed to figure out from the start if you'd sleep with him.
Its hard to say. You've known him for five years and been talking alot for a year and a half?
His actions and reactions point to him being a dick, but the length of time involved makes me wonder.
You need to talk face to face so you can look him in the eye. See what his answers are and why. If he won't talk to you for a while though then stop trying, because if he were interested in you he'd chase you back.
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in "dark knight" the phrase keeps getting repeated that he is a vigilante, that part i get. i dont understand how he is an "outlaw" though? can someone explain that to me? (link)
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Ok. And here we'll have an answer from someone who actually KNOWS a butt ton about Batman.
Batman's Modus Operandi is to stop people without resorting to killing them. He uses a combination of detective techniques and martial arts to operate outside the law.
The lawbreaking was explained somewhat below, but is still somewhat incorrect as theymos appears to have never read a Batman comic in his life (well, maybe he picked up an alternate universe or something)
Why is Batman an outlaw. You've seen the Dark Knight, one of the most "Batman-y" things he does is the cell phone project.
Batman creates a monitoring system capable of spying on virtually anyone in Gotham. He can listen to conversations, follow people, and in general invade any sense of privacy anyone could ever have. In hands other than those of the wise Morgan Freeman someone could spy on people having sex, listen to conversations and use them to blackmail random citizens, learn passwords to the myspace of anyone foolish enough to repeat their password out loud, etc etc.
This is illegal. We have very strict laws governing things like wire taps, recording people, etc. In most cases it is illegal in this country to record someone without their permissin. If caught and tried for these crimes alone Bruce Wayne could face multiple life sentances.
He trespasses on property. He interferes with police investigation (called obstruction of justice) he searches without warrants and assaults people.
Batman is not a murderer, and only resorts to violence as a last resort, or in less than lethal amounts (hence the large amount of hand to hand ass kicking). But he IS guilty of attacking people, sometimes in a brutal nature. The scene in Dark Knight where he drops a mob boss off a fire escape is vintage Darker Batman. He doesnt kill, but he is not above using pain as persuasion.
Basically he is the lawful opposite of a CIA agent, FBI agent, or cop. These people are authorized by the general public and the government to do their work and must work within rules and regulations.
Batman has no rules, no regulations, and only the approval of those people who believe he helps.
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I was at my friend's house last night, and we and his sister and a few friends were knocking some drinks back. By the end of the night I fell asleep in his sister's room before she got there but she slept on the bed anyways. Now I'm a 17 year old male and she's a 15 year old girl... we started having a conversation which led to a kiss, which led to other things. By the time we were finished I had eaten her out, and that's where it ended. There's obviously a lot of ackwardness and her brother/my friend doesn't know. I would appreciate anybody who could help in what to say to her about it and note that I do like this girl quite a bit I don't think she feels the same way... i just need to know what I should say to her thank you. (link)
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She likes you to some degree, though I must admit the ridiculously casual nature of sexual contact between kids your age these days... Its kinda sad how intimacy has become akin to shaking hands among teens...
Anyway. Get her alone and ask her if she'd like to be taken out on a date. Just plain ask her, whack her over the head with it (metaphorically). In this case, considering what has happened, blunt boldness will probably net a more positive reaction.
So ask her if she's interested in going to dinner and a movie or something with you. Ask her with a tone that says "I'm interested, but its not going to break my heart if you say no"
Don't be disinterested, but don't be sensitive or weepy. Just tell her in plain english that what happened was a surprise, but you have more interest in her than sex and you would like to take her out on a date if she feels the same way. Get to know her.
If she says yes, talk to her about her brother and how to break it. If she says no, then just ask her if this can remain between her and you, and don't tell anyone yourself.
And I wouldn't recommend any more drunken hook ups. The night of is rarely if ever worth the morning after.
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firstly thanks for helping me before...REALLY HELPED..
Strange as it sounds, while I was going through the process of getting over my ex, I started to like one of friends, and she's a real good mate of mine, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way, I THINK she just likes me as a friend and that's it. I know you can't make someone like you, but how can I be sure whether she likes me too? Also, I've been single for about a year now, so can you give me any tips on how to attract a girl to me? As in, what to do, what not to do..etc?
Thanks again,
madmannik (link)
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Hmm.
Alright, first thing because she's a friend you want to start out slow.
Ever heard about boiling a frog? You drop a frog into really hot water, it jumps out. You drop a frog into cold water and turn up the heat and it will boil before it jumps out.
Slow stimuli that build an effect.
Point being, if she thinks of you as a friend there won't be a fast transition to thinking of you as more. You've got to warm her up to it.
First, start complimenting her. Not that often, maybe not even every day, but more than a few times a week. Look at her when you see her, see if she put some effort into her appearance (hair isnt just a ponytail or down, nice shoes, nice clothes, etc)
If you get a chance to compliment something else, go for it. Don't make it cheesy (like calling her smart for getting a good grade on a test) youd want something more sincere.
Second, make eye contact. Looking someone in the eye shows both confidence and interest. Don't stare at her, but if your eyes meet let it linger for 2 or 3 seconds or let her look away first.
Third, smile. Smiling also shows confidence, and it shows pleasure with someone. If she makes you smile she'll like that.
Give it a few days of increased attention, but don't hang around her. If you see her in the morning don't go looking for her in the afternoon unless its already in your normal routine.
Ask her out. Something like "I wanted to go to a movie this weekend, you want to go?"
Look her in the eye and smile a little while you do this.
Other general rules.
Don't call/text too much. Text twice, call twice and voicemail, or text twice, call, and voicemail without hearing from her. Wait till the next day at least mid morning to text or call again.
Basically, you don't want to leave 3 voicemails or have her wake up to 10 text messages every day. Its smothering.
The L word no before 2 months or she says it first. Just a good general rule. If you say it before shes ready, well that causes break ups.
Oh yeah. First date.
So, you asked her out. She said yes (hopefully, crossed fingers for you) and youre out at a movie.
Its awkward. She's trying to figure out if its really a date. You're sitting next to each other.
Find her hand. If you're lucky, she'll put it on the arm wrest. If you're me, you'll spend 2/3 of the movie trying to strategize some way to get her to put it there and miss everything thats happening.
Hand holding has been ridiculed by many because its childish or innocent. In reality, it is the absolute perfect weapon to be "cute" and to get her liking the idea of her skin being in contact with yours. We like this idea, right?
Remember, its not embarrassing, its mind games.
Tickle her hand, stroke it softly, just hold it, hell rotate through them for 15 minutes (any longer and it starts to get sweaty usually). Let her watch the movie but keep her aware that youre there.
Give her a glance now and then too. Not every 5 seconds, but enough that she'll look back at some point. Eyes lock, maintain contact, smile, good job!
She now knows you like touching her, and is ok with it.
Follow up with touching when you get a chance. If you have to say something in a loud area, lean in and touch her shoulder. If you need to give directions (we're going over there ::points::) again touch her arm or shoulder or back as appropriate. You want her used to physical contact that isnt a friendly hug, and liking it.
As with everything else, don't overindulge. In other words, don't make sure you come into contact with her every 45 seconds.
Oh, and watch her. When you talk, watch her eyes. You might notice them flicking somewhat downward as you talk. This is her looking at your lips and thinking of kissing you. Watch her hands. Do they stay folded in her lap (bad sign) or does she play with her hair, rub any part of herself, or touch places like her neck, hips, sides, breast, etc? (Good sign)
From here I'm sure you can take it, but I'll leave you one more from the playbook.
This is, without a doubt, the absolute corniest shit I have ever tried to pull. If delivered perfectly it has always worked.
The kiss test, related in story form.
So I was on my balcony with my date. Nice place for a kiss.
I turn to her "So have you ever heard of the kiss test?"
She turns with a half smile and a look of confusion "no"
"Well, its something I read about once, its supposed to be like some super secret technique to see if a girl wants to kiss you"
Her: Oh really?
"Yeah, you start out by complimenting a girls hair, and reaching up to touch it lightly. Like this"
::Reaches out to touch her hair lightly::
"If she's alright with that, you let your hand drift and lightly touch her neck!"
Her: mmm hmmm
::Hand drifts::
"If she lets you get here, she wants to kiss you, and you can just pull her in"
::Pulls in::
Its great. You say the word kiss right off (so she's thinking about it) and then break the ice by talking her through it.
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I'm not sure what book you got that from, but I can tell you that children are not programed to rebel, they are programed by others, mostly their own peers, or teachers to REJECT. You have been a good pupil I see and have rejected your only real support system you can truly count on. There are two kinds of people in this world, the one that reacts, (you are clearly among this group). When something happens you react to it, giving over your control, your power to it, whether that "it" be a person or a situation. This will always serve to divide you from others close to you. The other type is the person who acts upon the situation, these are the people who actually get things done and bring things and people together, (this is me). Since most young ones are in your category, it's very easy for you to say the things you did to this young girl and you will be part and parcel responsible for driving them apart, when you should be trying to keep them together. You did a miserable thing by rejecting your family and you want as many people as you can joining you in your misery.
Please, don't take my candor as being malicious, it is not meant that way, you only really get one chance to make a difference in another's life and way of thinking, so I don't beat around the bush. So read this and think about, then read it again and think about it some more. If you come to understand what I'm saying, then tell me what you think, do you really have the balls to debate me? I hope you do, perhaps you are open to seeing things in another light, if not, don't bother answering. (link)
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::Edit::
I'm not going to argue points, I'm just going to remind you again that you have no idea who I am or what my past is like.
I tried to give the girl tools which may help her figure herself out. I introduced a new idea for her to think about. Thats all. Its stated in my profile that you aren't meant to follow my advice to the letter, you're meant to think about it.
I try to show people new avenues, to open their perspectives to things that havent or might not ever occur to them. I try to find a way to broaden the discussion a little bit.
Or, sometimes, I tell stupid children not to be stupid, but thats another set of questions and answers entirely.
Point being, you don't know me, and haven't inferred with much accuracy. The fact that you figured out that my parents and I have a troubled relationship doesn't change the fact that pretty much everything else you think you know about me was wrong.
As to the post, I gave her another option. I gave her something to think about, because the real truth is you don't know HER either.
I gave her tools to help her make her own decision. You tried to make the decision for her.
I mean, seriously, reread what I wrote and you notice I outlined the choices and encouraged her to figure out how SHE feels about this, not how her mom or boyfriend feel. I didn't tell her to leave I told her leaving is an option, and she has the right to consider it.
I told her she didn't deserve to be treated like shit if she felt she was and didn't want to be.
How you can take issue with that, I have no clue.
::/edit::
You know, I if this is gilbertmar, I checked your profile.
How a 48 year old man could not have noticed a trite truth of existence like "all situations are not equal" is beyond me.
My initial question in that line, is do you believe that every family is loving and that all parents are worthwhile by definition? Do you believe that everyone raises kids as well as you do, or did?
You know, you might be right that my bias towards familial issues colors my advice a little, but not having had a broken home colors yours just as much.
You place tremendous importance on keeping the family together. Even if we all have to suffer, we have each other, right?
I don't. I have seen what toxic relationships with family does to people. Both myself and others. Many people do not ever consider that walking away from it is an option until someone hits them over the head with it.
And you know what? Lets say she takes her independence. Lets say there aren't an intervening 5-6 years of bitterness on her part while her parents run her life and tear her down.And she can come back as an adult and make amends on equal ground?
Now, perhaps its idealistic of me, but when I have children I see it as my responsibility to provide for them as best I can. A reaction to my parents "we have to get you to 18 and no further" to be sure, but I don't think you can consider making my children's well being in my top 3 of priorities at all times from their birth to my death a bad thing.
Towards that end, if a child walks away isn't your responsibility to welcome them back? If a child opens a rift and a parent is unwilling to close it, would that not make the parents the kind of people worth having a rift between?
Maybe its just me.
You know, your analysis of who I am is as inaccurate as it is short. You don't know who I am, but you certainly made alot of confident assumptions.
But again, your bias is evident with sentences like "you did a miserable thing by rejecting your family"
You have no idea what my family is like.
Lastly, a personal message.
Grow up. You're on a website using bully language to try to convince someone about half your age that you're right. You have throughout this question had a tone of condescension and continually asserted that you are somehow "better" than me.
I particularly liked (by liked, I meant I thought you were crass, obvious, and completely transparent) the part where you showed little old me how you are a doer and I am not.
The runner up is the closer "don't bother answering"
Yes sir! I will be open to your suggestions while you are completely closed to any point of view that contradicts your perspective that you are a God among fathers!
I mean, really? Really? Don't bother answering?
Could you have picked a more juvenile ending line?
No, you don't beat around the bush. You beat the bush down, followed shortly by your target audience. Whether you're a nice guy who read one too many books on assertive posturing or you just really ARE this full of yourself, I'm not sure. Either way, tone it down a bit.
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okay so thanksgiving and christmas are coming up soon and i really want to bring my boyfriend home with me. we've been dating for about 3 months now. i havent mentioned him to my family because im not sure where its going but id love to have him home with me for the holidays. the problems is, i go to school about 5 hours away from home and he goes to my school and lives about 20 minutes away. so there would be some traveling involved.. how should i bring this up to him? and do you guys think i should bring him home or not? were not serious serious yet but ive never brought someome home with me so want to lol. im 19 by the way and hes 20. any advice on what to say to him and how to bring this up?
thanks!!!! (link)
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Ask him before anyone else. He should get to decide, and you should make it clear that its perfectly fine if he doesn't want to for some reason.
3 months in you guys might be doing fine, but your family isn't going to take the relationship very seriously until you're past 6 months more than likely, and he's going to know that.
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firstly i'm 17 and im a guy.
Well, I went out with a girl about a year ago (october 2007). She was the perfect girl for me i swear. After 25 days she decided to end the relationship with me. I couldn't take it at all. Then a few months went on and she started going out with another guy, damn I was heartbroken, I couldn't get over her no matter what. Then after a while I THOUGHT I got over her, and then she became my really close friend, and all the feelings came back. One day I just couldn't keep it in and I told her how I felt, she never felt the same way. It felt good to let it out, but now, I'm still thinking I'm in love with her. Again, she's going out with someone now. She's still my close friend, but everytime I talk to her I feel the pain, but I don't want to lose my friendship with her by making things even more awkward. Please help soon!.
Thanks a lot! (link)
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arr.
It wont stop hurting until you move on. From her. Entirely.
...
Ok. I'm going to offer you a perspective. Hers.
So, you dated for 25 days. Thats not THAT long. Not long enough for the year of infatuation and re-confessed love.
Ok. So heres the thing. When a girl tells you "I just don't feel the same way" it means you killed it. You notice she specified "I don't feel the same way YOU do" she didn't tell you that she didn't like you or wasnt attracted to you at all. I mean, you dated for almost a month.
She was interested, and it stopped.
More than likely what happened is you just fell head over heels. The movies make it seem like this is a common, every day occurrence. Its not. Most women take time.
Heres the thing. Women place more emphasis on emotion than men do. So, when you love her and she isnt sure, she feels a ton of pressure to feel the same way you do. She knows that if SHE loved YOU and you didn't feel the same way she'd be devastated.
Plus, she knows how you feel. She doesn't have to get to know you better to figure it out. The mystery is gone. And girls like mystery.
Basically, require no work. Few people truly want a relationship handed to them on a silver platter. It doesnt sit right, because most people have at least the unconscious gut level knowledge that perfect never lasts.
So you come along. You offer her love without her even having to work for it. If a girl is able to understand why she doesn't like that, she would usually say its something like "He doesn't know me, but he loves me. What does he love? Certainly not who I actually am"
Some general guidelines.
Calling, texting, etc needs to be watched. Don't call or text her more than twice without leaving a message and waiting to hear from her. If theres a very good reason for it, 5 text messages can be cute, or normal. If every time she wakes up she has more than once voicemail or seven texts, its not cute anymore.
2 calls and a voicemail, or two texts, a call and a voicemail absolute maximum. If you don't hear from her by the time you go to sleep, wait until several hours after you both should have been awake to text you.
It should be important, but not urgent. If its urgent, your texts and voicemails should reflect that.
Basically, you don't want to give the impression that she's all you can think about before you're all SHE can think about.
The L word. Love at 2 months at the earliest unless she says it first. Why? Because she wants to know, and until you say it to her she is trying to figure it out. Especially once she's starting to think she loves you.
My policy for new relationships, treat her like you love her, say nothing.
Gifts. Don't spend what she might consider to be a large amount of money on anything until you've been together several months and she has a birthday or something.
Before that, small things. A small, inventive, unexpected gift every once in a while is a great idea.
You've got to plan this out more. Headgames, though often a pain in the ass, are necessary. Girls thrive on them, and if you are a guy who presents a puzzle in some way you've got a much better shot.
Thats what I'm thinking happened, you came on too strong for her. Cool it a little, and play it out a little, and you might find better successes.
Also, just to hammer the other point home, shes gone, and its only going to hurt, so the sooner you get over everything and truly let her go, and date other people, the better.
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