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i kinda like my friend...
firstly thanks for helping me before...REALLY HELPED..
Strange as it sounds, while I was going through the process of getting over my ex, I started to like one of friends, and she's a real good mate of mine, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way, I THINK she just likes me as a friend and that's it. I know you can't make someone like you, but how can I be sure whether she likes me too? Also, I've been single for about a year now, so can you give me any tips on how to attract a girl to me? As in, what to do, what not to do..etc?
Thanks again,
madmannik
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hmm.
Alright, first thing because she's a friend you want to start out slow.
Ever heard about boiling a frog? You drop a frog into really hot water, it jumps out. You drop a frog into cold water and turn up the heat and it will boil before it jumps out.
Slow stimuli that build an effect.
Point being, if she thinks of you as a friend there won't be a fast transition to thinking of you as more. You've got to warm her up to it.
First, start complimenting her. Not that often, maybe not even every day, but more than a few times a week. Look at her when you see her, see if she put some effort into her appearance (hair isnt just a ponytail or down, nice shoes, nice clothes, etc)
If you get a chance to compliment something else, go for it. Don't make it cheesy (like calling her smart for getting a good grade on a test) youd want something more sincere.
Second, make eye contact. Looking someone in the eye shows both confidence and interest. Don't stare at her, but if your eyes meet let it linger for 2 or 3 seconds or let her look away first.
Third, smile. Smiling also shows confidence, and it shows pleasure with someone. If she makes you smile she'll like that.
Give it a few days of increased attention, but don't hang around her. If you see her in the morning don't go looking for her in the afternoon unless its already in your normal routine.
Ask her out. Something like "I wanted to go to a movie this weekend, you want to go?"
Look her in the eye and smile a little while you do this.
Other general rules.
Don't call/text too much. Text twice, call twice and voicemail, or text twice, call, and voicemail without hearing from her. Wait till the next day at least mid morning to text or call again.
Basically, you don't want to leave 3 voicemails or have her wake up to 10 text messages every day. Its smothering.
The L word no before 2 months or she says it first. Just a good general rule. If you say it before shes ready, well that causes break ups.
Oh yeah. First date.
So, you asked her out. She said yes (hopefully, crossed fingers for you) and youre out at a movie.
Its awkward. She's trying to figure out if its really a date. You're sitting next to each other.
Find her hand. If you're lucky, she'll put it on the arm wrest. If you're me, you'll spend 2/3 of the movie trying to strategize some way to get her to put it there and miss everything thats happening.
Hand holding has been ridiculed by many because its childish or innocent. In reality, it is the absolute perfect weapon to be "cute" and to get her liking the idea of her skin being in contact with yours. We like this idea, right?
Remember, its not embarrassing, its mind games.
Tickle her hand, stroke it softly, just hold it, hell rotate through them for 15 minutes (any longer and it starts to get sweaty usually). Let her watch the movie but keep her aware that youre there.
Give her a glance now and then too. Not every 5 seconds, but enough that she'll look back at some point. Eyes lock, maintain contact, smile, good job!
She now knows you like touching her, and is ok with it.
Follow up with touching when you get a chance. If you have to say something in a loud area, lean in and touch her shoulder. If you need to give directions (we're going over there ::points::) again touch her arm or shoulder or back as appropriate. You want her used to physical contact that isnt a friendly hug, and liking it.
As with everything else, don't overindulge. In other words, don't make sure you come into contact with her every 45 seconds.
Oh, and watch her. When you talk, watch her eyes. You might notice them flicking somewhat downward as you talk. This is her looking at your lips and thinking of kissing you. Watch her hands. Do they stay folded in her lap (bad sign) or does she play with her hair, rub any part of herself, or touch places like her neck, hips, sides, breast, etc? (Good sign)
From here I'm sure you can take it, but I'll leave you one more from the playbook.
This is, without a doubt, the absolute corniest shit I have ever tried to pull. If delivered perfectly it has always worked.
The kiss test, related in story form.
So I was on my balcony with my date. Nice place for a kiss.
I turn to her "So have you ever heard of the kiss test?"
She turns with a half smile and a look of confusion "no"
"Well, its something I read about once, its supposed to be like some super secret technique to see if a girl wants to kiss you"
Her: Oh really?
"Yeah, you start out by complimenting a girls hair, and reaching up to touch it lightly. Like this"
::Reaches out to touch her hair lightly::
"If she's alright with that, you let your hand drift and lightly touch her neck!"
Her: mmm hmmm
::Hand drifts::
"If she lets you get here, she wants to kiss you, and you can just pull her in"
::Pulls in::
Its great. You say the word kiss right off (so she's thinking about it) and then break the ice by talking her through it.
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