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Rebelion
I'm not sure what book you got that from, but I can tell you that children are not programed to rebel, they are programed by others, mostly their own peers, or teachers to REJECT. You have been a good pupil I see and have rejected your only real support system you can truly count on. There are two kinds of people in this world, the one that reacts, (you are clearly among this group). When something happens you react to it, giving over your control, your power to it, whether that "it" be a person or a situation. This will always serve to divide you from others close to you. The other type is the person who acts upon the situation, these are the people who actually get things done and bring things and people together, (this is me). Since most young ones are in your category, it's very easy for you to say the things you did to this young girl and you will be part and parcel responsible for driving them apart, when you should be trying to keep them together. You did a miserable thing by rejecting your family and you want as many people as you can joining you in your misery.
Please, don't take my candor as being malicious, it is not meant that way, you only really get one chance to make a difference in another's life and way of thinking, so I don't beat around the bush. So read this and think about, then read it again and think about it some more. If you come to understand what I'm saying, then tell me what you think, do you really have the balls to debate me? I hope you do, perhaps you are open to seeing things in another light, if not, don't bother answering.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
::Edit::
I'm not going to argue points, I'm just going to remind you again that you have no idea who I am or what my past is like.
I tried to give the girl tools which may help her figure herself out. I introduced a new idea for her to think about. Thats all. Its stated in my profile that you aren't meant to follow my advice to the letter, you're meant to think about it.
I try to show people new avenues, to open their perspectives to things that havent or might not ever occur to them. I try to find a way to broaden the discussion a little bit.
Or, sometimes, I tell stupid children not to be stupid, but thats another set of questions and answers entirely.
Point being, you don't know me, and haven't inferred with much accuracy. The fact that you figured out that my parents and I have a troubled relationship doesn't change the fact that pretty much everything else you think you know about me was wrong.
As to the post, I gave her another option. I gave her something to think about, because the real truth is you don't know HER either.
I gave her tools to help her make her own decision. You tried to make the decision for her.
I mean, seriously, reread what I wrote and you notice I outlined the choices and encouraged her to figure out how SHE feels about this, not how her mom or boyfriend feel. I didn't tell her to leave I told her leaving is an option, and she has the right to consider it.
I told her she didn't deserve to be treated like shit if she felt she was and didn't want to be.
How you can take issue with that, I have no clue.
::/edit::
You know, I if this is gilbertmar, I checked your profile.
How a 48 year old man could not have noticed a trite truth of existence like "all situations are not equal" is beyond me.
My initial question in that line, is do you believe that every family is loving and that all parents are worthwhile by definition? Do you believe that everyone raises kids as well as you do, or did?
You know, you might be right that my bias towards familial issues colors my advice a little, but not having had a broken home colors yours just as much.
You place tremendous importance on keeping the family together. Even if we all have to suffer, we have each other, right?
I don't. I have seen what toxic relationships with family does to people. Both myself and others. Many people do not ever consider that walking away from it is an option until someone hits them over the head with it.
And you know what? Lets say she takes her independence. Lets say there aren't an intervening 5-6 years of bitterness on her part while her parents run her life and tear her down.And she can come back as an adult and make amends on equal ground?
Now, perhaps its idealistic of me, but when I have children I see it as my responsibility to provide for them as best I can. A reaction to my parents "we have to get you to 18 and no further" to be sure, but I don't think you can consider making my children's well being in my top 3 of priorities at all times from their birth to my death a bad thing.
Towards that end, if a child walks away isn't your responsibility to welcome them back? If a child opens a rift and a parent is unwilling to close it, would that not make the parents the kind of people worth having a rift between?
Maybe its just me.
You know, your analysis of who I am is as inaccurate as it is short. You don't know who I am, but you certainly made alot of confident assumptions.
But again, your bias is evident with sentences like "you did a miserable thing by rejecting your family"
You have no idea what my family is like.
Lastly, a personal message.
Grow up. You're on a website using bully language to try to convince someone about half your age that you're right. You have throughout this question had a tone of condescension and continually asserted that you are somehow "better" than me.
I particularly liked (by liked, I meant I thought you were crass, obvious, and completely transparent) the part where you showed little old me how you are a doer and I am not.
The runner up is the closer "don't bother answering"
Yes sir! I will be open to your suggestions while you are completely closed to any point of view that contradicts your perspective that you are a God among fathers!
I mean, really? Really? Don't bother answering?
Could you have picked a more juvenile ending line?
No, you don't beat around the bush. You beat the bush down, followed shortly by your target audience. Whether you're a nice guy who read one too many books on assertive posturing or you just really ARE this full of yourself, I'm not sure. Either way, tone it down a bit.
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