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Self-esteem issues.
Warning: This will get long. 14, Female.
When I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. I think I am one of the most disgusting looking people on this planet. The boys in my school don't make this any better either. One day during a class I was fixing my eye make up and my teacher was like "Don't do that in here, save that for you're time. You're pretty without the make up anyway." and on of the boys made a comment that really, really hurtful remark and still does to this day it hurts, which was "HA NO SHE'S NOT" That was one of the meanest comments I have ever recieved, and it makes me cry.
My best friend is commonly agreed as the prettiest girl in my grade, not just by us freshmen but by everyone else too! When I stand next to her, I feel so gross. I hate it, honestly I do. I used to cut and I'm trying so dearly hard to refrain from it, but each day the temptation gets harder and harder to resist. I know I'm skinny also, but I feel like an ogre to put it in simpliest terms. I feel like I'm overgrown and horribly fat. It's disgusting.
I'm on pills right now for controling Bi-Polar, and that makes me feel even worse about myself. Like I'm incredibly "fucked up" and I have to take some stupid pill to be a normal human being. It makes me cry at night. I can't help it though.
Anerexia and cutting never looked so good. I'm heading in the wrong direction and typing this had made me cry, showing how much it affects me. I sometimes wish I would die, and get it over with, so all the sadness will disappear. When I'm going to take my pills, sometimes I consider taking them all so it would all be over.
Please someone help, I'm loosing all hope in life, and I don't know what to do.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Oi.
Two things I know ALOT about.
Body image, and being an abnormally half functioning human being.
Body image is something you have to conciously fight. You have to look in the mirror and find things to like about yourself. Its that simple, and that hard. Also, exercise. Instead of cutting down on food, get out and jog, lift a few weights, swim. Get in shape. Its harder to hate a body that works well for you, and looks in good shape. Hell, just get a bike and ride all over your town/city.
The other stuff...
I am severely ADD. I have an impulse problem thats got more than one down side. I have unthinking impulses to do things that are hard to control. Its usually pretty basic, whatever I feel like doing I want to do, whatever I don't want to do I hate. Jobs have been a problem for me, because if I hate the job I hate going, and hate being there. I do my job, but it makes me miserable and I eventually quit for something else just to have a change.
Same way, if I feel like doing something, I do it. This results in lots of time spent video gaming or hanging out or otherwise having fun when I NEED to be productive.
Its hard to find motivation when most of your motivation comes from impulse.
I spent 4 years on Ritalin before I refused to take it, and have been approved for one of the highest doses of adderol (adult ADD medicine) that is legally proscribable. I refuse to take it, I prefer to fight my battles without the pills. I can't tell you with any confidence thats the right decision, but I refuse to let go of that last shred of pride.
But I go through the same things. Frustration with myself for my failings, wondering why I can't seem to function normally without medicinal help. My brain chemistry is fundamentally different from the average person, and I've had to deal with crap in one form or another for 24 years because of it.
Being your age sucked. I won't lie. You won't begin to develop real confidence in yourself until you get out into the world and succeed on your own terms. High school won't give you that opportunity, so be prepared for that. But there is life after high school, and in that life you can choose to live however you want, fight your battles, and find your way to success as whatever screwed up mess of a person you happen to be.
It helps. Alot. I'm broke, I live in a shit small town because I can't afford to live where I'd like. I'm 24 and a sophmore in college without the money to take classes anytime soon. But I know what I'm capable of, and I know how to get what I want. All I need is the patience to work until I get there.
Thats all you need too. Patience. Hard as hell, I struggle with it myself, but as there is life for me after 24, there is life for you after 14.
Oh, and an idea.
Make a goal. A plan. Pick something you want to do, no matter how small, and accomplish it. Pick something else. Do that. Join a team, beat a video game, bike 20 miles in a day, read a book you've always wanted to read, write something beautiful. You will learn what you like, what you can do, learn to take pride in your accomplishments.
The world is your oyster. Go get yourself some cocktail sauce.
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I can honestly say, you are going through a phase. And it is vital you get on the right path after this. You're absolutely right, cutting and going anorexic is not the way, and the fact that you realised you're heading the wrong way is a big thing. You have to praise yourself for that, it's not a little thing, we both know that! It's time you believe in it too! I know it's easy to talk and not do, but you have to help yourself. This 'fight', as you can call it, will only make you stronger. I'm glad you realise the wrongs and you want to get on the right track, some people don't or never see it! That's another thing worth praising!
Don't focus on the negative things, it will only pull you lower, and trust me,that isn't needed. I can safely say that those boys in your class, they are just immature and you shouldn't let that get to you, instead feel sorry for them. They want to make people feel terrible about themselves so they can feel better about THEMSELVES!
You've been fighting for 14 years, don't let this phase affect those years of fighting. Being a Bi-Polar patient isn't easy! Do you think you're being fair by just throwing everything away, think about the people that care for you, parents, friends, the people that matter! Don't focus on the jealous, immature and negative people, it's not worth it, and you know it! There are people in the world, where everyday of their life is some kind of 'life or death' situation!
And listen, you are who you are, face it and embrace it! Stop dwelling on the bad and the negative, and start focussing on the good things and the things you SHOULD be caring about! If you start to carry yourself in a positive way, then, everyone else will begin to notice it! You can't exactly expect people to see the good things in you, if you keep shoving the bad in their faces! Your friend is her OWN self, and she respects and loves herself for who she is, beauty isn't always all about looks! Sometimes your beautiful personality reflects through all, and the looks simply don't matter! That's a fact! How do you think girls out there, who aren't the best looking cope?! They get real with themselves and face the fact that, they are who they are, they are proud of themselves because they focus on the positive things, therefore allowing them to love and accept themselves. You harming yourself, does no good to anyone, especially yourself! Stop making yourself look ugly physically by cutting and going anorexic, it's your life, you only live once, might as well make the most out of it!
You're skinny, which is what most teens want to be, so love yourself for that! Hope you're actually slim through the healthy way and not just starving yourself or developing an eating disorder which will only make life more difficult! You know after cutting yourself the sadness only disappears for a second, and after that, everything is the same old thing! So you know it doesn't work, don't you want to put an end to this the real and proper way? It starts with re-building yourself in the INSIDE!
Remember, beauty starts from within, take care of yourself and love yourself, and people will do too! Looks aren't everything! Live life in the moment and just take things slowly.
I feel what you would need right now, is a good pampering! Go to a beauty parlour with some girlfriends and let the inner beauty be admired for a change, instead of having YOU judge everything about yourself for everyone! Get your eye-brows done, go for a mani and pedicure, go for a new haircut, and just focus on you looking refreshed! As this is the new you, the one that will stop paying ALL your attention to the bad and the negative, and realise you actually are a beautiful person! And the path you're heading is definitely not the right way, you said so yourself! ;) It's your life, no one can help you, you are the only one that can help yourself.. So do yourself a favour and pick yourself up! You're worth so much more than you're giving yourself, my dear..
Ask Venzuela
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I have been in the same footsteps (those type of comments, situations, etc) The fact of the matter is, guys at that age will act like that for attention or sometimes they want YOU to pay attention to them. For over a year now I have seen a psychiatrist and psychologist to help me get my life back together because I can't stand the way I look. I see pictures of other girls and my friends because I wish I had blonde hair & blue eyes. The fact of the matter is I don't. I also have to take medication so my "bi-polar (ism)" isn't as bad as it was. Some of it has to do with hormones. My advice to you is to see a therapist, that really put my life back into shape and I'm sure it will have the same affect on you. Also when you wake up in the morning, I find it really helps if you look in the mirror and say positive remarks like I look gorgeous today. Soon enough you will actually start to believe it. It will take time so be patient, but feel it, even if it is just for a second, and your day will become a lot better.
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you're not alone hun and trust us on this. what you feel about yourself or what you see in the mirror isn't what you should always believe. and what the boy said is most likely 100% not true. b/c boys at your age can be just so immature and they say/do things to bring others down b/c they think it'll make them feel better about them selves. so do never listen to what others say or think of you, its what you think of yourself that matters. and do not compare yourself to your best friend, or even anybody else at all. she 'may' be a bit prettier, but that does not make her a better person then you are.no one is better then anybody. maybe the reason why you feel that way about your image is b/c you are bi-polar or something. its very common in people who are bi-polar, and i should know b/c i've suffered from it too. i wont lie to you, ive been in the exact same position that you are in right now. i had even questioned myself whether i should even live anymore. that is why i am here now to help you, it doesn't matter what others say about you, b/c from what i know, you are a good person, and being beautiful on the inside is what makes you beautiful on the outside. if anybody ever say things like that about you, ignore it. you shouldn't have to listen to things immature 14 yr old boys say, who are they to judge you?! you deserve better and you know it. keep your head up high and be strong, do never show them that you're weak. and one more thing, happiness isn't hard to find, it's been there all along, you just got to let it come into your life. do NEVER lose hope. i hope i helped. :)
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You are not the ugliest person on this planet, You are not the only one that takes medication.
I used to feel the same way infact at times I still do. You need to know that you are NOT ugly, fat, and that you are not an orge. The first step to healing is to know what you are and to except it. Tell yourself you are NOT ugly, keep telling yourself that. Focus on the best features about yourself and each day pick another thing about you that you like. If someone says or doesn't think you are attractive that's there loss not yours and don't let them get you down. You need to know that you are a unique individual who has alot going for you. Don't change who you are because others don't like it. If you do, You only point out your insecurities to others even more. I take medication also, I have severe depression and bipolar it's not fun but I have to take the medication in order to help myself feel better. If you feel the need don't hesitate to talk to someone a friend, parent, school teacher etc.
BahaiMa22
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One thing I can tell you as a guy... when we're in school high school etc. we all have problems self esteem issues but unfortunately some boys choose the immature methods to deal with them, by making fun of people who are self concious. As far as the bipolar disorder goes, that is not something that you need to be down on yourself about. Having a mental disorder does not mean you are wrong, I am a victim of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and my life is different than those who aren't affected by the disorder but it isn't fucked up. It's normal to have flaws, and it's normal to worry about the way you look, but becoming anorexic actually negatively impacts the way you are viewed by others, one of the most attractive features to a person is knowing that they know they are not perfect but take the time to know they have good qualities. When I get that feeling of doom and just wanting to let go... it's hard to say but I always think of one thing or time or person that makes me feel good, then I focus on this until I just feel a little bit better. Counting helps to calm the nerves as well this is all I can think to say, but if you still wish to talk to me then can you please contact me on my page I will check within the next few days.
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