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So my boyfriend said I could use his computer to edit photos of the two of us. While I was doing so, I threw one away accidently and went to the recycle bin to retrieve it. I found all kinds of porn movies that he had downloaded. It literally made me sick: especially since he and I took dirty pictures and made dirty movies that he has on his computer. Why would he want to watch other girls and not me? It makes me extremely jealous.
My question is: how do I bring this up to him? I was by no means snooping, but I think it might come of that way. I have a feeling he'll get defensive as well. I just need a place to start from. Do I tell him the story of how I found it? Do I just come out and say "You looking at porn is hurtful to me"? Thank you for the advice in advance.
Porn is primarily used to facilitate masturbation. Masturbation is a healthy, NORMAL way to satisfy sexual urges. Sexual urges are natural.
Your boyfriend's porn collection isn't a threat to your relationship. Not unless he's an addict, or frequent masturbation on his part starts to negatively affect your sexual relationship. If so... That's a completely different story. But really... I don't think you have anything to worry about. Most men look at and watch porn, and most men masturbate. Masturbation is a habit adopted at adolescence for lack of a partner, and tends to persist through adulthood. Sometimes even when a man is in a healthy relationship and having sex on a regular basis. Why? Because men experience sexual urges more frequently than women. Why? Because of the male hormone called testosterone.
Just because he has a porn collection doesn't mean that he's not super attracted to you or that you are incapable of satisfying all his sexual desires. But it doesn't mean that he's going to stop noticing that other women are attractive either. If you think that's unfair, just wait... Do you still notice other men and find them attractive? Of course you do. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you automatically stop being attracted to every member of the opposite sex besides your boyfriend. What it does mean is that you don't act on any lustful impulses out of respect and love for your partner. If your partner respects and loves you, realize that your jealousy stems from insecurity. Maybe you doubt that you are attractive, or capable of fulfilling his sexual desires. That probably isn't true. And you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself that your beautiful, and you need to mean it. You also need to trust him, because trust is an essential part of all relationships.
As for whether or not you should talk about it with him... I think that a relationship should be built on honesty. How should you handle it?
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were sitting in front of his computer. He was trying to find a picture that one of his friends took while "ghost-hunting." (Completely different story.) Anyway... While searching, he stumbled across some porn pics and I saw some things he didn't want me to see.
He was embarrassed. I laughed.
I've seen porn before and always thought it was hilarious for various reasons. (Completely different subject.) So... I laughed. By laughing, I put him at ease. Then I talked about it openly and honestly, letting him know that I didn't think less of him for having dirty pictures on his computer. By letting him know that in advance, he was less prone to get defensive.
Conversations about sex shouldn't be awkward or embarrassing. Especially when you are having that conversation with your partner. Instead, your conversation should be honest and open. So... I would suggest adopting a light-hearted tone and saying something like, "While I was on your computer the other day, I accidently threw away this one picture... So I went into your recycle bin to retrieve it... And GUESS what I found?! *Laugh.*" Let him know that you aren't judging or condemning him. You just want to talk about your relationship, and sex is a part of your relationship. Maybe then he won't get so defensive.
And in his defense... Remember where you found those pics. In the garbage can. It's very possible that he threw them away after the two of you started dating because he didn't feel like he needed them anymore. Take it easy on the guy.
i am 14/f and a Christian.
i am so scared right now. i believe in god and i love going to church and it makes me want to be a much better person, but when i hear people talk about their doubts of god, i get scared. i mean, what if they are right? i cry when i think what if he doesnt exist because i am just so unsure, but i love god and i want to believe that he cares about us all. i am so so scared and i could never be an atheist or whatever.. can someone please give me advice?
Dearest... Everyone has doubts. Especially about the great mysteries in life. And God is definitely a mystery. God is a mystery because no one can prove that he exists. However, no one can prove that he doesn't exist either.
It all boils down to what you believe. And you can believe whatever you want. Don't let other people try to tell you otherwise.
As for me... I don't support organized religion. But I do believe in a higher power. A higher power that created us, a higher power that loves us. I believe what I believe because I feel like I have my evidence. Because miracles happen every day. If you are only looking for the supernatural you won't see them... But every person that loves, every person that helps another, each day that we are given to live... Is a miracle.
Don't be afraid. Believe what you will... Because even if you are wrong (though I don't think you are) you'll never know the difference. Don't let the doubts of others cause your faith to sway. Because faith... Is a miracle.
i think there's something wrong. its as if i have forgotten how to cry. nothing phases me anymore. i dont show any emotion just laugh at everything at school. at home all i want to be is alone. i dont eat unless im totally alone and i dont watch tv unless alone. after school i come home and 'hide out' as my mother calls it in my room. i think about the way ive made so many mistakes and how i wanna roll back time and how i deserve so much punishment and how i should be perfect and need to lose weight. anorexia right now. i need help just tell me whats wrong or what i can do u think.? inside im so dark and want to nearly kill myself sometimes but the outside of me shows nothing. i cannot CRY!
Sounds like you suffer from severe depression.
I battled depression for seven years before finally winning the war. Because I've dealt with depression, I suggest seeing a doctor. Especially if you are also suffering from an eating disorder. Depression is very dangerous. So is anorexia. Please seek the help of someone that can really help you.
If you don't know where to go... Try talking to your parents. If you feel uncomfortable seeking the help of your parents, tell a teacher, guidance counselor, someone that you trust that has the power to help you. You can also tell your family physician. (When I finally did seek help, I told my family physician first.)
I suffered in silence for years. I was suicidal. But I was lucky... I made it out. I'm still alive, and it's a miracle. Don't endanger your life... Tell someone. Don't stay in the frame of mind you are in alone.
My fiance has had premarital sex, and i haven't. so i dont want to do anything sexual with him, until he has had tests and stuff. but we have kissed, and yesterday someone was telling me that it is possible to get aids from someone by just kissing them, is that true?
Basicly... No. My friend volunteers for a company known as AID Atlanta. AIDS usually isn't transmitted through saliva. The only risk present is if your fiance has HIV and his mouth was bleeding when you kissed him. Even then, transmission is unlikely because of something in your saliva that kills the virus. Or at least, that was my understanding of what my friend told me.
For more information, try going to this site... www.aidatlanta.org Most of your questions are answered on their FAQ page.
my boobs are normal
but i dont have nipples like normal girls
they are some how.. inverted?
is this normal
I've heard that inverted nipples are fairly common among teenage girls. As your body matures, your body will correct this problem. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
19/F
Ok this seems long and soap-opera-ish but please bear with me. I’ve gotten rid of some of the details to make it shorter but please tell me if it isn’t clear enough. And please don't rant at me about being a cheating b**** or anything. I know I am a bad bad person. I just need you to tell me what to do.
Nate has always been the typical "rich bad boy" type. He gets a pack mentality when he is with his boys so he’s labeled an official ***hole. He's had a pretty bad past and when you get him alone, he’s different. He and I go a few years back when I wasn't into the party scene, and it got around that he "wanted" me. I shot that down and he gave up. I've been intrigued by him (i.e. had a crush on him) and we always used to exchange looks all the time at school and parties and I could feel the sizzles (but wasn’t sure it was mutual). Only last year did we start talking a bit inside and outside school. Then I finished school and didn’t see him.
In May, I met Blake. He’s ridiculously good-looking, the sweetest guy ever, and a cook. I didn’t think he was into me so I backed off then recently, Blake started showing interest in me and I was thrilled. We were perfect for each other, our life goals and views were the same, we had minor arguments sometimes, which ended with practically no resentment on either end, and we always made up quickly. It was the perfect relationship. I was still a virgin but he understood because he had only been with one chick (his year-long girlfriend in grade 11).
End of last year, Nate and I ended up at a party together. I was hammered out of my mind and we had sex in a bedroom. It was harsh to the point that he did it, shoved me away and left. I was broken after. Eventually, I told Blake and he was mostly sad for me and he did whatever he could to make me feel better. Including sex and it was just like the rest of our relationship, comfortable.
Then one day, Nate showed up at my house after I saw him at the mall and went home all shaken up. We had sex. We have had sex about five times now altogether. Usually it’s when I’m vunerable. It’s pretty much casual sex but it is explosive as in really really hot, stuff I thought didn’t exist outside novels. Blake and I haven’t even come close, even though there is some sizzle, it isn’t comparable. Told Blake once and he was mad but he came back and told me he’d still have me and he didn’t understand. Usually Nate just has sex with me and sticks around for a while and leaves but one time, he actually stayed after and kissed my face and stuff.
This is what confuses me. Blake and I are perfect for each other and it’s not a completely devoid of sexual drive either but when I’m with Nate, it feels right like it’s exactly where I belong.
I’m just so afraid of hurting Blake. I want to stay with him but at the same time, I feel like puking when I think about what a disgusting unfaithful slut I’m being. And I’m pretty sure Nate doesn’t want a relationship. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to look back twenty years from now and regret it. I know that bad boy’s can’t be tamed but I know his history and I kind of still ache for Nate but Blake is just perfect.
Help?
I have a theory. My theory is... Everyone has a reason for everything that do, even if they don't know (on a concious level) what that reason is. That doesn't mean that every action is justified...
Okay... So you hurt Blake. And I think you could have handled the situation better. But I think you had a reason for acting the way you did. Maybe you should figure out what that reason is...
Here is my theory... (Mind you, it's just a theory. I don't know you, I have a page of background to work from, but this is what I think.) I think you are unsatisfied with your relationship with Blake. Maybe it's just the sex, maybe it's not. You say that Blake is wonderful... Why is he wonderful? Good looks and charm don't count, give me a solid reason.
I think you're missing something essential in your relationship. I don't think you've figured out what "it" is yet... But you're trying. Maybe that's why you keep sleeping with Nate. You're looking for something Blake can't give you. You're trying to identify what that something is...
Whatever IT is... I don't think either Blake or Nate have it. Otherwise, I don't think you would be sitting in front of a computer asking strangers for advice.
So... My suggestion is... Kick both boys to the curb. You've tried having a relationship Blake, clearly it's just not working out, and Nate...
I'm not going to accuse Nate of being a jack---. Like I said, I believe people have reasons for acting the way they do. What I DO think about Nate is that he has a lot of unresolved issues that keep him from pursuing the type of relationship that you want. Through my own person experience, I have found that the "bad boy" image is just that. An image. It's a mask guys wear to hide their self-loathing, insecurity, and depression caused by abuse, adandonement, rejection, etc. I'm guessing Nate has been severely hurt by people that were supposed to love him in the past, and that instead of facing his problems, he pretends they don't exist.
The female impulse to "tame" bad boys, is actually a maternal instinct to help men they know are hurting. Maybe you want to help Nate. Allow me to give you some advice from my own personal experience... Don't.
Don't because you won't help him, you'll just end up getting hurt. The truth is... The only person that can help Nate... Is Nate. He will only help himself when he accepts responsibility for his own happiness. There is nothing you can do, except for maybe point him in the direction of the nearest doctor. You can attempt to do more, but either one of two things will happen... 1.) He'll become co-dependent on you. This is bad because when a person is co-dependent, the roles in the relationship become distorted and a power struggle ensues, that ultimately causes the relationship to self-destruct. (I.E. There is a give/take balance in all relationships. If you're doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking, eventually you run out of love to give. He won't understand this, you'll be miserable.) Or 2.) He'll deny your help all together and push you away.
Another reason why I think you should kick both to the curb... I just think it would be better for you. You're young. Right now, you should be discovering who you are and what you want... Not trapped in a miserable sort of love triangle.
Spend some time alone. Get to know yourself. Only when you know yourself can you love yourself, only when you love yourself can you love another. Once you've done that... Play the field. The more people you meet, the more dates you suffer through... The eaiser it will be for you to decide what type of qualities a potential boyfriend should have, and what you expect out of your relationships. It won't always be easy, it won't always be fun... But you'll learn. And the more you learn, the easier it will be to find Mr. Right and have a lasting, healthy relationship.
the other day my mom brought in some food for me to eat. I didn't eat it. Until after 1 day she came back in at my room and saw it. she got mad at me saying that i want the food to spoil before taking it out before other people could eat. and i thought where was that coming from. i didn't get why she was mad i thought she didn't want to eat it so why should i take it out. I just want to know what can i do for this type of abuse to stop happening? I think it's abuse she had said other hurtful things to me.
Forgive me if I sound harsh...
I don't think that constitutes as abuse. Your mother made a reasonable request. All she was really asking for you to do was to put the food in the refridgerator if you didn't want to eat it. She was probably upset because she considered your behavior to be inconsiderate and wasteful. She might have also been upset because you left the food spoiling in your bedroom. Is it really that difficult to avoid this type this conflict? Next time she brings you something to eat and you don't want it, just take a minute to carry it into the kitchen and put it in the fridge.
I can imagine why you're upset. You're probably at that age where you are starting to establish your own individuality. Having people nag you about your habits probably irritates you. And having your mother invade your personal space and jump on you for something that you consider trivial leaves you befuddled.
While I do understand what YOU are feeling... I also understand what she is feeling. The best way to avoid further conflict is probably just to try respecting her rules, and trying to be a little more considerate of the way she is feeling. She might still irritate you on a frequent basis, but that's fairly common when a teenager has to share a roof with their parents. We all go through it, we all get over it... Just wait. Pretty soon you'll be old enough to move out on your own, and then you'll be able to do whatever you want.
Like I said... If this is your best example of the conflict between you and your mother, I can't classify that as abuse. I don't know what else she has said to you, or what your relationship is like. I can only suggest that in the future, if she says something that hurts your feelings, try stating in a calm and rational manner that she has hurt your feelings, and WHY what she said hurt your feelings to begin with. Maybe if you let her know what she is doing wrong, it will be easier for her do it right.
If you really feel that you are suffering from emotional abuse, try seeking the help of your school's guidance counselor. Since they know you better than I, they will be able to provide you with more help and support.
Best of luck, take care. ;)
For as long as I could remember, I've talked to myself (out loud). This may sound strange, but sometimes when I'm alone, I start having random conversations or debates. At times, I'll just start stating my thoughts out loud. I never, ever do these things around other people. In fact, no body would ever guess that I actually do talk to myself. I stop myself sometimes and wonder why I have such a habit.
I know that I'm a stable person, but I feel so
alone sometimes that I just start talking when no body is around. The thing is, that in the back of my mind, i understand what I am doing. I can bring myself to stop; it's not as though I have no control over this.
I feel like this is abnormal...but I really don't know. Is there anyone who has a similar habit? Or, is this even normal? Please only comment if you know about this. thanks
I talk to myself all the time. Even in public. I tend to talk to myself when I'm trying to concentrate... Because talking to myself allows me to better articulate thoughts that I have not said aloud before.
No one I've met thinks this habit is abnormal. Most of the time, when someone asks, "Hey... Who are you talking to?" And I reply, "Oh... I was just talking to myself." That's when they usually confess, "Yeah... I do that too. All the time."
I don't think you have to worry about talking to yourself. If you're going to worry... Worry about the voices you keep hearing. Just kidding. ;)
my husband of 5 years is also my boss. 6 months ago he hired an assistant, a stick thin, long haired blonde, who all the guys have been drooling after for the past 6 months. i became her friend and we would all go out for drinks, but the more i got to know her, the less i liked her. she is a self proclaimed 'gold digger', she has cheated on her previous relationships, she uses men for $, she flirts with every single man, has been intimate with a few of our co-workers (already) and has gone out on a few dates w/ another married man. I try not to have anything to do w/ her, but i get so fustrated when she squeals & giggles loudly & i look over to find her and my husband/boss flirting! we have had HUGE arguements @ home about this, he says that i have nothing to worry about (& i know this) but i am still angry about his actions, he tells me that he will tone it down and be more professional @ work but he isn't. he buys her things like lunches, drinks, etc. and then fights w/ me over our finances. for some dumb reason he told her how much i make (which is less then her!) and now she is telling other ppl that we work w/! @ work he barely gives me the time of day, when i ask him for help sometimes he says flat out "no", but then will go help her, or he will start to help me, but then drops whatever he is doing to help her out. he puts more of a workload on me, and expects more from me then her, or his other workers.
i do trust him, really i do, but that is not my problem, my problem is that i can't afford to quit my job for at least another year and a half (because we owe a lot of $ in Credit debt) but it breaks my heart, honestly my heartaches every time i hear, or see them flirting. she follows him around like a puppy dog, she won't leave his side throughout the day, always has some stupid silly little question to ask him, and she even takes lunch breaks w/ us. i am full of so much bitterness and rage, I don't have a problem w/ her working alongside him, if they would only tone it down on the flirting, chit-chatting throughout the day, and if he would stop doing things for her like, buying her stuff, makeing her coffee, etc. our marriage has gone through alot, and i never would have thought that some 21 y/o airhead would be the thing that comes between us. i've tried everything from a calm, reasonable talk, right down to a screaming yelling, tear streaked face as i call him every name in the book, and everytime it is the same: "I would never cheat on you, i would never disrespect my vows, I'm sorry i hurt you, i won't do it again" but he does it over and over and over again.
I know that he isn't cheating on me physically, but I feel betrayed that he seems to be haveing an emotional affair w/ her. right now I am not speaking to him, he tries to get me to talk, but i can't go through ANOTHER fight w/ him on the same subject, when i know that my words will fall on deaf ears, and he will make promises to change, but will never fall through with it... i have accepted his inability to control the flirting situation.... but i am thinking about going to HIS boss and talk about how i feel that i have an unfair amount of work, and how when i ask for help he refuses, or he never finishes helping me out. sorry it was so long, but god it felt good to get that off of my chest.
I'll start off by telling you what I would say, if I found myself in a similiar situation...
"I don't like the way you flirt with your assistant. I don't like it because when I see you flirting with her, I feel that you don't respect me or my feelings. You know that I don't like it, yet you persist to do it. And how would you feel if I flirted with another man infront of you? Would you feel like I was being disrespectful or inconsiderate?
I don't like that she goes to lunch with us. (Or accompanies us on outings after work?) One, because I do not like her as a person. From what she has told me about herself, I feel that I can not trust her and am uncomfortable around her. This is also my time to be alone with you. I am upset because when I want to spend time with you, you invite her along with us.
It upsets me when I need your help, and you either deny my request or stop helping me because you are too busy helping her. Doing so makes me feel that she is a bigger priority you than I am. I am your wife, and that hurts my feelings.
I am also concerned about how your behavior will affect your job. Your behavior is unprofessional. What if your boss notices? What is he is as disturbed by your behavior as I am?"
I know you've all ready tried talking about it. And you've said that he doesn't seem to hear a word you say. The reason why I just wrote your husband a letter is because sometimes... Even when we try to stay calm and rational, we are unable to articulate how we really feel and WHY we feel that way. And men and women communicate very differently. You and I could have this conversation, and without you saying anything that would be considered direct, I would know what you are trying to say and understand how you are feeling. Because I am a woman and communicate the same way. Men tend to be more direct, so when you are trying to have a discussion it is best to be as direct as possible and give solid, logical explanations.
I would also like to mention that since I am in the management business... I may know a thing or two about what his boss would think if he knew the degree of your sitatuation. Drama at work is bad. I hate drama because... 1.) Purely selfish reason... It makes my job more difficult than it has to be. I'll do anything to resolve the conflict, and that doesn't stop at a demotion or termination either. If she's really that much of an airhead, and he's really that unprofessional, I can afford to lose both of them and still sleep like a baby at night. 2.) Office drama looks bad to clients. Okay, so I've got a married working me, he's flirting with his assistant right infront of his wife who also works for me... I'm thinking this personal issue could become a professional issue very easily. What if they blow up at the office? What if one of my clients witnesses such an explosion? Bad for business. 3.) Bad for morale and production. When you're unhappy, you have a hard time getting your job done. You're less productive because your too distracted by the problem at hand. And bad morale has a funny way of spreading from one person to another person, and then another... Surprisingly quickly. Before I know it, no one is getting anything done because... Betty is too busy crying about her inconsiderate husband in the bathroom. June isn't doing anything productive because she's in the bathroom with Betty too, trying to console her. Mark's pissed off because he can't find June and he really needs that report. Tom's getting upset because he's trying to do his job and Betty's job at the same time and isn't accomplishing anything but getting really frustrated... And so on and so on. 4.) Hurts my checkbook. I just pointed out that no one's done any work today right? Well... Guess what... I still had to pay them. I could have sent them all home and saved myself some money.
So yeah... If you haven't pointed out to your husband that his behavior is unprofessional, interferes with his job... And ultimately endangers HIS checkbook, you might want to do that. Otherwise, he's going to get a warning from the higher-ups somewhere down the road... Because they will notice. And if they are anything like me, they will nip this problem in the bud before it starts to affect THEIR checkbook.
I can only suggest that you try talking to your husband one more time. If that doesn't work... Your feelings are valid whether he understand them or not, and his behavior will affect your marriage in a very negative way if it persists. Then maybe you do need to talk to the boss... Or start looking for another job. Going to see a counselor might not be a bad either... Then maybe someone can explain to him how you feel and why you feel the way you do.
And while I'd hate for it come down to delivering ultimatums... In the end, it might be what you have to do.
I would also like to mention that I think confronting the airhead would be useless. You know what type of person she is... I don't think that sitting down and discussing the problem is going to make a difference. Infact, it might make it worse because you're contributing the work drama... And you don't want to say anything to her that she could twist around and use against you.
But... That's just my take on the situation. I hope things get better. If all else fails... You could tell him that if he doesn't change his wicked ways... He's going to have a pissed off little blonde with a crowbar waiting for him outside of work. Just kidding. You ever need to talk... My door is open. With that... Goodnight. ;)
Well im only 14 as you can tell.
I want a baby because they are soo adoriable.
I have a boyfriend we have had protected sex a few times already.
And would do it again.
We have been together for 2 years.
I love him and he loves me.
He is 3 years older.
My parents know and have known his family our whole lives, blah blah blah blah blahh.
So i keep telling him how much i want one but like he says i know you do but i am not ready to be a father and think about how much it would hurt and we dont have enough money.
So i need someone to try and convince me not to want one.
Because you have no idea how badly i want one.
Please help :\
Why do you want to have children? Because they're cute? Is that your only reason?
If it is... I'm sorry if I sound harsh... But that's a poor reason. Yeah... They may look cute, but let me ask you... How cute is a baby going to look when it's wailing at three o'clock in the morning? And you're tired, you just want to sleep... But you can't because your kid is YOUR responsibility... And you have to wake up and go to school in three hours.
Because that is exactly how it would go. There are many reasons why you shouldn't have children right now. The first reason is, you are not emotionally prepared to raise another individual. You aren't mature enough. I'm not talking down to you, I don't consider myself mature enough either, it's just a fact. Need proof... You aren't mature enough because you haven't really thought about this at all.
Besides the fact that you can not provide the emotional support necessary to bring up a child... You are financially incapable of doing so at the age of fourteen. You don't have a job. Unless you go out and get a labour license, no one is legally even able to hire you. And even if you did have a job, what about school? Are you intending to drop out? Because you would have to just to make ends meet. And since you don't even have a high school education, finding a job that pays well will be impossible. And it will continue to be impossible, even when you get older, because you still won't have a high school education. So... If you have a child now, you're killing your chances of having a comfortable future. You'll spend the rest of your life struggling to put food on the table.
Oh wait... Did you except your boyfriend to help you? Why? Because he loves you? I'm not saying that he doesn't love you... But what I am saying is that I've known plenty of women who had children, later fell out of love, and who are now single mothers. Being a single parent is the hardest job. You can never clock out, and you don't get paid for it. Thinking that it won't be a problem because he'll be required to give you some money for child support? Wrong again. I also know plenty of single mothers who can't even pay for daycare with their child support check.
Besides... He obviously isn't ready to have children. (Maybe because he knows that he isn't emotionally or finacially prepared to yet.) He doesn't want to. Wouldn't allowing yourself to get pregnant at this point be disrespectful and inconsiderate of his feelings? Do you love him? Do you really want to make him feel that way?
Thinking that Mom and Dad will help you out? Yeah... They probably would. But that would be unfair, wouldn't it? I mean... They're still trying to raise they're own children, now they have to raise yours too? And the financial burden? Babies are really expensive. Is it fair to give them another mouth to feed when they had no say in the decision? No. Do you love your parents?
Have you thought about what your social life would be like? Because I can tell you in one word... Non-existant. You'd be far too busy babysitting to go the mall with your friends or do anything else for that matter. You can kiss date night goodbye... He'd be at work every night trying to earn enough money to pay for diapers and food... And you'd be sitting at home trying to get your little bundle of joy to go to sleep.
Do yourself a favor. Forget babies. For now. Wait. Wait until you're ready to have children. That means... Wait until you're married, and having children is a decision that both you and your husband have made together. Wait until you've finished school and have a decent job before you attempt to feed two mouths and pay rent. It will be easier, I assure you.
And lastly... If you had a kid right now... Not only would your life be more difficult than it has to be... (Not to mention your boyfriend's, your family, etc.) But you'd be making your little girl/ boy's life more difficult too. Kid's need parents who are mature. Without that maturity, their psyche tends to get scarred during childhood. Kid's need parents that can provide. Otherwise they can't go to the hospital when they're sick, or they have to wear sandals during the winter.
Please don't make life more difficult than it all ready is. Not for you... And not for anyone else.
my bf's friend died. i want to give him something sweet to show how sorry i am. but i dont know what. we just started going out. i already told him i am so soo sorry for him, but i want to give him a sweet little something. what should it be
There is a gift you can give... It won't cost you a dime, he won't be able to hold it in his hand, and he'll value it...
A hug.
In times of crisis, I have found that the best gift you can give a friend that is suffering, is your love and support. Give him your ears, to listen when he wants to talk... Give him your shoulder, to cry on when he needs to... Give him your hand, to hold when he's feeling lonely and confused. Give him your attention, so that he'll know someone cares...
The best gift you give anyone are the actions that show you care about them.
I know how many people feel about witchcraft, wicca and voodoo and those people who are truly against it I don't want to hear from you I just want the people who have experimented with it to tell me more about it in detail. Anything you can tell me is helpful to me.
First of all, despite what anyone says... Wicca is not evil. There is a verse in the Torah (Hebrew Bible) and the Christian Bible (Old Testament) that denounces 'witchcraft.' Scholars believe the writers of the old testament denounced witchcraft to discredit the practices and rituals of many of the older pagan religions.
I would also like to point out that after launching a smear campaign against paganism, Christians plagarized pagan scripture and adopted many pagan traditions. Examples... The story of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden bares an eerie resemblence to the scriptures regarding the Sumarian goddess Inanna and her garden. The Christian tradition of decorating trees during Christmas originated from a pagan tradition. These are but two of many examples...
And if it wasn't enough that monotheistic religions felt the need to discredit pagan practices... Then they decided pagans could not be allowed to live. The Roman Catholic Church lead a bloody 'crusade,' murdering millions of innocent men and women, merely for disagreeing with the church. Don't believe me... Look up something called 'The Witches Hammer'. Need further proof? Try the Salem Witch-Trials. If that still isn't enough, look up the original Friday the 13th. On Friday the 13th, the Pope ordered that the Cathars be massacred. Men, women, children...Died.
So... If anyone tells you that Wicca is evil. Now you have your ammunition. Fire away.
As for Wicca... I always thought it was a very diverse, free religion. Wiccans revere a god and goddess, dual dieties, who exist in harmony and that are equal. Many Wiccans also revere the earth and nature, feeling that it is important to be connected and harmonious with one's environment.
Wiccan's have a moral code, and I have to say I think it is one of the most efficient and effective moral codes ever created. Simply, it states, "Harm none. Including yourself." I have heard that there are some Wiccans that believe in casting hexes on their enemies... But most of the Wiccans that I have been acquainted with felt that 'hexing' was wrong. The purpose of Wicca is not to control nature or anyone else, but to live in harmony with all.
As for 'magic'... Yes, some Wiccan's have wands. Some even have brooms. But from what I understand, things like wands and brooms are symbolic. For example, brooms aren't for flying, they're for hanging over your door. I was told that brooms were symbolic of protection. You would hang it over your door to protect the people inside your home.
They have many rituals and practices. But since Wicca is such a "free" religion... You are encouraged to discard any rituals you feel are unnecessary, tailor the rituals you like to your own needs, or even create your own. Wiccans may call it spell casting... But really, I've always thought of the practices of being a symbolic exercise of releasing positive energy into the universe, so that negative energy does not have power over your life.
And most Wiccans that I have known adopt a lot of practices from other religions for their own. For example, meditation seems to be a very big part of Wicca now-a-days. Yet meditation is actually a Buddhist practice.
Wicca is a very simple, yet very complex religion. And Wicca varies from each practitioner. (For example, some prefer to be solitary witches, while others join covens.) I would suggest that you conduct a study of your own. There is a wealth of information on the internet, just be careful. (Remember to listen, but that doesn't mean you have to believe.) And if you aren't satisfied with what you find on the internet, try going to your local bookstore. You can find all sorts of books about Wicca, just about anywhere.
how would you describe a good person (in detail) because i really want to become one, but don't know where to start ?!
You may not suspect... But you just asked a very philosophical question.
You have just asked everyone to define what qualities make a person "good." I'm warning you... You are going to receive a million different answers. And I will also tell you that you can try... But you will not be able to live up to even one of those answers.
Why? Because... "Good people" and "bad people" do not actually exist. You, me, everyone... We all have good qualities, we all have bad qualities, and with each decision we make... We change. We are both good and bad, constantly and simultaneously.
I can promise you that in your lifetime, you will do great things... Though your great works may never be realized. But you will love someone, help someone... You will touch lives, if even only on the smallest scale. You will also screw up on a frequent basis. You will make mistakes. You will hurt other people.
Before you start to feel depressed... Hear me out. All of this is to be expected. Such behavior, both positive and negative, are part of the human condition. That's just life. No one is perfect. Instead... We are all perfectly imperfect. Our flaws are an important part of who we are... Because it is our flaws that make us all different, our flaws that allow us to make mistakes... Mistakes that are valuable, because we can learn from them.
So... My advice is... Don't get caught up in trying to be good, or trying to be bad. And never ask someone else what you should be. If you are going to try to be anything... Try being yourself. And if you let anyone tell you what you should be, let it be one person. You.
BTW... You know why I think you're asking this question? I think you're asking because you're insecure. It's okay to be insecure, everyone is to varying to degrees... And I think there is something noble to be said for being able to abmit that you aren't perfect. But don't let you're insecurity rule your life. You are a beautiful person. Believe in yourself.
So... Bottom line: Don't ask others to define what a "good person" is. Instead, ask yourself and think long and hard about your answer. And once you've found you're answer, try to be that. But even while you're trying... Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes are important. And don't beat yourself up when you do make a mistake. Instead, ask yourself what you can learn from your own actions. And know, and be proud, that you have taken one more step towards becoming what you want to be. Remember that you can be anything or anyone you want to be... And never let anyone else convince you otherwise. Never let anyone else tell you what you should be... Because if you do, you're living for them and not for yourself. And life is far too short to live for anyone else but you.
23 Male
I got a phone call tonight. Old friend I used to talk to a few years ago. He wanted to talk to me about a friend he has; in particular, his own girlfriend. I like to help out my friends, so I said I would help.
He mentions a name to me. It rings a bell, because it happens to be the same name of my girlfriend, but I don't tell him that. A few minutes into the conversation I find out it is the same exact person we are talking about. I keep my big mouth shut.
They've been dating for a few months. I feel a deep hurt on the inside: we've been dating a few years. I find out the problem he is having and do the best I can to help him as a friend. I act as if I know her just as a friend and nothing more. This leads him to tell me more and more about them. I'm not reeling it out of him, he's just letting it all out. Should I confront her about this? She avoids the topic when I ask about him and my friend asks about their future. What is going on here, why does she avoid things, and do I need to tell her and possibly break things off?
How is her relationship with her father? Forgive me for sounding like a female imitation of Frued... But after suffering through years of depression and failed relationships, I can speak from experience.
Your girlfriend might have what I refer to as "The Daddy Complex." In short, the TDC develops during early childhood if a girl feels abandoned, abused, neglected, or rejected by her father. And... Since her father is the first man that she develops a relationship with, her interaction with the opposite sex will be drasticly affected by this one, crucial relationship, for better or worse... Unless she can learn to look in the mirror and tell herself, "I love you."
But that's hard for anyone to do, especially in our emotionally constipated society... Where we teach children how to solve mathimatical equations but never teach them how to recognize and handle their own emotions. Instead, we toss them in the wilderness to let them fend for themselves, and say, "Golly... I hope they'll be okay."
ANYWAY... When a girl grows into a woman and the TDC is still raging in her subconcious... She'll do all sorts of crazy things. But as irrational (and hurtful) as her actions may be... Rest assured that she has her reasons, even if she isn't too sure what those reasons are. I have been there, I have done that, I own the t-shirt and occassionally lend it to my girlfriends. She may push every man away, in an attempt to protect her bruised heart from further beatings. She may constantly seek the attention of numerous men, mistakenly believing that the approval of the male members of our species will somehow provide the validation that she craves. She may only date emotionally unavailable men, thinking that if she can conquer such a challenge she will redeem herself. She may only date emotional losers, because she thinks she is unworthy of a healthy relationship. Or... She may do all of the above at one point or another, or even simultenously.
Maybe your girlfriend has "The Daddy Complex." Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she felt like the relationship that the two of you have built is either deficient in some way... Or perhaps she can envision a dead-end somewhere down the path that you both share and travel. Maybe she is ready to end the relationship, but too afraid of hurting your feelings to be honest and tell you the truth.
Maybe she will tell you why she did what she did. Maybe you will never know. At this point, I think the WHY is rather irrelevant. (Though WHY may be the question that haunts you.) What is relevant, at least in my opinion, is what YOU are going to do next.
Confront her. If you don't... What will happen? Will the two of you continue to carry on this charade? Will you pretend to be ignorant and happy while hurt and resentment fester inside you? Do that... And I promise you that it won't end well. One day, you will break, and every thought you have ever had regarding her, will spill out of your mouth. Or you'll gain vindication by sinking to her level... Leading a secret life, loving another... Feeling deceitful and ashamed for your own behavior, unable to confront her regarding HER behavior, and feeling generally miserable.
So... Tell her the truth. Be honest. Doesn't mean you have to shout or act cruelly. Can't tell you how she will react... And maybe her reaction isn't important.
Maybe her reaction isn't important because we are talking about YOU and YOUR life. After dating for several years, I'm sure you have many deep feelings for this young woman. But she's broken your trust. A healthy relationship can not exist without truth, and can not exist without trust. She has lied to you, she has betrayed you...
And while maybe... Just maybe... The two of you could overcome this obstacle... I have to ask... WHY? You're 23. This is the time of your life to discover yourself, the world, what you want and pursue it. Maybe you shouldn't be tied down. And while I wouldn't suggest dating anytime soon... You need to play the field.
"Playing the field" isn't just for fun and games. Meeting different people is an important part of figuring out what type of person you want to be in a relationship with, and what you want your relationship to be like. Meeting different people will not only provide you with a wide range of life experiences, but will also help you select a potential life partner. You'll meet a girl, and maybe it doesn't work out because there is something you don't like about her, or you want something else. But you'll learn something. By being able to say, "Well I really liked ___ about ___ , and I really disliked ___ about ___ ," will help you set realistic standards that will benefit you. And then you'll know WHAT you're looking for in that special someone.
So... Bottom line: My advise is to confront your girlfriend. I also advise you not to settle for less than you deserve. (And I think that deceit and betrayal is definitely LESS than you deserve.)
BTW, if you're thinking that you can help her overcome her "Daddy Complex" or whatever... Don't. No one can help her. Except for herself. And helping her is not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to seek your own happiness. Whatever that means.
And if you are worried about telling your friend that you've both been dating the same woman... In my opinion, it is not your responsibility to tell him the truth about HIS relationships. The only person responsible for telling the truth in this situation is your girlfriend. Not only does she owe the both of you the truth, but she also owes the both of you an apology. And I think that when you confront her, you should let her know that.
Once again... I have written a thesis by accident. I'm sorry this was so long... And I'm even more sorry that you have to experience this situation. Just remember... No matter how much you hurt right now... You are going to be okay. Promise. ;)
ok, i have a question and it's kinda embarrassing to me atleast. i had acne, i went on accutane for 5 months, got off it a few weeks ago. it worked great! i have no acne at all! but however, i had the red spots from the acne :( i dont have any indentions on my face, thank God! i cant get any real surgery like laser treatments or microdermabrasions for 5 months, because accutane is such a serious medication. but is there anything that i can do to make the red spots (or scars whatever they are) fade away quickly?! and especially by summer time!!!!
When I was a teenager I had really bad acne. I wrode the antibiotic, prescription gel/ cream for I don't know how long before my dermatologist prescribed Accutane. And yes... I had the evil "red spots" too.
The red spots are scars. But there is good news... I assume you're young... The great thing about being young is that your skin is going to regenerate fairly quickly, and the scars are going to fade and eventually heal. By the time you are able to receive any type of lazer surgery, your scars will have faded considerably.
After my acne went away, and I was left with the scars, I asked my dermatologist if there was anything I could do. He suggested a cream with vitamin E... I know there all type of products on the market, so you might want to ask your doctor.
I don't know if you are a girl or a guy... But if you are a girl, remember that you can always where make-up until your scars heal. I personally suggest make-up made by Neutrogena. (I know you can buy it at both Target and Wal-Mart.) Make sure that whatever you buy is "non-comedogenic." (Means that it won't clog your pores and cause your skin to break out again.)
I have been in a relationship this guy for about 9 months. For now he dosent like to use condoms and i dont either. To be honest we only used condoms a couple of times. I just dont like using condoms,however I am on the depo shot, even though we dont use condoms he nutted in me is it still possible that i can get pregnant. I do think he has low sperm count because his sperm is not completely white, its a little clear/white looking but not white, and he doesnt have any kids. However this other dude that i was messing with before he has a baby and his cum is white, so how come his cum is white and my boyfriends cum is clear looking does that mean he cant have children, because i dont have any childen right now. I am a college student, but i want kids in the future probably with him, but i dont know if he can have kids. he has had alot of girlfriends and doesnt have any kids.
I'm not sure how effective the shot is... But I have to say that I don't believe any type of birth control is 100% effective. I say that because I have several friends that have gotten pregnant while on one type of birth control or another. In my opinion, if you really want to be safe... Use two forms of birth control. A condom would probably be the most effective and easiest.
And... I know this wasn't part of your question... But someone pointed out that birth control doesn't protect you from STD's. If you aren't using anything to protect you from STD's, have both of you been tested? Or... Have you have you at least had a conversation about your sexual history and any illnesses?
As for his sperm count... My father was told he was sterile. Um... Yeah. He wasn't. Otherwise, I wouldn't be sitting here infront of my computer right now. So... Just remember that no matter how low is sperm count is... It only takes one getting past your defenses.
As for the possiblity of reproducing in the future... I wouldn't break up with this guy right now over something like that. Give yourself some time, find out if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy first, and go from there. Because... Let's say you two decided to get married in the future, and that you wanted to have children. Even if his sperm count is very low... There are still steps you can take to get pregnant, technological advances that will help you get pregnant, and options if you can't. A good question to ask yourselves might be... How do you feel about adoption? There are plenty of kids out there that need parents...
I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 29. He has a nine year old daughter. He and her mom got married when she was born but it was really unhappy, from what he says her mom never wanted him around. After five years they got a divorce and she moved to New Mexico, where her family is, and took their daughter. He didn't want his daughter to see any more fighting so he didn't fight for custody, he was afraid of the things his wife would do or say and couldn't afford a messy divorce anyway, but he did his best to keep in contact.
About a year ago he met me and we started dating, and we're totally in love, he's an amazing guy who does everything for me. And things are better between him and his ex wife... she's actually been letting him talk to his daugher, and last time he visited she was a lot nicer and let him be with his daughter the whole time.
The problem is that because he lives so far away from his daughter he can't visit very often. They're about 15 hours away in a tiny little town where he'd never get a job, but he could move to a city four hours away from them and maybe see her more. But he's not sure he wants that, especially since I love my job so much and we're talking about getting engaged. It's really up to me... if I tell him I'll follow him, we'll move. He sort of thinks sometimes that it's better for his daughter if he keeps his distance to avoid fighting with her mom, but my parents said if he wants to be a good dad he'll do whatever it takes to see her all the time.
I'm asking this question here because I bet some of you have divorced parents... did they do things to try and live by you? If not, how awful did that make your life? If you could ask your parent to give up their job and friends to come live by you and see you more instead of just calling on the phone, would you? If this is the guy for me, do we have to move, or does visiting 3-4 times a year make up for it? What if we just fly her out to spend summers with us? I really love my job here but I want to do the right thing for his little girl. Will we hurt her more by trying to see her, because it means fighting with her mom sometimes? Is my boyfriend a bad father for not doing EVERYTHING possible to get custody and be a dad? Please help, and don't be afraid to be honest, I need to hear the truth, I've been struggling with this problem a LOT.
I do not believe there is a clear answer to your question. I can't say whether or not your boyfriend is a bad father or a good father... And I don't think anyone else can either. We don't know this man, we are in no position to judge. Besides... Does anyone know what separates good parents from bad parents?
When I ask myself the last question... The only answer that comes to mind is: LOVE. Both my parents have made good decisions and bad decisions while raising me. But I know that every decision they made, they made in MY best interest, because they loved me.
And now... I'm going to tell you a story... Because it might help you. When I was conceived, my father had a serious drinking problem. That's why my mother divorced him and moved out of state before I was born. I saw my father a twice before the age of four. After that, my mother met another man, my step-father, who later adopted me when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn't hear from my biological father again until I was twenty years old.
I know what the reasoning behind those decisions are. My mother considered my father unfit to raise a child, and feared that she might die. In the event of her death, she wanted to make sure that someone she considered responsible would be my care-taker. And my father, after speaking to my mother the last time, thought that perhaps she was right. Maybe he was unfit to parent a child.
People have asked whether or not my father's absence affected me in a negative way. Yes... But what my mother told me about my father affected me more than my father's actual absence. I was told that he was an awful person, and that he didn't love me. Since he wasn't there to defend himself, I believed it. Hey, I was a child, I was impressionable.
Being told that my father didn't love me, and that was the reason he wasn't a part of my life, made me feel... Made me feel like there must be something wrong with me. I struggled with this for many years, it contributed to my seven year war with depression, and affected almost every relationship I had with the opposite sex.
However...At the age of twenty, I realized that if I had questions... Why not just ask the only person who could give me an honest answer? So I found my father...
I live in Georgia, and he still lives in Texas. We talk on the phone, but we only see each other for a week every year. But that is enough. It's enough because I know he loves me, and that he ALWAYS has, and I know why he did what he did. We have a great relationship... A much better relationship than I ever had with my step-father. While I lived in the same house with my step-father for 16 years, and called him "Dad"... We were never close. He didn't really talk to me, we didn't really spend quality time with each other. But when I talk to my father... He wants to know everything about me. What I've been doing, what I think about, no detail is too boring, nothing I say is unimportant. And when I do see him, we have that quality time with each other. To laugh together, to talk with each other, to hug... And those are the important things...
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... If your boyfriend really loves his daughter, if he talks to her, and spends quality time with her when he gets a chance... Then he is a good father, at least in my opinion, and I think that everything is going to be just fine.
Try not to stress out too much about whether or not you guys should live closer. If you can, that's great. If not... One day that little girl is going to grow into a woman, and she will understand. Wherever you are right now, the two of you have built a life together there... And sometimes that life isn't easy to abandon. It doesn't make you or your boyfriend selfish, it's just the way life is. She might have trouble understanding that as a child, but once she lives is the real world herself... She'll know. What might make it easier for her while she is a child, is if you do take those necessary steps to see her when possible, whenever you can. Remember that she just wants to be a part of your lives... And letting her be a part of your lives is what makes the difference.
You know... I think this girl is very lucky. Lucky to have someone like you in her life. You might not be her mother, but it's obvious that you care about her and what happens to her... Otherwise you wouldn't be so worried about this situation.
Wow... This is really long. Sorry. I didn't mean to write a novel. Guess I'll shut up now... Good luck to you. Adieu ;)