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something is wrong with me i think
i think there's something wrong. its as if i have forgotten how to cry. nothing phases me anymore. i dont show any emotion just laugh at everything at school. at home all i want to be is alone. i dont eat unless im totally alone and i dont watch tv unless alone. after school i come home and 'hide out' as my mother calls it in my room. i think about the way ive made so many mistakes and how i wanna roll back time and how i deserve so much punishment and how i should be perfect and need to lose weight. anorexia right now. i need help just tell me whats wrong or what i can do u think.? inside im so dark and want to nearly kill myself sometimes but the outside of me shows nothing. i cannot CRY!
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Sounds like you suffer from severe depression.
I battled depression for seven years before finally winning the war. Because I've dealt with depression, I suggest seeing a doctor. Especially if you are also suffering from an eating disorder. Depression is very dangerous. So is anorexia. Please seek the help of someone that can really help you.
If you don't know where to go... Try talking to your parents. If you feel uncomfortable seeking the help of your parents, tell a teacher, guidance counselor, someone that you trust that has the power to help you. You can also tell your family physician. (When I finally did seek help, I told my family physician first.)
I suffered in silence for years. I was suicidal. But I was lucky... I made it out. I'm still alive, and it's a miracle. Don't endanger your life... Tell someone. Don't stay in the frame of mind you are in alone.
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I hated that whole "not being able to cry" thing when I suffered from it a few months ago. You actually sound JUST like me a few months ago. (exept for the whole anorexia thing)
Here's the bottom line: you are severely depressed. You don't need to see a doctor or anything- they'll just give you some crap that won't help you in the long run. Get 30 mins to an hour of exercise a day (i'm talking about REAL exercise- like sweaty, hardcore stuff that gets your heart pumping fast) and start taking a multivitamin EVERY SINGLE DAY (i'd reccomend "one-a-day women's"). eat more in general.
You also MUST change your outlook on life. Try to think of the good things in life in general- that is the first step to overcoming depression.
Do things that you enjoy if you feel like you just want to go into your room and cry but you can't- do something fun. anything. it really doesn't matter what.
get enough sleep every night.
I truly hope this helps- just remember to keep holding on because the purpose of life is to LIVE. if you are living- you are already fulfilling your purpose. Try to live every day to the fullest. You are only here while you're here.
p.s:
if you do not already have faith in a higher power, I suggest you become a Christian. you'll be happier if you have a real realtionship with the lord Jesus Christ. (think of Christianity NOT as a religion, but as a RELATIONSHIP.) it might take you a while to figure out what that means if you aren't already saved. (by God)
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You likely had an imbalance in the seratonin levels in your brain commonly known as 'depression.' You should ask for medical help, since it is causing you so much misery and you are anorexic. Things that can help are talk/behvior modification therapy, selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (antidepressants), diet, and exercise. See a doctor.
Sabine
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