|
Porn problem
So my boyfriend said I could use his computer to edit photos of the two of us. While I was doing so, I threw one away accidently and went to the recycle bin to retrieve it. I found all kinds of porn movies that he had downloaded. It literally made me sick: especially since he and I took dirty pictures and made dirty movies that he has on his computer. Why would he want to watch other girls and not me? It makes me extremely jealous.
My question is: how do I bring this up to him? I was by no means snooping, but I think it might come of that way. I have a feeling he'll get defensive as well. I just need a place to start from. Do I tell him the story of how I found it? Do I just come out and say "You looking at porn is hurtful to me"? Thank you for the advice in advance.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Id feel jealous too if that was me in your shoes. Tell him exactly how you came across his porn and be ready for when he does get defensive about it. Be stern with him from the beginning as if you come across too soft, he'll stomp all over you and you don't want to lose. Tell him you feel hurt by it.
]
just tell him the truth man.Theres nothing to be afraid of its the truth.Tell him you accidently deleted somethin and when you went to get it back from the recycle bin you found porn.and tell him that it pisses you off!Its the truth so why should you fear it?
]
Porn is primarily used to facilitate masturbation. Masturbation is a healthy, NORMAL way to satisfy sexual urges. Sexual urges are natural.
Your boyfriend's porn collection isn't a threat to your relationship. Not unless he's an addict, or frequent masturbation on his part starts to negatively affect your sexual relationship. If so... That's a completely different story. But really... I don't think you have anything to worry about. Most men look at and watch porn, and most men masturbate. Masturbation is a habit adopted at adolescence for lack of a partner, and tends to persist through adulthood. Sometimes even when a man is in a healthy relationship and having sex on a regular basis. Why? Because men experience sexual urges more frequently than women. Why? Because of the male hormone called testosterone.
Just because he has a porn collection doesn't mean that he's not super attracted to you or that you are incapable of satisfying all his sexual desires. But it doesn't mean that he's going to stop noticing that other women are attractive either. If you think that's unfair, just wait... Do you still notice other men and find them attractive? Of course you do. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you automatically stop being attracted to every member of the opposite sex besides your boyfriend. What it does mean is that you don't act on any lustful impulses out of respect and love for your partner. If your partner respects and loves you, realize that your jealousy stems from insecurity. Maybe you doubt that you are attractive, or capable of fulfilling his sexual desires. That probably isn't true. And you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself that your beautiful, and you need to mean it. You also need to trust him, because trust is an essential part of all relationships.
As for whether or not you should talk about it with him... I think that a relationship should be built on honesty. How should you handle it?
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were sitting in front of his computer. He was trying to find a picture that one of his friends took while "ghost-hunting." (Completely different story.) Anyway... While searching, he stumbled across some porn pics and I saw some things he didn't want me to see.
He was embarrassed. I laughed.
I've seen porn before and always thought it was hilarious for various reasons. (Completely different subject.) So... I laughed. By laughing, I put him at ease. Then I talked about it openly and honestly, letting him know that I didn't think less of him for having dirty pictures on his computer. By letting him know that in advance, he was less prone to get defensive.
Conversations about sex shouldn't be awkward or embarrassing. Especially when you are having that conversation with your partner. Instead, your conversation should be honest and open. So... I would suggest adopting a light-hearted tone and saying something like, "While I was on your computer the other day, I accidently threw away this one picture... So I went into your recycle bin to retrieve it... And GUESS what I found?! *Laugh.*" Let him know that you aren't judging or condemning him. You just want to talk about your relationship, and sex is a part of your relationship. Maybe then he won't get so defensive.
And in his defense... Remember where you found those pics. In the garbage can. It's very possible that he threw them away after the two of you started dating because he didn't feel like he needed them anymore. Take it easy on the guy.
]
Of course he'll get defensive, and rightfully so. Almost all guys look at porn. If you want to date a guy who doesn't you will be lonely for a long time. But look at it this way, you found it in his recycling bin. Maybe he deleted it after you two started going out?
]
Ok men look at porn as gross as it is. My Dad looks at it when my Moms in the same room! I'd be like why are you looking at this and not me? And stuff, I understand why your jelouse thats GROSS though. Hopefully he doesnt Dennie all of the movies u found...
]
Most men look at porn. It does not mean he's any less into you. My own boyfrind watches it. I understand that is made you sick to your stomach.
Next time your together ask him to play the movie of the two of you. However, I highly advise you against making another with him cause in today's world he could post your home made movie on the internet. He could post the naughy pics of you on the internet.
he cares for you but views the women in the porn movies as objects. You know he doesn't have feelings for those women. Think of them as the bad girls. Think of these women as jerk off material.
]
More Questions: |