I'll give advice to anyone I think I can help in any way. Ask away.
Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
Answers: 297
Last Update: January 22, 2011
Visitors: 23360
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Last monday my ex and I broke up and now he's telling everyone what we did in our relationship.He calms he " hit it and quit it" which means he was just with me for sex. So it all back fires on me.But instead of just sitting here and letting him say that.I started to tell people that I "hit it and quit it". Does that make me a slut or does it make me look stupid?i really dont have a choice. (link)
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Sure you do- you can take the moral high ground and not hit back while still staying confident and happy as you always were. People will have more respect for you and it'll make him look like a total jackass a)for being so immature and b)for letting someone as good as you get away.
Say you're sorry he feels that way or feels he has to spread that kind of crap-as far as you were concerned there was more to it than that- but you're perfectly happy now and capable of having fun and a life without him.
Don't sink to his level and it'll serve you better in the long run. If guys think you "hit and quit" your ex they'll worry you'll do the same to them and make them look stupid and so probably avoid you for the next few years anyway. Or ust think they can use you for sex too.
In the meantime make yourself feel better by putting rotting fish in his car/house/locker, the little cretin deserves it.
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My best friend is a guy. We have no feelings for eachother & we're really close. The guy I'm dating, gets extremely jealous. He says that we secretly like eachother and it's hard for him to accept me being best friends with another guy. Also, they absolutely hate eachother. How do I work this out? I can't just sit them both down and talk, that will in no way workout. Is there a way I can atleast make them tolerate eachother for my sake? (link)
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Oh man yeah this sucks.
You have the crux of it at the end there- they should bloody behave themselves FOR YOUR SAKE. Basically these are two of the closest people to you in the world supposedly and should respect and trust you. You need to say this to both of them in one way or another (and separately and calmly).
Your best friend may have genuine concerns about this guy, in which case give him a chance to express them, listen, and then ask him not to mention them again until/unless you break up with your boyfriend, or he may just be afraid he's going to lose you to your b/fs jealousy in which case you need to reassure him you're not going anywhere.
Your boyfriend jsut on a basic level needs to be able to trust you. It will be difficult for any guy at first but the basic question you need to ask is "do you trust me?". If no, i'm afraid your relationship is pretty doomed. If yes then he has to accept it's just jealousy on his part and not your problem. If "yes but I don't trust him" give him a slap for such a stupid, crap answer- it doesn't matter if he thinks your bff fancies you, if he trusts you he knows YOU would never let him act on it.
it's never fun but it can work. x
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Alright so me and my best guy friend, we are close. Close as in he tells me mostly everything. He's such a cool guy and I love him to death. [I'm not sure if I have feelings for him, I'm sure I don't] Well, people at school always tell me that he likes me, but I usually don't believe it. But lately he has been acting strange around me. Yesterday night we had a party thing, and I asked him if he wanted to dance[It wasn't even a slow song, and I wasn't trying to make a move or anything.] And he goes, and I quote, "No. I mean do you know how akward that would be later? I mean we are in the same math class." Yes we are in the same math class, and that seems to be the number one problem. If I ever ask him something in a friendly way [Like do you wanna dance?] he always uses the excuse that we are in the same math class as a way not to do it. But he always dances with my other friends and has a good time. But refuses me. I don't understand what's going on with him. Does he have feeligns for me and is trying to hide them? Or does he just not like me at all? (link)
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Hmm yeah that does sound a little fishy if he's perfectly happy to dance with your other friends. I'd guess either:
a) he is crazy about you and is afraid of being unable to control himself in the boyparts department
b) he is crazy about you, is well aware that you have been told and dont feel the same and is saving face
c) if people have been coming up to you telling you he likes you is it possible they might be doing the same to him in order to be "helpful" and match-make? (some people have a nasty habit of this). If so he may have no feelings for you at all, thinks you have feelings for him and is doing his best not to hurt you and staying as unromantic as possible.
Hope you solve that little mystery. Try dropping lightly and jokingly into conversation that people have been saying he likes you and watch his reaction.
Blushes or random splutterings= I love you and want your babies.
Laughing easily and unself-conciously= untrue but we have a comfortable enough friendship for it not to bother me.
him saying "I heard the same about you!"= He heard the same about you.
good luck x
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if a girl asks a guy to prom, does she pay for both tickets? does the boy traditionally pay, or does each person pay for their own? (link)
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It's not many guys who are that comfortable being paid for by a girl to be honest. I know we live in an equal world blah blah blah but it's a male need to provide or something. I'd assume you're going halves unless he offers otherwise.
If he offers to pay, ask him if he's sure and then let him and thank him- starting the whole "no really, i'll get it, no I will" thing gets messy and embarrassing so a gracious acceptance is your best bet.
Just to clarify things, mention this ball and casually drop in you're going to buy the tickets tody/tomorrow/whenever and his reaction will give you a clue as to what he expects will happen money-wise. an "oh right" basically means "i pretty much assume you're paying" but the most likely scenario is him then saying "ok, i'll give you the money today/tomorrow/whenever" either for his or both your tickets.
have fun! x
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is it normal for girls to discharge at any time of the day? even without being aroused of any sort? (link)
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Yup. Just a kinda icky cleaning system. x
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I am 14 and all my friends are the same age. (we are not punk rock or emo people, just so you know). A lot of my friends tell me sad things or problems in their lives. (boyfriend problems, cutter problems, ect.). Whenever I hear about this stuff I usually don't care much, it's sadly just not in my character. But when I get home I'll do all the normal stuff I normally do, but I'll end up crying for no reason. I'll feel horrible inside but I won't know why.
So what my question is: How can I make my enviorment less negative other than getting new friends? I can't tell them that they can't tell me their problems. If I did then they would be keeping their problems inside them, and that would be giving my depression problem to them. (link)
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Ah yep, know that one. Best thing to do is be there for them, cry or whatever you have to but make sure you get enough time for yourself (i'd underline that if i could). Set aside some time at the weekends or something just to do things that make you feel happy without having to cater to anyone else's needs. It's easy to get bogged down in other people's problems.
Also it's really not uncommon to cry a bit for no reason at your age or around your time of the month. I was and sometimes still am reduced to a spluttering, sobbing mess for next to no reason when feeling hormonal-welcome to being a girl! Just look after yourself a bit and hopefully the pressure of being everyone's confidante shoul ease off a bit. x
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hey, i'm 13 already, and I still haven't had my period. I already have pubic hair (technical term), underarm hair, and my breasts are developing. Why haven't I had my period, though? (link)
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Hey no worries, it's different for every girl. Some start as early as 10, others as late as 17. The fact you've started developing in all those other ways suggests it won't be long for you though. In the meantime enjoy not having them- they're a bit of a pain and you'll end up having about 50 years of them :) x
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Okey this is the deal, in short my father is really mad at me, lik not teenage-mad but mad as in hasn't-spoken-to-me-in-3-months mad. Won't even look at me. Talk to me or even about me. And don't tell me to communicate with him because in my culture things don't work that way,trust me..you have no idea. Now the thing is, his birthay is coming up..and what do I do? I don't even know if he'll accept a gift from me, and if he does - what do I even give him? And when I give it to him, what do I say? "Happy birthday dad, love you, *hug*, hope you dont feel like killing me anymore" (?) Any advice - PLEASE??
so basically:
question #1) What do I get him?
question #2) How do I act?
By the way, I'm 15 and female. And I have no other family member that I can talk to or that can help me (again, its my culture!) so thank you for advice on how to deal - because I REALLY can not "communicate" so don't suggest that one. And I can't appolgize either. So just "what do I buy?" and "what do I do when I give it to him?"
Thaank you ♥ (link)
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Just to reiterate smcheerleadingx's advice which i think is pretty awesome. Something like a scrapbook that you've put a lot of effort into will mean much more than anything bought and show how much you care without either of you having to talk. I made my dad a scrapbook of the two of us in photos together from when i was a baby to present day and he cried lol. Hopefully something like that will remind your dad that your relationship is worth holding onto no matter what's happened.
Try to leave it somewhere where he will find it when he's on his own so he is free to actually get a bit sentimental instead of having to put on a big angry man-of-the-house act to save his pride (aren't men terrible for that? :)).
Best of luck, let me know how it goes x
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Ok... I'm in desprate need of some advice. I was involved in an abusive relationship ( i ended it last year in January) I have since then graduated from high school. When i was in high school I had a little crush on my spanish teacher (i was 18 he was 24), never thought much of it, but i was up at my old school the other day and i saw him again and feelings resurfaced. We talked for a while and he asked me out. This is the first relationship i have even considered entering since ending my abusive one...and i'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing ... please don't say that " i'll know when I'm ready" because thats all i've heard latley ... and it doesn't help...because i'm so confused about the entire thing that i don't know anything anymore.
Thanks so much
*i rate* (link)
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Ok, a few things:
1) Do you feel stronger than you did at the end of your relationship last january: i.e. enough that if it began to happen again you could walk away? This would be a good idea before getting into another relationship.
2) Possibly it would be a good idea to mention to your old teacher after a few dates that you'd like to take this slowly due to a previous unpleasant experience. You can go into as much or little detail as you feel comfortable but just clues him in a little which is always helpful.
3) All that said, perhaps the best way to help you move on now that quite a lot of time has passed is to begin dating again and refuse to let the past hold you back. Just remember you can stop seeing this teacher or anyone at any time you like- you have no obligations to this man and have made no promises so your only responsibility is to stay safe and have a good time.
Really hope it all works out for you x
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my best friend likes the same guy as i do. its no fair cause i liked him first and starting talking to him first. but now she's talking to him and flirting constantly with him. she always gets the guy she wants and i dont think it is right. i dont know what to do. she knows i like him and she still does it. this isnt the first time either. she seriously my best friend and has been since 1st grade. i dont know what to do about her though. i really like this guy and im afraid that if she keeps flirting with him that he will start falling for her and i really dont want that to happen. i invited him to the movies and he said that he would get back to me on that either way. i dont know what that means. what should i do about this? (link)
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Yeah sucky situation and hey we all hate people who can have anyone they want but neither of you have any claim over him yet so basically he's fair game and your friend isn't technically doing anything wrong, though i think it's not something most would do to their friends if they could help it.
On the other hand that also means you are free to put up a fair fight for him too-get to know him, flirt etc etc. so if you think your friendship can withstand the blatent competition, go for it.
This is more about your friendship than the guy- if she's a good friend she's much more worth keeping than a guy however it seems right now and if she's not then you've gota start thinking about finding some friends who treat you better. The guy will basically like who he likes and there's really not much you can do to change his mind. all you can do is let him know you're an option.x
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I am so upset with a psychic reading that I had today. I paid a lot of money- 80 dollars for the reading and it was done over the phone. I only did it because my mother said she's been going to this guy for the last 15 years and that he was very good- and his other testimonials on his website looked promising. Well I asked him if I would end up with the guy that I love- I've been friends with him for a long time. He was really negative and said he did NOT love me- that he thought of me as a fantasy and not reality and he would never commit to me. He told me to cut off contact with him forever- and not to tell him I'm cutting off contact with him or else he'll do anything to be my friend again. I was almost in tears because I feel in my heart that he does love me but is shy. I don't want to cut off all contact with him I think this psychic is nuts. But my mother said how good he is- what should I do? I am so upset! (link)
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All I can do is give you a cynical, common-sense piece of advice: Be very, very careful about handing over decisions about your life to someone, anyone, else. Ever. Your life, your choices, your instincts.
Presumably this guy has never met you and so despite this claim of psychic abilities (which may or may not be true) cannot possibly hope to know you or your guy better than you do. Psychic or not he's only human and can be wrong.
Personally I'd advise you to shrug of this psychic's reading and never ever contact one again. That whole business is something to be done lightly if at all whereas it sounds like it affects you very strongly and which you set a lot of store by, presumably in part because your mum's so into it.
Your life is yours and frankly no-one knows how it's going to turn out any better than you do. Only way to find out is to live it. x
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Okay, my room is extremely messy..nothing is clean..and i feel like i cant do anything else until i get my room clean..so the problem is I HATE HATE HATE cleaning...esp. my room because it seems like a lost cause..to kinda give you an idea..i have a king size bed and there are clothes, magazines, and a bunch of other stuff on there that shouldnt be..the problem is i dont know where to start...should i start by putting away my clothes? picking up things on the floor or picking up trash or what? Thanks so much in advance! (link)
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haha yeah i can relate to that one. OK here's my system:
1) pick up all things which have a really obvious place to go eg:clean clothes in wardrobe, dirty in laundry bin, rubbish in bin, books on shelves etc.
2) once that's done it should look quite a lot clearer and then you need to work out where u put the random stuff- get some storage like drawers or boxes and try to find logical homes for stuff like magazines and things you don't use often and store them away under your bed or at the bottom of your wardrobe. if you haven't already, get a jewelery bow for accessories. File away papaers and school work in folders according to subject Be honest about what you really need and what you can throw away/send to a charity shop- don't horde things for the sake of it.
3)make the bed and vacuum, dust etc.
Put on music while you do all this-makes the time go much quicker. It's really great once it's finished.x
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Okat so i haave like a lot of problems and i need your help.
First one- I was at a school dance. my parents are rlly protective if i dance with people n stuff..well theres this boy, lets say Kyle, and he snuck in to our dance. he is in 10 th grade. he skipped 2grades though so heshould be in 8th. well, he asked me to dance so i said yes. n we danced for what, 30 seconds? n my friends all saw me. n i guess one of them got in the car and was like OMG my friend *me* danced with this rlly hot 10th grader. her mom spazzed out and called my mom. i said i didnt because rlly, what is 30 seconds? n now my mom n dad believe me.. but i talked to my friend who told her mom n i told her to lie to her mom.. n now her mom is like well all these chaperones saw me. i mean seriously, how could like 5 chaperones see me in 30 seconds.. come on! do u think her mom will call mine again?
Second Problem- So at my birthday party a couple of weeks ago, 4 girls were completely being mean and just hung out in my closet like the WHOLE time bad mouthing me and the other 3 girls. before my party, the 4 girls hated eachother.. n now they r having a party tonight... n they didnt even BOTHER inviting me.. n they talk about it in front of me too...
sorry this was so long. i am just sooo stressed out n i rlly didnt know who to go to..=[ (link)
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1. your friend's mum should really mind her own business. What do they think happens at a "dance"? Clue's in the title. So you danced with a boy your age-big deal. Unfortunately when you hit your age parents tend to get freaked out and blow things way out of proportion because they're basically scared of losing their little girl. Just take baby steps with them and next time come home and tell your mum you talked to a really nice boy and danced a little bit. Confide in her a little bit and show her that you're sensible and know what you're doing.
2. Yep, girl's can be pretty nasty- again, especially in 8th grade. All i can really say is choose your friends carefully, don't waste your time with losers who treat you badly and I promise it gets better as you move up the years! x
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I know it sounds weird but I am extremely uncomfortable with my forehead. My hairline is pretty far back and my head is just big. I always try covering it with bangs but they get greasy a lot and end up looking bad. I have a smaller body too, and it's probably bigger than most guys and girls. Is there anything I can do? Sometimes I just get really depressed about it. :/
Thanks I'll rate. (link)
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hey. yeah I have the exact same thing. The best I've found i could do with it is get layers cut at the sides to make my face look wider and so make my forehead look shorter and more in proportion! Or wearing a hat.
I used to really hate it until i realised i actually look really weird with a smaller one (seriously- stand in front of a mirror and cover half of it) and to be honest you're face'd probably look pretty weird if it was lower because all of your face is designed and structured to look like it belongs together.
Besides having a big forehead is supposed to be a sign of intelligence- you need it to house your massive brain! x
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Lately I've been hearing voices and seeing things that aren't actually there. I don't want to tell anybody because they'll think I'm crazy.
And also my kitchen timer's been talking to me.
This isn't a joke, I know it sounds like it is, but it isn't. I'm really scared about this.
-Possibly Crazy? (link)
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Yep I'd agree with the advice given below- go and see your doctor. He/She's the person who will have seen and heard this all before and help you figure out a way to solve the problem.
They will not think you're "crazy"- this is their job and they understand that these kind of hallucinations generally have basic biological causes. They can result from taking certain types of medication, an accident or just a simple imbalance of chemicals in the brain.
Don't panic
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My boyfriend and I are making wedding plans and we're debating whether to invite any of my relatives. You see, my entire family, with the (possible) exception of my father, loathes my boyfriend and makes no secret of it. Throughout my four-year relationship with him various relatives of mine have talked about him behind his back, illegally looked up confidential information about him and spread it around, made up outright lies about him in an effort to alienate me from him (my favorite slander was that he was riddled with VD and lying to me about it), and basically tried to ruin his career and his life. My mother admitted to me that she "hated" him -- I invited him to a family Christmas party a few years ago and he was told to "get lost" and was all but thrown out of the house.
Naturally, I don't really care to have these people witness our marriage. Certainly my boyfriend doesn't want it. He ought to be nominated for sainthood for being civil to them all this time, even when they were insulting him to his face. But he doesn't like their actions any more than I do.
The thing is, though, my family hates my boyfriend and not me. They adore me -- they just express their love in a very destructive way. I know if I refused to invite the lot to the wedding, they would be deeply hurt by the slight and would probably never forgive me. One solution is to elope, thereby inviting no one. But my boyfriend's family has been wonderfully supportive and we want them to witness our nuptials.
Part of me thinks: who cares if I hurt my family, they've hurt me horribly by their cruel behavior over the last four years. But I am not without heart and, as I said, they do love me. Just in the wrong way.
Do I invite them and hope they are nice when they show up, or do I not invite any of them, thereby assuring their hurt and consequent complaints for decades? (link)
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I think YoungGrandma has it totally right. If and when you do talk to your family I'd advise you do it without your fiance there so they cannot avoid the issue by turning their attention to insulting him and that you are prepared to be strong and calm.
It's pretty likely from what you've said that they may try to turn the conversation to throwing reasons why you should not marry him at you, so you'll need to make it clear that this is going to happen and that though you love them and know they love you, all you are interested in is a simple "yes" or "no" answer- Can they be civil, if not pleasant, for this one day of yours?
Best of luck and have a great day
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Well recently my best freind told me that she no longer wanted to be my friend just because i wasnt pretty enough and all most everyone has to disagree with that she also told me i didnt have enough money because i could never go out to the mall movies ect.. very often cuz i never had the money. Then she wrote me a note in class today and said you dont have a good enough body to be my friend im only friends with people that weigh less than 103pounds! SO what should i do to prove to her i am a good person even though i dont have as much money to spend as she does? Should i start skipping meals to loose weight? Should i duble my gumnastics classes i mean i go once a week for 3.5 hours and its really expencive so how do i prove it to her? Please help!!!!!
Alyssa/13/f (link)
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Probably not the answer your looking for but don't bother doing anything to try to be friends with this girl. Is look snad wealth something you really want your best friend to judge you on?
I knew people like this when I was 13- they either change a lot and grow up when they realise what crappy human beings they are or they end up very lonely when other people do.
Find nice people who like you for who you are.
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I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain..what song is this and who is it by? (link)
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Seether
Also been done by Evanescence I think
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I need your advice...
Well, my friend(John)is gay and he just found out his bf was cheating on him. So, I invited him to see a movie to get his mind off of the situation. Well, of course he wanted to see Brokeback Mountain. So I went with him and what do you know? His ex bf was there with another guy. He asked me if I could pretend to be with him to make his ex jealous. I didn't know anyone in there so i agreed. I didn't think he would do anything extreme. Well during the movie he held my hand, and i felt akward. He even leaned over to kiss me and we actually started making out. I actually enjoyed it and I invited him over to stay the night. Well while were bed one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. The next day at school his ex started telling everyone that he saw me and john making out. Now everyone thinks i'm gay and they aren't being nice about it. Just because i had sex with a guy does that make me gay? And if i am should i try to have a relationship with him? He wanted me to, but i didn't know if i was ready.
Thanks
(link)
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For a start quit with the labels, you don't have to decide you're anything right now and it's clearly messing with your head. The only question you need to focus on is do you want a relationship with this guy? If you like him as a person and enjoy sex and making out with him that's a pretty good start. The fact you say you're not sure if you're "ready" and the fact you guys were (presumably) sharing a bed in the first place seems to imply you think you do fancy this guy and are just having a hard time dealing with it, which is understandable.
If you decide you don't want a relationship, or aren't ready yet, that's fine, if you decide you do and are, that's fine too.
In the meantime tell everyone else to mind their own goddamn business and put their minds at rest by assuring them, straight, gay or anything in between you've no interest in dating them so they needn't trouble themselves with your lovelife. Arseholes.
Best of luck
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Ok, well i basically have two questions.
The first is about my heart. Sometimes when im standing and i twist my body back and fourth, i hear my heart grinding.. anybody know what thats about?
And secondly, sometimes i dream while i'm awake. No, not day dreaming. It's like an actual dream that i'm not controlling playing it my mind. Sometimes it's like watching a movie. Does anyone know what that's about?
Thanks..! (link)
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hnumber one: is most likely air being forced out of your lungs (happens when you twist side to side) or just creaky rib cage, don't worry too much.
number two: congratulations you have an active imagination lol. This kind of thing happens usually when you're really relaxed in the bath or something (like a state of meditation) or really bored/tired (like in a lesson). It's just a random brain processing thing and unless it's affecting your life significantly or you can't control your actions while you dream again don't worry.
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